Yesterday was September 11. A date which will live in infamy for my lifetime.
It’s pretty much the Pearl Harbor of our generation. I know exactly where I was the moment I heard the news. I was in the 8th grade, and I was riding the bus to school. Of all things…I was riding the bus. I heard my favorite DJ announce the news on my fave radio station. At first, I thought he was joking. I’d recently gotten myself into a slightly obsessive military phase. What I mean by that is, anything resembling army gear, I wanted it and I wanted it bad.
This was the time the seed was planted for me to join the army, to be all that I can be. Plus, at that time, it was still slightly unheard of for women to join the army. After watching and falling in love with the movie Black Hawk Down, I moved my gaze to more difficult obstacles for women. I wanted to be an Army Ranger, and if possible, a Delta Ranger. I had the mindset of steel. No one was going to tell me no, especially not a man in army fatigues. I’d outlast them all.
Anyways, along with this new plan (but what sort of plan do you actually follow through on at the age of 14?), I wanted the wardrobe to match the master idea. So, camouflage pants, camouflage T-shirts, black tank tops, heavy-duty army-style boots (tall and short), tan undershirts, dog tags that read ‘Army Brat’….anything military inspired, I either wanted to wear it or own it.
So, it’s September 11, and I’m riding the bus to school wearing my heavy brown army boots, and I hear the DJ make this announcement. My ears didn’t perk up until the third time he said something, and I instantly thought, “Oh no. They’re attacking headquarters. They must be stopped!”
“I have often depended on the blindness of strangers,”
A font of funny lines, Adrienne Gusoff, has hit it on the mark with this one. Let’s just say we all knew I was a drama-filled kid from an early age, but nowadays and starting back when I was a young thing, when I put my mind to something, I went at it with all speed ahead. When I was set on joining the military, I wanted people to know it. Hence, the sudden wardrobe change (however, I drew the line at buzz cuts.)
But, being the juvenile that I was, I hadn’t quite grasped entirely what was going on. Not until I walked into second period English, and the teacher had the TV on, watching the first Tower smoke its way across the sky. That’s when it hit me, what really was going on. We talked about it all during first period Band, and we attempted to play a song, but we all knew our teacher’s mind wasn’t in it. So we talked about it instead.
It was in English when the 2nd Tower fell, and my teacher brushed it off as repeat footage of the first tower falling. But it wasn’t. The 2nd Tower collapsed, and I felt my heart drop as I stared at the TV screen. How could both Towers suddenly be gone? Just like that? Through the haze and the smoke, two very large holes now gaped widely at the world. My next thought? “Who the hell gets the idea to fly two planes into towers filled with people? How is this possible?”
I didn’t personally know anyone in the Towers or anyone on the planes which crashed into the Pentagon or into the field in Pennsylvania. But my heart went out to those who lost their loved ones, or who would be put to the worst test of all time: the unknown. They didn’t know if their family/friends were alive, and they would have to wait.
Waiting is the worst. I think waiting kills more people than actual disasters or diseases.
I visited the Sept. 11 memorial site in the spring of 2007, and I was overcome with so many feelings. I didn’t actually cry, but my gut was twisted in every which way and I couldn’t eat for hours afterwards. The lists of names of those still missing, the notes and mementos left for those still hoping for the biggest of miracles. Someone was playing their violin and the soft notes of “America the Beautiful” made my heart ache. Staring into the pit of the rubble (which was all cleared away by this time, but this giant hole still remained), I couldn’t help but wonder what is was like here…on this infamous day six years ago…to look up and see the towers smoking on the horizon and knowing tomorrow when you woke up, the world would be a different place.
The movie “World Trade Center” always brings me to tears, and maybe for a few not so obvious reasons. I’ve always loved Nicholas Cage, but here was a new take for him. He breaks my heart. Mario Bello and Maggie Gyllenhal do, too. I wasn’t with anyone who waited for word on a loved one down at the tower site, but I feel like I’m right there with them. The anguish that crosses their faces kills me. One question is raised by a police officer in the movie, the one who crawled down into the void to pull Cage and Pena’s characters out of the rubble: “All these people in these towers…Where are they? Where did they go?”
I often ask myself the same question when I think about those still missing.
Along with remembering the tragedy of the day, and sending out love and hugs to those greatly hurt by the hatred and terror of those we don’t entirely understand, we must also thank those who gave their lives or put themselves on the line all in the name of hope, brotherhood, and because it was the right thing to do. It’s amazing how human we all become despite out difference when tragedy strikes as hard and swift as September 11 saw all those years ago. Honestly, it feels like yesterday.
I want to thank them all: Policemen, firemen, first responders, military personnel, the National Guard, doctors, nurses, priests, the families, the spouses, the friends, the common man on the street who decided he’d put his best effort forth, complete strangers who quickly became friends. Everyone…thank you.
On that note, here are a few things to keep your spirits high. Out of darkness, a bright light will shine.
– Every dream-come-true starts with hope.
– You have every reason to feel confident. You’re amazing.
– It’s time to be who you were meant to be: a success story!
– Positive thinking works — and its free.
– You will have more triumphs than troubles.
– One smile can make everything better. Especially your smile.
– No need to try so hard. You’re alreadyterrific!
It’s always darkest right before the dawn. We’re stronger than we were yesterday, and we can only go up from here.
Take it easy, and hug those who you love most.
I haven’t written in a few days, and I feel terrible.
And to make you feel even better, this post is going to be fairly short. In fact, I’m writing this today (Wednesday) and it might not be posted until tomorrow (Thursday). I’ve been a little busy and preoccupied. (And wouldn’t you know it? It’s actually Friday when I’m posting this. Woooow…this week has been Cray-zeeee!)
Like I said, I feel terrible.
A little recap of what’s been happening over the past couple of days (really, I’m recounting the few days that took up the previous weekend)….
Last weekend I headed down to the cities to see my best friend. See, the last time me and this friend talked, she was calling to inform me about how she and her boyfriend/fiance had broken up. Well, okay…I do what any best girlfriend would do. I had the weekend off, so I told her I was going to jump in my car and come see her, spend the weekend with her. To make sure she is okay and all that.
Little did I know, I’d get there only to find out they got back together the next day. Ummm what? How is that possible? “It’s too much time together to just throw it away.” While, yes, I agree, I honestly think she does need to spend some time on her own. She is a year younger than me, has been dating him for 5 years, and I think about myself and I know I would have said hasta la vista to him the moment we broke up. She needs to experience other guys in her life. A person changes quite a bit ion 5 years. Trust me, I am an expert at that.
Look at the type of girl I was 5 years ago, and look at me now. Leaps and Bounds of difference and change.
Anyways, so they got back together literally the day after she called me, breaking down in tears, telling me it’s over. Does she bother to tell me they got back together? Not at all. I found this out over turkey sandwiches and peaches with her parents that weekend. Wow…thank you for considering me a good enough friend to break the bad news, but when it comes to this? Not even a text message.
I worked my last day of work at the KGC, and it was utterly fabulous. I know to this very day they still haven’t hired anybody to replace me. Maybe by the time I post this tomorrow (really, on Friday), they may have someone. I sort of doubt it heavily.
But, as a token of farewell and good will, I was allowed to pick one thing off the entire menu to enjoy as my last meal with the club (my last supper, if you will.) I chose the château briand, and on top of getting to eat this delicious piece of steak with béarnaise sauce and the loveliest mashed potatoes you ever did eat, our club was graced with the presence of quite the celebrity on my last day.
Who, you’re probably asking yourself, who is this mystery person? None other than Laura Linney, whom I fell in love with when she was in Love Actually. I had since followed her into her days of playing John Adams wife in the TV series John Adams. So pretty and much taller than I suspected. I held a short conversation with her, and had the instinctual moment to grab a napkin and a marker, thrust them into her and politely demand an autograph, but I held back. I didn’t want to disturb her for an autograph when she was clearly there for a family event, or as some call it, a groom’s dinner.
“I have been treated as a freak, rather like the fat lady at the circus.”
I didn’t want to treat Ms. Linney like this on her visit to the KGC. I’m sorry for the way you felt, Margaret Patricia Hughes, an English sportswriter. But at least I hope you were treated differently because you stormed into the men’s locker rooms for the stories and quotes needed for the best of sports writing. And not just for the job, but also to catch a glimpse of those abs on them athletes which I know they were sporting.
Hey, once a single woman, always a single woman (in the mind, anyways.)
Along with the excitement I have detailed already, I also started my new job, and I’ll have to dish on that more later. I have already stayed 30 minutes past what I’m scheduled to work on a daily basis to get this done (since I am still without a laptop), so I shall leave you with my Midweek Smiles and get the heck away from this office. I mean, I’ll be here 40 hours a week. Why spend more time here than I need to!?!
– This day is filled with small joys just waiting to be noticed.
– You have the strength you need.
– Everything will be all right.
– See yourself as you truly are: amazing.
– Dream. Create. Achieve!
I’ll need these reminders as much as the next person in the upcoming weeks ahead. I fly solo in the office already on Monday. MONDAY! I will only have a week under my belt at that point. Start crossing your fingers now, folks. It could be a bumpy ride.
“You’ve got a friend in me.”
Name that song. If you don’t know it, you are almost pretty much dead to me.
Nah, I’m just kidding. It’s the theme song from none other but the orignal Toy Story, and the song was written by the wonderful Randy Newman. In case you don’t believe me when I say he’s wonderful, also check out “Strange Things (Are Happening to Me)”, also found in the first Toy Story movie. That is certainly one movie I will love with all my heart until the day I can no longer sit in one place for the duration for the entirely of a 1.5 hour movie (Let’s face it, the bladder is going to lose function at some point during my old age.)
Woody the Cowboy and Buzz Lightyear. Whoever thought they could become friends, let alone the best of friends? They come from two entirely different backgrounds, and they live in opposite settings of each other. A ranch versus a space ship. Moon boots versus cowboy boots. Yee-ha versus To Infinity and Beyond!
You get the picture. But when they got past that original sense of hesitancy about each other, they not only had amazing adventures with each other. (The scene I’m thinking of…”Buzz, you’re flying!”, “This isn’t flying. It’s falling with style.”, “To infinity and beyooooond! Hah hah hah!”)
As other holidays rolled around and Andy grew older and older until it was time for him to go to college, Woody and Buzz remained best of friends through all the changes taking place.
I can only hope I can say the same about some of the people I’ve befriended in the past year or so as new changes not only rock my world, but theirs as well.
For instance, I’ll be leaving the job I’ve worked for the past 1.5 years, and I’ve gotten to know pretty much everybody on the staff here. Some are friends, others mere acquaintances where we say ‘hello’ and ‘good-bye’ when appropriate while making other polite small talk. A handful of others I would say have become good friends of mine. Be it a good work friend or an actual We-Talk-About-The-Big-Stuff sort of friend, we’ve connected on a level that goes beyond work mates. We’ve hung out, we’ve called each other to vent, we’ve done lunch/drinks/dinner, we’ve started drinking in the middle of the afternoon and continued well into the night, we’ve seen movies together, and we text more often than we should.
How much do you want to bet most, if not all, of these things will change the day I start my Big Girl Job?
“Friends are just enemies who don’t have enough guts to kill you.”
You’re words ring too true in my current state of being, Judy Tenuta, a lethal lampooner.
One such friend, upon learning from me that I got the job I’ll be starting next week, she had very specific words for me: “I want to be happy for you.Really, I do. But I’m going to be mad at you and hate you instead.”
This is also the same friend who bailed on grabbing drinks on my the eve of my birthday because she needed to “go home and bake. Yes, I’m an old person. But I don’t want to be tired in the morning.” I’m sorry, but it was 9:00 pm and you could have had water with lemon, especially after promising me for the entire previous week you’d come out with me. Or, how one night we decided to go out for drinks after work because we wanted to catch up with each other, but then she decided a beer on her porch would taste better. Instead of even doing that, she then agreed to go out with other coworkers for beer instead of going for a drink with me (which could have been a beer. I didn’t care what we got, I was just excited to spend time with her. Guess I was wrong again.)
From that point on, all I’ve received is attitude from a handful of reasons. When I voice a concern or make a comment about how I can’t do something because I have a handful of tasks to do, the response I most often get is, “No one cares. You’re leaving, anyways.”
Again….thanks so much. Don’t complain about me then when I never make an effort to call or text to try to get together. If you didn’t care about me in my last days as a coworker, you’re sure as hell not going to care about my well-being if we’re actually friends outside of where we work.
I’m sorry I’m moving on and making changes to my life after complaining about my current situation. Get off your butt, and make things happen instead of waiting for them to happen because you “deserve it.”
I’ve deserved a lot of things in my life, but did I get them? Not every time. Did I take it out on my friends? Maybe at first with a few sarcastic remarks, but if what happened (or didn’t happen) wasn’t related to them in any way, shape, or form, I didn’t bother them by taking it out on them. I’m sorry life isn’t what you wanted it to be like at this point in your life, but I, nor my friends, had any part in that.
Don’t burn the bridges before they’re capably built.
It doesn’t help that about an hour ago I caught the ‘Friends’ ultimate finale on TV while eating dinner, and watching them all say good-bye to each other on the show (and in real life, as the show was ending its 10th and final season) made me tear up more than once in 10 minutes time. They were all moving on to new chapters in their lives, and now, so am I.
With that in mind, I want to spread a little Vogue-spiration that bears this thought in mind:
“Want to know a secret? Obsessing about your age, and your “flaws,” is never chic. Don’t-give-a-damn is the most fashionable quality ever known. A seventeen-year-old from East L.A. with a strict budget and a stellar sense of self can be just as fabulous as a 36-yeaer-old Parisian style-maker with a charge account at Colette. She knows how to fully embrace this self, this day. She knows what shade of turquoise or amber brings out her eyes.
In this Vogue-spiration, we give you: One thirteen-year-old wise to the ways of the Chanel atelier. One 96-year-old in a leather jacket. Four 20-something cousins with shoulder-high legs and a penchant for Mugler. Mega-sequins and shearling for the under-30s; mega-sequins and shearling with an over-30 spin. Two hundred and twenty-eight pages of inspirations that span the generations.
Age? Sure, it’s just a number. But that doesn’t mean you should pretend you’re a number you’re not. Dressing like a club-hopper when you’re a woman of substance undermines your own power. Being a conformist when you’re in your 20s would be a sin.
When we write about dressing through the decades, we’re advocating that you embrace the individual. Take possession of your unique personal style. Because how many women can be you?”
To sum it all up? Seize the day. I can’t help it if my friends don’t reciprocate when I reach out an invitation to get together. If they deny the chance, I can at least say I’m doing my part in this friendship. See, that’s the tricky thing. Friendships are two-way streets. Don’t complain to me about how I’m going to be the one “too busy” or “too whatever” to have time to hang out or see you.
The more you put the blame on me before it’s even happened, the less I want to put in the effort.
Seize the day. Pick up the phone, and stay in contact. On both ends. Be the woman (or man) you’re meant to be.
As Mufasa would say, “Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true king. Remember who you are…”
My new boss is having dinner at my current place of employment of which I will be leaving in 2 weeks’ time.
I find this incredibly hilarious, and at the same time, I may just faint. Anything I do here could make her change her mind, and we certainly do not want that. Anybody could let something slip about me, and we most certainly do not want that. Overall, I want to reflect a good working atmosphere to further encourage my new place of employment that I am indeed a great fit for their office.
I also don’t want my current boss to try to steal me away from my soon-to-be new boss. Wouldn’t that just be awful? Even if the old job could offer me the benefits, pay grade, daytime hours and loveliness of the new job, I still don’t want to stay. I’m ready to move on. It’s been kind to me when I needed a job, and I was able to develop and hone skills new and old. But now I’m ready to step foot into a bigger arena. It’s my time to move forward.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, better screw that up while I might still have some control over it.
I really don’t know what’s on my mind at this current moment in time. Of course, the Olympics on are on mind as they will be for the next 7-8 days until the closing ceremony.
OH! I’ve drafted my 1st letter of resignation ever in my lifetime, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. It’s bittersweet thinking about the personal and working relationships I have built here in this place for the past year and a half, and soon they will be done with. It’s also bittersweet to realize that once I leave this place where I have laughed, cried, sweated, yelled, bitched, encouraged, and dare I say embraced, a majority of the people here will cease to exist in my life. Friend I have made…we won’t speak to each other anymore unless we run into the other randomly at a bar, street dance, or merely happen to be in the same grocery store at the same time.
Come to think of it, this place has seen a lot of events in my life. Let me list a few which will stick out in my mind for days to come:
– My first real off-campus job
– A rather uncomfortable break-up
– A full-on work crush for a stretch of time
– Being hit on by men at least 30 years my senior (Absolute fave moment? New Year’s Eve when I wore a black and white shift dress that hugged my hips more than usual, and being pulled aside by a member to be told, “You are looking so good tonight. If I was 25 years younger, I’d pull you into a room upstairs and have my way with you.” Sure, I’m flattered, but when you start using phrases like “have my way with you,” I start to chuckle in a “Oh dear god, get me out of here” sort of way.)
– Ordering pizza or Chinese food along with a beverage or two of my own making while watching a Star Wars marathon on July 4 when the Club is closed for the week.
– Walking across the street to watch the fireworks with hordes of people on July 4.
– Getting a call to look in the dummy elevator from someone in the kitchen to find a bowl of French Onion soup waiting for me, along with a gigantic brownie.
– Discovering a perfect piece of filet mignon untouched on someone’s cleared plate from wedding reception.
– Snatching a cupcake off the wedding cake stand when no one is watching.
– Back in the early days, gathering in the bar after every member had left to do a round of shots in celebration of surviving another day.
– Designing my first poster for an event taking place, and being complimented by a handful of members (one of which even asked me to autograph it for him, and then informed me he would hang it on his wall and hold on to it until I was making big bucks in the design industry.)
– Watching our night-time manager lose his shit and run straight into a wall while tearing off his shirt when he thought Chef threw a spider on him.
– Sneaking into rooms after banquets had finished up to see what food they hadn’t completely finished off. I always went for the smoked gouda. (Please keep in mind, I was a poor college kid a majority of my time here with this place. If there was edible food, I was after it.)
Really, I could go on and on for a few hundred more words, but I’ll stop there.
“The subject of men and women is absolutely fraught with sex, which is as it should be.”
Trust me, there has been plenty of sexual tension in multiple ways between this moment as I type and since the day I first step foot into this establishment. So, thank you for summing up a part of my experience here, Peg Bracken, she who has found humor in homemaking.
As much as I have complained about this place, it served me well when I needed an income, a place to put myself to work, and a room full of familiar faces. Not going to lie, it also pushed me to strive for a Big Girl Job, to reach for something far more substantial to what I need to do in order to feel like a more fulfilled person.
To my coworkers whom I leave in less than 2 weeks, may you reach the endeavors you seek to gain and, even though it seems daunting at times, you too will get out of there. You, too, will one day have a life outside of those indestructible walls. So, I raise my glass to you…here’s to achieving your dreams…
…And hasta la vista suckers! (See? I’m so nice. They definitely going to miss me around here 🙂 )
Well, where to being with my weekend.
It started out with the best Friday imaginable. I got the phone call I’ve been waiting for since graduating from the Academy. Oh, yes. After dozens of applications and too many hours to count of energy being poured into cover letters, I can now say it has all successfully paid off.
That’s right. In the matter of a few week’s time, I will be assuming a position behind my new desk and working in the field of communications, marketing and event planning. The best part? I’m only working the occasional night and weekend, whenever an event is going on. In a few week’s time, I’ll be working normal business hours like the majority of the world. I’ll be able to plan evenings out with people…I won’t have to fight two different schedules if I happen to get asked out on a date…When I say I’m coming home for the weekend to visit, I can actually go home on the weekend to visit!
It’s the little things that are making me the happiest individual in the world right now. Well…I wouldn’t say the happiest, but at this current moment in time, two out of the three major areas of my life are successfully working.
In case you’re unsure of what three areas of life I’m talking about, I’m referring to the Social, Professional, and Love areas of my life. My professional life is preparing for take-off. I’m assuming my first Big Girl Job (with my own desk, computer, and everything! They’re even bringing in someone to adjust my chair and computer to the heights required for me to work in a healthy work environment. Like, holy crap! I’m getting my chair adjusted as a part of my job!)
My Social life is doing pretty decently. I’ve been reconnecting with my sister in new ways, which has been really nice. Especially with her wedding looking ever closer with each passing day. But, I’ve been catching up with friends, hanging out with old ones, and just living life the way its meant to be lived.
My Love life on the other hand…well, let’s just say it’s lacking. Incredibly lacking in every way possible. I don’t know where things went wrong, or even if things are wrong. The guy I’ve been seeing for a couple of months now and I clearly on two different pages, and I’m not quite sure how it got this far separated. Since we started seeing each other again up until now, we always texted each other a little something throughout the day. Nothing lovey-dovey or mushy or anything like that. Little tidbits of information, like MMA was a huge factor in defining Bane’s fighting style in The Dark Knight Rises, or how Peter Jackson might be turning The Hobbit into a three-part saga. Things we’re both interested in, and as we send it, we know the other person is going to appreciate it.
This past weekend was the first time we didn’t communicate at all. No phone call, no texts, no nothing. Even when I went home for a 3-day weekend for the Bachelorette Party, he texted me merely to say ‘Hope you’re having a good time.’ Something like that.
“It’s not that men fear intimacy…it’s that they’re hypochondriacs of intimacy: They always think they have it when they don’t.”
Lorrie Moore, a major American novelist, makes me think the worst in my current love life situation. I don’t know what else I can do here. Any major, drastic moves I make will either scare the poor guy away or he’ll really think I’m crazy and just write me off as the nut job he’ll never associate with again.
On top of everything, we’re now on a sort of unspoken radio silence. Why? I have no clue, and all I want to do is get it all out in the open. If we’re on the same page, then fine. But if I’m under the impression this relationship is going somewhere different from he’s thinking, we both need to be aware of that.
At this point in time, I don’t want us resorting back to dropping off the planet from each other for month’s on end like we’ve done in the past.
Only time will tell, however. A part of me didn’t want to give in and text him first, merely so I could see how long it would take him to text me, if he even decided to text me at all. But I gave in about an hour ago and shot one off asking how his weekend was and if he’d want to get together this evening.
Like I said, time will tell.
Other than the three ares of my life trying to figure themselves out, it’s been a pretty freaking spectacular weekend. I was in the best mood ever while at work on Saturday (where my main other coworker quit, so who got asked to pull a double with only 8 hours notice. THIS girl, of course) because I see the light at the end of the tunnel. In three weeks time, I will be starting my new job, and hopefully will never face the possibility of working on Christmas Day ever again.
Sunday turned out to be unbelievably gorgeous, so what else is there to do but hit up the beach on one of the hottest days of the year. We hit the sand, blew up a few kiddie sized inner tubes and floating mattresses, and floated in the lake for a solid hour and a half. Finally dragged ourselves out of the water to grab refreshments and a tropical frozen fruit bar (which was remarkably delicious). Laid on our towels for a tiny bit before flipping ourselves over on the floaties to go back out on the water.
At the end of the day and looking at my tan lines in the mirror, I can happily say I am well-done 🙂
Since I missed it due to my brain exploding in happiness, here’s my overdue reasons (besides the big obvious reason) why my Friday was so Fabulous:
Fabulous Summer Outfit:
Fabulous Video: The Dark Knight Rises meets The Lion King. Winner!
Fabulous Bit of Inspiration:
Fabulous DIY Project:
Fabulous Healthy Summer Recipe:
Fabulous Olympian to Watch:
Fabulous Superhero Obsession:
Fabulous Weekend Calorie Splurge:
Fabulous Packing List:
Fabulous Under Garments:
Make sure to tune and cheer for your country as the Olympics continue to unfold! I know I’ve found myself shouting at the TV on more than one occasion in the last three days, and I’m very upset you can’t live stream simply on the internet so I can watch while I’m at work here. Oh well, if the weather continues to be cloudy, I’ll be plopped on the couch cheering for the good ol’ USA.
Tis the summer spirit. You know why I say that? On a whim, I was looking at my schedule and realized I had nothing planned for a span of three days. No projects, no work, no nothing. What else would I do on these unscheduled days, other than maybe go to the beach and get my tan on harder than before.
It would have been an acceptable use of my time. I even could have caught up on that stack of books on my night table or that stack of magazines lining my bedroom floor….
OR I could swing myself down to a town and see a handful of friends I haven’t seen in (after a small time of thinking and calculating) two years! These friends were my sanity chamber when I was in my second year at the Academy. It was a no-brainer decision.
GO SEE YOUR FRIENDS!
And wouldn’t you know it…Fate decided to lay a lucky hand in my favor, and they also had time off in conjunction with my time. So, behold! The Journalism Gals were back together again. We had dinner, drinks, lots of laughter, and even more catching up on each other’s lives. It was utterly delightful! Who am I kidding….I was freaking psyched to see these girls. All of us are so different, and yet, so very alike.
Isn’t that normally how you find friends?
So, that’s where I’ve been. Now, I’m writing to you about it. Not going to lie…I’m not too motivated to do this. But, just like working out, you have to force yourself to do it, otherwise you’re never going to see results. When I started this blog, I told myself I would do it for at least a year…if I hated it a year later, then I would quit.
Thing is, I don’t hate doing it. I just hate starting and forcing myself to do it.
“On a good day I think I’m a relatively sane person with a few frayed wires. On a bad day I think, ‘Just lock me up.'”
Oh, how truthfully you speak interview icon, Rosie O’Donnell. I’ve been called a fair amount of names in my life. Insane has been among them.
However, purely sane people never truly see what is it they’re after or how to get there. It takes an ‘outside the box’ thinker to really strive and reach for something in a new way. I guess you could say the Jedi are insane. As Han Solo would say, it just some “hokey religion.”
But, you were proven wrong, weren’t you, Han?
I’ve gotten myself in my fair share of crazy, insane situations as well. How else do you explain getting a text at 11:30 pm at night from New Guy (remember him?!), whom I haven’t seen since his lame attempt to “get back together with me” at the bar a week after he broke it off with me, all because I was talking to his best friend while waiting for the bartender to ring up my tab? Yeah, that was a ways back…and we’ve rarely spoken since then. His best friend and I have since had our encounters as well, but New Guys’ friend also never tried to keep me to himself.
It’s the dating game, boys. Once you say you’re out, I’m not waiting around. I have bigger fish to fry.
Anyways, I’m knocking back a well-deserved and specially appreciated celebratory beer with my best friend (I’ve been having a small personal crisis for a few weeks, and it was resolved yesterday, so we were celebrating the lifting of this hellish time from my shoulders), and my phone buzzes. I’m thinking its our mutual friend wanting to come join us. Lo and behold, its New Guy. He’d seen somewhere (or I had mentioned it to him, I don’t quite remember) that I was in town, and if I wanted to come hang-out and crash in his bed after my drinking was said and over with, I was to let him know.
So, here’s me, celebrating the fact a small major crisis in my life had been averted, and I’ve had little to eat and plenty of beer in my tummy. Let’s just say, the alcohol was already going to my head.
There’s a reason I don’t drink a lot of dark beer!
Anyways, I fill in my friend of what’s going on, and she starts making up conversations we’d have if I went over to “hang out.” It didn’t take a brain scientist to know he wanted me over there for one reason and one reason only: to get down and dirty.
I wasn’t having it.
So, I asked him if my friend could come with me. This sparked New Guy’s interest. Two girls + him +his apartment + his bed = a very good night for him.
Or so he thought.
A small white life, perhaps, but when he responded with such liveliness and excitement, I told him, sure, we could do that. I’ve had enough to drink…if he didn’t mind my friend being a guy (in case you didn’t follow that, the white lie was my friend being a dude.)
This small (false) fact had the desired effect. His excitement instantly dropped, and he instantly seemed less interested…unless I came over by myself. Then, “we could still have a good time.”
There was no way I was going over there in the state of my condition. Who knows what he may have tried?
Needless to say, I had a small bit of fun at his expense, but after the way he ended things with me, I’m okay with it. He deserved a small smack to his ego, anyways.
That is just one of the mere adventures I had over the past three days, and I’m sure the rest will come out in the upcoming week. But here is one thing I’m long overdue on, and it’s why my Friday was so Fabulous. I really want to share them with you, so here we go. My Fabulous Friday (even if it is majorly overdue!):
Fabulous Decor Idea:
Fabulous Treat: Find the reciple here!
And now, it’s time for me to wrap things up. I shall share more with you tomorrow. Right now, a sandwich, a Vitamin Water, and a cozy chair with a magazine are calling my name.
I’m a sucker for staying cozy at home.
For the first time in my dating history, I walked through my door, set my purse down on my bedroom floor, sat down on my bed, and just sat. I didn’t have a ridiculous grin on my face. I didn’t have butterflies ransacking my stomach. Instead, I grabbed my planner to check the time I’m scheduled to work tomorrow morning, and proceeded to my kitchen to grab a glass of water.
I’ve been really thirsty all night long for some reason. Dehydration, probably.
On top of that, I just want to pull my contacts out of my eyes and settle into the couch for a few episodes of The Office (a new season has been put on Netflix so I can catch up on another new season and get my Dwight fix.)
What is wrong with me? I should be jumping out of my skin with this one. It’s not that it was a horrible date. In fact, it was a really great date. We were out and about several beaches with his dog. I can’t tell you how much I love and miss my dog. Leaving my dog behind once again when I left home this past weekend broke a small piece of my heart, like it always does.
Since my last dog, I’m reminded that every time I leave home, I might not come home to my dog again. Rest in peace Titan. I miss you so much, buddy. Even when you chewed on my barn rubbers if I forgot to put them up on the porch railing over night. I still miss you, my sweet little puppy.
I got to be outdoors. I got to jump from rock to rock on the shore like I was a crazy woman, like I was a kid playing on the rock pile. Skipping rocks, playing fetch with his dog, and sitting with my feet dangling in the cool water while talking to my date. It was gorgeous out, and I had a cute guy sitting next to me.
Then, we kept driving up the shoreline because there were a few places he wanted to show me because I had mentioned on previous dates I had never been to these places. So, basically a mini road trip.
After that, we didn’t turn off on the road we should have to return to his place. Instead, we kept going straight and I asked him what we were doing. We were going to pick up pizza from his favorite pizza place in town.
What more could I ask for?
It continued to be a pretty wonderful afternoon while we watched Family Guy, Wipe-Out, and talked about new movies coming out we both really want to see. Savages, Brave, The Dark Knight Rises, and a whole handful of others. It really was a sweet afternoon, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Then, why when I come home from said date, do I sit down on my bed and wonder why I feel like nothing happened between us? Like, there was no spark or something? He did kiss me good night, and we have tentative plans for tomorrow evening/this weekend…so it went well. Right?
Then, why do I feel this way?
I’ve been finding myself in a funk a lot as the week has progressed. It may be a small depression after my party-throwing this past weekend. I was looking forward to the Bachelorette Party for so long, now that it’s over, I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes. My main duties as the Maid of Honor are half over. A huge part of it is throwing these two parties for the bride. Until the big Game Day, I simply help her with whatever preparations she needs help with. Then, on the wedding day itself, I sort of run the show and make sure everything behind the scenes is running smoothly so the bride and groom don’t have to worry about anything but getting their vows right.
“The last hundred years of my life have been filled with new things.”
It doesn’t take a genius to know I’m not 100 years old, or ever over 100 years of age. But, in the years I have been blessed to walk on this earth and to have lived through the experiences I have experienced, it’s a beautiful thing. Lillian Postman, a woman checking in at 108 years old, probably knows a thing or two about life that I would love to hear.
I wonder if she was married…
With dating and life eternal with that one special someone locked in my brain at this moment while watching The Office, I am reminded how freaking cute Pam and Jim are on this show. Why can’t I have a romance story like that? Why can’t I find a Big Girl Job, meet the coworker who will become my best friend and confidante, let alone the love of my life, go through a big messy ordeal, then finally have him propose to me so we’ll live happily ever after in our suburban home with our 3 kids, our Mini Cooper, our dog, and a small screened in porch where we have brunch every Saturday and Sunday morning (where he does the cooking and I have the time off away from the kitchen.)
Why can’t I have that? Perhaps I will in my future, but since I don’t know if I will ever have that. I’ll beat myself to the ground wondering.
I do. More often than I would care to admit.
I need to find myself a hobby. One that requires discipline and focus. Maybe I should take up meditating in one of the places I was introduced to this evening, and really take my study of the Jedi arts far more seriously than I have been thus far. It’s one of those things where some days it’s pretty hard-core, and others I forget to think a Jedi-ist thought.
I’m in a funk, people. I need to find my way out of this.
It’s still early in the day, and already I’m yelling a myself to focus. Why, you ask? I’ve been staring at my split ends for the last 10 minutes. If that doesn’t scream I need to focus, I don’t know what does.
It doesn’t help that I woke up this morning with a twist of anxiety ripping through my stomach like it’s never going to end. It feels like a bad shot of caffeine thrown into my coffee this morning. Instead of a single, it’s a double and I’m already feeling the consequences.
Honestly? I feel like I need to burst out of my own skin. Is this what a snake feels like when he’s molting? Just ready to shed his own skin and burst out and become something new? Not that I want to compare myself to a snake. Ugh, I hate snake. Thinking about them has made my blood pressure rise another 12 degrees.
“I pray that I may be all that [my mother] would have been had she lived in an age when women could aspire and achieve and daughters were cherished as much as sons.”
It amazes me how these quotes inspire me to think about my own life. The words of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, a Supreme Court Justice, make me wonder why certain feelings women have are considered taboo when they riddle us with stress like I am feeling now.
If a guy felt like this, his brotherhood would take him out, grab him a beer or two (or simply get him drunk) and they would talk about what he’s feeling, why he’s feeling that way, and give him advice. Women?First, we sit and talk about how stupid we are for feeling this way, then we cry, then we gorge ourselves on ice cream or chocolate or Taco Bell, and then we start to think rationally.
Okay, so not all women are like this, but I know a good share are and I relate to them for that reason.
Seriously, I’m riddled with anxiety right now, and it’s quite frankly pissing me off. I know the source of anxiety, and it’s so, so stupid. Why can’t things just work out the way they’re supposed to? On the one hand, I could be overreacting. I’ve been known to do that. Hello, I’m a theater major! Sometimes we tend to be a bit melodramatic, myself wholly included.
The one thing keeping me calm and stopping me from grabbing my phone and chucking it at the nearest wall? Josh Groban. He has this magical power with his buttery voice to put me at ease simply.
My favorite melt-down avoidance story concerning Josh Groban will always come down to a car trip I took with my boyfriend at the time. Six hours one way in a car in nerve-wracking enough. Taking the 6-hour trip back in less than 24 hours from the original 6-hour arrival trip, and you’re barking up the wrong tree. Every little thing about each other got on our nerves, and it was just that…annoying.
So, what else is there to do, but pick fights with each other. Finally, I’m to the end of my nerves and I just start crying, and telling him that if he wants to get out, he can. I’m not dealing with him anymore because of yadda-yadda-ya reasons (Like I already said, I’m a bit dramatic sometimes.) But, after about 20 minutes of silence and whatever was playing on the radio at that time, he asked if he could change the music. Clearly, I was still fuming. I said,”Sure,” and he reached for my cd binder and paged through it for a few minutes. Without telling me, he selected a CD and put it into the player.
No more than two moments later, Josh Groban’s sweet voice filled the cockpit of my car and he was all I could hear for the first 6 songs.
By song 7, I was not only feeling much calmer, but was also singing along to the words as if nothing had happened. My then-boyfriend decided to try talking to me at that point, and all was well.
The point of the story…Josh Groban is a miracle worker. I can spend hours youtubing his music, his video blog, his website, and any TV show he has appeared on in the last 5 years. I love this man. Not just because he’s rich, famous and massively talented, but he presents himself like a genuine person. Without meeting him, I know he’s an absolute sweetheart and just a goofy guy.
You need to have a great sense of humor and self-confidence if you’re brave enough to appear on the Ellen DeGeneres show wearing a full Avatar Na’vi costume (I have never laughed so hard in my life, by the way.)
He’s also an incredibly charitable man, and that’s something I greatly respect. He shops for toys for tots so kids can have a happy Christmas. He wants kids to embrace the arts and everything about them, so he teams up with different arts-based groups around the United States (and beyond, I’m sure) so the arts will not be lost in children’s lives anytime soon.
Plus, he’s a Twitter-tweeter! Thanks to following him on Twitter, I have discovered he has quite the quirky sense of humor, too, and it just makes me want to hug him.
I want to find a life-size cardboard cut-out of him so I can hug him every morning when I get up, and every night before I go to bed. He’ll also have a little button on the back of his hand or something, so when I press it, he speaks whatever I want him to say in the real Josh Groban voice. OOo, or he’ll sing to me.
Do I sound like a nut job or what? If the actual Josh Groban ever reads this, he’s going to immediately write me off. GAH!
But seriously, who doesn’t want that man to sing a song meant just for them?
As I’m struggling with a few things this morning, I do have one thing that’s an attempt at lifting my spirits, and little by little, it does seem to be working. Thank you, Josh Groban, for your beautiful music that speaks directly to my soul.
In case Josh Groban isn’t your cup of tea, here are a few other words of inspiration I hope help you make it through the week. Tomorrow is Friday! Yahoooooooo! For me, that means Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party time. For others, it’s the weekend and it means freedom! (What a screwed up week to being with, right?)
– You’re better than you think!
– Hope sets success in motion.
– Times don’t stay tough. Easier days are ahead.
– You’re more important than your to-do list.
– Things can turn out even better than you’ve dreamed.
– You shine brighter than the sun, moon and stars.
– Believe in the power of today!
Happy almost weekend! If you have never listened to the man, please YouTube Josh Groban and just listen to one of his songs. His voice is simply beautiful. I hate it when people compare him to Michael Buble. I really do. They are both great singers, but they have their own styles and sass.
Josh Groban always comes out the winner in my mind.
My personal, all-time favorite of his? In Her Eyes, and I’m posting the song below. See? I just saved you a trip to YouTube 🙂 You’re welcome!
If we were sitting in a visual setting right now, you’d see me sitting in the back of the room, head in my hands and shaking a furrowed brow at the table top. Not in disgust. In utter amazement at myself.
Okay, maybe a little disgust at my mental capacity to blank out of reality on a regular basis.
A small confession to make: I’m a little behind the times, and completely lost track of what day of the week it actually is. If you lived the schedule I have, you’d get your days messed up and confused just as easily.
So, my confession is quite simply this: I didn’t acknowledge that it was July until my supervisor walked by me at work this morning, chitchatting with me as she beelined for the bookcase behind me, and I slaved over my current project of the hour. She asked how my summer was going, and I replied with an enthusiastic, “It’s going great! So much is happening, and I’m loving the weather.”
Her reply to my statement: “I totally agree, although I feel like I slept through all of June. Where has the summer gone? It’s the 4th of July tomorrow already!”
She proceeds to walk away, and I stare at the bookcase she had been perusing mere seconds before. It’s July…July 4th in less than 24 hours…and I’m only realizing this now?
WTF?! What have I been doing for the last month of my life? I totally acknowledge that my birthday happened about a week ago, and I had been looking forward to that for some time, but what about the time that seems to have eclipsed since then? Apparently my brain decided time was going to stand still on the day immediately following my birthday.
If only I was so lucky.
So, summer is just about half over. If anything is going to throw a wrench in my day, that’s going to be it. This realization that summer is fully upon us, and what have I done with myself? It wouldn’t be fair to say I haven’t done anything. Not true. I have done a small amount of exciting adventures. Some I’ve told you about. Others are meant for only me to know until my dying day. What are they?, you ask.
I’m not about to tell you any time soon, so just stop asking already!
I do have to say I haven’t gotten out to the beach nearly enough this summer. I broke out of the gates right away when we had those ungodly nice days in May when I was fresh out of school, but I haven’t really been back since. A day here and there, but nothing substantial, and my skin color is starting to be the same shade as everyone else. Bronze, bronze and more bronze.
I need to be a part of the More Bronze category. Anybody else hear my competitive side kicking in, or am I the only one? I am who I am. What else can I say?
“The feminists took me as a role model, as a mother. It bothers me. I am not interested in being a mother. I am still a girl trying to understand myself.”
Isn’t that the understatement of the century? I barely understand myself. Hell, I have barely scratched the surface of who I am or who I’m going to be. You hear that, Louise Bourgeois, the lady credited with founding confessional art.
While July fills me with melancholy, nostalgia and grief that summer’s end is on the distant horizon, it’s also a great reminder that summer is here and it’s here to stay. Because I barely know myself, there are a few things yet to look forward to that I haven’t accomplished for this season of sunshine:
– Bonfire and Beer on the beach
– the State Fair! (I know, I know…not until August, the true ending of summer)
– Playing Frisbee on the beach
– Finding the perfect summer alcoholic beach beverage (and an inconspicuous container in which to carry it in)
– Adding a few more sundresses a la Kate Middleton to my wardrobe
– Cleaning out my closest to make room for said sundresses (saving that one for a rainy day)
– Four-wheeler ride through the hay fields back on the farm
– Watching ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ on the big screen on opening night (OMG!)
– Attend a summer street festival of sorts
– Go Camping!! (I have a new obsession I think.)
– Wake up earlier than the sun to watch it rise over the lake (coffee is definitely expected to attend)
– Find a new favorite walking path (preferably on the beach)
– Road trip down to the cities to reconnect with college friends and drink ourselves silly (aka SHENANIGANS!!)
– Jump into a pool with all my clothes on
– The One-Man Star Wars Show (still need to get my hands on tickets…and soon!)
And I’m sure there are a million other things I want to do, but this list could go on for a while, so I’ll just stop now.
My main mission tonight? Getting everything assembled for the pending Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party taking place this weekend. YES! The time has finally arrived, and I’m very calm headed about everything right now. I have quite a few phone calls to make, and I’m procrastinating on them for what reason, I’m not too sure. Because I hate talking on the phone? My vote is yes on that one.
It’s all going to go swimmingly, and I just cannot wait. It’s going to be a night they are going to remember, that’s for sure. I only hope they remember this is for my sister, and it’s her night. Everything I planned is because I knew she’d enjoy it, and if they stop being prudes for more than three seconds, I know they’ll have fun with it, too.
Everyone is allowed a night where they can be a little naughty for once in their life.
What are a few things you have planned yet for your summer?
In case the temperatures are getting too sweltering for you, make sure to grab an ice-cold beer or two. Lots of water will help, as will your own personal fan. It’s scorching temps here, so wherever you are, remember to keep hydrated if you’re working extensively outdoors (and no, I do not mean have another margarita while lounging by the pool.)
H20, people, H20!
It’s the real Aqua de Vida.
I shouldn’t be this irritated the day before my birthday, especially when the plan is to start the festivities tonight.
But what is a girl to do when suddenly all of her friends start to make excuses? A few are actually stating legit reasons, and others just make my eyebrow shoot up into an arch, begging an answer to a sarcastic, “Really?” That’s the best you can come up with? You can’t even spare 30 minutes of your time to enjoy a single martini in celebration of my birthday? Wow. Thank you for being oh-so-considerate. I appreciate your honesty (if that’s what you can even call it), but it’s one night out of the whole entire year I’m asking you to join me for a drink, and you can’t even be bothered for 30 minutes of your time?
Whatever. Haters are gonna hate. If you don’t want to be celebrating with me or you’ll be complaining about all the things you have to do in the morning, I don’t want you raining on my parade. What’s even more irritating? When I’ve been telling you for the last week this upcoming weekend that is now upon us is my birthday, and I wanted them to be there to celebrate with me in any way in which I choose? “Oh I forgot all about it.” Thanks for caring so much about your life and your problems you couldn’t even be bothered to listen to me speak to you about something sort of important to me.
I’ve always celebrated birthday’s to their fullest since I can remember, so excuse me for trying to make my one special day of the year, well, special. If you can’t be there for even 10 minutes of it, then I don’t want you there. Don’t tell me a few days ago to let you know the plan and we’ll be good to go, only to change your mind at the last-minute. Really classy, if I do say so myself.
“Nothing ages as poorly as a beautiful woman’s ego.”
The haunting words of Paulina Porizkova, a musing model. I wonder if she has experienced this first hand. Perhaps? I’ll let you know how my ego is going in about 60 years or so…
Ego is an incredibly important thing to have. If you can’t stand beside yourself and believe in your own capabilities, no one else is certainly going to. You have to be your own #1 cheerleader. It may sound a bit harsh, but really, everyone else out there wants you to fail. Maybe not your mother or father, because without them, you wouldn’t be standing here today, and if they are any sort of parents, they’ll be rooting for you no matter what. Unless you killed your own sister or something. Then, maybe not so much.
ANYWAYS, the point being, you have to believe in yourself when no else does. You have to know you are going to be the one to get you from Point A to Point B. No one else is going to believe for you. As a wise Jedi might say, “Look inside to the Force. Feel, don’t think. Use your instincts. The Force bounds through you like a wave. If you believe it to be your ally, it will serve you well.”
Or something along those lines.
Anyways, I’m looking forward to having a few martini’s in celebration of my birthday, maybe even enjoy a shrimp kabob or two. Sushi perhaps? Anything sounds good to me right now. I had my first round of corn on the cob this evening, and it has left me drooling for more. I know it’s summer when I have butter dripping off my chin from eating my corn on the cob a little too fast, or because i put a touch too much butter on it. What am I saying, there is no such thing as too much butter!
I’ll be heading out to a lake house tomorrow for my actual birthday, and there is nothing better than laying by a large body of water with warm sunshine beating down on you. Add in cake, ice cream, family, most likely grilling, and a few presents? It’s rounding out to be quite a perfect day! I bought myself a new top yesterday as an early ‘Happy Birthday’ to myself, but there are a few more things I’m eyeing up for #1 here. I know birthdays shouldn’t be all about the presents. When asked by my sister what I want/need for my birthday, I couldn’t come up with an answer, and when I told her Boba Fett headphones, she simply stared at me and said, “No, seriously, what do you want for your birthday?”
Apparently she doesn’t understand just how serious I was about my Boba Fett headphones.
Really, when it comes down to it, the things I really want/need are too expensive for any one person to spend on me for a single birthday present. An Ipod, a new laptop, a new sound system…that’s like everyone in my life pooling together their money and buying me one single present. I guess that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, either.I’ll have to let you know what I do end up receiving. The fact that I’ll get to see my parents and family tomorrow is just as good receiving an Ipod for my birthday.
Since there’s a 99% chance I will not be writing to you tomorrow (unless it’s from a new laptop, by some miracle!), I want to share with you a few new things I tried out last month. I know it’s getting towards the end of June, and I should have shared my New Day Sunday with you earlier, but when life starts running, all I can simply do is hold on for the ride and hope I walk away with only scratches and nothing worse. Here a few new things I tried in the spirit of summer time, and think you should, too.
New Day Sunday
Produce:Roasted Potatoes and Peppers fresh off the Grill
Bakery:Brownies with Ice Cream
Breakfast/Cereal:Lucky Charms Cereal Bars
Meats: Chicken, Asparagus, and Mozzarella Brauts
Dairy: Homemade Whipped Cream on Waffles
Frozen Foods:Michelina’s Shrimp Alfredo
Beverages: Root Beer Floats
Toiletries: Garnier Fructis Anti-Aging Facial Moisturizer
Household:Pledge Dusting Wipes
Pet:Go Dog Go Fetch Bucket
Snacks: Gardetto’s Low-Fat Snack Mix
Miscellaneous:Target’s Black Bathing Suit Cover-Up with Gold Leaves
Continue to have a fantastic weekend, everybody! I’ll be waking up tomorrow to enjoy a lovely mimosa in my pajamas before jumping into a car to spend my birthday afternoon right by the lake. My swimsuit is ready to go, and I’m ready to soak in the sunshine…and if the weather gods have any other weather plans in mind outside of what the Weather Man is telling me, they should clue me in right now so I’m not crabby in the morning.
Until next time, be safe out there and Happy Birthday to me!