But, Seriously

Let the World Hear You Laugh

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Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but my dear it’s so delightful…

Brrrr baby!

But, really, when you wake up in the morning to find your car covered in snow and then your engine won’t start because your battery is totally and completely dead. Do you know how much I hate Mondays? To the point where I want to work so much overtime that I want to take every single Monday off for the rest of my life…that way, when Monday rears its ugly ass head, I can burrow myself right back under my covers and do my best to not get in Mondays way.

Please Monday, go away.

Ugh, so that’s another $140 down the drain. It was bound to happen, I know. But UGH! That money should have gone towards Christmas presents or something. Then, I’m so worried about getting my car fixed and running so I’m not relying on anybody to get my car up and going in the morning, I didn’t get myself to the gym like I should have. Bah, I’m a terrible person and I’m treating my body like crap.

Well, something this good can’t be all that bad, can it?

New goal? Looking totally svelte by the holiday season despite all the raging calories that no doubt will be screaming my name. Cheesy vegetable hot dish….mashed potatoes and stuffing…pumpkin pie…endless glasses of champagne…at least a dozen different Christmas cookies to taste and savor.

I totally had, like, five servings 🙂

I’m drooling just thinking about it, and it’s only 1.5 weeks away! I know everybody says Thanksgiving isn’t a real holiday, but I call that a load of crap. A holiday should be spent with family and cherishing those you love. That’s exactly what I do. I love spending every single moment with my crazy, out their minds, family…but I’m exactly that. Out of my mind and crazy.

Do you ever think of yourself as bipolar?

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Your face tells a story — and it shouldn’t be a story about your drive to the doctor’s office.”

Lovely, lovely words from Julia Roberts, quite a beautiful woman without Botox.

She lets it all out all the time, and I love her for it!

It’s one main reason why I love everything about my family. They make me laugh and giggle all the time, and because of that, there is a certainty that I’m going to have laugh lines. I want laugh lines. Laugh lines show a life lived. I think Meryl Streep said that.

Utterly amazing at all times.

Laughing is one of my all-time favorite workouts. I especially love it when I laugh so hard that I cry, can’t breathe, and I try to explain why I’m laughing so hard but all that comes out are harder puffs of giggles and more breathlessness.

Except I wheeze each and every word out of my throat.

That’s probably a good indication that I’m crazy. Anyways, this is going to be one heck of a short one. It’s blowing a hard, cold wind outside and I just don’t like it. The hot chocolate in the kitchen is calling my name (and so might be the bottle of Bailey’s). I have a new TV set-up happening in my room, so I may have to cuddle up under my blankets with the tried-and-true classic Titanic, and possibly shed a tear or two over how utterly miserable my love life is.

In my Top 10 fave movie moments of all time

Yes, I’m still mooning about my love life. Once a hopeless romantic, always a hopeless romantic. It’s really hard to shut down that part of you once it’s festered for 20+ years of your life.

Be who you are, and make the world laugh along in your joy.

Cuz, baby, you were born this way.

I like to think my mission in life is to bring a light into others lives. By making them laugh, or telling them a funny story, or simply being there when they a break from their misery. I like making people laugh. Maybe that’s why I’m such a goofball.

But I’m a cute one!

It would explain a lot.

Come Together. Right Now.

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I woke up this morning feeling renewed and rejuvenated. It might because I have a psuedo-date this afternoon after work and I’m excited to doll myself up for that. It could the feeling of being a total bad-ass as I skipped my workout class this morning. (After watching election coverage until late into the night, I was not about to get up before the crack of dawn to get my butt whooped into shape. Plus, my calves are almost capable of walking without pain! Very good news indeed!)

Refreshed like a new dream.

I’ll get myself back into the work-out mode this weekend, but right now, I’m reveling in the fact that my vote counted. All three candidates and both amendments I was rooting for…all of them passed the way I voted. This is so incredibly exciting, and once again, I have played a part in history. It’s a pretty cool feeling, knowing I helped shape the future.

VICTORY!

Not going to lie, I would have loved to be a fly on the wall in either Romney’s or Obama’s private quarters as the numbers started to reveal their final outcome last night. Romney’s done politically. His wife was adamant. How would you feel about that? Spend your entire life in one arena, and after one (majorly) failed election, just hang it all up like that. I would be utterly depressed. I know it.

My cuticles would be destroyed by the end of the night.

I’m sure he’ll be just fine. Like any politician, he’s got money to fall back on. How else did he get into the race to begin with? Of course, with a new day, there are new hopes and other hiccups one might not have seen the previous day. Like how close the election really was. While Obama may have won by some 2 million votes, it’s not an overwhelming margin. Half of this country still wants to see new leadership. While democracy spoke last night, it’s a wake-up call to the future president who will take over the position of POTUS in 2016.

Are they even, or is there more Red? I don’t know…Let’s not get technical here.

“In an autocracy, one person has his way; in an aristocracy a few people have their way; in a democracy, no one has his way.”

I don’t know if I can agree with Celia Green, a plain-speaking philosopher. America spoke last night, and while I still feel there is a lot of unrest and major changes need to happen (otherwise it would have been a landslide election, and not as close as it was for half the night.), a majority of the country got its way last night. Hello! We voted for him. If we didn’t like him, we wouldn’t have filled in our little circles on the ballot next to Obama/Biden.

I’m sure you’ve gotten your way, honey.

The big thing now? Congress and POTUS must work together. Must, must, must! Our country is not in the green zone yet, and arguing based on the ideal of different political standings is not helping the majority of the American people. It’s wasting our time, our tax dollars, and not really helping anyone along. Seriously…you’re all grown ups with life experiences. Figure it out!

Playing dress up and using fancy words, but really acting like 5-year-olds.

I’m going to remain hopeful that the light bulb will go off above all their skulls, and we’ll make progress in these upcoming 4 years. We were once a prosperous country. We still are, in every respect of the word prosperous. Millions of people still die trying to make their way over here every single year. That’s something we Americans need to remember. People die to try to live here.

Land of the free, home of the Brave.

I could go into a whole new litany of immigrants and how I feel about those laws, but I’ve made a point to try to avoid political standings here. I do state my opinions, and I back them up the best I can. Sometimes, I rant for the sake of ranting. But as a Jedi, I have one main goal, and that is to uphold peace and justice in the universe, to help those who cannot help themselves.

Listen well, my young Padawan learners.

It’s not an easy path, and I don’t believe I ever said it was. I screw up, and screw up big-time every so often. Taking on the position of President of the United States, or of any country, is a gigantic undertaking. I’m not sure I could do it without falling flat on  my face once or a hundred times.

Down for the count.

A solid reason behind why I would want to be Vice President. Still in the limelight, still holding a ton of power, but the world spotlight isn’t on me 24/7. I have a touch more privacy than POTUS. Although I would love to claim the title of 1st Female President of the US. Any strong female would feel the same, I think.

Geena Davis is the perfect First Lady of the United States of America.

Ah, too much political talk for one day. I’m not even sure I managed to get anywhere in the past 600 words…but with the wedding over, I have lots of time on my hands. If there is one major thing this election highlighted in my own personal life, it’s that I do not keep up with current events the way I once did. So, about 20 minutes ago, I looked up the going rate for a USA Today subscription. Not only would I be supporting the journalism field (which is very close to my heart!), but I’d be keeping myself up to date on a daily basis.

Covers every topic a person would want to know every single day.

Now, it might not be the most hard-hitting when it comes to facts, but it would put the big issues on my radar, and that’s what I need. I’ll form my own opinions or research a topic on my own time, but I need a starting point. A newspaper subscription with a bigger world-view than my current city of choice is a definite start.

Look at how high I can jump!

Look at me! I’m slowly, but surely, turning into a grown-up.

(Be sure to check in within the next 3 hours where I’m sure to have a 2-year-old meltdown. I know me. It’s bound to happen 🙂 )

Oh yeah….it’s happening…

The Wedding Crunch Begins!

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I must apologize.

…I did it again.

I have not been up-to-date on anything. As you have probably noticed, I haven’t written in a while and I haven’t written consistently when I manage to sit down with a keyboard and get things out on the screen. You probably don’t care as much, but I care a whole lot. I’ve recently let it sink in that I’m a perfectionist. I’m ony of those people who ahs to be “on” all the time. Mediocre is not something I associate myself with. It’s always top-notch quality or go home. I never do anything poorly, and if I feel like I am, I revamp my thinking.

Splash it around, make a mess, and get back to it.

It’s what we creative types do.

It’s been a little more difficult as of late. Things on the professional front have been very, very busy. My personal life? Well, what exists of it has been exciting, but it’s not much. Do not think I’m kidding when I say nothing exciting is happening. Romantically? Eh. Nothing worth noting. Professionally? Up to  my nose in projects and frustrations, but I’m really loving every minute of it. Personally? My head is about ready to implode on itself, and my heart is taking all that it can without ripping apart by its heartstrings (no pun intended.)

i literally feel like I’ve been left behind at the dining table a hundred and one times this past month.

The universe is either playing a very cruel joke on me, or it’s trying to give me a blatant nudge in a certain direction. My heart literally cannot take anymore of this torment, and my head needs to stop thinking about the ‘what ifs’ of life. Have you ever played the game of ‘If this moment in my life had been different, how might my entire future have changed?’ Yeah, it’s not so much fun playing at 2 in the morning when you have to be up at 5. I like my sleep, especially after 2 weeks of 2-a-day workouts. (To occupy my mind with physical anguish. That is what I’m doing with myself. Ugh.)

Take it like a woman (except I’m red and puffy while attempting to do push-ups.)

I will say it’s nice to feel a nice soreness throughout my biceps these past couple of days, despite all the grumblings. I like looking down at my arms and seeing a small bulge of muscle. It especially makes me feel good when my sister walks into the bathroom while I’m brushing my teeth, she sees my flexed arm and exclaims, “Holy God what have you  been doing?”

“I’m a secretary. On a good day, I type ninety-five words a minute. On a bad day, I show up drunk in my pajamas.”

The punchline pro, Mary Beth Cowan, ties up all of my feelings in one short, sweet sentence. Of the past 2 weeks of my life, anyways. I literally cannot keep anything straight.

So this looks like a good day for you.

I wish my excuse was I’m showing up to work drunk. Why? It’s be an easier explanation as to why I’m locking myself out of my office on a daily basis, why I’m found just staring off into oblivion when I should be posting things to my company’s blog, or why I break down crying in the middle of Target because of a couple holding hands too adorably passed by me in the Star Wars toy aisle. (You think I’m kidding. HA! I wish I was. Really, I do.)

I can barely look at this picture right now, it hurts that much.

Emotions are an ugly, ugly thing and there are many days where I want to flip a switch and it would turn off. For good. Done. Over with. Done-zo! Alas, it will not be so. Good thing I’ve discovered tea, and in heavy doses (possibly mixed with a little bit of antihistamine…so I get drowsy and fall to sleep a little faster than usual.) Sleep is a precious thing.

Oh, I could go for a white raspberry brew right now.

On top of my mental and emotional anguish these days, I’m over my head in wedding day preparations. OH MY GOD THE WEDDING IS NEXT WEEK. There, I said it. It’s out there, and I can freak out about it some more tomorrow. seriously, though. Holy Shit the wedding is next weekend. Amazing how fast 10 months flies by, and I’m not even the bride of this wedding! I’m the Maid of Honor…a very important job, to be sure, but still. How my sister is keeping it all together so calmly is beyond me. I guess I shouldn’t talk though. Every time I’m asked how my projects are coming along, I simply smile and say, “They’ll get done. No worries.”

Soon, we’ll be giggling the morning of the big day. UNREAL!

Or I kick her out of my room and yell at the bride to stop micromanaging me. I may have been a more than a little irritable that day.

Take all my evil feelings, emotional anguish and distress, and this is what you get when you mix them all together.

Anyways, good thing I’ve taken a lot of Jedi lessons to heart. not just when it comes to physical road blocks, like working out and I feel like my legs are about to give out if I do one more lunge. Seriously, if you want a good motivation, just keep repeating to yourself, “Jedi Never Quit”, and you’ll be running that extra mile in no time. I’m serious. Try it if you don’t believe me. But the Jedi mentality has also allowed me to take a deep breath when things don’t always go as planned (like with this video…KNOCK ON WOOD before something terrible happens.) I’m going to get everything accomplished and with time to spare. I swear by it. I may only get to be Maid of Honor once in my lifetime, and I’m going to do it right.

I totally deserve these!

That is my Jedi oath…at least for the next 2 weeks 🙂

My real oath until the day I die.

Dating for Dummies

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Dating. I’ve never had such a nasty taste in my mouth after saying a word.

Such a nasty, gargling foam in the back of my throat. Ack…

Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to be in a committed relationship. I’d love to have someone to cuddle and call whenever I was feeling blue. I would more than certainly love to have someone to say “I love you” to at the end of every phone conversation. But the road I need to take in order to get there? Yeah, I may need a breath mint right about now since this taste in my mouth is getting worse.

According to an article on Thought Catalog, Tom Hanson tops the list of most perfect fictional boyfriends. I heartily agree!

Maybe I’m at a point in my life where I’m content and need to focus on me. Or, like many other women, I’m sure, it’s scary to think about dating. But, wait…what about those dates I went on with New Guy, and a few other chosen males in the past year or so since my ugly break-up? What about New Guy’s Best Friend who keeps things interesting with he occasional text here and there? About the gushing cries of “omg I really like this guy, oh man I can’t wait to go out again?”

Yeah, I think I was still in a phase of the break-up. They were all very nice guys, the ones I went out with (until they pulled a very douche bag move and made me change my perspective on the male race entirely yet again.)

I might have to draw a line somewhere.

There are nice guys out there. I know this. Everyone knows this. They’re not just going to pop out of the ground like gophers and say, “I’m a nice guy! Date me!” No, I’d certainly be in a fantasy world if that were the case. I think I’m tired of looking for them. Come on, what sounds better? Sitting on the couch, watching the TV show YOU want to watch, eating an entire bowl of extra buttery popcorn without having to share (and no one poking your waist, giving you a hint to watch the caloric intake), and the fact you look like crap with your hair up in a loose ponytail and a large, polka-dotted headband holding the loose hairs out of your eyes? No one cares! Your roommate might say something, but hey, it’s your roommate, and we’re friends. Tell her to go eat another Ding-Dong and get back to your show.

Ah, go shove it up your arse!

Then there’s the primping and the prepping for who knows what kind of night. Will you go to a nice restaurant? Will he pull a 180 and take you for a walk instead? Is it just a coffee date? If it’s dinner, what do you order? Not  a salad, because let’s face it, we all know I like to eat. But not a steak or a burger…too messy. Hair up? Down? Jewelry…too much could be a bad sign, but not enough could show you might not care at all. Plus, you have to shave your legs, tweeze the eyebrows, gloss the lips, and make the eyeliner perfect. Perfume can’t be too heavy, but it shouldn’t be too light so he literally puts his nose into the crook of your neck to try to catch a whiff of something other than B.O. and sweat.

Guys, you have no idea what we go through!

Attractive, isn’t it?

“Dinner is a waste on a first date, because you don’t want the guy to se how much you can really eat. He’ll find out soon enough I can put my entire head in a Haagen-Dazs tub.”

I love your words of wisdom Maryellen Hooper, a professional leg puller. Seriously, what is considered the “right” thing to eat when out on a first date? It’s a question I don’t think any one person can truly answer with definite confidence. Maybe Cosmopolitan magazine, but sometimes I wonder if they test their own advice. Buffalo chicken wings on a first date? Um, no thank you.

On top of everything, she’s a gorgeous goofball.

The date isn’t over yet, meaning the panic should only be setting in. You’ve made it through dinner, he’s walking you to your door (or maybe you’re still sitting his car!) He reaches a hand over, places it on your knee. You turn to say good night face-to-face. Omg, is this the part where he kisses you good night? What if none of this stuff happens and there is no kiss good night at all? Multiple reasons could be true, but if you had a good time and he’s cute, you’re not going to think logically at this point in time. Instead, you will be calm, cool, and collected on the outside (like any great woman would be), but on the inside, you are screaming, crying, smashing your purse against the door the minute it shuts behind him….Lots of crazy action no one should ever be privy to.

Never ask to see a girl’s closet unless you already live with her.

Dating is a lot of panic, a lot of heartache, and a lot of waiting. It’s so much easier when you’ve known the person, and suddenly, it’s not dating. You’ve just become the couple you’ve always felt like you were. There’s no more questioning, and it gets to be fun saying, “I have a date tonight!”

I miss getting to wear outfits like this, and caring so much about a single outfit.

I haven’t had a night like that for some time. Know what? I’m okay with that. I need to figure me out in so many ways yet. If Mr. Wonderful should pass me on the street and ask me out, I won’t decline the offer. You never know, he might be my Special Someone. He could be the next on the long list of guys I’ve been out on a date with. You just never know.

Wish he was a part of my dating history…

The Force likes to keep us guessing…or it likes to remind us that relationships aren’t exactly the Jedi Way. But if I can successfully hold a steady relationship with Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, I can certainly keep a steady relationship with the right guy.

Hello, my two fave Dairy men in the world.

In the meantime, I’m enjoying the start of fall and the month of September, and here are my fave things about this month:

– Textbooks

I do miss finding that rare textbook I actually liked reading.

– Campus

Walking across the campus of your college is a feeling one doesn’t forget anytime soon.

– Cafeteria

Any place that gives out food is okay in my book.

– Teachers

I still might want to be one…

– Dormitories

Living in the dorms is an experience I will never forget…but I wouldn’t live in those little rooms again if I had to.

– Autumn Leaves

Absolutely breathtaking!

– Football

I can’t lie…I love watching muscular men pound each other to the ground over a tiny pigskin ball.

It’s hard to believe this month is practically over already. That’s what happens when you’re having fun…and pinpointing all the possible ways why I am still a single woman in this day and age.

Far too many reasons…I just need to stop my brain from thinking.

HA! I know the real reason. Men are scared of me, plain and simple. I know I’m a lot to handle, but you know what? If there’s a guy out there who can handle me without thinking he can tame me, we’ll get along just fine. I just have to wait for him and I to cross paths.

Where’s the Jack in my life? Is he coming? Will he draw me?

In the meantime, this Jedi is going to keep being real…and that means eating what I want in whatever quantities I want.

Salmon sounds good for dinner, doesn’t it?

Or maybe even a nice pair of rabbits with potatoes, eh Sam?

What Not To Do When You’re at the Gym

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Heading to the gym, I have one thing on my mind and one thing only: I’m going to work up a sweat and no one better get in my way.

And yes, I’m trying to look fabulous all at the same time.

What did everyone else at the gym decide to do today? Piss me off.

Seeing a line of runners already taking up the first four treadmills, I keep walking to the opposite end of the treadmill line to take one where I can run on my own, or at least give my mind the illusion that I was running on my own. There were at least 3 treadmills between me and the next guy, and in wanders Miss Ditz-A-Fritz. Where does she head? For the treadmill to my left.

I like my space…so move!

Now, this is going to sound neurotic, but if you’re going to be stupid and choose a treadmill by me when I am obviously making a point to not run  next to another human being, go on my right side and not my left. My left eye is my dominant eye. I have a better peripheral sight range on my left side, and the stupid little girl takes a spot on the treadmill directly on my left.

Not a big enough bitch to stand there, glare and tell her to move to another machine, I took it in stride. As much as I tried to ignore her, it threw off my entire stride for the next 20 minutes. On top of everything else, it was unusually hot in that workout room and the air was incredibly dry. Within five minutes, I was breathing harder than the day I just took up running again without a glance back over my shoulder.

It’s been a hard day’s night, and I’ve been working like a dog — Those lyrics have never been more true.

To my further irritation, Ms. Ditz-A-Fritz only ran for, like, 6 minutes. What the hell is the point of being on a treadmill when you’re barely doing anything? I don’t even think she actually started running.

You’re clearly going to fast at that walking pace!

Finally, she left and I was able to find my stride, but I was still having trouble breathing, so I let myself slow down to a fast walk…and that’s when idiot Number 2 walked in.

I just slowed down to my fast walk when this tall, lanky kid in a fluorescent yellow cut-off gets on the treadmill on my right (at least he figured that much out on his own.) If the shirt color wasn’t annoying enough, but the heavy wave of cologne that overtook me within the first few seconds of his starting to run was enough to knock me off my feet.

As if I wasn’t having enough trouble breathing the way it was, but Mr. Giorgio Armani was about to make me vomit all over both our treadmills.

“No man knows his true character until he had run out of gas, purchased something on the installment plan, and raised an adolescent.”

According to our phrase turner, Marcelene Cox, Mr. Bright Shirt has quote a way to go. If you don’t understand the “3 spritzes is more than enough” cologne rule at your age, how are you going to teach your own teenage son? Answer: You aren’t having offspring pop out of any females lower body parts until you are at least 40 years of age.

She looks like she’s got an edge to her.

To further prove how much of an idiot he was, he only ran for like 5 minutes, much like Ms. Ditz. What was everyone’s deal? Running for 5 minutes is not going to save you from years of heart disease.

Later when I went to work on my arms and abs, there was Mr. Bright Shirt and his just as dull friend. Again, they did maybe two lifts of each weight, then went on each machine for about 2 seconds, and then quite loudly, they start talking about how they should try out the facilities hot tub. To add to their stupidity, they kept glancing over at me as they talked about it.

Man, I wish I had one of these in my backyard.

Smooth, boys. Real smooth. Along with your stench of nasty-ass cologne, any possible sweat you might have produced, and now trying to “convince” me to head to the hot tub, too. Please tell me you’re kidding.

Seriously. Be kidding.

To further add to everything, when I didn’t follow them, they came back to the area I was still working out in. Just back and forth, back and forth. For no reason, as far as I could see, either. Each time they came back, I smelled them before they turned the corner.

Just what I needed to finish out my workout in style.

On top of this wonderful gym experience, it was a rather unpleasant day at work and, in case you’re experiencing the way midweek hump that I am, here are a few words to life your spirits:

– Mistakes don’t make you any less special.

– You are needed.

You cannot escape your destiny.

– There’s no better investment than yourself.

So, you want the eat? Eat!

– Dream it. Plan it. Live it.

Fifteen years ago, do you think Kate thought she’d be standing at that podium?

– Today could be your best one yet.

Best Day EVER!!!!!!!!

– Beautiful is part of who you are.

Let it shine out in everything you do!

– Why make the world wait? You’re ready to shine now!

The world is ready for the Girl on Fire

If my gym experience wasn’t just a peach of a time after everything I have just recounted, it was pouring rain when I walked out. What else was I to do but walk to my car in the pouring rain?

Gotta love the Fall season in this city.

I may need to buy myself those Golden Apple Orchard votive candles after all.

The smell exactly like great apple cider. So yummy.

If My Brain Wasn’t Encased in my Skull Already…

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To sum it all up, it’s been a rough week, and only to about to get a lot harder.

I’m having another minor surgery in less than 3 hours. More tissue samples need to be taken, and since this is the second time I’m going through this same procedure, they’re going a little deeper than before. To really see what’s going on with my body and the evil little strands that want to tear it apart.

I will not let you win, evil demons!

Let’s just say I am not looking forward to my afternoon.

On top of that, I’ve been really flighty-minded, and have totally spaced on every important date I’ve needed to remember for the past couple weeks. So, of course, I forgot to ask for time off when my part-time “fun” job posted this week’s schedule, and I was out-of-town the whole previous weekend, leaving me absolutely no time to find someone to switch shifts with me.

Would either of you like to switch with me?

So…I’m getting cut into and then have to stand on my feet for about 4 hours after that. I’m in for such a good sleep tonight. Any type of painkiller I can find, I’m going to be knocking it down the hatch, that’s for dang sure.

“My whole life has been absurd.”

The words of Holocaust survivor and post-minimalist sculptor, Eva Hesse. I’d have to agree with her. My life has been one bump, turn, and 180 flip since the beginning of time, and it’s going to stay that way. I just know it. I like to look at it as a curse and a blessing all wrapped into one big hug from the universe.

Doing her thing with the minimalism.

But I don’t want to think about the curses, I want to think about the good things. Like how I spent this past weekend cuddling the cutest toddlers anyone could ask for. Or how I was able to spend time with my brother and sisters, my mom and dad, and laugh and giggle like we used to when we all lived under the same roof. How I cried as I told them what might be happening with me, and how they all told me they were behind me no matter what happened.

You’re friends are with you Aragorn.

Just thinking about it right now, I have tears threatening my eyes. I love my family, and God help anyone who tries to hurt them while I’m still living and breathing. A bit dramatic, maybe. But the meaning behind the words still stands the same whether I’m smiling as I say it or not.

A little behind the times (when am I not?) but here are the things that made my past week oh-so-fabulous, and I promise the next few times I come to share with you, you’ll find me in a much happier, more upbeat tone. That…I can promise. I don’t like feeling like a big bunch of yuck the moment I wake up. I just don’t. So…happier times ahead.

Here are my Fabulous Fridays:

Fabulous Proclamation:

Fabulous Fairy Tale Photograph:

Magical.

Fabulous Feeling:

Finding that perfect Fall-colored path and feeling a warm sweatshirt against your skin as you walk.

Fabulous Boots:

Katniss’s boots are still hands-down the best I have seen.

Fabulous Giggle:

Fabulous Theme:

There’s just something about the Roaring 20s.

Fabulous New Bag:

Sturdy and durable.

Fabulous Accessories:

What gal wouldn’t love those boots 😉

Fabulous Laugh:

Next summer on the beach…

Fabulous Tumbler:

Make every beverage a little more epic

Fabulous Fall Look:

Seriously…how pretty are these?

Fabulous Idea:

How cute are these for getting ready the morning of the wedding?

Fabulous DIY:

Made out of a hula-hoop, draping cloth over, and a hook on the top to keep it standing up straight. How darling!

Fabulous Laugh Take 2:

I LOVE her.

I hope you all had a great weekend, and send the Force my way. I could use a little extra help in the next couple of hours, if you can spare the time to send a good thought my way.

We’re all busy people.

Guess what? So am I?

May the Force be with you.

Let the Walls Down

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I literally just typed three different starting sentences to this posting, and deleted them all. Flat out. Finger finds the ‘Delete’ button and holds on for dear life.

I wish this button was available for more in life than my typing mistakes.

It’s Monday. What else do you want from me? Seriously, I cannot tell you how much my fingers do not want to type right now. They’re been typing all day long. Strange to hear me complain about typing when I’m a writer. A self-proclaimed writer, and how else does one write these days for fear of their house burning down and taking everything with it?

I sometimes say it better in my own head.

However, there’s nothing like opening a brand new notebook and staring that pristine white paper. Lines crisp and blue. So blue you find yourself staring at the veins in your arm and you realize the blue colors match. The veins might be a touch bluer. The lines so close together you wonder how your handwriting could possibly fit between those itty-bitty lines.

I don’t think you understand how awesome that first fresh page is.

Then, you put your pen tip to the page, and you just start writing.

It could be gibberish. It could be brilliance. You just keep writing.You write because you have to. My fingers start to hurt when I haven’t written for a good stretch of time. Seriously. It sounds a bit psychotic, but its true. It’s like a doctor who hasn’t operated in several weeks. They just need that scalpel in their hand and they need to cut, cut, cut.

I’m going to use all three blades at the same time!

That could be the Christina Yang coming out in me. My sister exclaimed the other day while sitting at her laptop. Netflix let her know Season 8 of grey’s Anatomy is now available on Netflix. There goes the next so many hours of my evening in the upcoming weeks. I haven’t watched that show in what feels like forever. Yet, I somehow remember what’s going on.

What can I say? She’s a woman who knows what she wants.

“Beautiful women seldom want to act. They are afraid of emotion and they do not try to extract anything from a character that they are portraying, because in expressing emotion they may encourage crow’s feet and laughing wrinkles. They avoid anything that will disturb their placidity of countenance, for placidity of countenance insures a smooth skin.”

Those are quite the stinging words of Laurette Taylor, tops in early twentieth-century theater. However, I have shed my fair share of tears in the past 24 hours, and it was without fear of how “ugly” I look. Emotion speaks volumes, and it’s a terrifying thing, to feel something beyond our control. I had to ask the question the other day, “Why do we cry when we’re sad?” I dont’ have the slightest clue, but I sometimes wish we expressed sadness in other ways.

Pretty women always cry the ugliest.

It stings, yes, but how very true her words are. I can thin of one solid example of why this is ludicrous, and yet oh so true. Charlize Theron was heavily hailed as a true contender for her portrayal of Aileen Wornos in the film “Monster,” and she later would win at that year’s Oscars int he category of Best Leading Actress. Not only was she hailed as glorious for her acting abilities, but she was also praised for her ability and fearlessness when it came to her appearance. She was able to “ugly up” for her part, and really “lose herself in the role.”

All prettied up versus grunged down…you decide.

The main thing they did to her, make-up wise? Shaved off her eyebrows. Daring, yes. Daring enough for a seasoned actress and worth all the critical acclaim based on her appearance alone? I don’t think so. Let the work speak. Not the eyebrows. I’m sure there are plenty of teenage girls out there who thought they had an easier solution to taming their eyebrows by using a razor versus a tweezers or wax strip.

Not as easy as it might look.

Getting rid of your eyebrows is not a new phenomenon. Teenage girls have been doing it since the beginning of time as they try to master the art of Tweezing.

I spent way too much time this past weekend crying my eyes out. I will never understand how certain people don’t blink an eye at the generosity that has been bestowed upon them. They didn’t ask, but kindness was spread to them because it was clear they needed it. It was clear help from outside hands were needed, and so what do people with great, great hearts do? They open their arms, their minds, and more importantly their hearts to you. They give everything you could possibly need because it was written across your forehead: “I need help, but don’t know how to ask for it because I have found myself in a giant hole with not a shovel to dig my way out.”

This is what we should look like. Instead, it isn’t. Instead, I’m left having to watch my mouth for fear of “hurting your feelings.”

After all this kindness, what happens? Childish behavior is what happens. “I’m going to act like a 13-year-old girl because I have nothing better to do with myself.” You have no money, so you mooch off the one providing a living for you (and then complain to your family you are being controlled and manipulated…yet you openly refuse to get a job.) You have a child, but refuse to act like a mother. Instead, you push your son off on everyone else you actually does care for him because, well, you know we can’t say no. Because we care about the welfare of that little boy more than you ever will.

Your priorities? Staying out until 5 in the morning after staying out at a bar until 2 am, or you head out to a dance club near a military base where a large handful of men away on leave are not so subtle in what they’re looking for on weekend evening. What the hell is going through your mind? You have a son at home. Don’t you want to be home with him? Apparently not. You’d rather get drunk, and then sleep until noon when your son needs you up to feed and change him. To take care of him.

Your beach bum days are over until that kid is 18 and well on his way to being self-sufficient.

All things a mother shouldn’t have to think twice about. It’s no longer about you, you, you. You have someone depending on you. Don’t screw it up or you will have this Jedi to deal with.

I have dealt my hand. You hurt that little boy, I will not stand for it. Get your act together. You’re not a teenager anymore. You’re an adult with real adult issues. Stop acting like the world owes you everything when you barely lift a finger to help the world, let alone those who have given you a place to stay, food to eat, and a car to drive.

Are you sure you want to do that, girlie?

Yet, you shit all over everyone. If reincarnation is indeed real, I hope you come back as a leech. It’s what you are now, so it really wouldn’t be much of a change for you. Latch on, suck them dry, and move on to the next. Encounter something you don’t like? Bite and bite again. Because hurting someone is always the answer. It definitely makes it easier to forgive you later down the line.

One word: Ick.

Ha.

I have no respect for certain people anymore, and I honestly fear for them if we are ever left alone in a room together. When my mouth starts going, and I am fueled by this burning desire to smack you upside the head in the hopes it will straighten things out up in your noggin, I’m not that fun to be around. In fact, I am downright frightening.

This isn’t some game you can just stop playing whenever you feel you like it.

Don’t cross me. The more I cry, the harder I hit.

Especially when family is on the line.

My family is my life.

M.I.A. No More!

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I haven’t written in a few days, and I feel terrible.

Totally not a case of writer’s block, either.

And to make you feel even better, this post is going to be fairly short. In fact, I’m writing this today (Wednesday) and it might not be posted until tomorrow (Thursday). I’ve been a little busy and preoccupied. (And wouldn’t you know it? It’s actually Friday when I’m posting this. Woooow…this week has been Cray-zeeee!)

Like I said, I feel terrible.

But thanks for still checking in 🙂

A little recap of what’s been happening over the past couple of days (really, I’m recounting the few days that took up the previous weekend)….

Last weekend I headed down to the cities to see my best friend. See, the last time me and this friend talked, she was calling to inform me about how she and her boyfriend/fiance had broken up. Well, okay…I do what any best girlfriend would do. I had the weekend off, so I told her I was going to jump in my car and come see her, spend the weekend with her. To make sure she is okay and all that.

Little did I know, I’d get there only to find out they got back together the next day. Ummm what? How is that possible? “It’s too much time together to just throw it away.” While, yes, I agree, I honestly think she does need to spend some time on her own. She is a year younger than me, has been dating him for 5 years, and I think about myself and I know I would have said hasta la vista to him the moment we broke up. She needs to experience other guys in her life. A person changes quite a bit ion 5 years. Trust me, I am an expert at that.

Everyone changes! Check out Ms. Knightley here.

Look at the type of girl I was 5 years ago, and look at me now. Leaps and Bounds of difference and change.

Anyways, so they got back together literally the day after she called me, breaking down in tears, telling me it’s over. Does she bother to tell me they got back together? Not at all. I found this out over turkey sandwiches and peaches with her parents that weekend. Wow…thank you for considering me a good enough friend to break the bad news, but when it comes to this? Not even a text message.

I was honestly hurt by this, but I’ll live.

I worked my last day of work at the KGC, and it was utterly fabulous. I know to this very day they still haven’t hired anybody to replace me. Maybe by the time I post this tomorrow (really, on Friday), they may have someone. I sort of doubt it heavily.

But, as a token of farewell and good will, I was allowed to pick one thing off the entire menu to enjoy as my last meal with the club (my last supper, if you will.) I chose the château briand, and on top of getting to eat this delicious piece of steak with bÊarnaise sauce and the loveliest mashed potatoes you ever did eat, our club was graced with the presence of quite the celebrity on my last day.

SOOOOOO delicious. I can’t even begin to describe it.

Who, you’re probably asking yourself, who is this mystery person? None other than Laura Linney, whom I fell in love with when she was in Love Actually. I had since followed her into her days of playing John Adams wife in the TV series John Adams. So pretty and much taller than I suspected. I held a short conversation with her, and had the instinctual moment to grab a napkin and a marker, thrust them into her and politely demand an autograph, but I held back. I didn’t want to disturb her for an autograph when she was clearly there for a family event, or as some call it, a groom’s dinner.

Yup…I had a conversation with her. Mark that off my bucket list of celebrities to meet.

“I have been treated as a freak, rather like the fat lady at the circus.”

I didn’t want to treat Ms. Linney like this on her visit to the KGC. I’m sorry for the way you felt, Margaret Patricia Hughes, an English sportswriter. But at least I hope you were treated differently because you stormed into the men’s locker rooms for the stories and quotes needed for the best of sports writing. And not just for the job, but also to catch a glimpse of those abs on them athletes which I know they were sporting.

I actually couldn’t find a picture of her, but I believe she wrote this book.

Hey, once a single woman, always a single woman (in the mind, anyways.)

Ice cream will always be my #1 man in my life. Ha!

Along with the excitement I have detailed already, I also started my new job, and I’ll have to dish on that more later. I have already stayed 30 minutes past what I’m scheduled to work on a daily basis to get this done (since I am still without a laptop), so I shall leave you with my Midweek Smiles and get the heck away from this office. I mean, I’ll be here 40 hours a week. Why spend more time here than I need to!?!

– Possibilities always outnumber problems.

– This day is filled with small joys just waiting to be noticed.

Check out the skirt on that dress. Marvelous!

– You have the strength you need.

Take a note from Eowyn’s book, and know being a woman is so much better.

– The recipe for success? One part hard work and two parts hope!

– Everything will be all right.

I’ve got your back, bro!

– See yourself as you truly are: amazing.

And look who you become. Amazing.

– Dream. Create. Achieve!

Only a creative, fearless individual could design this hair, make it happen, and find the perfect muse equally as fearless to wear it.

I’ll need these reminders as much as the next person in the upcoming weeks ahead. I fly solo in the office already on Monday. MONDAY! I will only have a week under my belt at that point. Start crossing your fingers now, folks. It could be a bumpy ride.

This Jedi might be busy, but she’s got lots of plans on her plate, and I’ll be ready to share them with you as they come about. But my plan for right now?

Get the heck out of this office.

A Scandal, You Say?

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Due to the hectic-ness of my past weekend, I once again neglected to share with you my Fabulous Friday’s.

Joey is shocked and can’t believe I did it. Again!

Believe me when I say my Friday was quite wonderful, and they are only going to get better when I start getting into the swing of things with my new job. I can’t believe I am about to start the next big chapter in my life. A week from today I will leave the current job I’ve been working for a 1.5 years, and I will be starting an actual career job…at least a job that will give me an edge in the type of career path I imagine myself on. A week from today! Ahhh I can’t wait!

I’ll be a high-flying career woman yet.

But the countdown has begun on when my last day at my current job will be. T-minus 4 days. I couldn’t be more excited. Every evening will not be dedicated to answering a phone or showing people where to go for dinner while they get to enjoy their evening out. I won’t have to worry about random people running in through our doors thinking we’re a church with handfuls of money to handout for their well-being and assistance. No more working parties where everyone is plastered within the first hour or so, and then the men continue to hit on me or try to catch a glimpse of something more down the front of my shirt.

Sure, I’m in control of the phone, but I really hate it most of the time.

No more, I say! Most of my evenings will be my own, as will be my weekends, and certain plans are already being set into motion for some Big Girl adventures now that I have available weekends. Let’s just say every adventure should be filled with passion of the heart, and let yourself experience it all for what it is and never, ever look back.

I’m growing into my adulthood, what can I say.

“I have often thought that I am the most clever woman that ever lived, and others cannot compare with me…Although I have heard much about Queen Vctoria…I don’t think her life was half so interesting and eventful as mine. I have 400,000,000 people dependent on my judgement.”

Those are the exciting words of Empress Dowager Cixi, a 19th century notable. Can you imagine ruling over that many people? Four hundred million! I can’t even grasp how large that number is in my head. If we’re talking dollar amounts, I know I’d be set for life with that large of a sum.

Anyone with the title of Empress Dowager is a-okay with me.

Come on, lucky lottery ticket!

A little Napoleon help is a great thing.

The only royal I feel I can relate to (or at least pretend I know enough about in order to relate) is the Duchess of Cambridge herself. I know there’s more to being princess than always looking perfect, welcoming foreign visitors and political dignitaries with humility, gracious manners, and courteous smiles. It’s not about the clothes or appearing to be happy in the public eye. It’s volunteering, it’s putting a face to a much bigger cause.

Looking fab and talking politics. Nothing out of the ordinary here!

It’s more than hospital visits, opening child care centers, or breaking dirt and being the center of a photo-op. Kate Middleton carries the burdens placed upon her well. I wouldn’t be complaining about a front row seat to every single Olympic event you wanted to attend. So what if she isn’t smiling in the photo plastered to her all-access pass? It’s protocol!

You can sort of see the infamous pass here, if you look pretty closely.

While i have no doubt Middleton leads a very exciting and eventful royal life (seriously, I’m super jealous of her Olympics access), but there are a few things she can’t do without it being labelled with a huge red stamp of SCANDAL. Me? Sure, it’ll be a scandal most likely, but I can get away with it and not have it splashed across the cover and Page 6 of every major publication in the world.

Vanity Fair 2012 Best Dressed List? Please and Thank You.

For now, at least.

Anyways, without much further ado, and it’s Monday so no one likes to read a novel length posting on a Monday, here are the reasons my latest edition of Friday was so freaking Fabulous:

Fabulous Look:

Pure glamour. A touch of skin and some sparkle. Loving it.

Fabulous Laugh:

Damn Africa!

Fabulous Moment:

Insuring the Death Star is important business, you know.

Fabulous Worry:

Fabulous Trick:

Use for those really annoying neighbors.

Fabulous Office Space:

Oh pretty please!?

Fabulous Start to the Day:

Just getting in tune with the Force before heading to work.

Fabulous Secretary’s Daydream:

Fabulous Smile:

Admit it, it makes you giggle a little bit.

Fabulous Summer Lunch:

Grilled steak, a baked potato with sour cream toppings, and some sort of green vegetable = the perfect summer meal.

Fabulous Villan:

He’s sort of messed up in a sympathetic way.

Fabulous Starbucks Complex:

Plus, it’s mobile!

Fabulous Wedding Gift:

It’s a really cute idea I may do for my parent’s 40th wedding anniversary.

Fabulous ‘Friends’ Moment:

Fabulous Challenge:

Happy Monday, boys and girls, and may you be treated like kings and queens of old in your relationships with those whom love you.

I would love to be treated like Kate Middleton. Even if only for a day.

Unless your Han Solo and a scoundrel, and a very sexy scoundrel at that. Then, you have every right to treat me with a little more edge and finesse to your words.

But seriously.

Women should be treated like the princesses and queens we are, and in return, men will be rewards like kings.

Challenge accepted? I sure hope so!

If only Frodo had been that determined little stick-man.

I’m Not Trying to Sound Like My Parents, But…

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Trust me when I say I feel lost without my cell phone whenever I manage the amazing feat of forgetting it at home. *GASP* What am I thinking? How DARE I leave home without my cell phone? Every one else in this country is attached to theirs like best friends are attached at the hip. It’s always in the palm of my hand or safely nestled into my back pocket. How is it possible for me to forget it at home?

Oh, it’s possible. I feel the Universe is sending me a signal when this rare occasion happens. Literally, I translate it to this: Stop being a slave to your cell phone. If you’re not expecting an important call, no message you receive between now and tonight will change the course of your day, let alone your life. But mostly, stop acting like your cell phone is your oxygen tank AKA something you need to live from minute to minute on this planet.

Every counter in the American populace should bear this sign Loud and Proud!

Really, it’s incredibly liberating to forget your cell phone or to have it die from too much use halfway through the normal working day when you don’t necessarily need it for something. No incessant buzzing, no stupid questions from people, and most importantly, no feeling the need to check my phone every 5 seconds to make sure I haven’t missed a call or a text message. I can’t say I don’t already check my phone incessantly. I do. There are a handful of people I text throughout the day for a multitude of reasons, most of them because I want to be talking to these people throughout the day and because they entertain. I also care about them and want to know what they’re up to. Some might call that excessive, but there are plenty of other things in my life considered far more excessive.

So what if I like talking to my Dad? He’s a pretty cool dude.

Like my need to know everything happening in the London Olympics right now. More specifically, what Ryan Lochte tweeted from day-to-day. (Am I a crushing, pathetic female, or what?)

Professional stalker status just increased by 15 points.

The reason cell phones and their incessant need to always be attached to the palm of our hands is easy enough to understand as to why it’s causing me a bit of angst. In my ten minute drive to work, I had to slam on my brakes twice…TWICE…to avoid hitting another vehicle because both drivers were finding it more important to be chatting away on their cell phones than looking at both directions of incoming traffic. It’s one thing when you’re driving a tine Geo Metro, but when you’re behind the wheel of a large F-150 truck with a loaded truck bed and you decided to creep across 3 lanes of traffic because you’re so busy talking on your cell phone and watching traffic coming from the opposite direction in which I’m coming at you from…I have a big problem with you.

As Rihanna said: Shut up and Drive!

I know in my bones that today is not my day to die. I will not be making my way to meet my maker this evening. So put away your damn cell phone and look both ways before crossing the street. Didn’t your mother teach you anything when you were in kindergarten?!

You tell’em Aragorn!

That might be the reason why I enjoy the previews for Matthew Perry’s new show ‘Go On’ so much, particularly when they show the clip of Perry throwing his shoe or a clipboard (Maybe even a smoothie?) at a car’s windshield and screams, “Stop texting. You’re going to kill someone.” Not only do I like Perry and his incredible understanding of sarcastic humor (I will always love him as Chandler Bing from Friends), but he also pens a pretty true statement here.

How stupid can you be? = Perry’s expression.

How many people have come forward to say they know a loved one died in a car accident probably due to the fact of trying to read a text message while driving, and when they look at the time the guilty text message was sent and the time of the crash coincides with that text message? Doesn’t seem so important anymore, does it?

Bumper stickers for all!

It wouldn’t be fair to say I’m innocent of the above crime. False, as Dwight would say. I have held conversations while in the office of my car’s interior. I have broken the law and talked on my cell phone while driving. I’m not proud to say I do it,but I have done it. It’s a bad habit to break. Like picking at your cuticle beds. When you think about it, it’s really disgusting.

Dwight, I’m sure, has a reason to tell you. Or five.

But to keep the mood light, I came across a funny little list here, and I’d like to share it with you. What’s life if there isn’t anything to laugh about?

Seven Signs You’re Addicted to your Cell Phone:

1.) You have a different ring tone for all 50 of you contacts — including “Who Let the Dogs Out?” for the vet.

2.) You lovingly refer to is as your “sister from another mister.”

3.) The insurance policy you bought for it trumps your own.

Ooops…Been there and done all that.

4.) You RSVP’d “no” to your friend’s party because she lives in a “dead zone.”

Just say no. It’s acceptable.

5.) At the dinner table, you text your teenager to pass the salt.

Oh don’t worry. I’m just checking the movie times…and the score of the game…and texting my friend how not okay this date is going…and confirming another different date for tomorrow night…and I’m also texting you to pass the salt.

6.) Forget flying! You ride the train, where nobody tells you to power off.

If only Katniss and Peeta had phones to text on before heading off to the Hunger Games.

7.) Your husband told you that you’re “all thumbs” and you took it as a compliment.

All good here!

That’s going to be it for now. Not only am I feeling incredibly sleepy, but I’m just not having it with anybody. Zero tolerance for idiocy right now, and I’m very much enjoying an entire floor to myself at this place tonight. No noise, no people talking…it’s giving me a chance to brace myself for tomorrow night when people will be milling about EVERYWHERE and I’ll want to ignore each and every one of them.

I’ll need to find my happy place.

Oh, how I want a day entirely to myself, and yes, that would include turning my cell phone on silent for a majority of the day.

Preferably here…with a hunky shirtless man to rub my aching muscles.

One can only dream.

I find this purely funny.

The weekend is almost here, chaps! Keep calm and carry on!