Month: May 2012
How awesome am I? Well, let me tell you. I just finished serving an 8-course meal after a notification of 15 minutes of my assistance being needed, and I served this 8-course meal in my strappy black heels and black polka-dotted dress without spilling a thing. I also never lost my footing, I didn’t trip over the power cord leering at me the entire night, and I happened to look fabulous the entire time I was on display. (It should also be noted that I didn’t JUST finish serving. By the time any of you read this, I’ve really been done with the event for a couple of hours now, but still…my feet would argue otherwise.)
Just goes to show that whatever everyone else does around here, I can do it just as well….and I’m doing the whole time wearing my high heels. How’s that for an ego booster?
I actually didn’t mind jumping in to give a helping hand like that. It kept my mind occupied. Otherwise I’d just be staring at my phone, waiting for a text to come my way or for my phone to ring. Before you start jumping to conclusions, no I am not waiting for all this cellular phone action to come from a particular guy. I’m not that warped into liking someone to have them occupy my every thought of the day. But to say a particular someone didn’t cross my mind at various points in the day, that would be a lie as well. So, of course, every time my phone buzzed, I did think it was this somebody. The heart is a foolish thing, isn’t it?
More importantly, I’m also hoping my phone will start buzzing with potential employers wanting to meet me for an interview. I’ve been sending out cover letters, resumes, lists of references with a kiss and a crossing of my fingers. Maybe this one, I whisper in my head, maybe this one will be the one.
So far my phone has remained silent. Granted, I’m going onto a week here with one or two of them. Time to turn proactive and make the calls myself and risk being seen as pushy. Or on the more positive side of thing, as a go-getter! But really…I tend to think negatively, so it’s going to be seen as pushy. Especially when I have no idea what is or is not appropriate to say over a phone to be like, “Hey I applied at your company. I was wondering what the status of my application is….Oh, you got it. Great.” Am I allowed to ask if we can set up an interview time right then and there? You would think I’d have the answer engrained in my skull after working in a Career Services office for 4.5 years of my college lifetime.
Between fretting about companies getting back to me and wondering if “he” will ever take himself up on his own words of “We’ll talk soon.” What the hell does that even mean!? And when I asked him why he always says that, his reply? “Have I ever not followed through on it? I’ve always talked to you shortly, haven’t I?”
I had to agree…Yes, this is true.
But, alas, my girlish brain is having a fit of its own. We last went out on Friday night. It’s Wednesday night. All I have received from him since is a single text saying this week is too busy, but how about next week? I told him that should work, and asked what worked best for him. No reply.
So…ensue girlish brain wall-punching and hair pulling. (Just so you know, the little girl inside my brain is doing all of this. On the outside, I’m as cool as a cucumber.)
If he really likes me, he knows how to reach me. (HA! Easier to type and to say those words than to actually believe they ring true.) But I also said I wasn’t going to talk about any of this here, but look what I’ve done. Blabbed it all out. It’s my curse as a writer. Ho-hum. I haven’t spilled any dirty details, and I don’t plan to any time soon on this one. Deal with it.
“My mom always said, ‘Men are like linoleum floors. You lay them right, and you can walk on them for thirty years.'”
HAHAHAHAHA! I love these words from the audience attraction, Brett Butler. Could she be any more right on with this? I think not.
I hate to admit this, but other than those two main concerns on my brain, that’s the way my cookie has crumbled in the last little bit since I last spoke with all of you. We’ve made it over the midweek hump, and it couldn’t feel more great to say that. As always, I have a few words of encouragement for you to make it through the rest of the week:
– Your dreams are more powerful than your doubts.
– You’re the best kind of beautiful.
– There are so many ways to succeed!
– Take a break. You owe yourself one.
– It’s time you saw how special you are.
– Your big moment is coming.
I’m going to hold on fast to that last one. I have to believe something bigger is headed my way sooner rather than later. I just cannot bear to think I might be stuck in these dead-end jobs for a long, long period of time. I know the statistic is that new graduates on average take 6 months after graduation to find that first Big Kid job. I’m hoping to break that trend.
May the Force be with you on this glorious day 🙂
Hello, hello all and hello again! How I have missed writing to you, but every once in a while, a person needs to step back away from the things they love. They need to be reminded of why they love these aspects of life as much as they do. While some get the itch to take a photograph, I get the itch to write, so here I am again. Let’s get to business, shall we?
I hope your Memorial Day weekend was splendid, and that you took a few moments to stop in your tracks to remember those who have given the ultimate sacrifice so we can live in a country like we do, letting us have the pleasures and freedoms we enjoy in our every day lives. It doesn’t have to be a grand, expensive gesture. Just a reminder to those around you and letting those know we remember and give thanks to their service. I had a friend recently tell me he joined the National Guards because its something he wants to look back on in 30 years and say it was something he did. If he doesn’t do it now, he never will.
I admire his ability to dive right in, head first, without a second thought. I once seriously considered joining the armed forces, but due to the heavy and persistent recruitment calls, I soon became annoyed with them and told them to leave me alone. I needed time to bring this up to my parents in a serious manner (they thought I was joking each time I mentioned it to them) and the fact that the recruiter didn’t respect that only made me angry. I ended up saying no to them. It may be a lame excuse, but let me make the decision in my own matter of time. It wasn’t like there was a deadline to sign up in a weeks’ time otherwise it would be too late!
The things we look back on. It’s amazing to think how different my life may have been.
Regardless of your affiliation to the armed forces, I hope you took the time to thank them in some way, shape, or form.
I’ve come to the conclusion over the past couple of days that I do not want to be a boring person. I don’t want my days to be routine. I don’t want everyone to be able to predict what I’m going to be doing a week from today because it’s the same thing I do every week at that exact same time. I don’t want people to think that I’ll wait for them, or that I’ll always be free. I want them to consider me a busy person, and if they want to spend time with me, they need to take into consideration that I may not always be available for them to simply drop me a text the night of and expect me to be there because “I have nothing better to do.”
I came to this conclusion over the past three days because I found myself doing the same things over the course of those three days. I watched lots of Gossip Girl. I read a lot of magazines. I ate a lot of food. I bought a lot of clothes. I stared at my wall, and fell into my bed at abnormally early times for myself. I arrived and left work more often than went out to drink or meet up with friends.
I became routine. In three days’ time. I became routine. (It should probably be taken into account that the weather here was just awful all three days of the weekend, too. We couldn’t grill outside due to torrential rainfall. I couldn’t go to the beach because of torrential rainfall and heavy, thick fog. I couldn’t even enjoy my coffee out on my deck because of the torrential rainfall. Ick ick ick.)
“Silent women are seldom bores — it is the talkative ones who make one feel limp.”
I’m listening to what you’re saying, Elinor Glyn, an English eroticist of yore. I think more girls should listen to the volumes you speak. The more we do and seek and discover in the world, the more tired our minds and bodies. Therefore we don’t have the energy to constantly talk about the things we do or don’t do. Or wish we did. Or whatever combination of things you want to say or pretend you did.
So, last night, when I became so restless I was ready to pull my own skin off , I threw on my yoga pants and a t-shirt and told my sister I was going for a walk. Let’s be real. A walk didn’t cut it. I was so fed up with many little things last night, I just needed to leave them all behind. I arrived at the beach around 9:00 pm (thank god it’s still light out at that hour), put my keys in my pockets, threw a towel over my purse in my backseat, slammed the door shut and almost took out a guy just standing there with a really nice camera. I just needed to get to that beach, and for that desire, I blame the Cancer inside of me.
Even though I was wearing tennis shoes, it was incredibly satisfying to feel the wet sand sink underneath my feet. The air smelled so good, the crashing waves shut out the stupid, nagging voices inside my head. As I walked, I reminded myself to be aware of everything around me, to take in the moment. That’s when I noticed the fresh tracks of footprints lined up next to mine, the flock of tiny birds swooping around the crest of the crashing waters, the fact that some strange moving figure wearing white was standing right next to the landmark I was aiming for as my turnaround point…I took it all in and let myself simply be aware. With that awareness, I realized my legs were begging me to run.
Run I did. I haven’t run like that in months, but it felt great…and I won’t lie. It felt epic with tons of fallen logs and lake debris littering the beach from the weekend’s huge storms, the crashing waves ripping at my feet, and just running like someone was chasing me…Epic. The only thing missing was the Hunger Games soundtrack playing in my headphones (which decided to die right as I started that evenings’ walk by my apartment.)
It honestly brought me back from wherever I was. It sounds silly, ridiculous, a bit philosophical, but that’s not the point. The point is that I felt myself come back out of a crazy, mentally messed up place, and I returned to where I was physically standing. It’s something the Jedi need to be able to do, to take in all that is around them, to be present in the moment and not thinking of what may happen in the future.
Thank you, Master Qui-Gon 🙂
Returning home to a bowl of vanilla ice cream, a large glass of water and my bangs curling like mad around my forehead (humidity and I do not get along at all in the summertime. Put Humidity right in the corner with Patience), I felt a larger sense of calm about me, and actually a stronger urge to become more active in my every day life. Running, muscle toning, ab work…all of it is going to find time in my day, even if its only for 20 minutes. Better than nothing.
With that in mind, I want to share this Vogue-Spiration with you. It speaks of a seduction many of us feel, and probably don’t fully understand. I know my seduction lies in finding what will make me a member of society, a “real” adult, someone to be looked up to, a “real” woman in a “real” woman’s job…whatever the hell that means. But the seduction exists:
“All legendary heartbreakers know that nothing is more alluring than a Mona Lisa aura of mystery. That secret untold, that appointment not kept, that willful concealing of what’s most desired…
And so we were captivated by a mood of enigmatic sophistication. The cool, young thing now is an ice-cool, adult panache — conveyed via intriguing new hemlines (below the knee), silhouettes (the femme fatal mermaid), and the strong, ladylike (wraps of fox, snap-top clutches, sheer dark stockings). You know you’re thinking about someone in particular.
No “uniform dressing” for us, grazie. We plan to play dress-up as Daisy Buchanan and Myrna Loy did, going in for marabou and heading to parties in gold paillettes or candy-color bijous that Josephine Baker could have worn at the Folies-Beregere.
Ands while we’re educating ourselves in the lost art of dressing like grown-ups, let’s expand out millinery vocabulary beyond the (usually misused) “fedora,”shall we? Is your favorite chapeau-to-be a toque? A slouch hat? A pillbox? A capeline? Why not make gloves, tight leather or cat-dotted, your trademark?
The seduction isn’t in taking it all off, it’s in putting it all on.”
Until next time, my fellow Jedi.
It’s already one of those days. I’ve been up and at it since about 6:30 this morning, and I have another five hours to go before I can safely put my feet up for a rest.
But even that is wishful thinking.
I have three weeks worth of clothes sitting at the foot of my bed because I simply refuse to take the 10 minutes requires to hang everything back on its hangars or throw it in my laundry basket. I have 2 months worth of a weekly newspaper ready for my creative spirit to take hold so I can toss them appropriately. I have several posters and their frames waiting to be hung on my wall (poster frames are much needed due to the fact one or two posters kept falling down and as a result their starting to tear. I don’t want my beloved Star Wars posters torn to shreds!). I have stacks of paperwork that simply needs to be filed. It may end up being a movie, hard cider and catch-up night for me this evening.
Aww adulthood. How I love thee!
Last night was an especially late one, but for all the right reasons. Let’s just say my date went really well, and fingers crossed for the next one.
I had an interesting assessment made on my behalf by a friend the other night. We got together for coffee and it proceeded into a few beers. I honestly didn’t think we’d spend that much time together. I figured 2 hours tops to catch up on each other’s whereabouts and doings. The last time we had spoken more than five words to each other was back in December, and he was the one who cut the ties there. I tried to rekindle whatever friendship may have been there, but then he cut me out, so I stopped. I figured if we were meant to be friends, he’d come back.
Several months later, he did 🙂
So, we’re having coffee, totally nerding out over Star Wars and photography, then he asks if I wanted to grab a beer with him. I said, “Sure. Why not?” I haven’t seen this guy in three months, why not take the time to catch up and prove to him what he’s been missing?
While we were out, the conversation took an unexpected turn when he suddenly told me how much I range in the polar regions of my personality. Care to explain this? Oh sure, no problem. On one hand, there is me as the Farm-Girl-Chore-Doing-Jeans-Wearing-Boot-Kicking-Tough girl who knows how to work. Then, on the polar opposite end of the spectrum, I suddenly become the Geeked-Out-Star-Wars-Obsessive dream girl for any nerd out there. Then, on a third hand, there’s the I’m-An-Actress-Photo-Taking-Logo-Designing-Artsy gal hidden behind all of that.
If that’s not a strange combination of traits, I don’t know what is. But, it’s really awesome, he said.
How did I reply? I spread my arms to the heavens and cried out, “And that is why I will be single for the rest of my life!”
We both laughed really hard. Funny thing is, I’m pretty honest with that proclamation. But whatevs….
It took some admittance on my part, but I was really nervous to meet up with him after the last couple months of stone cold silence. What had I done to cause that sort of reaction? No, I was not being the crazy girl. We hung out a handful of times, we had a great time together each time we met up, and then suddenly, radio silence. Nothing. No explanation of any sort. Just a basic shutdown. For awhile, I honestly believed he was doing to me what I had done to him a few years back when we first met. I was dating him and my recent ex at roughly the same time. My ex and I had just started dating, and we were not 100% exclusive yet. I met this other guy, thought he was really cute, and when he asked for my number, I gave it to him. We hung out quite a bit, and we both felt the chemistry between us. But then it got to the point where I needed to make a choice: The guy who would become my Ex 1.5 years later, or the new guy who had already started to sweep me off my feet?
I chose the Ex, and proceeded to stop contact with the other guy. I’m sure that packed a powerful punch to his stomach, but like his sudden silence did to me.
Is it safe to safe we’re even now? I could have been upfront with him, but I was young, and dumb, and didn’t know any better. Like I’ve said before…Karma, she’s a bitch and she’s always watching. She strikes when it hurts the most.
“It worries me that people see pain as an alien thing. There won’t be any poetry written soon if everyone’s on an even keel.”
Spoken as if she was a Cancer herself, the words of the sensitive type, Susan Sarandon.
I pretty much dove into this topic more so in the posting directly before this one. The pain of the heart is a good thing. It means we let ourselves risk everything deep and sacred for something so much more. At least we gave it our all and tried. Emotions are an ugly and beautiful thing.
Ugly, mostly, because most people are ugly criers. Myself included.
As the weather continues to play with my heartstrings more than any man could at this point in time, what is a girl to do but either be driven back under the covers on a rainy day or be sent to the mall? All sources as of current point me in the direction of the mall. What are good deals to sniff out for the month of May? Let me tell you….
– Vacuum Cleaners
– Gifts for Mom
– Athletic Clothing and Shoes
– Linens and Towels
– Wedding Gowns
– European Vacations
– Home Maintenance Items
Don’t go too crazy all at once now. You also need to save a few dollars for the upcoming and unexpected rainy days.
Keep remembering those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for their country, too. They may no longer be with us, but they are no less forgotten. We will remember.
Someone shoot me now for singing Rebecca Black. Seriously…how a song or a girl like that became famous is beyond me. She’s not cute, she can’t carry a single note (correct that: she can sing ONLY a single note), and the tune is pain inducing rather than joy jumping fantastic.
But, it doesn’t change the fact that is it now Friday, and I am so very excited about it being this particular day of the week.
Reason #1: I have a date. Reason #2: It’s the start of a long weekend. Reason #3: This date marks the 35th anniversary of Star Wars. This was the date the movie came out originally in theaters. Reason #4: Do I need anymore reasons to love the fact that it is now Friday?
I didn’t think so!
“I was raised right, I talk about people behind their backs. It’s called manners!”
The infamous words of the self-dubbed “D-list celebrity” Kathy Griffin.
I am not one for talking behind people’s backs. If you have something to say, just say it my face. Don’t lie to me and make me find out about everything you said through a string of telephone tag. You know it’s going to sound worse coming from them, further making it more difficult for me to be nice to you the next time I’m staring at your ugly face. The uglier the lie, the uglier the face. You have no idea how ugly a liar can look.
I’ve been there. I’ve been quite the liar, as I’m sure we all have done. No one is perfect. No one except Yoda and I know he would argue with me on that. No one is perfect. But the point I’m trying to make here is that the uglier the inside of you feels, the uglier the outside features tend to look. Skin starts sagging, teeth are more yellow, breath starts to stink, your hair goes limp…I could be talking about smokers here, too, but really, what’s the difference? Smoking is ugly. Lying is ugly. Case made.
Lying is really an art of its own. Not an art I like, but if you’re good at it, it can be a powerful tool. If used correctly, lying or twisting words around in a clever way can reveal results that you are searching for. I get a very good read on people when I meet them, and often times can interpret what they really mean with their choice of words. It’s an especially good tool to use when meeting men. Are they interested solely in where they can go with you tonight (aka the bedroom) or are they genuinely into what you’re saying. Some are trickier than others, and that’s when the understanding of body language comes into play. Granted, you have to be sending clear and pure signals yourself in order for things not to be miscommunicated, be it verbally or with the body.
My stigma against men isn’t apparent at all, is it? I’m amazed that a guy has agreed to go out with me more than once, and I’ve even told him straight out I’m not going to take any compliments he gives me at face value. I know there’s more to what he’s saying. Maybe he really does think I’m pretty and wants to tell me. Or he’s trying to be very smooth, butter me up, only to try to take me home that night.
I should just stop. I’ll jinx myself. He’s been nothing but a gentleman to me so far, and I have no reason to think otherwise at this point. But…wait for it…..that could change in a matter of a day.
Curse of being a girl? Most likely. We have hyper active minds. The remnants of a broke heart? Oh, most definitely. I’m not as trusting because of my past experiences with love (or what I thought was love.) I’m a scary and frightening individual with high standards in what I want in the opposite sex in order for him to be a good match for me? A stretching of the truth, but there’s certainty to it. I may be high maintenance, but its’ because I know I deserve the best. When Mr. Right comes along, it won’t be hard for him to rise to the challenge.
Or so I hope.
Enough of this mish-mash of emotional vomiting. I’ve had my heart broken. WHo hasn’t? If you’ve never had your heart shattered into a million pieces, you weren’t daring enough, not vulnerable enough, and not putting yourself out there to be hurt. I’m not saying I want you to be hurt. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone because it sucks. It sucks so much. Heartache doesn’t just go away either. You think it does, and then BAM. It comes back full force, knocking you on your bum and slamming you against a wall. All with no warning, either. What I am saying is that you should be risking everything, including feeling the pieces of your shattered heart long after its been dropped from the heavens. If you love him/her that much, it’s a risk you’re more than willing to take. In fact, you don’t think twice. It just happens.
Other than the thought of love supreme reigning out in the world, and out there, the Future Mr. Jedi awaiting me, there are a few things making my Friday more and more Fabulous as the minutes tick past. What are they, you might be asking? Here is my Fabulous Friday:
Fabulous Beach Beverage:
Fabulous Summer Sweat:
Fabulous Make-You-Think Comparison:
Fabulous Turn to the Dark Side:
Fabulous Tribute to a Tribute:
Fabulous Form of SPF:
Fabulous Beach Bum:
Fabulous Book Shelf:
Fabulous Farm Future:
I can only hope something within my Fabulous Friday made you grin as wide as I did. It’s the start to a long and beautiful weekend, and the official start to the summer season (although I feel I’m ahead of the game already since I have two full beach days under my belt with the tan lines to prove it.)
Whatever your plans, be safe and know love is out there. Stop looking for it. It’ll find you when you’re truly ready.
May the Force be with you this glorious Memorial Day weekend!
It’s amazing how one single person can either make or break your entire day.
Thankfully for me, it made my day. All because an unexpected face appeared out of the dozens I directed this evening. All I could do was smile like an idiot, and then proceed to act like a 14-year-old girl with her first real crush on someone. Yeah, I know. How old am I? Too old to be nervously giggling behind my hand and hoping I’d “accidentally” run into them again. Gah, I don’t want to feel like this! I need to be calm, cool and collected…not acting like my hormones are about to launch my body against the nearest wall due to my inability to control them.
Or it’s the pie I just ate. Sugar rush?
I guess when there’s sexual tension, you just can’t hide it.
Here’s the thing: If I am to become the Jedi I want to be, I must master a certain skill and that’s the skill of being coy. Not revealing too much, and only revealing what I need to in order to achieve the goal I am seeking. It may seem selfish, but a girl has got to protect herself in every way possible these days. Men are constantly out looking for ways to satisfy themselves in any way possible, and most of the time, a girl is just not feeling it. So, we have to play our cards right. We need to be coy.
We also need to be coy when we’re around those we wish to see further and on a more regular occasion. Again, it’s the skill of not revealing too much too soon. They have to earn it. Plus, there’s more excitement when a hint of mystery is thrown into the mix. Add in shadowy corner, tucked away from the thriving party taking place all around you, lean in to whisper in his ear, and BINGO. You have him right where you want him when he leans over to whisper in your ear in return.
It’s not as easy as it sounds, especially when we take into consideration someone like me. I don’t do sexy. I have tried. I have failed. Miserably. Sexy and I will never get along. Sexy is over in the corner with Patience. We eyeball each other and wish we could fall into a groove together, but let’s face the facts. Sexy wears clothes I just can’t pull off, and her lips do this pouty thing that looks good on absolutely everybody else…but not me. So, we nod at each other when the party starts, but that’s as far as we usually go.
Sexy and I sometimes hold hands when I’d downed more than my fair share of alcoholic beverages, but again, let’s be honest. I don’t actually take her on. I like to think I do, but really, she’s just giving me a good run for my money and proving to everyone she will also be the sexy one, and I will always be the awkward one. There are plenty of photos to prove it.
At least Sexy and I attempt to get along. The more I drink, the less likely Patience and I can tolerate each other. It’s none too pretty.
“It’s not important to me to make other people at ease.”
Words from the late uncontrite contraito, Amy Winehouse.
Along with the mastery of being coy comes the territory of making people uneasy. In my opinion, every one should be a touch uneasy around me. But in a good way. No one should be able to read my every move ever. I shouldn’t be predictable like that. I want people to be jumpy around me because I’m wild card. I may be tame one night, but I could be an absolute fire-ball the next. Wishful thinking? Not so much. And, no, it does not depend on how much alcohol I have consumed that particular day.
Like I said in a previous post (I’m sure I have, anyways), it’s all about the spotlight. When it strikes me, I’m on. Some days, it’s tilted slightly to the left. We all have our off days. As a Jedi, I’d prefer to be on all the time. When I reach superstardom, I will have to be on at all times.
As my mother would say, one day at a time.
And one day at a time, we have reached the middle of the week! Congratulations! We will begin the downhill slide as soon as we want to. I’ll be enjoying a late cocktail hour myself…once the clock signals it is my time to depart. In case you need that extra push, here are your Midweek Smiles:
– A great future is waiting for you.
– A hug is a gift you give and get at the same time.
– This day comes with its very own reasons to smile.
– Negativity never did anybody any good.
– Part dreamer, part do-er? You’re destined to succeed.
– Hope works. Believe!
I will be the first to admit, however, sometimes I’m sick of playing coy. Sometimes I just want to grab the guy’s face and kiss him like the world is going to end tomorrow and all I can think about is how my lips feel against his. Sometimes I want to punch the girl I’m talking to in the face rather than plaster a fake smile across my lips and laugh along with her incredibly horrible jokes. But, like I said, it’s an art. There are things to be said for those who are coy. They tend to draw the most attention to themselves in the most subtle of ways.
I want eyes on me, even when I’m not trying. Again, it might be selfish, but I know I’m meant for the spotlight. When I get it, that spotlight will be used for grander purposes.
Stay dry out there, my friends. The skies have decided to pour!
Adventure. Excitement. (Danger.)… A Jedi craves not these things.
But, Master Yoda, what happens when we do? What happens when we do crave that next big something with every particle in our body? What happens when we know we’re destined to do something so much more than sit behind a desk and answer phone calls all day, or point people in the right direction of the shoe department? What happens when the things once labeled “awful” and “bad” are oh so appealing and standing before me every time I turn a corner?
What do I do? I beg of you, give me an answer. Anyone? ANYONE?
I’m at a crossroads already in my post-graduate life. Where is this next big thing, I ask you? Everyone is telling me to chill out, things will happen when they are meant to happen. This is the thing…I have no patience. Never had, and no amount og Jedi training is probably going to produce me with any sort of livable amount. Patience sees me and dodges around the nearest corner. Patience and I are not very good friends.
I think I can make it through the summer. I really do. I can live this certain life I’m currently leading for the next couple of months. But beyond that? I’m going to feel like a college burn-out if I don’t do something more with my life. When was the last time I was excited about something, and when I say excited, I mean jump-out-of-my-skin jubilant? Probably when I performed in the Bare Bones Dance Concert last fall. It was a performance, granted, and if anyone really knows me, I live to perform. Be it in regular every day life or on an actual stage, something just happens when that spotlight hits my face. My inner soul just erupts.
If you haven’t seen it happen or have experienced this yourself, you’ll have no clue what I’m talking about. Seriously. Don’t fret about it, though. Some of us are born to be performers. Others, not so much.
“Never point at anything beige and call it cool.”
The colorful commentator, Lea DeLaria, is always one to point out something incredibly honest, but at the same time, thought-provoking. Something I try to do with my writings here. Notice I said try. Whether I’m successful, well…that’s an entirely new subject and for tonight, please keep your comments in your head. Contrary to popular belief, I do have a softer side that often takes a beating. I just refuse to show it more times than not. Vulnerability. It’s key to being a good actor, but at the same time, incredibly hard to let the walls down and let yourself be open to each and every pinprick meant to come your way.
Lost in my beliefs that I will never amount to anything, I started perusing things on the good ol’ internet and started searching for sites that take on recently graduated college students. I need to go and DO, not continue to WISH to do. So, I started looking for jobs overseas. I found it slightly funny…when I started looking for jobs overseas, it also gave me sites in the United States. Granted, they were no where nearby where I currently live, but still. The advantage there? It’s an English-speaking country, so I no doubt would know the language very well.
The one that caught my eye the most? Being an Au Pair in France. I really like the sound of that. “So, what will you be doing now that you’re out of college?” “Oh, nothing too huge. Just moving to France to be an Au Pair.”
SERIOUSLY! How cool would that be? I think it would be pretty awesome. While I know it’s basically babysitting a family’s children (not exactly what I had ever thought I’d want to do with my future), but the basic requirement? Babysitting! Which I did all through my teenage years, and I have a fair number of nieces and nephews whom I watch all the time on an individual basis. I can take care of kids, and usually, they seem to have a pretty great time when I’m taking care of them. So, technically, I am qualified to do this. I’m not fluent in French, but I did take a semester of it, so I can hold a basic conversation and will learn from there.
In a nutshell, I just want to go, go, go. I don’t care to where or why. I don’t even care if its exotic. I just need to get out of this place I call home for more than a couple of days. I need to see things, and I need to scare myself. I need to screw up royally, dig myself out of a hole, have a hot steamy affair with a totally foreign stranger. Just…everything wildest dreams are made of. No regrets, no going back. No prison, either.
I don’t want someone pointing at me and calling my beige. I want to be littered with color. Basically, I want to be a Pollack painting. Spatters, swirls, viscirile…just everything raw and out there for the world to see. Nothing to hide, nothing to prove. Just living.
Since we’re on the topic of ‘just living’ and getting by with what we can, remember a few posts ago I said I was going to periodically share with you useful things you can use every day objects for? That trend continues now. Most everybody has it in their cupboards. Rice! Be it white, brown, or organic, uncooked rice has a lot of things it can be used for other than being the fluffy bed for the hefty helping of stir fry vegetables and chicken. Oh, I think I just started to drool a little bit…
Here are ten uses for uncooked rice:
1.) Add volume to limp hair!
2.) Squeeze away that stress.
3.) Soothe tight, sore muscles
4.) Entertain a kitty-cat.
5.) Clean a bud vase
6.) Brew the perfect cup of coffee (If you’re like me, this is an essential tip. Nothing gets me going in the morning like that cup of coffee.)
7.) Draft-proof doors and windows
8.) Blind bake a pie crust
9.) Protect your gardening tools from rusting
10.) Save a soaked cell phone (We’ve all been there. Whether you dropped it in the toilet or in a rain puddle getting out of your car, this is a useful tip to keep tucked away in your brain.)
That’s all for tonight, cheries. Have a fabulous night, and we’ll hash out more of the worlds issues tomorrow.
Hey there my beautiful, fellow Jedi.
Tonight’s musings are going to be short. It sounds a touch ridiculous, but I have catching up to do with my somewhat old edition of Vogue and Cosmo waiting for me on my couch, and it’s been so long since I’ve been able to lay on my couch and simply read a magazine. Or sit out on my porch tomorrow morning with a cup of java and continue reading said materials.
I enjoy the simple things in life.
As much as I enjoy letting you in on the adventures of my life, and there are quite a few from this past weekend worthy of sharing and contemplating the reasons and lessons learned from them. Some worthy of a juicy dish, but we’ll get to that when the week starts its uphill battle at dawn.
“Do all your work as though you had a thousand years to live, and as you would if you knew you must die tomorrow.”
Thank you, Mother Ann Lee, a mover and a Shaker. Pretty much sums up my attitude for tomorrow morning and the upcoming week when I don’t need to be up before 9 a.m.
Lazy, I know, but I’m really getting into the swing of summer vacation mode, especially since that’s the routine I’ve always been on for the last 18 years of my life. It’s backwards because I should be revving up my engines to get on the ball with this whole job hunting thing.
Except when the sun peeks out from these clouds, all I have on the brain is BEACH. A water sign needs their time by the water. Hence why this little Crab will be lounging on a towel near the watery depths. As long as the weather gods cooperate with me here.
PLEASE!!! I beg of you! Let me have a summer while I can.
One main thing I want to try to do once a month is instigate this new thing called “New Day Sunday.” What will New Day Sundays entail? Once a month, I want to break out of my shell a little bit more. I want to try new things. What is one thing I enjoy more than anything , probably making my enjoy it too much? I enjoy eating…I enjoy eating so much. It’s amazing I’m holding strong and fast at a size 4.
Anyways, because I enjoy the whole experience of cooking, shopping for food, and sitting down to enjoy the taste of what has been made for me, I want to explore the tastes and aromas out there I haven’t already tried. Or have wanted to try for days, weeks, or months, and have never had a real reason to. Now, I have my own small excuse to splurge for my taste buds a few times every month. Be it here, where I call home, or on one of my (hopefully) frequent travels, I want to share my foodie discoveries with you.
But…there are a few other non-food items I find tantalizing I can’t resist keeping from you, too.
So, what’s up with this New Day Sunday? Here’s what I discovered in the month of April…a bit late, I know, but better late than never I like to say!
– Produce: Fresh Avocado slices (on fresh bread, no less)
– Bakery:Hot Cinnamon Rolls from the Duluth Grill (everything made from scratch)
– Canned Goods: Peas (put them on your tossed salads!)
– Breakfast/Cereal: Shredded Mini Wheats. (A touch of sweetness, but a lot of healthy)
– Dairy: YoCrunch Oreo Yogurt
– Baby:“Trust Me I’m a Jedi” onesie
– Household: Reminder White Boards
– Misc:Target V-Neck Pocket Tees
Did you find anything here you liked, or want to try? I hope you do. I’ve enjoyed every item on this list, and will continue to do so. At least until the end of May when I’ve found my New Day Sunday finds.
I’ve had more than my fair share of that particular moment in the last 9 hours, and it’s incredibly unnerving how easily I could shoot my mouth off. Thank my sanity for staying intact or I could have been without one of my jobs this afternoon. How about that for self-control? Revelation of the day? It’s sad how more and more people are only out for themselves. It doesn’t matter how nice you are, how much extra help you give them, or how many times you’ll go out of your way to make something easier on them…the second it takes for them to stab you in the back? It happens very quickly. The hours put in towards building a strong and healthy work relationship? All gone. Washed away by the tide of selfishness and greed.
I can only hope Karma was watching and will extract sweet repayment when I am there to witness it.
“There are weird rules for girls. We get all the S&M clothes, like the high heels that make us easier to hunt.”
With this sort of injustice happening, recently seeing The Avengers, and the words of Sue Murphy (known for her laugh lines), I’ve been on a real Women-Kick-Ass high lately. Think about it…when was the last time we had a real tough-as-nails female role model to look up to? I’m not talking the Michelle Obama’s of the world (I’m not bashing her for a second. She is a lovely role model, but for a different sort of audience, if you catch my drift.)
I’m talking about the women who have to fight for everything they have. It’s all on the line, or get the heck out of here. Much like Princess Leia. She put it all on the line for the Republic, and she had to make her fair share of sacrifices. Hello? She witnessed the destruction of Alderaan. If given the chance, she would have put herself to death before the entire planet, but that wasn’t an option. A hero suffers as much as rejoices when the fight goes their way.
Most recently, one such role model I think we can all take notes from is Katniss Everdeen. That girl is a fighter. If she didn’t learn how to hunt, her family would have passed on long ago. She had to be tough in order to survive, but it didn’t make her a mean person. She’s very blunt, which means honesty, which in turn means there is less bullshit to deal with in the world. I like that. She doesn’t fight unnecessarily. She fights when she needs to, she’s always on her guard, her trust is something to be earned, not won…There are many qualities I love about her. She’s a kick ass role model. Plus, her skills with a bow? Totally earns her bonus points.
It makes me think every girl needs a specialty. Katniss has her bow, Leia has the skills of diplomacy, I have acting abilities. See? Awesome women need a specialty.
Other women I highly look up to, other than her obvious beauty? There’s usually one requirement: They have to have a killer bod. Now, before you start making judgements on me, let me explain. They need to be fit and in a condition to take on a fight at any moment. They’re warriors. As Jedi, we need to be in peak fitness as often as possible. We need to be ready to defend those in need at a seconds’ notice. We can’t stop fighting because we feel a bit winded. It’s the moments when we feel like we’re on our last breath…that’s when we need to know we can dig deep and keep fighting until the bitter end. These conditions usually mean have a kick-ass and killer bod.
No enemy too big, no enemy too strong. We take them all on.
So..these other women I adore for their ability to take on an enemy in an instant:
Guenivere– Yes, she has infidelity issues, but she lead her people to take on the enemy and helped achieve their freedom. A woman who puts her people’s fate above her own is my type of woman.
Black Widow– She’s got killer looks (and no, I’m not a huge Scar-Jo fan, but I appreciated her take on the character), and she looks out for her pals. She’s not afraid to use she God-given assets to her benefit, either. She looks like she’s got a soft shell to crack, and batting those eyelashes, she uses it to her advantage.
Mara Jade– Once she figured out that she was in love with Luke Skywalker and didn’t want to kill him anymore, she became a formidable member of the Force. Putting her together with Skywalker, they made an incredibly insightful team, and it’s a major loss the Force had to call her home.
Katniss Everdeen– For reasons already discussed. Look above or draw your own conclusions. Either way, she’s awesome.
Elizabeth Swann– I know this seems like an odd choice, but she has a trait that is often not exploited. She’s flawed, and while she knows how to work the runway like a pirate and use a sword like one, she also works to protect those she loves and fights for a cause much larger than herself. She works to right those wrongs. A commendable thing.
Sydney Bristow– The classic story of a woman who lost almost everything, and came back with a vengeance of her own using her smarts, her looks to her advantage (to be a chameleon, duh!), and never letting her priorities get tossed aside. She saw evil and she decided to destroy it.
Luminaria Unduli– I consider her to be one of the wisest Jedi to ever have lived. Despite the fact she was never on the Council, she is always so reverent and calm. A true believer in the Force, and a great teacher to each and every one of her Padawans. Plus, she always has some trickery up her sleeve. All in good fun, of course.
Without further adieu, our Fabulous Friday is inspired by the toughness of these women. I’d be careful to cross their paths on a rough night.
Fabulous Energy Smoothie: Find the recipe here!
Fabulous Childhood Room:
Fabulous Reward for a Hard Day’s Work:
Fabulous Fighter Hair-Do:
Fabulous Anytime, Anywhere Workout:
Fabulous Directing Debut:
Fabulous Street Style:
May the Force be with you.
Our parents will tell us all the same thing: You can be anything you want to be, as long as you put your full body and mind to that task.
I want this to go on record. There is actually something you cannot be, because if you are not born with the skill, you will never have it. It’s not something that can be learned. You are born with the instinct and develop this sensibility from there. What is this great magical thing that can’t be learned? Two words: Work Ethic.
It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Work ethic…like, put your nose to the grindstone and get the job done. Pretty easy, right?
Unfortunately, some people were not born with the blessed trait.
I know for a fact I grew up with a pretty great work ethic. That’s what happens when you’re raised on a dairy farm from the age of -2. Seriously, in order to get everything done, everybody has to pitch in, and if no one does their part, I will have a very angry father to deal with later on. If I don’t do my share of the work, I’ll be grounded, not allowed to go out to a friend’s bonfire on Friday night, or I’ll be sentenced to drive tractor for picking rock the entire weekend. It may not sound awful, but you’ll feel differently when you’ve been sitting behind the same tractors’ steering wheel for 8 straight hours in 30 degree weather barely plodding along at 5 miles per hour. You will want to be anywhere, absolutely anywhere, but where you are in that moment. (It doesn’t help that at this point in your life, you hate the taste of coffee, which is the only hot beverage in the thermos your mom sent along with you…you know, to keep you and your dad warm. Good intentions…but not entirely thought through.)
Eventually, as I grew up, I began to enjoy the work I was doing. I began to realize there were people out there who couldn’t do the physical actions I was performing (yes, this is an “Ah-ha!” moment for me in my lifetime). Shoveling feed, carrying full-to-the-brim 5 gallon pails of heavy and wet feed, bending constantly to put the milkers on the cows, tossing hay bales around like they’re nothing…it takes more muscle than you think.
And if you think that’s nothing, I invite you to work for a week at my parent’s farm…we’ll see how you’re feeling after 24 hours of good, hard honest labor.
Anyways, the point I’m trying to make here is that this work ethic transferred over into other areas of my life. It wasn’t just a tactic I used to avoid getting in trouble and to be able to keep my plans on the weekends with my friends.
It crossed over into my athletics. I always won the hardest worker awards. Most Hustle, Best Defensive Player, Most Improved Player, All Conference, Hardest Server, Best Attack at the Net…I’m pretty sure I won every award at least once, and I’m not saying this to brag. I’m saying this because I earned each and every one of those awards. I worked my tail off, especially when it came to tennis. Not so much with basketball, but there are so many political reasons behind that reason, I don’t want to get into it unless we’re bashing politicians.
In the end, I never thought I was good enough. I would stay and work on my serve even after practice was long over. I needed to develop a weapon against opponents I knew I would face who had tricks of their own. While I could rally with them and wait for them to screw up, I also knew I needed a quick advantage. Usually, that meant the serve needed to be good. I couldn’t master the spin just right, so I had one thing left in my arsenal and it was pure strength. The harder I could make my serve and the better I could place it, the better advantage I would have. It paid off.
The big picture here? This work ethic of mine crossed over into all areas of my life. Athletics, my studies (I was number one in my class, earned a ton of scholarships, Dean’s List 10/10 semesters, and a pretty great GPA…yeah, it definitely crossed over into my studies. Trust me, I’m no über genius…I had to work for those grades), my theatrical endeavors (No is never an option), making friends, my summer activities of training 1500 pound dairy steers to act like my puppet, and even more so lately, my love life.
So…as you can probably imagine, since this is something I’ve always been dedicated to, this work ethic I’ve spent my entire life developing (because I was born with it, remember), it annoys me to no end when other people have absolutely no work ethic whatsoever.
I’m talking Zero – Zilch – Nada.
How annoying is that when you have to pick up their slack because they are so damn lazy to do it themselves!!! It makes me want to spit like a camel in the middle of a dry desert.
“People often say to me ‘You don’t know what a wife and mother feels.’ ‘No,’ I say, ‘I don’t and I’m very glad I don’t.’ I am sick with indignation at what wives and mothers will do of the most egregious selfishness. And people call it all maternal or conjugal affection, and think it pretty to say so.”
Harsh words following so close to Mother’s Day from Florence Nightingale, who isn’t exactly the nicest nurse in the ward.
These women who are mothers and wives who do the most egregious selfishness act? They are the ones who bare the children with absolutely zero work ethic. I full-heartedly plan to not be one of those mothers. My kids will know how to work and earn what they work for. No easy riding for them, especially if I end up a multi-billionaire like I plan.
But enough about those kids. Let’s think about a few others things bound to put a smile on your face. Here are your Midweek Smiles, ladies and gentlemen:
– Give success a chance!
– One person can make a difference. You do, every day.
– Smile. It’s free!
– You are loving and lovable.
– Look forward more than you look back.
– You make so much time for others. Spend some on you.
– Expect good things. They’re on their way.
Keep working hard out there with whatever you’ve taken on, my fellow Jedi. Those who work hard will be rewarded in the end. Those who sluff off have what’s coming to them in due time.
Karma is a mean mother. She knows how to make her children work. She must be the evil sister to the Force. Most of the time, you want her on your side, but every now and then, she slaps you a good one (usually you’re expecting it, but it always catches me off guard when it happens.)
Try to keep both the Force and Karma on your side. Powerful allies, they are.
Some say ordinary people live ordinary lives. That’s only if they choose to live said ordinary life and play it safe in every bend of the road. I thought I was being pretty normal, but alas, the Force had a different plan in mind.
Woke up at a decent time this morning. I technically should have been up an hour earlier than I was, but it felt so nice to snuggle up under my covers, and I finally got my pillows to that perfect degree of comfort. If your pillow is not gelling with your head, you’re in for a night of rough sleep. I finally felt like I found that sweet spot in the morning hours as the chilly morning air blew through my window, so at least I got about an hours worth of restful sleep.
So, I finally get myself up, and I throw on my newly made Star Wars workout pants. In realty, I call them my Rogue Squadron workout pants since they bare the Rebel Squadron insignia on the left thigh. Only seems appropriate. So, I threw on my newly made Capri pants along with a sports bra and t-shirt, quickly put my bed head into a ponytail, swiped on some deodorant, slipped on my walking shoes, and out the door I went. I also threw the Pirates of the Caribbean 3 soundtrack on my mp3 player so I had a story to listen to in my head as I walked.
Got to the park, and I just started walking at a good clip. I think I walked a total of 4 miles, which is pretty good and my calf muscles were feeling it by the end. I walked all along the lake, crossed the bridge, and decided I wanted to walk along the shoreline. Slipped off my shoes, through them in my bag and I made tracks in the sand. I switched up walking in the surf and in the harder packed sand right next to the surf. The water felt good at times, but turned my toes to mini icicles at other points, so it was a love-hate relationship. I found a spot on a log a little ways away from the wharf and just took in the lake. I didn’t realize how windy it was until I turned my face in the direction that I had come from. Yeah…I was greeted with a face full of sand. Good thing I had my sunglasses on.
Eventually, I looked at my phone and decided I better start the trek back or I wasn’t going to be home in time to eat and shower before heading in to work. Made my way back the same way I came. When I neared the wharf and where I needed to climb back up to reach the bridge, a large announcement came over the aerial bridges speakers. I figured they were warning people to get off the bridge because a ship was coming through, and I thought nothing of it. In fact, since iI thought a ship was passing through, I decided that was a good time to roll up my pant legs and wade into the water as far as I could, and see how long I could stand in the frigid water.
It didn’t last too long. Not even ten seconds. So, I stepped out of the water, climbed up the wharf wall, and started wiping my sandy feet off on the patch of grass right next to the wall. I even seated myself to put my shoes on.
Next thing I know, a woman on the bridge if wildly waving her arms in my direction. I could see her mouth moving, but couldn’t hear a word she was saying. I had my headphones in still! So, I pulled an ear bud out and shouted “What?!” to the woman.
“You might not want to sit there. There’s a black bear running around on the pier!”
Oh my God…what? Did I really hear her correctly? A black bear?
I quickly shouted a “Thank you!” in her direction, grabbed my shoes, and got my ass off the grassy patch. I took the time to put my shoes on once I reached the sidewalk, and then walked my way on to the bridge. I had since taken my earphones out at this point.
The woman wasn’t joking. Once I walked up the bridge and stood next to her, I looked to where she was pointing. Sure enough, a black bear was running back and forth across the pier. Now, how the hell this black bear got to be in this location? I have no freaking clue. I stood there with my mouth slightly gaping open (I hadn’t totally believed her when she shouted it at me the first time), and thanked her again for the warning. And, really, I should have been hugging her.
No more than five minutes later, after I’d joined the slightly growing crowd loaded with cameras on the bridge, the black bear ran right for the grassy spot where I had been sitting mere minutes beforehand. If I had still had my earphones in at that point, I wouldn’t have had a clue there was a black bear headed right for me until it was licking my ear. Someone from the Coast Guard shortly appeared after that since the bear’s chances of running up onto the bridge were pretty high. He started banging a stick against the concrete walls to make noise and scare it off. But, where did the bear run? Right down the beach, where I had been wading in the water not too long ago.
I stood there stunned. I had a run in with a goddamned black bear. A black bear! What are the freaking chances of that happening here, where I live, on a beach of all places?
“Young women especially having something invested in being nice people, and its only when you have children that you realize you’re not a nice person at all, but generally a selfish bully.”
The words of Fay Weldon, well-known for writing The Life and Loves of a She-Devil.
Not sure why I posted this quote when my whole story here is about an unexpected run-in with a black bear, but there were lots of people immediately afterwards that wanted to know what the hell was going on. Why were people gathering with their cameras and snapping pictures? Of course, I answered all of their questions to the best of my abilities. Should I have? No! I should have told them to get the hell out of the area for a few hours and let the police and rangers do their jobs. There was a black bear running rampant on beaches where unknowing people were getting their tan on. Soon, their tanning time would be disrupted by a rampaging bear.
That bear was looking for something, too. This was no simply lost bear. The way it paced and climbed on things on that pier….it was eerie how close I came to a face-to-face encounter with it.
Anyways, that was my adult adventure for the day. All in the name of exercise, too! I’m just trying to be healthy here. But along with these early, summery days that have pushed me towards the sandy shores of the beaches here, there are a few other things that have made May wonderful and will continue to do so. I mean, we’re only halfway through the month anyhow!
– Memories of Friends New and Old
My almost direct run-in just goes to show you always have to be on your toes and in tuning in to the Force around you.
You never know where or when the day is going to take you.