entertainment

Mrs. Fix-It

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You know that feeling of watching a movie you were once so obsessed with that you were watching it every night of your life because it was SUCH as good movie, and then you don’t watch it for months because you’ve worn yourself out with it, but then watch it again after all that time…and you remember how freaking great a movie it is?

I get chills just thinking about it.

Three words: Black Hawk Down.

That is one movie that continues to blow me away every single time I watch it. There’s so much I love about that movie…the actors, the story, the themes of brotherhood and leaving no man behind, the real-life heroism displayed, the historical content, the artistic direction, the fast-paced action, the display of what it means to be Delta Force. I could go on and on about this movie, but it’s surely one of my all-time Top 5 movies.

All around a great film for many, many reasons.

I’ve only had this reaction to one other movie, and that was The Mask of Zorro. Such a fun, fast-paced movie with its moments of serious talk and chuckle worthy cockiness. I certainly can’t leave out the swoon-worthy appeal of Antonio Banderas wearing the black mask of a bandit, or the way he handles his swordplay. The action towards the climax of the film always gets my blood racing. It was this film that pushed me towards my first gender-bending role of my childhood. It was on Halloween and I dressed the part of Zorro. Black boots, sword on my hip, and my mom painted black grease make-up on my chin and upper lip to complete the look. I had longer curlier hair, so once I had the mustache on my face, I could pass for a very young little Banderas wannabe.

Who is the man behind the mask?

Trust me, I was a cutie. Although when I smiled really big, it threw the whole look off. Zorro is a stern guy…no smiling allowed (unless it’s a sexy smirk.)

You know the one I’m talking about…

Anyways, my slight military obsession was reignited after my viewing of Black Hawk Down. There are certain moments in that movie that will always, always, always bring tears to my eyes and make me hold my breath, and I’m pretty sure I’ve watched the film like 88 times. Maybe even 188. There was a Christmas (and yes, this is going to sound slightly depressing) where I watched that movie twice a day. Around Christmas time! I fell in love with the movie, and I never turned my back on it.

Leave no man behind.

Watching this movie only spawned a million and one thoughts to go off in my brain. It conjured up memories of a novel I wrote while I was in high school. The more I thought about it, the more and more I fell back in love with the initial idea I had while writing it. If I went back and reread the words I penned more than 5 years ago, I probably would cringe. I used to be a very romanticized writer, and sometimes I catch myself slipping back in the vagueness of it. I like detail, being real with the descriptions. Those end up being the fun ones!

“Women have been taught that, for us, the earth is flat, and if we venture out, we will fall off the edge.”

Oh, not with the way my mind works. Those sorts of words, Andrea Dworkin, a women’s studies staple, are what drive my main female characters. My female protagonists are fighters, and they are tough. They are me amplified by 20, and put into situations I could only dream of experiencing.

Heed her warning, and forge ahead, sister!

Anyways, the basic idea is this: The first women has passed all rigorous and most difficult physical, mental and strategic tests the military can throw at her. She has surpassed everything the fatigues can throw at her, and she always comes out on top of any male competitor. She takes no bullshit, tells you like it is, is fearless, tough, and wants nothing more than to fight for the good of the world and for her country. We’re not necessarily talking America here. This is where I get vague. It could be sometime in the future, it could be in the past…hell, we could be on a different planet for all I know.

For all you know, this is what I’m thinking about.

And the whole Ranger/Delta thing? Simply inspiration for the level of military involvement this force operates.

So, this woman gets to the hot zone and the story becomes about how she survives it. The conflict comes into play when the enemy they are fighting strongly believes a woman warrior is committing a crime against God himself. It’s against everything they believe in, and any country/planet that allows her to fight in their name, is damned to death. They become quite the enemy, let me tell you.

They shall see us fall. But we won’t let that happen, will we?

There’s action, there’s hot sexual tension (come on, these boys haven’t been around a female in ages! It’s bound to happen), there’s battle of the wits and of morals, there’s a small love story (but not what you’re thinking!), but most of all, it comes down to camaraderie.

When I wrote the initial start to this idea back in the good ol’ high school days, it was a great idea and there’s a few parts that only need a bit more fleshing out and it’s solid. The rest of it? Sadly, it needs to be entirely reworked. That’s the way it goes when you’re a writer. 80% of the first try is tossed out completely.

Typically found in the corner of my room.

Why am I hanging on to an idea that I put to paper half a decade ago? Women are still fighting for equality in every respect of the word in this day and age, and that is a theme I will always gravitate to. It’s who I am. You can’t change what gets your mind buzzing anymore than a hummingbird can stop flapping its wings.

I’ve been reading into home improvement projects, digging around for crafty home-maker to-dos, and sifting through cookbooks for recipes that make my mouth water just reading them. With the Black Hawk Down mindset still alive and well in my brain, it makes me wonder why a single woman should dream of living in her own apartment, and that’s where the dream ends. Why can’t a single woman own her own home (and let’s pretend money isn’t a problem here for anyone. Couples, rich folks, home inheriters…you get the idea)?

I bestow upon you…a home.

If I am not married or going steady with a significant other at a certain point in my life, I’m not going to want to live in a small, crummy apartment for the rest of my life. It’s the American dream, isn’t it? To be a home owner, and I plan to be one in my future years ahead of me.

So..when that day comes, I’m going to be quite the home improvement maniac, and here are the seven reasons I (and any other woman who can’t put down her wrench) deserve to win the HGTV Dream Home:

1.) Your friends affectionately refer to you as “the duct tape queen.”

2.) The only thing your garage-door opener works on: the TV.

Something isn’t quite working here…

3.) You have two sets of pots: one for cooking, the other for catching drips on a rainy day.

Oh good…another storm…

4.) To prevent blowing a fuse, you have to turn off all the lights before you blow-dry your hair.

It’s not easy being a woman with style.

5.) Your stairs creak even when nobody is walking on them.

Or is someone there after all? ooooooh!

6.) You try to pass off the water stains on the ceiling as “modern art.”

Ah yes, much like the brown spots all over my ceiling.

7.) Your plumber has his own key.

Great…this home again…

Now, darlings, this isn’t to say we’re going to be bad at our own home repairs when we’re living in OUR house. It just never hurts to have a back-up plan…or five.

Always be prepared. Not only the motto of the Boy Scouts, but the Jedi Order, too.

And like the Jedi Order, know that no matter what barrier is put before you, nothing is impossible. Things only become impossible when we deem them to be so. Solution? Don’t think it’s impossible. Because it’s not.

Yoda lifted the X-wing out of the swamp because he believed, and knew, he could.

There’s an answer to everything, and the Force will guide you to it.

You are never truly alone.

“You’re a Heartbreaker, Dream Maker, a Love Taker”

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I may or may not be watching too much of The Office.

As Dwight would say, “You think?”

Wanna know how I know this to be true? I am having dreams about breaking up one of my Top 10 couples of all time: Jim and Pam.

The look cozy now, but trust me. Things get far more interesting…and dirty.

Since I have started watching the show (about 6 months ago), I have found their love story to be one of the cutest I have ever seen unfold on my television screen. Literally tore my heart apart when Pam broke off her engagement with Roy (and also leapt with absolute joy when the episode happened where they show her ring finger *gasp* absent of an engagement ring!) When she got back together with Roy with no definite plans for the future with their relationship, but just to see how they work out, I fumed at her. Why would you do that when the sweetest man I have ever witnessed on the TV screen is absolutely pining for you no more than 5 feet away from your desk?!

We wouldn’t have had all these best moments if neither of them wised up eventually.

Then, he gets into a relationship with someone I found highly obnoxious from the start (and far too insecure with herself) when Pam finally grows a big enough pair to say, “No More!” to Roy. Hearing Jim and Karen talk about going to city, to explore it and “get a hotel room” made me as uncomfortable as the time when the Warehouse Guys took on the Office Guys and Jim had to stand there and take it while Pam and Roy shared a long, celebratory kiss. (Also, I loved watching Jim in all his giant tallness king-of-the-court basketball glory against Roy.)

One of the Top Moments that broke my heart. Literally had me going, “Ooooooh. Poor Jim!” It also gave the Dream-Me the perfect opportunity to sweep in and grab his lovely attention.

“I have found that age is a careless jailer. There are hours, days, even weeks, when it doesn’t seem to check up on you as much. During those times, you are the same whizzy you have always been, in some ways better.”

The original Cosmogirl, Helen Gurley Brown, has captured the essence of my forever-lasting romantic self. It’s never going away any time soon, and any guys who can’t handle a girl who loves her great love story (especially the one called Her Own), better keep searching. When it comes to love and keeping the romance alive, I will always be that whizzy self of mine.

Thee first editor-in-chief of my favorite magazine of all time. Who would have thought it?

Anyways, in this dream…I broke them up. I break up Jim and Pam! Pretty much put them on the verge of divorce. And why would such a solid couple end up in such distress? Because, my dear readers, somehow Pam ended up turning into an absolute domineering bee-yotch and Jim got sick of it. Somehow I was around to charm him. Next thing you know….details get very, very juicy.

Let me explain further:

Jim and I are at an office party (apparently I also work for Dunder Mifflin…but since they were the only two people from the show I recognized, I’m going to safely assume we just work for the same company.) We laugh and joke over drinks in plastic cups, and seem to only have a focus on each other. It comes up in conversation that both of us are both attending an open house on a property we’re both looking at in hopes of purchasing. (Of all things to have in common…a possible mortgage!) Next thing you know, my hand is on his forearm, and his arm is around my waist to stop me from toppling to the ground. I’ve had quite a bit to drink.

Let’s me honest…we both did.

Plenty of heated stares to keep the mood right where it shouldn’t have been.

Soon, we’re stumbling down the street, me in my work coat, and Jim starts leading me up the steps to…Surprise, Surprise!…the house we’re both going to for the open house the next day. The door is unlocked when Jim gives it a twist, and we stumble inside. We start giving ourselves a tour of the place, making up facts about the counter tops in the kitchen, the tile flooring in the bathroom, the clock hanging above the fireplace mantel. The place is somewhat furnished, to give the house a more fleshed out look when we tour it the next day. He makes a joke about the carpeting, and I pull him down to the couch as we start laughing too hard. We look up from out laughing fit, and our faces are incredible close….Soon, our lips are pressed together in a hungry sort of way. Jim rips off my coat and throws it somewhere off towards the direction of the kitchen.

Very reminiscent of the car scene from Titanic. (Can you tell I love the movie Titanic too much?)

(This is where the dream fast forwards, but I’m sure you know what happens next…or I just keep the dirty details to myself. Haha!)

Out of nowhere, a blanket as appeared on the couch, and I lay half covered by it when suddenly the door bursts open. Who but enters, but Pam! Jim leaps off me, and I frantically reach for the blanket to pull it over my chest as I sit up. I notice Jim is still wearing his black work socks, but he’s also still wearing his white button-down work shirt (half the buttons undone…my handiwork, I’m sure) and a blue pair of plaid boxers. His hair remains incredible mussed up (also my handiwork.)

It’s not what it looks like, I swear, Pammy…OMG how it makes me laugh now.

Jim tried to explain, but Pam simply stares at him, then me, then back at him, then back to me. She points a finger at me, and says, “I’ll see you at the open house tomorrow.” (Can we say awkward?!)

There’s always been a bitchier side to her, if you pay close attention.

Sure enough, I show up to the open house the next day. Pam makes sure to stand right next to me throughout the entire tour, and when we reach the living room, see the couch, Pam makes an off-hand comment about how comfy the couch is. “Lots of things could be done on this couch,” she says to no one in particular, as she sits down on the cushions to give them a bouncing “test run.” (Are you kidding me? She’s saying it to me in that passive-aggressive way of hers.) To make things worse, I notice her protruding belly from under her shirt.

She stands up and says, “Won’t Jim and I be happy here?” I see how it is: You sleep with my husband, I get the house. (Sounds like a fair trade, right?)

Because apparently, I make deals like this often. Even in my dreams.

Wrong…

…And the dream ends, with me waking up with one thought on my mind, “I’m an incredible home wrecker!”

The thing that made it worse? I’m watching another episode of The Office last night, and when a shot of Pam and Jim pops up on my screen, I caught myself thinking, “And he chose me over you, Pammy. Take that!”

Yeesh….I am one strange cookie sometimes.

But, when I think about how cute Jim looked before he leaped off that couch to confront Pam pantless, I don’t feel quite so bad about it. To add to that, here are a few words to life your spirits as the week is halfway done! Yee-haw!

– You deserve no less than the best.

When it comes to the Olympics, Ryan Lochte was all the best I needed.

– Today will bring blessings your way.

You never know when Eywa may hear you…and answer.

– You are unbeatable.

Rocky Balboa will always be the #1 champion in my heart. He’s got quite the spirit inside him.

– Sometimes all a dream needs to succeed is some remodeling.

Noah knew he only needed to fix up the house, and Allie would come back to him. Guess what? She did.

– You are already wonderful.

He just needed a few pointers to bring out the natural wonderfulness he already possessed.

– Someone appreciates you more than you know.

He kept his love for Keira Knightley tucked away inside for a long, long time.

– Determination outlasts doubt. Believe!

As the King of Gondor said, “There is always hope.”

Alright, recalling this dream has made me quite the grinner. Add in the great dance tunes Pandora is feeding me right now, and I’m ready to rock n’ roll the rest of the day out. Have a good rest your day and remember, a bad day can always be righted by healthy doses of chocolate

Come to Momma!

….and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

The Dark Knight Indeed Rises

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Christian Bale. You, sir, are quite the stand up gentleman, and my respect for you has flown over the moon over the past couple of days.

Can I smooch you yet?

Here’s the scoop in case you haven’t heard: Yesterday, Bale and his wife made a stop in Aurora, Colorado to pay a visit to the victims of the movie theater shooting during the midnight premiere of The Dark Knight Rises. Bales visited patients in the hospital, and went to several makeshift memorials for those who were killed in this terrible act. The best part, other than this being a very honorable act on Bales’ part? He asked the Warner Brothers studio to not make an announcement of his presence in the town or let the media know what he was up to. They’d find out in due time, which is true, because here I am sharing photos with you and telling you what I know concerning his visit. But he specifically asked for his visit to not be turned into a publicity stunt. He wasn’t doing it for the attention. He was doing it because it was something he felt he needed to do, and I respect the hell out of him for that.

A great sign of respect for the fallen.

On a similar, but slightly different, note, I know I read somewhere that Warner Brothers would be donating a large sum of Dark Knight Rises weekend opening earnings to the victims family’s for this event. Very generous on their part, especially after I saw on the Today Show, the DKR bypassed the opening weekend figures of The Dark Knight by an alarming amount.

I shall be seeing this work of Nolan’s mastery tomorrow evening.

I’ve always liked the guy. Granted, I only knew him as an actor, but I loved his work. If I had to title his style, I’d call him a Method Actor. He’s one of the few who literally transforms his body to fit that of his character. If you don’t believe me, check out The Machinist or Rescue Dawn. Incredibly thin and to the point of where I want to throw a sandwich at the screen in the hopes of making him gain weight. Then, he goes from über thin to buffed-up fighting machine in movies like Batman Begins and The Dark Knight.

Batman ranks right up there with Captain America and Thor themselves.

Remember, he’s not a lunatic. He’s doing this for his craft, and it paid off. Last year, he took home the Best Supporting Actor award from the 2011 Oscars for his part as a drug addict in The Fighter.

If you haven’t seen The Fighter, you really need to.

So, in a nutshell, I highly respected him for this acting work, and seeing this respective act come from someone with his star power. I’ve always liked him, but now, I love him.

Plus, he’s Welsh. What’s not to love about someone who can speak in one accent and switch it to something else entirely at the snap of my fingers? Dreamy is what it is.

“Only people who die very young learn all they really need to know in kindergarten.”

In light of what’s been happening as of late, I find the words of Wendy Kaminer, a limelighting lawyer, digging a little deeper than they usually would.

A sad truth, her words are.

I haven’t offered comments on the Aurora theater shooting yet, and it’s taken a few days to let it all sink in. What causes my jaw to drop above anything else is where is happened. A movie theater? At a midnight showing? Really!? Nobody in their right mind takes a series of weapons and tear gas into a family friendly environment and just lets hell loose on them for no reason at all? I don’t think this type of thing should happen anywhere, but of all places, a movie theater.

And impersonating the Joker no doubt. Ridiculous.

Pretty soon, not a single place in this world is going to be safe. Not for adults and not for children, and that saddens my heart. One of my favorite places to go when I need some alone time is to the movie theater. I’m a huge movie buff, and there are certain films that come along where all I want to do is watch it on the big screen on my own. I don’t want my friends with me to offer their commentary throughout the movie. I don’t want a sibling or parent asking me what the hell is happening in the storyline every other minute. I simply want to sit back, watch, drink my slushie, and enjoy getting lost in another’s persons vision for a few hours.

Getting lost in the movement, and in the movie.

When September 11 happened, I thought it wasn’t going to affect me. Sad as it is to say, it wasn’t the first time a plane had been hijacked in the history of my lifetime. It was the first time in my lifetime a hijacked plane was used as a terrorist tool. I didn’t notice its effect on me until I myself had the opportunity to travel to Washington DC and to New York City within a couple of months of each other. Upon boarding the plane, I know I gave everyone a long, hard look. Could they be a terrorist? Could they be hiding something in their 3-inch toothbrush that could be used to take over the plane?

What booby traps await me once I step foot on the plane?

I didn’t voice these concerns out loud, but they were in the back of my mind.

It really got to me when I was in NYC, standing on the highest floor of the Empire State Building, looking down at the city’s brilliant lights, and I looked up to the sky to see flashing lights traveling very quickly across the night skyline. Airplanes. The first thought on my mind wasn’t, “Oh, how beautiful.” No. Instead, I thought, “What if that plane flew itself into the Empire State Building?” Not exactly a wonderful thought a first-time visitor to the Empire State Building should be having. Same goes for Washington DC. I shouldn’t be thinking a terrorist is going to take over whatever monument I’m visiting that day every time I see someone looking sketchy.

Not quite the experience I was planning while standing on top of the Empire State Building. Not quite the experience I’d planned at all.

No where feels safe, and it’s a terrible realization the world is beginning to face.

But, we can’t let evil stand in the way of how we live our lives. We need to be better than those who hide in the shadows and act in the dark. We, as Jedi, have to walk the straight and narrow, and do what we can to make these places we once felt safe still feel safe despite the workings of those who delve in the darker side of life. My heart goes out to the victims of this tragedy. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain they are going through, especially those who lost a loved one.

As usual, I offer words meant to uplift the spirit as we hit the halfway mark of the week:

– You’ve got what it takes.

Katniss had what she needed to succeed.

– Add determination to a dream and you get destiny.

Without Sam, the cause for the One Ring would have fallen into the wrong hands.

– You make the world a more beautiful place just by being you.

If watching Dirty Dancing a few dozen times after breaking up a long-term relationship, so be it. Do your thing, honey!

– It’s time to bump “relax” to the top of your to-do list.

And make sure to relax all on your own.

– You have too many good qualities to count.

There’s a reason he’s a Captain.

– Each new day comes with small joys just waiting to be noticed.

She is beautiful, isn’t she? So’s the popcorn floating around her head.

– Life is still wonderful. And so are you!

Everything they made it through, their life is still something worth living.

As Harvey Dent famously said in The Dark Knight,” The night is always darkest right before the dawn.”

A fallen hero.

We will get past this darkness, and we will prevail. That’s the Jedi in me talking.

Our lightsaber is our soul. It will show us the way. The samurai believed the same thing about their swords.

May those who have  fallen become one with the light of the Force, and may the Force be with you all.

Never forget, and honor them.

League of Extraordinary Women

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Being a typical girl, I was pinning today. Whilst pinning, I came across a picture of Jennifer Lawrence wearing a dress that could only be described as a modern-day, non Hunger Games costume, gown. It really made her look like the Girl On Fire, outside of the actual Hunger Games setting, I mean.

Isn’t she just puuuurdy?

In case I haven’t previously mentioned it, Jennifer Lawrence in my new muse. She has inspired me to imagine her type of character in any story I’ve started to throw together in the last few years. Since I’ve seen her in X-Men First Class, Winter’s Bone, and now, the Hunger Games, I’ve fallen head over heels in love with her.

Wouldn’t you love her if you had the chance?

Add her to my list of celebrities I’d change my sexual orientation for if the opportunity presented itself. Along with Ms. Lawrence, Kate Winslet, Meryl Streep, and Kristen Wiig top that list. It’s far-fetched, but you never know. I’m sure you all have your lists of males and female crushes, too. So, no passing judgement here!

Anyways, as I attempt to get back on track with my screenplay, I have envisioned Ms. Lawrence in the lead role from the moment I started conceptualizing and fleshing the plot out on paper. While I would agree the roles allowing her to emerge on the Hollywood scene have been similar in particular ways (they know how to hunt for themselves, a younger sibling(s) to care for, must be the man of the family but not by choice, independent, fearless, and a small disdain for needing to rely on men to care for her…and so much more.) In short, she’s a bit of a modern-day warrior in her films.

She did what she needed to do. No questions, no objections.

I can’t stress enough how happy I am when the Hunger Games came along when it did.

I’m going to be quite blunt here. I hated the Twilight movies. I hated everything about them. The acting was poor, the characters were stagnant, the storyline was only remotely interesting, and Kristen Stewart’s face held the same monotone expression throughout the entire film. I didn’t feel transported by the story at all. When I go to the movies, I go to escape.

I like to leave the world and all sensibilities behind when I go to the movies.

With Twilight, I was highly aware I was sitting in a movie theater (an afternoon matinée, by the way. There is no way I’m spending money on a full ticket for THAT film), watching a fully grown man sparkle like a cheaply made tiara in the sunlight. Not attractive in the least!

I just swallowed back some Gardetto upchuck.

But the main reason why I hated these movies so much? The female lead character aka Bella.

This is the only look you’ll see the entire movie. Trust me.

What did she have going for her other than the sickly twisted love affair with both a werewolf and a vampire that wanted nothing more than to bite the shit out of her neck for her blood. There’s a scene early on in the film when Bella meets Edward for the second or third time. He’s staring at her from across the chemistry room, but he’s not just staring at her. In fact, I’m sure some inappropriate activity is happening in his pants while he’s staring at her. Gross, I know.

This just makes me feel uncomfortable.

Fans of the Twilight series would argue. He was attracted to her…No, scratch that. He was resisting the smell of her scent…He wanted to go over to her and bite her like a vampire would…He was merely catching whiff of her scent and simply fought every fiber in his body to resist flying across the room to devour her blood supply.

Number 1: ew. Number 2: can we say desperate? Number 3:how freaking original? Not!

Literally, she screams desperate.

I maybe wouldn’t rag on Bella so much if she wasn’t so, oh how do I say this…? If she wasn’t so pathetic. Yep, that’s the word I use to describe Ms. Bella. She is pathetic. Her boyfriend breaks up with her. What does she do? She curls up into a ball in her bed and does absolutely nothing for 3 months. Nothing. In the book, no words were written for her in the months following Edwards’ absence. She literally wastes away in her bed for months because a boy told her he didn’t want to see her anymore. With one of the lamest excuses in the book, he tells her it’s too dangerous to be together.

So, the obvious conclusion is to lay in bed and weep about it. For months.

And she stayed like this for 3 whole freaking months.

Pah-thetic.

A week, even a couple of weeks, sure. Alright. He was the love of your life. I can’t understand trying to heal a broken heart. Hello? I’ve been there! But I didn’t lie around and mope for days on end because someone broke my heart.

“The needs of a society determine its ethics.”

The wise words of Maya Angelou, the famed author of Caged Bird.

She ain’t no caged bird no more.

Katniss needed to survive being thrown into a literal hell hole where she had a 96% chance of being killed. She adapted. She didn’t crawl into a hole and mope about her misfortune or contemplate all the different ways she could die. Even when the Careers found her (and remember, she had a pretty major leg injury, too), she didn’t start bawling and begging for her life. She turned in the other direction and ran. And when she could no longer run due to said injury, she did the next best thing; she climbed a tree to where no one could touch her.

The trees are your friends. Be kind to them.

Pure survival.

When she knew she had to make a move against the Careers, did she continue to run? NO! She actually ran towards them and infiltrated their “safe” zone.

She also escaped fire. This girl is ah-mazing!

The only time she did have a breakdown was after Rue’s death, and rightfully so. She lost someone she dared to care about despite their situation. But, did Katnisscontinue to have her crying fits over Rue? While she missed the cute and wily little girl, she kept her mind where it needed to be.

Not only did she mourn the loss of her friend, she also paid tribute.

On survival.

While Bella and Katniss were in different worlds, their situations were not so different. Katniss had her love woes. Peeta or Gale? Her decision wasn’t so simple given she was thrown into a modern-day gladiator’s ring.

How would you feel if this was you, standing on this platform, with one minute left before the Hunger Games officially start and everyone is aiming for the target on your back.

What was Bella doing?

She was purposely putting herself in danger. Not to help a fellow tribute, or to take out those who will not think twice about slitting your throat to win the game.. No, Bella was putting herself in danger merely to hear Edward’s voice.

Where did that dog come from? He’s not Edward!

GET A LIFE, BELLA!

If you like Twilight, fine. I’m sure you have your reasons. Just like I have my reasons for siding with Katniss Everdeen far more than Bella Swann.

The real role model of young female literature.

My answer will be the same no matter when you ask me.

Moral of the story? Find a real, strong female role model to look up to.

Princess Leia always comes to mind. I mean, she did take on a leadership role within the Rebel Alliance against the darkest evil force known to the universe.

Don’t mess with this girl.

What’s the greatest thing Bella Swann ever did?

She got married.

Not that marriage isn’t an adventure all its own, but when compared to leading the Rebel Alliance….marriage is nil and nothing.

Just saying.  

What Happens at a Bachelorette Party, Stays with the Bachelorette Party

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Let’s be honest here. I just rewrote this sentence twice after returning home from having a beer with coworkers. I promise it was only one, but seriously, I am beyond tired and should be going to bed instead of writing to you at this time and hour.

It was a similar feeling of having a night full of homework ahead of me.

A face like this needs its beauty sleep.

Whatever I can do to look like this when I’m middle-aged, I’m doing it. Beauty rest is key.

It could be the beer, but this TV sounds really loud to me all of a sudden. I could simply be getting old, too. Ugh, whoever thought they’d see the day where I would utter something like that. Why I even decided to put on an unwatched episode of SNL is beyond me. I’m going to spend more time looking at that damn TV than to this computer screen. I can be a real dinkus sometimes.

Stefon….you make me pee my pants with laughter every single time.

It could also be my massive love and obsession with Bill Hader. Some call him absolutely creepy. Me? I’d jump him backstage in less than five seconds if given the chance.

This past weekend has got me going all sorts of crazy. It’s got me thinking about lots of things. Dating, guys, getting out into the country more often, actually eating something that wasn’t made on a deep-fried grill,the job search, wanting to move back home to help out for an extended period of time…and more about boys.

Oh, look, there’s a winery. Don’t mind me if I do…Nothing better in the country than wine and sunshine.

What is it about the country that drives the hormones crazy? The Pure Romance party I hosted for my sister’s Bachelorette Party didn’t help matters any. The weird thing? I ended up buying more beauty products than anything else after the Pure Romance segment was concluded. It’s fantastic. Not only did I buy a heated massager, but I also purchased this stuff called Dream, which is a pillow spray in the scent of rosemary,  rosewood, and patchouli.

You’ll sleep like a baby. Guaranteed.

It smells so incredible.

If you want to imagine the smell, think of a legitimate hair salon that sorely uses Aveda products. Naturally, I adore Aveda (despite the price sometimes), and the smell just makes me feel like I am in heaven. Going to the hair salon once every three months or so just makes me lose myself from reality.

One of my Top 10 favorite smells of all time.

Everybody needs one, so don’t judge.

“When the grandmothers of today hear the word Chippendales, they don’t think of chairs.”

Oh, Jean Kerr…you are quite the dish dispenser. It’s a fact of our time era. Sex sells. Perfect example? The movie Magic Mike. Shirtless men with ripped chests and abs ripping their clothes off for money. You can’t tell me there isn’t at least one steamy love scene somewhere in that movie. Whenever somebody strips their clothes for money in a movie as a main character of the overall plot, there’s at least ONE steamy sex scene.

Do you think she’s ever had a steamy love scene in her lifetime?

Trends don’t lie.

Recently, my sister and I made a list of things we will never, ever be able to talk to each other about despite how close we are, how close we’ve been, or how close we will become in the future.

What happens behind closed doors with boys is one such topic.

Sort of my own Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy.

So imagine the look on her face (and everyone else’s faces for that matter) when the Pure Romance consultant walks into the room and tells us she’s going to open our minds to not only getting more pleasure in bed, but also with ourselves when the men in our lives “just don’t get it.”

Blair opened her mind, and look where it got her with Chuck. Pure bliss….for a time, at least.

I have never laughed as hard as I did that night by simply watching the reactions on my sister’s faces as the presentation continued. The beauty product version of everything went really well with people ooh-ing and ahh-ing when appropriate. I really wanted to get this perfume whose name I can’t recall at this exact moment, but it’s made with mostly pheromones so when it hits your skin, it mixes with the hormones in your body and it makes its scent according to the combination of pheromones and hormones inside everyone’s individual body. When initially rolled on, it does have a fruity smell about it, but after a few minutes, it starts to accumulate to your body’s specific chemistry. It’s perfectly named Basic Instinct.

It smells differently on every single person. Magical.

I considered mine to smell almost like Bath and Body Works scent “Delicious,” but I was knocked off my high horse when my sister smelled my wrist and said, “Yours smells musty.”

Musty? Are you kidding me?!

Ah well, she was the guest of honor. I really couldn’t argue with her all that much. At least, not for one night anyways 🙂

I made her wear this, and a few other things. People needed to know who she was on our night out on the town!

On top of that, we filled out a card for her so she can improve her presentations from this point out based on what we had to say about our experiences with this particular time, and there was a question of “Out of the women with you in the group this time, which of them would make a possible Pure Romance consultant?”

Everyone, minus myself, wrote down my name.

Me? A Pure Romance consultant? Apparently I’m very energetic and open about talking about embarrassing topics. So, people think I could make a living talking about sex. Hey, it’s been a small dream of mine to be a guest blogger for the Cosmopolitan. You know the ones I’m talking about…30 Days of Sex, or 365 of Dating Tips,..things like that. Everything is anonymous, and no real names are mentioned, but the real, raw, but juicy fun details we all love to read about. It’s entertaining, to say the least.

They win awards for their blog. I could be an award-winning blogger.

And sex for 30 days straight? I could handle that. It’s the guy I’d have to worry about. It takes a special guy to actually take part in the blogging experiment experience, and not just go along with it because…well, because he wants nothing but sex for 30 days.

Nothing is ever as good as it seems.

Double fudge cookie dough blizzard…tastes so good at the moment, but in the morning, you’re hating your waistline.

But my eyes are really starting to get heavy now, so I’m going to leave you with a few uplifting parting words. Remember, the week is officially half way over, so here’s a little push in continuing to make it better.

– You have the power to make positive changes.

You might not be a princess, but you have more power than you think.

– Life is a menu with unlimited choices.

What options will you choose for yourself today?

– Kick stress off your team.

Nothing beats stress quite like a foot massage.

– No one’s star shines brighter than yours.

If you need to, name your own star and follow it.

– Setbacks are only temporary.

Don’t let a little cliff stop you…even if you might fall. Tom Cruise didn’t let it stop him.

– No matter what chapter you’re on, you are a success story.

Remember, this is only a chapter. Only a chapter.

– Keep your eyes on the prize. It’s so close!

Keep reaching kid! Just keep reaching!

Who knew a body would need an entire week to recover from two days worth of wedding time party bliss?

I’ll stay in Dreamland for a little bit longer.

Seriously, I’m just beat. Yet, here I am. I’ll stick with the best excuse of all time: “I’m young and dumb and don’t know any better.”

It makes me feel better about myself every time.

Talk Like a Dude for Maximum Results

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Here’s a premise for a new movie. It’s not an entirely original idea, but it sure would give those directors who love visual effects and explosions a task they could really sink their fingers into.( …Cough, cough, Michael Bay, cough, cough….)

Nine times out of ten, if you see an explosion, it’s because Michael Bay is around.

Ready for this?

I saw The Avengers for the second time last night with a very good friend of mine who hadn’t seen it yet. He had an amazing deal on movie tickets, and he wanted someone who enjoys movies more than a normal human being to go with him, so naturally I’m a perfect choice.

Get ready to rumble.

Going to the movies is as close as I can get to a religious experience without being in a church or place of holy admiration. Especially if I’m seeing  said film for the first time. If it’s a repeat viewing, I’m a little less strict, but you get the picture. I’m going to laugh and cry on a whim because of an emotional connection to what’s happening on the screen. I may gasp, cringe, and even scoff at what’s being said. Much like hearing a bad homily during a church service, and yes, I’ve heard a few doozies in my day. On the flip side, I’ve also heard words spoken that have shaken me to the core.

Be a great speaker….it’s better than being the strongest warrior. How’s that for some Friday Jedi wisdom?

A little off track, but here we go. Back on to my great movie idea. Why not find a way to dissolve this whole Marvel and DC comic book character madness, and bring our favorite super heroes all together? Going along that same train of thought, why not expand the super hero universe to include others not bound to the pages of comic books? Bring in Superman, Spiderman, Iron Man, the Hulk, Tomb Raider (she’s a debatable super hero…but she is pretty kick ass) and other popular names to the super human strength.We could add in the Fantastic Four and X-Men’s Wolverine.

Would you want to mess with those metal claws? I surely wouldn’t.

To get the male-female dynamic evened out, we’ll throw Electra and Wonder Woman into the mix. Black Widow can stick around, but let’s get a decent Cat Woman finally, along with She-Ra and Super Girl.

This time, we’ll give her a real struggle.

How about someone a little more human, such as the man behind the black mask, Zorro?

The masked bandit who stole my childhood heart.

While we’re at it, let’s add to the mix a certain Force sensitive figure, such as a Jedi. They have powers unlike a normal human. Why shouldn’t they be thrown into the mix? They’d be a powerful ally.

Either way, it’ll be a tough fight.

Or, for the sake of plot, also a very dangerous enemy.

Regardless, throw all these bad boys and girls into the mix because the worst tragedy of all mankind is about to descend upon earth. Most likely another alien invasion of a living society we had no idea about (yet again), but they must team up together in order to save Earth. What could make it interesting is that not only are they warring with this invading force, but also against each other. Jedi versus Dark Jedi. Superman versus Super Girl. The Fantastic Four suddenly split teams. Iron Man versus Lara Croft.

The billionaire philanthropist…

OR

….tha lady raider.

I’m just spitting out ideas here, but think about all the explosions and fight scenes that would need to happen to make this script become a visual spectacle? If you’re reading this Michael Bay, you need to acknowledge it was spoken here first, and I get full credit for the idea and must be brought into the movie-making process from Step 1. Do you hear me?!

I’ll be awaiting a call from his agent any moment now.

This brings me to another thought I had last night. I’m a special type of girl, and I’ve known this for quite some time. I nerd out about things people don’t suspect. Star Wars being the main area of interest there. I can talk about Star Wars for hours and never be bored. I could have the same conversation day after day, and not be any less bored with the topic. In fact, I’d probably have researched the thing discussed so when we started talking again, I would have new things to say the sixth time around.

I can get behind superhero movies, I like playing in the mud and getting dirty, and I’m not afraid to do something considered ‘a man’s thing’. I’m a pretty big tom boy, and can give any guy out there a good run for their money in most areas.

Many find these aspects about myself attractive. On the same thought, I’m also discovering it can be a huge turn off. Why, I ask? I honestly have no clue. Men say they want women to be nothing other than themselves. So, then why, when I am being myself, do you find me “intimidating”, “rash”, and possible “a touch crazy”?

Beats me.

“Who were the judges and critics? I would like to ask them, ‘What exactly is it that you personally find not sexy about me? Is it my figure? Is it my brain that bothers you?'”

I often have to ask myself and lately a few blithering idiots the same thing, Sarah Jessica Parker, the Sex and the City actress named Unsexiest Woman Alive by Maximmagazine.

Guys were pretty harsh towards Ms. Parker. They compared her to that of a neighing horse.

Could it be the fact I don’t put up with a guy’s bullshit, much like a guy does with his buddies? If you lie about something, I’m going to call you out on it. I’ve seen my guy friends do this to each other. Why should I be any different? Because I have boobs? Not the greatest of reasons why I shouldn’t call you out on your crap when I’ve caught you red-handed. Actually, if I was a guy and I caught you lying red-handed to my face, I’d probably just punch you square in the face, and be over everything in the following 15 seconds.

These boys yelled and punched the each other over being in love with the same girl. Guess what? They’re still friends.

I may have my answer as to what separates the boys from the men right there.

Despite the rant, I have found a few good men out there, and one such good man will have the pleasure of being in my company this evening once I’m free from the shackles of work. I’m not letting this bog me down, however, because it is a beautiful, sunshine-filled Friday! Here are a few Fabulous things making my Friday absolutely wonderful:

Fabulous Cover:

One of my favorite movie posters of all time. It’s just ridiculous, but so amazingly awesome.

Fabulous Thoughts on Any Relationship:

Fabulous Sweet Breakfast:

Crepes, bananas and Nutella. Yummy yum yum.

Fabulous Spread:

OMG…sushi is simply delicious.

Fabulous Detail:

I may be a tom boy, but lace always brings out a little bit of sexy and naughty in everyone.

Fabulous Reminder:

Get it straight, and no one gets hurt.

Fabulous Movie-Watching Nerd Move:

Fabulous Furry Friend:

How do you not want to cuddle this little guy?

Fabulous Farm Memory:

There is nothing more rewarding than waking up before the sun has risen to take care of your animals, be it horse or cow.

Fabulous Dessert:

Fabulous Future Destination:

Manarola, Cinque Terre, Italy

Fabulous View From an Office:

I probably wouldn’t get any work done. Honestly.

Fabulous Parenting:

Fabulous Dress Move:

You’ve never known the true joy of a dress until you’ve taken a nice little spin with it.

Fabulous 90s Kid Flashback:

Fabulous Song I’m Currently in Love With:

I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a fantastic weekend in more ways than one. It’s my birthday on Sunday, and how I love birthdays (especially my own!) Keeping my hopes up for beautiful weather, too. After the flooding and rain, all I want is warm rays on my back. Skin cancer threats be damned. I love my sunshine, and as all the celebrities are saying these days: YOLO.

Until I get that dreadful phone call, right?

Bad thoughts aside, I hope you head into your weekend with lots of happiness and smiles. The weekend is upon us!

My birthday is a mere 48 hours away!

Embrace it.

An Original Star Wars Girl

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You know how you’re in for an exciting job? You’re in the middle of training for your new position, and considering the natural disaster that has rocked this city as of late, what else should happen but a massive power outage.

When the lights go out…anything can happen.

That’s right…I got sent home from training due to a power outage.

It’s probably a good thing I was sent home. I would have gotten in the way unless I was the one standing by the door directing people out of the place so there would be no accidents of any sorts. (Wouldn’t it be wicked if I went back next week only to find out a murder mystery has plagued the place? And I’m the only innocent one because I left the building? Dum dum dum! Okay, so my imagination is running a little rampant at the moment. Get over it!)

Miss Scarlet in the Billiards Room with the knife…

Anyways, I was left go an hour and half early because of the massive power outage, so what else do I do with my free time? I come in to my other job and attempt to work, but I end up talking with more people about the flood than anything else. I’m also half watching last year’s Star Wars Weekend’s ‘Dancing with the Star Wars Stars’ on youtube currently. The theme was Rock N’ Roll. Not too shabby, but the  year I was there in person was much better.

Who am I kidding? I can’t stop at one video. So while I type to you, I’m also about to watch the 2012 version of ‘Dancing with the Star Wars Stars’.

Vader dancing to ‘Thriller’? One of the best moments of my life.

Dressing up as a member of the Star Wars universe and dancing to some pretty great music in Hollywood Studios as a favorite Star Wars character sounds like a dream come true. Not only would i get to embrace the artsy side of myself, indulge in my guilty pleasure of performing for a live audience, but I’d also get to be a part of my favorite franchise of all time: Star Wars!! I could be Princess Leia, or Ahsoka, or Adi Gallia, or Zam Wessel, or Aurra Sing!

One of the best Bad Ass characters in the whole universe, in my humble opinion.

Hell, I’d even be Chewbacca in that furry suit and stilts!

Little bit of a side note, but I’m only 3.5 minutes into this video of the 2012 Star Wars weekend of Dancing with the Star Wars Stars, and I’m already giggling like a school girl. The Cantina Band knows how to bust a move! Seriously, they are one of my favorite groups of all time.

I’m a groupie.

That group of aliens dances better than I do! Even with their bulbous heads! I don’t care…I lvoe them as they are.

“God, I can be difficult when I want to be.”

Those are the infamous words of the Dame herself, Judi Dench.

The boss of 007 himself.

When it comes to talking about my love of Star Wars, there is no one more diehard then myself. One such subject that proves this? When asked how I feel about the latest three films that came out (or, the prequels, as some call them), I often say they don’t hold quite the same magic as the originals. Let’s just face it, they don’t.

BUT…

They continue to add a new element to the story we all love so much and hold near to our hearts. People can rant about how much they hate them, how the new Star Wars are nothing compared to the old ones, and even I can rant about the things I detest about the prequels along with everybody else.

In the end, however, I will love them for being a part of the Star Wars universe. They’ve added and expanded on parts of the universe for me in ways the originals can’t. They’ve expanded my realm of the Star Wars universe.

Nothing will ever replace the originals. Nothing. And if I live long enough to see someone try to remake them, I will make sure they never see the light of day every again. I’ll go all Lord Vader on them.

Star Wars is one trilogy that should never, ever be remade. Ever. (However, I can hear some of you already…”The prequels were a remake of the originals!” I would disagree, but to each their own opinion.)

I’m forever a Star Wars girl. Always have been, always will be.

I started making my Birthday Wish list last night. It’s a little late in the making considering my birthday is in 3 days, but it’s getting done nonetheless. What items are gracing my list this year? Well….here’s an idea:

1.) Boba Fett headphones

Listening to music just got more bad ass. I’m using the term bad-ass a lot, aren’t I?

2.) Star Wars playing cards

3.) a Star Wars baseball button down shirt

4.) a Yoda memory stick

5.) Episode 1 on DVD (it’s the only one I don’t own in this particular format…I only own it in VHS. Can you believe that?)

That;s just the start of the list. I always take cash, check, gift cards, you name it. If it’s currency, I’ll accept it. As long as it can be spent legitimately in the United States of America!

I’ll also take a new cell phone, an Ipod, a new sound system that plays CDs still, or a new laptop. A little more spendy, but you will forever be loved by me. I promise.

My loving is a good sort of loving, too.

Think cookies and back rubs. Oh yeah!

Until next time, my friends. May the Force be with you, and enjoy the 2012 Dancing with the Star Wars Stars!

Deep Clean

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I am officially hooked on watching old episodes of Saturday Night Live.

The one host I was incredibly astounded with last night? Tim McGraw! Who thought a country singer would actually be fairly hilarious when given the shot? Granted, I’m sure he was trying way too hard because he wanted to get the laughs, but he’s really not that bad of an actor. Compare him to Megan Fox, Lindsay Lohan or Adam Sandberg (great at comedy, not that great of an actor) or Jon Heder (again, he’s great at stupid comedy, but when it comes to actual acting…it’s a no-go.)

Tim McGraw with a mullet and jamming with T-Pain. Hilarious!

I have also developed quite the girl crush on Kristen Wiig. OH. MY. GOSH. She is freaking hilarious. Why did it take Hollywood for forever to finally let one of her scripts get turned into a movie? That’s the best part, not only is she a freaking genius at comedy, but she can actually act. She gave a stellar performance in Bridesmaids.

Her recurring role as Gilly, the malicious and devious troublemaker, makes me die in laughter every time.

If I learned anything in my acting classes, it’s if you can master comedy, you’re a pretty darn good actor/actress. Comedy is most times harder than drama. Yeah, you heard me. Have you ever done comedy? Harder than it looks. So don’t you dare stare at your television and say, “Eh, I could do that with my eyes closed.”

Watch your step...and your words!

Yeah. You could try. You could try.

It was a beautiful day here, but once again, where could I be found? Stuck inside using my time wisely to get major projects done in advance, instead of the night before.I had my mental breakdowns the last couple of weeks. I don’t need anymore in my final weeks of the Academy.

It’s super weird to think about. After five years here, I’m going to be done. I’m going to walk across that stage, shake the Dean’s hand, accept an unsigned piece of paper (because it’s not really my actual diploma) and that’s it. Do I even get to toss my mortar board into the air? Well, at least I’ll be wearing both of my tassels. “You can only wear one.” Pffft right. I’m wearing both. What are you going to do to me? Not let me graduate?

I will wear both tassels. Just watch me.

Probably make me pay a fine. My Academy would do that. Money sucking bastards.

As the weather warms up, every time I climb into my car, I realize how badly it needs a cleaning. Not just any sort of cleaning, but a deep, hard-core cleaning. From top to bottom, top and bottom, interior and exterior. It’s going to be an all-day project. All I need is someone’s yard and a watering hose. My apartment complex doesn’t make this possible unless I’m threading the hose out my bedroom window from the kitchen sink.

Soak'em.

That’s just a disaster waiting to happen. Since I tend to burn popcorn, I’m not taking a chance with a hose running through my room…or our entire apartment for that matter.

“I’m doing what I can to help the environment.I started a compost pile. It’s in the backseat of my car.”

I can say the exact same thing, good humor gal, Janine DiTulli.

Stop in the name of eco friendliness!

About a month ago, I finally cleared out the seven pairs of shoes that covered the floor of my back seats. I had three pairs of high heels, a pair of sneakers, a pair of boots, and a pair of flip-flops. Are all girls like this? Carrying their wardrobe in their cars? I could be a homeless person the way I live out of my car. But in all honesty, it needs a deep clean. I shouldn’t be able to see  the dust on my dashboard like that. Yuck.

My dashboard would not pass the inspection, unfortunately.

Yes, I’m grossing myself out.

Good thing April is the great month of Spring. What does everyone do when it hits this time of year? Spring cleaning! This shouldn’t include just your houses. For me, this includes my car, who is in desperate need of a full-out cleaning. I never let her get like this before. Now, don’t be imagining  garbage all over the place, heaps of clothing in my backseat, and a rack full of shoes in my trunk. It’s not like that.

This is not my trunk.

She needs a bath, a thorough vacuuming, some garbage does need to be cleaned out, and I’ll probably need to add an air freshener. Despite summer coming up, when it rains, my car’s interior tends to smell like a wet dog. Not very attractive in my opinion.

What the hell? I’m sitting here talking to you about how I’m going to clean out my car in a few weeks. I have no time right now due to the final weeks of the Academy drawing to a close, but once I had a little more free time (basically when all I’m doing it working!) I’m going to do some major revamping on my life. It’s a new chapter, and I need to head in the direction I see fit.

Main concern? Finding that first out-of-college Big Girl job 🙂

Everyone says it will come when the time is right. But I’m impatient. Another opportunity to learn a pivotal Jedi lesson? Probably. Will I understand it on my own terms? Oh yeah. So, that means, there will be a lot of frustration, a lot of tears, a lot of swearing, probably a bout of depression and low self-esteem.

There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.

See? It's coming!

Like with winter. After the cold and ickiness of ice, the weather warms up, the birds start chirping, and we start running around like lovesick fools again (some of us, anyways.)

Since this morning was just beautiful (I woke up to birds chirping right outside my window in the most lovely tunes I have heard yet this season), I wanted to share with you a few of my favorite nontraditional things about April:

– Umbrellas

Just freaking cute.

–  Rain Coats

Fashionable and yet its raining? Sign me up!

– Seedlings

The great miracle that is life. We plant it, and it grows. Just goes to show how something so little can be so grand.

– Galoshes

Rubber booties for high heels? This makes me giggle.

– Soccer

A fantastic moment we won't forget from 1999. The emotion, the victory, that black sports bra...all fantastic.

– Baseball

Thank God for faces like his...and for baseball pants, otherwise baseball would be incredibly boring to watch.

I should have had this posted last night, but I was halfway through a sentence when my eyes closed and they did not open back up until around 3:18 am. I took the hint, turned off SNL still playing in the background, and crawled under my covers, but not before opening my window a crack to let the warm air stream in while I slept.

I feel a crush coming on, Bill Hader.

Nothing smells better than spring. At least, not until we get to summer 🙂

Pretty. So, so pretty.

I Want You To Draw Me Like One of Your French Girls

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I’ll warn you right now. You’re in for more Titanic.

That's right. We're back to Titanic for subject matter.

And yes, when I say Titanic, I mean the movie, not the actual ship.

Titanic has been in theater for two whole days, and I haven’t had a large enough chunk of time to get myself to the theaters and watch it. It doesn’t help me that the movie is three hours long, and can only be shown so many times a day. In one theater, no less. Come on, I think we could open it up into two theaters. I’m one of those people who needs to sprawl when I watch a movie. Especially for three hours. I’m not going to sit all prim and proper for that long. It’s not because I wouldn’t be engrossed in the movie. It’s because I don’t have prim and proper tendencies.

Sorry, but I was raised as a farm girl. I'm used to wearing jeans, not skirts.

I’m one of those girls who doesn’t sit down and instantly crosse her legs. Nope. I tend to sit like a guy, and it can be pretty hazardous when I wear skirts and dresses. It’s not something I consciously think about. “Okay, so when I sit down, I need to knock my knees together, cross my ankles, and then slowly slide my lower leg up and over my knee. Now, no one can see what’s happening underneath this fabric.”

Puh-leeze. I have bigger fish to catch, and if my skirt is long enough, no one is going to see a thing. If they do, you’re welcome. Consider it your reward for the day if you’re perverted enough to actually be looking when I sit down in the hopes of catching a look at my business. Congratulations even more if I catch you looking because then you’re in for the grand prize of an old-fashioned ass whooping.

Coming right for you if I catch you looking where you're not supposed to.

Pardon my language.

“Our earth is round, and, among other things, that means that you and I can hold completely different points of view and both be right. The difference of our positions will show stars in your window I cannot even imagine.”

Those are the thought-worthy words of June Jordan, a political activist and poet, among all things.

One day, maybe we'll see the same stars. All of us.

So…what does this have to do with Titanic?

I was speaking with a few of my dancer friends after our movement exercises this afternoon, and one of them had already gone and seen Titanic back up on the big screen in all her fine glory. She raved about how good it was, how even though she knew exactly every little thing that was going to happen, it still managed to take her breath away at parts. (I honestly hope this holds true for me when I’m in the viewer’s seat once again.) Besides all that good stuff, there was something else worthy noting about her movie experience, and it all took place before the movie began.

Okay, so we weren't having coffee, we were wearing spandex and in the middle of doing tondue's, but we were talking!

A group of four young adult men came into the movie theater. They were not joined by girls later on. They didn’t sit down by any girls. They didn’t seem to acknowledge any girls, meaning they were not meeting up with friends of any kind.

Did you really think I was going to show Roses' goods? Go see the movie!

This leads me to think several things: 1.) They were coming to sit three hours to watch maybe two minutes of Kate Winslet’s bare breasts onscreen, only to be followed up by lots of people dying (guys seem to dig morbid things like that sometimes), 2.) They know how many girls may turn up to see this particular movie and saw it a prime opportunity to pick up chicks, especially when they’ve cried their eyes out for a good hour, making them vulnerable to any flirting that happens afterwards (and they get to see bare boobs on the big screen), 3.) They actually really enjoy the movie and the fact bare boobs will be on the screen doesn’t hurt matters, 4.) They are secure enough in their manliness to watch a movie deemed as a chick flick and enjoy the crap out of it (If this is the option they fall under, the bare boobs prospect isn’t nearly as high on the scale as the other three options.)

So, in the middle of class, we girls got to talking. What about this movie could appeal to the men? I know more than a dozen girlfriends will drag their boyfriends to see it in theaters. If I was still dating, I’d be dragging my boyfriend to see it with me. But you don’t want to drag them there simply because you’re forcing them there and then they hate their lives for the next three hours, and a few good ones after the movie is over. What about Titanic could appeal to the male sex?

Here’s what we came up with:

– Well, there is the obvious which I have stated several times already: a naked chick on a huge screen. And Kate Winslet is not hard to look at. She’s pretty easy on the eyes. In fact, if I wasn’t a woman, she’d be my English fantasy girl.

She's a babe. A bit of a snob at first, but a babe.

– But more than a naked woman, there’s action. Hello? It’s called the sinking of the ship. There’s water crashing around everywhere, steamer towers are crashing on top of people, there are fist fights, a guy gets locked up below decks when the ship is clearly sinking. Lots of action.

You don't consider this action? What is wrong with you?

– There are fancy cars. Guys love cars. When Leo and Kate made their way below decks and get busy in the backseat of the top of line car (at least back then), you get a pretty good look at the car’s interior. Pssst, it’s a Renault. Not going to lie. It looks real nice.

If they're having sex in a Renault, it must be a very nice car.

– There’s bloodshed. Punches are thrown, blood is spilt. There’s plenty of the red stuff to get your own blood pumping.

This is Mr. Lovejoy. I know, stupid name, but whatever. Not only does he have a gun, but his face gets covered in blood. It's slightly awesome to see karma bite him in the ass.

– There’s a drinking and party scene. Hello? The Irish party in 3rd class. Talk about a rip-roaring good time! People dancing on table tops, beer everywhere including on girls, dancing, a live band…what’s not to love?

Beer induced dancing is always a good time.

– There are acts of self-sacrifice happening all over the place once the iceberg has been hit. Captain Smith staying by the helm of his ship, resulting in his going down with the ship he commanded, now that’s nobility. The band playing until the very end. Rose jumping back onto the ship when she was safe in a lifeboat. Jack taking the kid before the doors burst open on him. Everywhere there stands a hero. Every guy wants to be a hero.

The band played until the very bitter end. That's heroism.

The point I’m wanting to make here is that Titanic is not just a movie for women. Men can attest to many aspects of this movie. It’s more than just a chick flick. If you can look past the surface material of it being simply a doomed love story, you can see the brilliance of its filmmaking. I know it’s difficult when we’re sitting next to you blubbering our eyes out because Jack is telling Rose she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him, but if you can ignore us weeping our eyes out, I promise you’ll enjoy the film as much as we are.

Makes me cry each and every time.

OR you could open yourself up to the experience of the movie and cry with us. Now, that would get a girl’s attention..in both good and bad ways, but how we interpret your crying depends on the girl who sees you crying. You better hope it’s an empathetic one.

I have no shame in crying at the movies. Ever.

But in all seriousness, go see this film. It really is a beautiful piece of work. For lack of a better word, everything about this film is beautiful. The costumes, the set design, the cinematography, the acting, the flow of the piece, the music, the story…all of it is pure beauty.

Just look at this! Isn't it pretty?

Open yourself up to the experience, and you’ll find yourself falling in love with Titanic. And once you’ve been there, you never go back.

So….are you ready to go back to Titanic?

Go back in style. Go back with love. Go back and relive the magic.

What Was He Thinking?

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Here’s my pet  peeve of the evening.

This is only the start of it.

Not even just the evening, but for any time’s sake. When you invite someone out to do something…you don’t ignore that person.

Why take the time to ask ahead of time if they’d like to get together, figure out a day, figure out an event to do (like go to a movie!), text them to figure out a final date and time, pick a movie selection time, call them several times to make sure they are indeed still coming and to see if they are on the way, call to ask if they should wait outside for you or go ahead and grab seats–saving you one in the process…..

Going to the movies is a joyous occasion for me.

Why go through all that only to sit on the opposite end of the theater from where I’m sitting, and then barely say two words to me when the movie is over, but then act shocked and insulted when I say  I will not be heading out to the bar for drinks following the movie.

What is up with that?

Here’s the deal: I know this guy has liked me for a while. He has gone as far to ask me out well after the fact me and my last boyfriend broke up. He broached the subject lightly before actually asking me out. I said yeah, why not. I’ll give him the shot of at least one date. We spend time talking to try to figure out what we’d  like to do. Then, The Hunger Games comes out on the big screen and we’ve both read the books. Great opportunity here!

The whole world will be watching.

He gets the idea pretty quickly. Hey…why don’t we go see the movie together? Okay, sounds like a fantastic idea. Especially when we both really enjoyed the book.

Two days later, he’s telling me he invited more people along. Okay, cool, whatever. My attention is going to be on the screen and not on what he’s doing any ways. Then, the above description happens when the day of the “date” arrives.

What the hell is that all about?

Bad. Ass. This girl is a fighter.

See, I’m not upset about the “date” not working out. At all. I went to see a movie. And not just any movie. I went to see The Hunger Games. You know what? I am blown away by it. It stuck really close to the actual book, which I love love LOVE. I’ve loved the character Katniss Everdeen since the first paragraph of the first book. If I could relate to any fictional character, it would be her. I won’t dive into that right now, that’s a whole new topic in itself.

Anyways, I was there to watch the movie. I wanted to see what changes the adaptation made, I wanted to see what each of the Tributes brought to the table, I wanted to feel the emotional connection to certain parts and to see if I would indeed cry at the moments I initially thought I would (and yes, for the most part, I did, plus a few more), I wanted to watch the acting to see if I thought the casting was appropriate or abysmal (love love LOVE all the casting choices here!)

Lenny Kravitz as Cinna? Only the beginning of how much I loved the casting of this movie.

Trust me when I say I was there to watch the movie. I was not there to worry about flirting, or hand holding, or move making, or popcorn falling down my shirt. I was there to watch a beloved story unfold before my eyes.

Needless to say, I was not upset about the evening. I saw the movie, loved it, and now want to talk about it with everyone else who is a die-hard fan.

One of the best parts of going to be movies! Mixed flavor slushies!

No, what gets me is the guy’s nerve. What the hell is he doing here? Playing hard to get? Bringing other girls along to make me jealous? HA! I was more turned on by my slushie than anything he could have done. Plus, it doesn’t get you bonus points if I hear you’ve been messing around with one of the chicks in attendance recently. As in yesterday, recently.

Yeah….see why I wasn’t upset about this “date”?

I went and did what I wanted to do. What’s puzzling me and making me laugh really hard is this guys thought process. Does he think I’m, like, soooo into him now? Is this his way of teasing me?

Oh, god….I think I threw up a little in my mouth.

The best part? He’s probably telling everyone how he’s got me hooked. Puh-leeze. The ending credits rolled, I grabbed my purse, finished my slushie, and walked out the door. The only reason I stopped walking was because he called my name from behind me. It’s the polite thing to stop when someone calls your name. He asked what I thought of the movie, and I gave the general answer of “I really liked it.” I continued walking. “Oh, hey, aren’t you coming out with us now?”

This, here, is a date. We were so not on a date.

Seriously? Two and half hours later, you finally acknowledge I showed up to our “date” and you wonder why I’m walking away. Gotta love the male brain…

I told him no. I have to be up early and I still had homework to do at that point. All of which is truth. I’m going to pay for this late night tomorrow morning and all day long since Monday’s are the longest day of the week for me. Ever. At least my homework is done. Half-assedly.

Gonna need more than a cup of joe this morning.

Ah well, I’ll fix it in the morning.

“A woman scorned is a woman who quickly learns her way around a courtroom.”

Ah, words to the deaf male ears, Colette Mann, a drama devotee.

Has she been scorned in the past? Perhaps.

I have no reason to take anyone to court….yet. But when the day comes, oh you had better hope you never crossed me in this life or any other. I’m unrelenting when I attack. It’s a good way to take the offensive.

Velma Kelley had a great courtroom presence. I'd never cross her in there.

Never let up, and never let them see you sweat. I am woman, hear me roar!…. and all of the above. You know the drill.

Sweet dreams, Jedi followers. May the Force be with you as we begin a new week.