Month: April 2012
Restless. I feel downright restless, and antsy. I’m feeling really, really antsy.
Basically, it all comes down to wanting someone to hire me. Please…anyone? I’m a strong writer and have excellent editing skills. I’m quite a creative thinker! Really, I am. I can show you my online portfolio if you want to see examples of my work from all sorts of areas. Design, writing, video, photography skills…I have them all. So, now, all I need is an interview!
I know some higher power will prevail. They will make the job opportunity come my way when I’m ready for it. But, let’s think about this…when did I suddenly become one to need a plan? I’ve never need a plan before in my life. Never ever ever! So, why am I suddenly caused such anxiety to not have a job lined up after I graduate? Why am I sweating bullet when I see friends post things on Facebook about how they have a new job or have an interview?
The answer is simple: I’ve always been one to succeed, and to suddenly not succeed at something, it hurts more than just my head. It hurts everything I’ve stood for in the last 20-some years of my life. Whenever I’ve set out to do something, I’ve made damn sure I’ve succeeded at it. If the first time around I wasn’t on top of my game, I made sure to improve upon it. I’m a very hard worker and my own worst critic. People will tell me I have great work ahead of me, or that I am on the way to something great, but it’s never good enough. I suppose that’s called being a perfectionist, but really, I just want everything I do to be the best.
My photo class this semester was a real testament to that. Every week, I would sit on my hands and hope to the high heavens my photo from the previous week would have been selected by my classmates as the top photo. I was in the top 5 a few times, even #1 another time. But the weeks when my photo just didn’t make the cut…my stomach felt sour. Now, I’m pretty upfront with the fact that I’m a novice when it comes to photography. Hence why I am in a photo class. I’m not the best at it, but I’m getting better, and my progress in the class is a sign to that being true.
You’re also reading the rantings of a girl who spends three days making tiny adjustments to her resume and cover letter before sending it off on the day she told herself she would send it. Or I’m just full of procrastination. Either one, it gets my blood pumping when I know I need to get my butt in gear. Deadlines…I tell ya, they are what really make me produce great work. You don’t have time to think things through entirely. You don’t have time to process if what you’re saying is making sense. You just go. If you’re lucky, you have a few minutes to look over what you’ve written for total lunacy, but other than that, you’re trusting your fingers and brain connected on a variety of levels.
To be sure, they usually do. For me, you have to turn off that little voice in the back of your head saying “Don’t type that” or “That’s a stupid idea.” Just go with the flow.
SEE? I used to believe in that philosophy all the time. College has corrupted me.
“Listen to me. I’m smarter, older. If you live to be a hundred and twenty, you are not going to be as smart as I am in one finger. You may weigh more, but you’re not gonna be smarter.”
Harsh, but truer words have never been spoken by Judge Judith Sheindlin, a seminal force in small claims court.
How is those people are managing to get interviews and jobs, and I can’t? What trick do they have up their sleeves in the application process that I don’t have? It’ incredibly disheartening, especially when professionals look at my resume and tell me I’ have wonderful experience on my resume. Then, what am I doing wrong? I honestly have no idea. Ugh…so the job hunt continues, and I have only just started. Can I please just not be one of those people who takes a job because they’re desperate and then end up hating their lives 3 months into the gig? First, interview. Then, job acceptance. Then, self-loathing.
Fingers crossed for a job I enjoy!!
But, let’s let these worries go at least for the evening. It is, after all, Friday! And what do I love more than making my Friday fabulous? Yes, that’s right! Fabulous Friday is heading your way, and its coming right now. Here are the things that made my week and my Fabulous Friday:
Fabulous Dose of Glitter:
Fabulous Ladies of Comedy:
Fabulous Print for Spring:
Fabulous Hairstyle for a Breezy Spring Day:
Fabulous 90s Kids Flashback:
Fabulous Spring Treat: Find the recipe here. (PS – The recipe is in Italian, so you may want to find a great online translator. Try Google!)
Fabulous Party Decoration:
Fabulous Goal for the Summer:
Fabulous Lessons from “Friends”:
Fabulous Old School Knowledge:
It’s been a much better week than most, and with only one full week of classes left, I’m not quite sure I’m going to take it. I do know for one thing I need to become more aggressive in my job search, but maybe I’ll let myself enjoy this 5-year journey coming to a close before I dive headfirst into a adulthood. Although, I already am, in a sort of weird way, with bills and jazz like that.
Whatever you’re doing this fine evening, don’t let it get too out of control. Be crazy as long as you have a trusted guy or gal watching your back the entire time. Reckless with a square head on your shoulders. That’s what we Jedi like to see and be.
I should not be allowed in a store containing Star Wars items without adult supervision.
Some sort of supervision anyways. I am unstoppable. I walked into the Hallmark store with every intention of looking for a Mother’s Day gift for, well duh, my mom, who will be up in a couple of weekends to watch me walk across the stage for my graduation. O.M.G. Five years later, it’s really happening!
Anyways, I walked into this Hallmark store to look for a present for a Mother’s Day gift, and what do I see before me? A whole shelf filled with Star Wars items that I had never seen before. There were new coffee mugs, picture frames with quotes, a notepad and pen, a buzzer that says Star Wars quotes (imagine an Easy button), large paperweights, and framed Star Wars murals. I found one especially fit for an upcoming graduate. It’s a mural of Luke looking off into the distance at the Twin Suns with the quote “You must follow your own path. No one can choose it for you.”
Yes. Perfect for a college graduate about to leave their sanctuary of academia and absolutely allowable dumbness. College will soon be over for me.
It’s really hard for me to believe. No longer will I have an excuse as to why I stay up all hours of the night , drink on a Tuesday night, or use student discount tickets on absolutely everything from sandwiches to oil changes. Sometimes, I even get things for free! Because I’m a student!
I can only hope I continue to look like the picture on my student ID card. Then, I might be able to continue getting an extra 5 cents off the gas price every time I fill up.
Went to the good ol’ Barnes and Noble for the first time this month, and once again, I became a clique. I was sucked into the books on the table designed to attract college graduates. I bought a book with great quotes on stepping out on your own, and another on what to do with your life right after college. I’m trying to be as prepared as I can be. So I got to get reading and I need to start retaining information.
It’s the year of the Dragon, baby.
Submitted another job application today, and sent off my resume to a few contacts I’ve made over the past couple of days. I can only keep my fingers crossed and hope the advice I’ve been giving out to other students this year has paid off for me in the long run. I’m ready to step into the role of a Big Girl Job. I wouldn’t care if a company I really want to work for told me I’d be fetching coffee for 3 years before getting my hands on a real project. If I know I can get myself wedged in their, get my ideas heard, and in 3 years, know I’ll have a real position at the company, I’d be all over it. Clearly, I wouldn’t only be fetching coffee. I’d be doing other things, too, like answering the phone, calling clients, setting appointments, arranging meetings and being the face of the company. I make any company look good, and that is not me being arrogant. It’s me being honest about my good-looking face!
When I’ve had enough sleep, water, removed my make-up the night before, and a restful night (and not interrupted by text messages and late night phone calls), that is.
“I wouldn’t feel right wearing clothes covering my body.”
For the first time I can recall in my short lifetime, I am in agreeance with Christina Aguilera, the sexpot of a songstress.
Every day this past week, I have worn a dress that has shown off my legs. One reason? The sun is finally shining again and its brought warmth with its rays.
My legs, when dressed up the right way, are gorgeous and will only continue to get more gorgeous the more I play tennis. I looked a back at a photo from my 2nd oldest sister’s wedding when I had been playing tennis for a solid three years at that point, and was at the end of the season into play-offs. Naturally, I was in the best shape of the season. I look at those pictures and my legs are lean, mean, toned running machines.
They looked so good!
I want my legs to look like that once again. Which means I need to start running at least an hour a day, including sprints, and playing tennis up to 3 hours a day 6 days a week. Yeah…I probably can’t go that extreme given my schedule these days. Plus, I’d need to find a buddy to play with me. I doubt anyone, except a millionaire who doesn’t need to work at least 40 hours a week, would be able to play 3 hours a day.
To be honest, my body doesn’t move the way it did when I was 17 or 18. I’ve gotten slower, but I know I can get back to my prime in physical appearance. Hello crunches and sprinting!
I refuse to go on a diet. When it comes to my senior class at the Academy here, I am the only female who did not go on a diet. Guess what? I am still not on a diet. The other night, a bunch of us went to the Dining Center to eat lunch, and while everyone else grabbed their salads and green leafed sandwiches, I loaded a plate with French Fries, three loaded tacos, and a small salad on the side (to blend in.) All I can say is I ate to my heart’s content, and I did not gain a pound.
I eat what I want when I want! It’s as simple as that. When I was full, I stopped. See? Easy.
When the world is ready to breath down your neck as if to say everything you’re doing is wrong, I want to remind you that you need to march to the beat of your own drummer, no matter the cost. Here are your Midweek Smiles to remind you just how awesome you are:
– Today will bring you a new reason to be happy.
– Be true to who you are: someone amazing!
– Determination is more powerful than doubt.
– Talk yourself into success, not out of it.
– Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.
– Set your dreams in motion. Believe!
– You will do great things. You already have.
Never let anyone bring you down. They need your permission in order to do that. Don’t give it to anyone! Don’t give away the power you carry within yourself. The Force is there for you whenever you need. Open your ears, and simply, listen. It will speak to you.
Keep your heads up. The weekend is almost here.
I’m having a late night drink in celebration of welcoming the weekend a little earlier than usual. Until next time, my fellow Jedi.
I don’t entirely believe the numbers are correct. Seriously? 100 posts? I’ve been doing this for that long already? It sure doesn’t feel like it. Maybe because I’m having so much fun here. That’s probably it.
In the short time I’ve been writing and exploring the realms of following the Jedi Way, we’ve had our fair share of drama. Maybe even a little more than our average share of drama. I’m not afraid to admit it, but I’m slightly addicted to drama. I like watching it play out and hearing all the dirty details, but being a part of it? Depends on the situation. Sometimes, yes. I love the attention. Others? Eh, not so much. I’d rather live in a hollowed out tree.
I may just be an attention whore. But as long as I’m using that attention for good, how bad can it be, right?
Hopefully, I don’t eat my words too soon.
It’s like I’ve woken up from this haze of a bad mood I’ve been in lately, and all my anxiety is being channeled into a more focused effort. As much as I love my coworkers at my jobs right now, I need a change of pace. I need something that is going to challenge me and make me stretch my boundaries. I’ve dabbled in a lot of areas, but now I want to put the skills I’ve learned to a more functional use. While I may be good at answering phones and dealing with people one-on-one, I really need to feed my creative side. While writing does help with that, I need to dig deeper. A video camera, a digital camera, locking myself away with my designs for a few hours and coming away with a masterpiece.
Have you ever started from scratch with only a vision, and then slowly but surely, through work and patience, you’ve seen this vision come to life right before your very eyes? You make the pieces come together the way you want them to? It’s a magical feeling seeing everything fall into place like that. I’ve had it happen not only with videos, but also with the show I directed a year ago. It was rough, rough, rough…and then, bam. Everything fell into place and it was a masterpiece. In my opinion, anyways 🙂
I’ve been slaving away over my resume and getting together a few cover letters, and will be popping them in the mail in the next couple of days. Here we go, real world. I’m coming and there’s nothing you can do about it!
“Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.”
Aww, the funny but not so wise words, of my favorite talk show host and face of fame, Ellen DeGeneres.
If I could steal anyone’s career, it would be Ellen’s. Seriously…her’s or Kristen Wiig’s. Not only are they sexy and intelligently funny women, but people love them! One dances around in argyle socks as a part of her living and another puts on an oversized forehead, bites her lower lip, talks in a lisp and she makes people laugh for being “ridiculous” and sometimes “stupid.” I don’t think these things, that’s why I put them in quotations. They are nothing but pure made-up puffs of nothing.
If I could be half as funny as Kristen Wiig, I’d consider my life made. It would also be easier to perform for an audience since everyone would know how freaking hilarious I am.
In all seriousness, though, I really do hope of these jobs I’m looking into pans out. I need to break free from part-time job stress and settle into a more adult-like lifestyle. You know, where you work 9-5, have an hour-long lunch break, possibly have my own desk (but an area that I can call my own would be good, too. Like, a cubicle wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world), wearing professional clothing, head out to happy hour with coworkers, have company lunches and birthday celebrations, and work the occasional charity event or weekend happening…I’m down for all of that. So…it just needs to happen now, okay, Universe?
Any day now, the Universe can send a genie flying in my direction. Why, you might ask? Because I already know what my three wishes would be: 1.) I will land a job that will challenge me and make me happy for years to come, 2.) Money will never be an issue, and 3.) To find the love of my life and spend as much time as I will be allowed on this physical earth to be with him.
That’s not asking too much, is it? I really don’t think so. I mean, some people work their whole lives to achieve just one of my wishes. I may end up being like that, too. C’est la vie. Life’s a journey…or so they say!
I cam across a photo shoot spread in a magazine the other day, and the couple looked so whimsical and happy on the glossy pages that I couldn’t continue to look at them. Not even to judge the clothing selections put on the models. but I was just sickened by looking at a couple who was that lovesick. It’s all a part of my recovery from my ex, I know. I know I’ll get over this at some point, but as I continue to write my novel, my screenplay or read my favorite books and watch my favorite movies, I’m constantly reminded of something I once had, and am looking for yet again.
I don’t want to look for it. I want it to be here, right now. I had a great cuddle bug. It’s hard to adjust to something new when you’ve become accustomed. For my benefit, I’m going to say he feels the same way.
Maybe, like art and comedy, relationships are objective. What makes one good and another bad? It’s entirely up to the person observing and not taking part, as we all know, if you’re directly involved, your views will be skewed by an emotional connection. You are thinking or looking at it clearly and without prior judgement. That’s why we have critics and psychiatrists. They aren’t emotionally involved like we are…usually.
In honor of objectivity and not entirely having to understand what is placed directly in front of you, I offer these paintings to be viewed and interpreted by you, the objective viewer. There is no right and wrong answer…just feel whatever it makes you feel:
– The Screamby Edvard Munch
– Water Liliesby Claude Monet
– The Birth of Venusby Sandro Botticelli
– At The Moulin Rougeby Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec
– American Gothicby Grant Wood
With that, my 100th posting comes to a close. Thank you to you all for stopping by and checking out the musings on my life and the Jedi Path. If you are entertained by what you read and see here, feel free to subscribe and follow the Modern Jedi on a consistent basis by getting notified the every time I post a new thought or a new lesson to be discovered.
As always, thank you and May the Force be with you.
Thank you for believing in what cannot be seen, what cannot be entirely explained, and in what cannot be taken away from those who believe.
I am officially hooked on watching old episodes of Saturday Night Live.
The one host I was incredibly astounded with last night? Tim McGraw! Who thought a country singer would actually be fairly hilarious when given the shot? Granted, I’m sure he was trying way too hard because he wanted to get the laughs, but he’s really not that bad of an actor. Compare him to Megan Fox, Lindsay Lohan or Adam Sandberg (great at comedy, not that great of an actor) or Jon Heder (again, he’s great at stupid comedy, but when it comes to actual acting…it’s a no-go.)
I have also developed quite the girl crush on Kristen Wiig. OH. MY. GOSH. She is freaking hilarious. Why did it take Hollywood for forever to finally let one of her scripts get turned into a movie? That’s the best part, not only is she a freaking genius at comedy, but she can actually act. She gave a stellar performance in Bridesmaids.
If I learned anything in my acting classes, it’s if you can master comedy, you’re a pretty darn good actor/actress. Comedy is most times harder than drama. Yeah, you heard me. Have you ever done comedy? Harder than it looks. So don’t you dare stare at your television and say, “Eh, I could do that with my eyes closed.”
Yeah. You could try. You could try.
It was a beautiful day here, but once again, where could I be found? Stuck inside using my time wisely to get major projects done in advance, instead of the night before.I had my mental breakdowns the last couple of weeks. I don’t need anymore in my final weeks of the Academy.
It’s super weird to think about. After five years here, I’m going to be done. I’m going to walk across that stage, shake the Dean’s hand, accept an unsigned piece of paper (because it’s not really my actual diploma) and that’s it. Do I even get to toss my mortar board into the air? Well, at least I’ll be wearing both of my tassels. “You can only wear one.” Pffft right. I’m wearing both. What are you going to do to me? Not let me graduate?
Probably make me pay a fine. My Academy would do that. Money sucking bastards.
As the weather warms up, every time I climb into my car, I realize how badly it needs a cleaning. Not just any sort of cleaning, but a deep, hard-core cleaning. From top to bottom, top and bottom, interior and exterior. It’s going to be an all-day project. All I need is someone’s yard and a watering hose. My apartment complex doesn’t make this possible unless I’m threading the hose out my bedroom window from the kitchen sink.
That’s just a disaster waiting to happen. Since I tend to burn popcorn, I’m not taking a chance with a hose running through my room…or our entire apartment for that matter.
“I’m doing what I can to help the environment.I started a compost pile. It’s in the backseat of my car.”
I can say the exact same thing, good humor gal, Janine DiTulli.
About a month ago, I finally cleared out the seven pairs of shoes that covered the floor of my back seats. I had three pairs of high heels, a pair of sneakers, a pair of boots, and a pair of flip-flops. Are all girls like this? Carrying their wardrobe in their cars? I could be a homeless person the way I live out of my car. But in all honesty, it needs a deep clean. I shouldn’t be able to see the dust on my dashboard like that. Yuck.
Yes, I’m grossing myself out.
Good thing April is the great month of Spring. What does everyone do when it hits this time of year? Spring cleaning! This shouldn’t include just your houses. For me, this includes my car, who is in desperate need of a full-out cleaning. I never let her get like this before. Now, don’t be imagining garbage all over the place, heaps of clothing in my backseat, and a rack full of shoes in my trunk. It’s not like that.
She needs a bath, a thorough vacuuming, some garbage does need to be cleaned out, and I’ll probably need to add an air freshener. Despite summer coming up, when it rains, my car’s interior tends to smell like a wet dog. Not very attractive in my opinion.
What the hell? I’m sitting here talking to you about how I’m going to clean out my car in a few weeks. I have no time right now due to the final weeks of the Academy drawing to a close, but once I had a little more free time (basically when all I’m doing it working!) I’m going to do some major revamping on my life. It’s a new chapter, and I need to head in the direction I see fit.
Main concern? Finding that first out-of-college Big Girl job 🙂
Everyone says it will come when the time is right. But I’m impatient. Another opportunity to learn a pivotal Jedi lesson? Probably. Will I understand it on my own terms? Oh yeah. So, that means, there will be a lot of frustration, a lot of tears, a lot of swearing, probably a bout of depression and low self-esteem.
There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Like with winter. After the cold and ickiness of ice, the weather warms up, the birds start chirping, and we start running around like lovesick fools again (some of us, anyways.)
Since this morning was just beautiful (I woke up to birds chirping right outside my window in the most lovely tunes I have heard yet this season), I wanted to share with you a few of my favorite nontraditional things about April:
– Rain Coats
I should have had this posted last night, but I was halfway through a sentence when my eyes closed and they did not open back up until around 3:18 am. I took the hint, turned off SNL still playing in the background, and crawled under my covers, but not before opening my window a crack to let the warm air stream in while I slept.
Nothing smells better than spring. At least, not until we get to summer 🙂
The weather gods continue to hate me.
The one morning I was gung-ho enough to set my alarm and actually get myself out of bed in the name of nature appreciation and exercise, what does the weather decide to do? It decides to snow. In April! Again!
Is it really too much to ask for the sunshine to hold out for an entire weekend instead of enticing us Friday afternoon when all of society is breaking free from the shackles of employment, bursting forth from the educational classroom, or finally letting their head rest easy from a hard week of mental functioning?
It must be. This has happened twice now, and both of those times? I was stuck behind a desk working and watching longingly out the window at the warm sunshine and the lucky souls who ran by on the lakewalk soaking up the sunshine. Each person who ran by, I became filled with a raging jealousy. My body needs the sunshine. Everyone’s body does. It’s the Vitamin D. It probably would help my mood situations a little more. My thoughts would be far less depressing if I could soak up the sun more than what is filtered through my car window as I drive to and fro with my business.
Other than hating the sudden oncoming of snow in the midst of what should be spring, I had a few thoughts. These thoughts have sprung up due to various things. Reading The Hunger Games, watching Minority Report last night (better than I remembered) and having an undying obsession with Star Wars and Lord of the Rings helps this current state of thought.
“We are living on this planet as if we have another one to go to.”
The words of Terry Swearingen, an eco-activist.
I wholly agree with her. Along with the fictional situations I have named above, real events have also influenced my train of thought. The constant battle with the Middle East and within our own borders concerning the depleting oil supply, rising gas prices, the need to preserve more natural land, putting and taking off names of animals from the Endangered Species list, the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico a few years back, the unusually warm temperatures happening everywhere, earthquakes in Virginia and Olklamhoma…I mean, what the hell is that? They’re not even on fault lines.
Anyways, have you ever read something like The Hunger Games or watched a movie like Star Wars and wondered if our society could end up like them?
When I read The Hunger Games, one thing that really struck me was how plausible I could see North America turning into these 12 Districts with economical specialties. But, beyond that, how one sector of people could come to have all the power while a majority of our country’s people struggle to make it from day-to-day. Constantly laboring for someone else’s benefit, and always being up the fear of being squashed the instant you step out of line. Using nuclear power as a threat and peacekeeping device. I can actually see this happening to our country in the not-so-distant future. I almost feel like its starting to happen now…like this whole ‘I am the 99%’ business.
It’s a bit scary. You’ll understand my comparison a bit more if you’ve already read the books, but it’s still a frightening concept to me. It could really happen, our country turning upon itself. It happened once, and it was called the Civil War. Granted, they were warring over slavery (that’s the easy description of that war, anyways), but I could see the 99% trying to overthrow the government, or the Capitol, and our entire country just being thrown into a massive war. I would hope we wouldn’t end up having to throw our children into a Gladiator-esque ring to battle to the death as a reminder of the great loss of life for our way of living…but I can’t see into the future, so I guess we’ll wait and see.
A bit of a morbid thought, but what can you do?
At the same time, have you ever looked far further into the future and wondered if we’re headed into a Star Wars-esque way of living? Starship travel, thousands of planets filled with human and alien inhabitants. Is Earth destined to be an equal to Coruscant? Are we bound to be the city planet with hundreds of levels (and that’s only above the surface of the planet’s crust)? Will we communicate with holograms and comlinks and eventually duel with lightsabers and blasters?If this is indeed the future of planet, not just our country, I hope to the high heavens I get to see if happen.
I mean, come on! I want to see the invention of the first actual lightsaber, and be there for the construction of the Jedi Temple. Oh you know the Jedi are going to exist when society takes a turn towards this technological age. You just wish you were a proclaimed Jedi along with the rest of us.
Many of these things are entirely possible of happening to some degree. Did you attend Coachella this past week? I didn’t myself, but I heard enough about it go wonder where technology is going to take us next. The rapper Tupac performed via hologram at the concert. This guy has been dead for years now, and by no means has his following lessened any. It’s probably grown stronger, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make. The point is we have the ability to create performers, dead or alive, out of nothing. What does this mean for the entertainment business? We no longer will have actual performers aka dancers, singers, actors/actresses. They can all be replaced, and that’s a frightening concept for someone who is active in the performing arts.
Would you want to be replaced by a computer or a holographic image? I didn’t think so.
But enough of this serious talk. It’s the weekend, after all, and I’m ready for a great night out! A friend is in town to visit, and I couldn’t be more excited to see her and talk life with her.
With that in mind, I’m sure many of us will be hitting the bars this evening and there is sure to be lots of eye candy. Want to take him home for a night of pure fun, or possibly see it blossom into something more serious? First, you need to know how to flirt. Not just the obvious ways either. You, being the Modern Jedi that you are, want to be more coy than that. Be seductive in a mysterious, come-hither way.
Here are 12 ways to flirt without saying a word:
1.) Smile. For real. With teeth.
2.) Friend him on Facebook, obviously. You know you’re going to have your iPhone within an arms’ reach anyways (But don’t poke! Never poke. It’s creepy.)
3.) Grab his arm during the scary part.
4.) Hand him a copy of a book you think he’d like, with all your clever marginala scribbled inside.
5.) Dance! With him or not.
6.) Arm wrestle. Thumb war. Anything that gets you both a little competitive (and OK, holding hands.)
7.) Just be really, really good at whatever it is you do — tamale making, number crunching, karaoke. He’ll notice.
8.) Touch him somewhere un-erogenous — wrist, elbow — but also unnecessary.
9.) In your Netflix queue: French movies only.
10.) Invent a little gesture that says, “You. Here. Now.”
11.) Nudge your dog to flirt with his dog.
12.) New target? Repeat all of the above that worked!
Hope these tips help. Feel free to use them on anyone…be it the new guy making eyes at you from across the dimly lit bar, or the adorable guy in the movie-postered cubicle next to yours that you’ve been eyeing up for months now. Just go for it.
As always, be safe out there and watch each other’s backs.
I need to go on a road trip.
I’m not talking any old, sort of road trip. I’m talking the kind where you stop at a gas station, fill up your tank, grab a bunch of snacks (my personal faves for driving trips are Gardettos, Pringle’s, Gummy Worms, and Jolly Ranchers), get a large cup of coffee, put a great mix of tunes on the radio, roll down the windows, and just go! Unless it’s the dead of winter, you probably won’t want to roll your windows down. Heck, if it’s the dead of winter, you’re probably not to gung-ho about driving. But, regardless, whether you’re jumping into your car alone or with a slew of friends, just pump up the music and go.
I know this sudden urge to drive somewhere with no definite destination is due to this immaculate sunshine I walked into once I was done with classes for the day. Add an entire dance class listening to 90s music, I felt like my old self again for a short period of time. You know who I’m talking about…The girl who is always smiling, laughing obnoxiously loud at pretty much everything, tripping over her own to feet, jamming out to any music she hears, quick to offer her opinion be it good or bad, and carrying herself with a sense of pride and purpose.
That girl had been missing from my life for the last couple of weeks (or dare I say, months) and I just hate it.
Lately, I snap at people for almost no reason, I’m always on the verge of tears, I wake up with my first thought of the day being when I can crawl back under the covers, I’m eating when I’,m not hungry, and I’d rather spend time alone than with other people. And the people I would like to spend my time with, I barely utter two words to them because my mind is consumed by a million and one things. My brain never stops, and it’s getting really annoying. I’m pretty sure I have anxiety. No one should be this tired all time. Well, if they’re pulling all-nighters consistently, then yes, they would be this tired. But you get my point.
“I always said I was like those round-bottomed circus dolls — you know, those dolls you could and push down and they’d come back up? I’ve always been like that.”
Normally I would agree with my self-perception like the marquee maven, Doris Day.
But, lately, I just don’t feel like me, and people are beginning to notice.
My sister shouldn’t have to send me text repeatedly telling me that she’s willing to listen to me when I’m ready to talk about whatever is bothering me. She also reminds me that she loves me. I might not say it enough, but she really is a great sister, and I hope I can do her wedding justice by being the Maid of Honor. I shouldn’t have coworkers asking me what’s wrong on a daily basis because I snapped ast one of them two minutes after I walked in the door with a smile on my face. I shouldn’t be posting emo-ish statues on Facebook to express myself. I shouldn’t be living off coffee and fast food.
I need my ray of sunshine to come back to me, and for a short time, I felt like it did. Even if it was only as I filled up my gas tank, grabbed a fat-filled caramel latter for SuperAmerica, turned up the latest album of the Rascal Flatts, and just hit the road (to my apartment…ha!), it still felt good. Singing my heart out like no one could hear me, except a few could when I stopped at a light. Their faces were priceless!
At the same time, it was a moment of melancholy. My years as a student are coming to an end. I’ll be a real-live adult soon enough, and it’s scary. I have loans, medical bills, credit cards, and living expenses to worry about now. Just utterly ridiculous, real life is. But, I’m warming up to the journey. You only get one life, right?
Unless reincarnation is a real thing. I’m hoping to come back as a princess, a movie star, the President’s wife…you know, a position with power and influence 🙂
Growing up has also meant getting jobs to help me support myself. Because I’m working an insane amount of jobs, it doesn’t leave much free time in the evenings or on my weekends. I’ve been craving the need to go home for some time now. Being home on the farm always seems to put things in perspective for me. Returning to my roots reminds me of who I am, and it helps lift my up when I’m feeling down, even if all I do when I’m home is milk the cows or clean out their pens filled with manure. Hard work builds character. It’s how I was raised. It’s not something you wake up and forget. You actually wake up remembering how fit and certain you were in everyday life before you made the choice to move away to a city where farming barely exists.
Whoever thought I would miss the cows, the chores, and the sweat saw something in me back then I never did. Senior year of high school? I was so done listening to my dad give a list of chores to do every single day, done with sitting on a tractor for hours and hours (the only benefit being getting a killer tan…and killer tan lines along with it), and so done with being on his time and not my own.
Goes to show how little I appreciated everything he did for me, and how little I recognized how much I was learning from it. Now, when my dad or brother call to ask me if I could come home to do chores for a weekend, I do what I can to be there. But, with three jobs, it’s not so easy to just jump in the car and drive home once I’m done with classes for the day.
It sucks, quite frankly. I’ve never wanted to jump in my car to head for home so badly as I did this afternoon.
You can take the girl away from the country, but you can’t take the country away from the girl.
On a different note, congratulations to making it through the week to Friday! YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS! Fist pumping everywhere! So, you know what that means? Fabulous Friday is here so inspire you through the weekend, and maybe ignite brilliance for the week laying ahead. But, for now, we’re going to enjoy the weekend that is only just beginning.
Here’s is what is making my Fabulous Friday:
Fabulous Decor Idea:
Fabulous Spring Cocktail: Find the recipe here!
Fabulous Man of the Moment:
Forgive me, but I couldn’t single it down to one. So, instead, I’m giving you two to enjoy.
Fabulous Jedi Training:
This is probably what I’m going to be like at 80 years old. You’ve all been warned…
You can’t see it where you are, but I’m raising my glass to all of you this evening. Thank you for stopping in and checking out what I have to say, whether about a current topic or a rant about my daily life which can range from utterly exciting to dull enough to kill an acorn.
Continue to thrive and continue to train. We only become better if we work on it. I’m working on becoming a bona fide adult. It’ll take years, let’s be honest. I’m too much of a kid at heart (and mind) to fully become an adult in every way, shape or form.
You always know your way home.
Let me preface this story by saying by the time I met him and actually talked to him, I was holding a tall glass that could be equivalent to two very large, yet normal sized, glasses of beer. I had been drinking previously to arriving at the bar where I met him. My first clue that I was more than buzzing should have been when we sat down in the room with the band, and I didn’t even flinch at how loud the music was playing.
It was loud. So loud, I couldn’t tell at that moment, but when the next morning came and I was emptying my stomach of anything that existed inside it for the past 48 hours, my ears were ringing as if they band followed me home and continued to play.
Long story short: I met this guy when I was blitzed. I recall thinking he was cute, he had a nice laugh, and he was funny. Now that I am sober and take to memory recall, I’m not so sure. I’m doubting was happened because I know what state I was in aka Drunk. Yes, with a capital D. So, clearly Drunk-Me really hit it off with him. The question now is whether Sober-Me would hold the same opinion or not.
Only time will tell.
He just asked me out, and I’m not sure what to do. He wants to go out tomorrow night, and to be honest, my week day schedules suck. I work until almost midnight, and then have to be somewhere the following morning by 8:00 am or earlier. Given the state of distress I’ve been finding myself under as of late, I need my beauty sleep. It’s not even to make sure I look beautiful in the morning, it’s to make sure I have enough sanity left in my brain to make it through the day without killing an innocent bystander or throwing myself repeatedly against a wall. (That should all be followed with an open statement of, yes, those comments were meant to be jokes.Read the fine print in between the lines, people.)
I’m just baffled about this. I didn’t even know I had his number until he texted me the next day. Again, this adds dimension to the state of being I was in. Do I remember him taking my phone or me giving him my phone? Not one bit. Somehow he did. Weird. Usually its glued to my hand, the inside of my bra (hey, don’t judge. If people can put money there, I can certainly put my phone there for safe keeping), or I give to the sober one driving me home later that night. Drunk texting is never a good thing, and I certainly wanted to text a handful of people that night.
The longer I remain single, the more I realize how out of the dating loop I am. Dating is supposed to be fun, isn’t it? Then, why the heck do I cringe at the prospect sometimes? I should be excited whether it’s a guy I’m into immediately or not. The idea of being out and meeting someone new should be enough to make me go “Hey, I’m out there and am dating! Yahoo!!!!”
I should be planning what I’m going to wear, and then get nervous about my final choice. I should have several hair styles picked out for the big night, only to hate it once I’ve finished it. I should be worried about what sort of place we’re going to stop in at. If there’s food, what will I order? Do I do the lame salad thing, or go for it and order the messy, double-decker cheese burger with fries?
I should be filled with a nervous excitement because I’m young, and pretty, and getting out there, and dating!
…But I’m not.
Instead, whenever I’ve been out on a date in the last couple of months I’ve compared everyone to my ex. Bad move on my part. I’m comparing them to someone already, for better or worse. No one should enter a date like that.
Or, on the flip side, maybe those dates really sucked, and my ex was the diamond in the rough.
You never appreciate what you had until its gone.
It’s a lot like childhood. You never knew how good you have it until you’re facing the adult world and ready to rip your hair out. Responsibilities you never had before are suddenly just there. Like, where the hell did you come from medical bills? Oh, and this thing called rent? It’s temporary, right? Or having to go to the grocery store and buy your own food? Mom and Dad will be dropping off a few dozen bags at the end of the month…right? Or how about these things called hormones that lead us to situations with the opposite sex where all you want to do is touch them, rip their clothes off, and roll around naked in a bed together? Yeah…never thought you’d find yourself on birth control, did you? (And for the record, I went on the Pill for other medical reasons, not in order to have protected sex. That just came as an added bonus.)
Face it, you’re making adult choices without even realizing it until you stop to hear the music.
Every once in a while, I’ll catch myself doing something I once considered an ‘adults only’ task. Those moments freak me out. One such moment? When I was packing for Spring Break 2012, and when I boarded the plane alone. It hit me out of nowhere, like a slap to the face, followed by someone shouting in my ear, “Hello!!! Look at what you’re doing! Something is wrong here! Something is very wrong! It’s like you’re an adult or something!”
An adult. Or something. Yikes. I can’t wait to start dealing with real decisions, like moving out-of-state or caring for my parents when they get older.
“Wouldn’t it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas.”
You’d have to throw in a Movie Star Actress, CIA Agent, Professional Tennis Player, Magazine Editor, and TV Talk Show Host to the list if I were to be included in Lily Tomlin’s, the very top banana of the bunch, question to the world.
This coming from a soon-to-be Academy graduate. If I spent four years studying to be an actress, I better be an actress, damn it. Or a journalist for that matter. Where’s my big-time newspaper job opening accepting me on the spot without so much as an interview question?
I might have a slight breathing problem when dating comes up in conversation, or when I get asked out on a date, I need to remember that dating is the gateway to finding that one true Love. Not everyone can have a ‘love at first sight’ relationship bloom and blossom into something really beautiful. Some of us have to work at it. It’s going to be worth it in the end.
Like the Rascal Flatt’s say, “Every long-lost dream lead me to where you are. Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern Starts, pointing me on my way into your loving arms. This much I know is true…that God blessed the broken road that lead me straight to you.”
We’re all traveling broken roads…and at the end, we’ll have what we’re looking for all along.
Being the romantic at heart that I am, I want to share with you the Best Things About Love (and if you want to gag at this point, you may do so. The lovey-dovey jive isn’t for everyone.):
– Homemade Cards
– Rom Coms (also known as Romantic Comedies!)
– Long Stemmed Roses
– True Love
– Best Friends
– The Color Red
– Holding Hands
Now that I have thoroughly depressed myself because I used to have these things at my finger tips and want to have them back, I’m going to say good night. It’s tough breaking up with someone you truly and deeply cared about. I was about to compare what this break up feels like to how divorced couples must feel like, but then I realized that would be a stupid and ridiculous comparison.
Any break-up is difficult. You can only hope that the Force is at work, guiding you towards where you’re meant to be and who you’re meant to be there with.
It’s the year of the Dragon, oh Universe. It’s supposed to be my year. For everything. I’m supposed to be on top of my game, and I was for a while. I professionally choreographed a dance, my idea for my screenplay is a hit, my column is receiving great feedback, I’m in a great favor with my on-campus job, I’m losing weight, I’m cancer-free, I’ve made great new girlfriends, and I’ve had my luck with the guys.
Then, why is my heart feel like its been ripped out of my chest, thrown on the floor, and left there to bleed out a slow, painful death.
I’m not ready to talk about it. I know, I know. How can I do that after the above statement? I have to explain something. But…I just can’t. I’ve only finished crying, and the threat of a new round of tears busting out of these eyeballs is all too close. It doesn’t help that I’m watching passionate Latin dances on Dancing With The Stars at the same time.
I used to have passion. I used to have that sensuality with another person. I used to have it all.
Then, a break-up happened.
Ugh, stop dwelling in the past. I keep telling myself to stop looking back, to look forward. Someone better will come along, someone who will literally sweep me off my feet.
But I can’t force myself to think like that right now. Maybe Prince Charming will appear tomorrow. But not tonight. Tonight I am sad and once again heartbroken. This is worse than any fight we ever had because there’s not a chance we’ll make up. There’s no ‘I’m sorry’ and hugs and kisses of reassurance. I can’t even pound on his chest in anger. He’s not with me anymore. I mean, I could march up his front steps, pound on his front door, and when he answers it, pound away on his chest all I want. But that’s the crazy ex in me talking.
I miss him. I miss everything about him. More importantly, I miss us. Him and I. Leia and Chewy.
Uggggggh. I need to stop doing this to myself. It’s not helping matters. At all. But I do miss him. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t.
Oh, but let’s move past all this mish-mash of emotions flooding my entire body right now. If I end up crying every Monday between now and the end of the year, I might as well just hole up in my apartment once a week. I hate crying. Even though I know it’s not, it still feels like a sign of weakness, especially when I do try to build this tough persona about myself. I am tough. Always have been. But being a Cancer comes back to bite me in the butt more and more these days. Cancer = emotional mess. Check, check and check.
If only we could make things happen with the snap of our fingers.
“I just did my taxes, and I’m getting back $150,000. And people say you can’t do your own taxes.”
Famous words of the credit risk, Chantel Rae.
Money would make a million things easier right now. You don’t realize how much money you actually need to live day-to-day if you want a decent lifestyle that doesn’t make you feel like a hobo. I like to eat tasty foods. Not organic, but tasty ones. Sometimes that means fatty, deep-fried things, but in the summer, I do enjoy the fresh stuff. Corn on the cob, green peppers, peapods, carrots fresh from the garden.
Summer is the season for an old-fashioned, fresh garden salad.
Money would also help greatly with this enormous medical bill I have seemed to accumulate over the past couple of months. Yes, having surgery, no matter how minor, will do that to a person’s financial status. So, now I have this medical bill and in six months, I will have student loans to worry about.
See how money would make my life easier at the moment?
It’s rather irritating to me to talk to other Academy students and hear they will walk away without a dime owned in debt. How is that possible? How are there so many rich families out there that can agreeably pay for their child’s education in amounts of thousands of dollars and not expect a penny back. Add on top of that, they will also support them until they have a great paying big kid job.
What the hell is that? I have to support myself through everything. EVERYTHING. Including debt, medical bills, grocery shopping, make-up needs, DVD additions, car maintenance and the occasional need for travel money. Everything is on my dime now.
So, what is a girl to do when she’s wading knee-deep in money woes? She dreams about shopping and the things she wants to buy.
Here are the hot commodities I’m looking at for the month of April. Some might even surprise you:
2.) Vacuum Cleaners
3.) Spring Clothing
4.) Yard and Garden Supplies
5.) Bridal Gowns
8.) European Vacations
9.) Paint and Wallpaper.
For some reason, I keep smelling Subway sandwiches right where I’m sitting. I don’t know why. No one in my apartment is eating Subway. Perhaps its our neighborly ghost burping in my face? All I know is that it smells delicious and is making me crave a deli sandwich or two. Which is incredibly stupid because I just scarfed down a ton of spinach dip and chips.
Don’t judge me one bit.
That’s enough for me. I just popped in Runaway Bride and am ready for a romantic comedy, no matter how bad, to put me to sleep tonight. Money and love woes.
No one said life was ever easy, and I’m still very young. Oh, what the rest of this year might bring scares me. It’s supposed to be my year, the year of the Dragon.
Hopefully no one slays me before I peak.