Month: September 2012
We are on the brink of October, and I couldn’t be more excited.
October is possibly my favorite month out of the entire year (although June is a close second to that…I really love the month of June, and no, it’s not just because it’s my birthday month.) The leaves are turning all sorts of reds, oranges, and yellows…Full Fall Mode and I love it! The weather is cooler in the morning and night, but in the afternoon, it is still absolutely gorgeous out. All I need is a heavier leather jacket or a warm hoodie to make it through the cooler temps.
I’m more grateful for the time I get to spend outdoors, which questions my motives for sitting right now and writing this blog post. It’s supposed to be 70-something degrees out right now, and I’m here, in a computer lab, killing precious sunlit hours. What’s wrong with me?
I have a keen desire to write since I haven’t done it in the past 3 days, that’s what’s wrong with me.
“The world language is English as spoken by foreigners.”
Does anyone ever really understand another these days? My answer is a full, loudly spoken “no.” So, Kristen Nygaard, a programming language pioneer, I think I have to agree with you. This could bring up a whole whopping list of topics, all concerning the upcoming presidential election, but I’m going to choose to refrain from these topics.
It is not a Jedi’s place to try to impress another’s ideas onto someone else. We express our opinion, and then fight for peace and justice. Not always with our lightsabers, but when the negotiations call for aggressive moves, more often than not, the blazing swords come out.
I met up with a gentlemen for drinks last night. Quite cute, funny, and easy to talk to…but he asked what my stance on a lot of things are, and I told him it’s my place in the universe to stand up for peace and justice. Then he threw me a curveball…what if I had to choose one or the other: peace OR justice? I thought about it a second, and then answered, justice.
Honestly? This world is never going to know long-lasting peace. History, when tallied up, has seen maybe 200 years of peace in the thousands of years human civilization has roamed the earth. I mean, the animal world is constantly at war with each other and we supposedly evolved from theses creatures (don’t even get my started on the theory of evolution!) There are too many people out there who have been told from the moment they are born “s0-and-so is your enemy.” While I think everyone can learn to be friends, I can’t speak on the behalf of 6 billion people.
Even the Transformers could only help us fight an impending alien force who wanted nothing more than to cause chaos and enslavement on our planet (and if the Transformers can’t uphold peace on their planet, we’re all doomed.)
I recently watched the movie “Babel” and the entire theme of communication barriers was quite interesting to me. A large area of my work is centered on communication and what gets people ticking. A lack of communication, or a lack of understanding of one’s language, is a huge issue. I find it interesting that here in America, you can find the building instructions to anything written in multiple languages, from English to Spanish to Korean to Farsi. You’re telling me if I moved to Saudi Arabia, and I needed to go out and buy a piece of furniture, I would find instructions on how to build a couch written in English for me? I highly doubt it.
I know America is highlighted as the land of eternal opportunity…Come here and all of your dreams will come true. A hundred years later, and our country is still deemed as the land of opportunity. Where a small town girl can win American Idol, and become a famous singer overnight. Where someone can start a computer business in his garage and become the CEO of the most successful company in the entire world (here’s looking at you, Apple.) However, just because we are the land of unending opportunities doesn’t mean we should have to cater to each and every individual that comes to live here.
Our native language is English. Learn it already. If I moved to China, I would be expected to have an understanding and capability to speak the language.
I really don’t want to get into a political posting here, but I’ve probably already said too much. Just be warned, there will probably be more as the election draws closer. I try to avoid these things, but man, I get so swept up in the excitement. It’s the romantic in me. If I’m not tearing my own heart out about something on a daily basis, I just feel lost.
Let’s flip gears here, shall we? The weekend is almost over (le sigh), but there were things I found which made my entire week oh-so-wonderful. Here are my Fabulous Fridays:
Fabulous New Sunglasses:
Fabulous Bowling Shoes:
Fabulous Challenge to Society:
Fabulous Train Ride:
Fabulous Bit of Body Art:
Fabulous Future Wedding:
Fabulous Closet Space:
It’s time to get out of here to enjoy the fall sunshine, and maybe take a stroll along the lake. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Too soon we’ll be getting down to business once again.
It’s just going to be one of those work days.
I have a list packed full of exciting and interesting projects for myself to work on, the air holds a certain buzz to it, I have the office completely to myself so no impending click-clacking of heels interrupting my thoughts every other minute, and I have a cup of Starbucks coffee steaming next to me. (I tend to be a Caribou girl, but it’s good to shake things up a little bit every now and then.)
So what’s my problem? Why can’t I focus on a single thing, other than that the ‘How to Train Your Dragon’ score is absolutely amazing?
Do I seriously hate my life this much already? Naw, that can’t be it. I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday, had a great hour of browsing and dreaming and thinking and planning, flirted with the cashier (who my sister insisted I go back and get his number, but I just wasn’t feeling it while still wearing my gym running pants…although my hair looked absolutely beachy-keen), bought my new Book of the Month (have I told you about that?), tried out Noodles and Company for the first time and LOVED it, and then I went home and got myself sorted out in my room to the point where I sat on my bed staring at the movie I was playing, asking myself, “Now what?”
So many things to do, and I can never nail down an order in which to get them done. When I reach that calm of crossing a dozen things off my list, then I just feel lost. May the heavens above help me whenever I decide to have kids….I’ll be in an absolutely chaotic heaven.
I just need to face it. It’s not going to be a very productive work day. I’ve been here for maybe 4 hours already, and my eyes are glazing over as I stare at this screen. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the work I’m doing, or the things I have staring me down from the yellow memo pad off to my left-hand side. I just don’t feel the burning motivation. Add on top of that the burning, disgusting thought of getting back on that treadmill for another 30 minutes at the end of the day, and I’m ready to crawl under my desk and call out I have the swine flu so everyone should just STAY AWAY.
Happy Thursday, all 🙂
“I’m lazy. At work my favorite part of the day is being on hold.”
You have summed up my feelings entirely, Janet Rosen, who is quite the jokesmith. I just want to stare at my computer screen and see if I can cause it to explode instantaneously. Maybe I’m not happy with my job? But how can I say that when I’ve only been working at it for little over a month now. Most say you need to give it a year before you find a foothold in a new place of employment.
Like yesterday? Totally rocked the office. I wore a great outfit (scoff all you want, but it really does help your mindset for the entire day if you take time to pick out your clothes and then acknowledge how good you look in it.) What’s this outfit I’m raving about? I actually took advice from Cosmo, and kept things simple. I paired a plain, V-neck black T-shirt with a black pencil skirt (you have to be careful with blacks to make sure they match, and in this case, they blended together perfectly.) Over the shirt, I pulled on an olive-green jacket that carried a semi-business vibe to it. Very much an Take-Me-Seriously-But-Also-Sit-Down-And-Talk-With-Me look to it. Put on my fave pair of black pumps with a silver buckle on the front, slip a black and white patterned belt around my waist to highlight my little middle, and a eye-catching pair of dangling earrings, and I was set to go.
I know my workouts are working, too, because I caught a side view of myself and my butt is looking a touch perkier than a week ago…Heck yes to progress!
Anyways, the thing is, I came into work primed and ready to see what the heck was up, and within the first two hours of stepping foot into the office, I fired off two really great ideas for our office, my boss loved them both, and before you know it, plans are being set to put them both into motion. I mean, how great does that make me feel? Makes me feel like I’m doing my job above and beyond, that’s for sure. Granted, my morning was then shot to hell when the project I worked on all morning got tossed by 2:00 in the afternoon, and I was told to start over with a new idea. But, eh, what can you do?
It’s going to take more than coffee and chocolate to pick me up this afternoon, so maybe a few words of encouragement will help. Here are a few pick-me-ups for us to share:
– You make life better just by being you.
– Disappointments pass. Successes last.
– Encourage yourself, too.
– Counting blessings makes them multiply.
– All the good things in life are waiting to be claimed by you.
– Your efforts will pay off.
– Choose happiness!
As a famous Jack Dawson once said in a little known film called “Titanic” once said, “Life is a gift and I don’t intend on wasting it.” I’m leaning in your direction, Jack, and trying to be optimistic about everything and making every moment count. Working out? I’m not going to stop…I’m going to push and run those extra 5 minutes. Writing? Stop fighting it and jot everything down a little bit a day, and things will work out on paper. Love? Keep the doors open, and be open to possibilities.
However, as a Jedi, duty always comes first, and that may be why I’m putting love on the back burner for the time being. I’m focusing on me, and what I need to do in order to choose happiness and live to smile after the choice has been made.
So far so good.
That also doesn’t mean I can’t have my fun along the way, too 😉
Dating. I’ve never had such a nasty taste in my mouth after saying a word.
Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to be in a committed relationship. I’d love to have someone to cuddle and call whenever I was feeling blue. I would more than certainly love to have someone to say “I love you” to at the end of every phone conversation. But the road I need to take in order to get there? Yeah, I may need a breath mint right about now since this taste in my mouth is getting worse.
Maybe I’m at a point in my life where I’m content and need to focus on me. Or, like many other women, I’m sure, it’s scary to think about dating. But, wait…what about those dates I went on with New Guy, and a few other chosen males in the past year or so since my ugly break-up? What about New Guy’s Best Friend who keeps things interesting with he occasional text here and there? About the gushing cries of “omg I really like this guy, oh man I can’t wait to go out again?”
Yeah, I think I was still in a phase of the break-up. They were all very nice guys, the ones I went out with (until they pulled a very douche bag move and made me change my perspective on the male race entirely yet again.)
There are nice guys out there. I know this. Everyone knows this. They’re not just going to pop out of the ground like gophers and say, “I’m a nice guy! Date me!” No, I’d certainly be in a fantasy world if that were the case. I think I’m tired of looking for them. Come on, what sounds better? Sitting on the couch, watching the TV show YOU want to watch, eating an entire bowl of extra buttery popcorn without having to share (and no one poking your waist, giving you a hint to watch the caloric intake), and the fact you look like crap with your hair up in a loose ponytail and a large, polka-dotted headband holding the loose hairs out of your eyes? No one cares! Your roommate might say something, but hey, it’s your roommate, and we’re friends. Tell her to go eat another Ding-Dong and get back to your show.
Then there’s the primping and the prepping for who knows what kind of night. Will you go to a nice restaurant? Will he pull a 180 and take you for a walk instead? Is it just a coffee date? If it’s dinner, what do you order? Not a salad, because let’s face it, we all know I like to eat. But not a steak or a burger…too messy. Hair up? Down? Jewelry…too much could be a bad sign, but not enough could show you might not care at all. Plus, you have to shave your legs, tweeze the eyebrows, gloss the lips, and make the eyeliner perfect. Perfume can’t be too heavy, but it shouldn’t be too light so he literally puts his nose into the crook of your neck to try to catch a whiff of something other than B.O. and sweat.
Attractive, isn’t it?
“Dinner is a waste on a first date, because you don’t want the guy to se how much you can really eat. He’ll find out soon enough I can put my entire head in a Haagen-Dazs tub.”
I love your words of wisdom Maryellen Hooper, a professional leg puller. Seriously, what is considered the “right” thing to eat when out on a first date? It’s a question I don’t think any one person can truly answer with definite confidence. Maybe Cosmopolitan magazine, but sometimes I wonder if they test their own advice. Buffalo chicken wings on a first date? Um, no thank you.
The date isn’t over yet, meaning the panic should only be setting in. You’ve made it through dinner, he’s walking you to your door (or maybe you’re still sitting his car!) He reaches a hand over, places it on your knee. You turn to say good night face-to-face. Omg, is this the part where he kisses you good night? What if none of this stuff happens and there is no kiss good night at all? Multiple reasons could be true, but if you had a good time and he’s cute, you’re not going to think logically at this point in time. Instead, you will be calm, cool, and collected on the outside (like any great woman would be), but on the inside, you are screaming, crying, smashing your purse against the door the minute it shuts behind him….Lots of crazy action no one should ever be privy to.
Dating is a lot of panic, a lot of heartache, and a lot of waiting. It’s so much easier when you’ve known the person, and suddenly, it’s not dating. You’ve just become the couple you’ve always felt like you were. There’s no more questioning, and it gets to be fun saying, “I have a date tonight!”
I haven’t had a night like that for some time. Know what? I’m okay with that. I need to figure me out in so many ways yet. If Mr. Wonderful should pass me on the street and ask me out, I won’t decline the offer. You never know, he might be my Special Someone. He could be the next on the long list of guys I’ve been out on a date with. You just never know.
The Force likes to keep us guessing…or it likes to remind us that relationships aren’t exactly the Jedi Way. But if I can successfully hold a steady relationship with Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, I can certainly keep a steady relationship with the right guy.
In the meantime, I’m enjoying the start of fall and the month of September, and here are my fave things about this month:
– Autumn Leaves
It’s hard to believe this month is practically over already. That’s what happens when you’re having fun…and pinpointing all the possible ways why I am still a single woman in this day and age.
HA! I know the real reason. Men are scared of me, plain and simple. I know I’m a lot to handle, but you know what? If there’s a guy out there who can handle me without thinking he can tame me, we’ll get along just fine. I just have to wait for him and I to cross paths.
In the meantime, this Jedi is going to keep being real…and that means eating what I want in whatever quantities I want.
Salmon sounds good for dinner, doesn’t it?
Every time I turn around, there’s a new announcement declaring the nuptials of the new happy couple. And what am I thinking the instant after seeing said declaration? “What the hell is my problem?”The date on which my last very serious relationship ended is nearing. How sappy can I get? I’m already mourning the date of which my last serious relationship called it quits. Gaaaaah….
Anyways, yet another one of my friends have become engaged, and here I am, sitting on my couch, blaringly aware of the fact I am single and no way in heaven close to entering a relationship with any guy in or outside my life, and all I can think about are the cramps returning to my abdomen and the Skinny Cow caramel truffle cars stashed in our freezer. Oh, and how I meant to clean and straighten my level of the house sometime today. You know, make it more livable, and instead, I watched the entirety of the film ‘Babel’ for the first time since, what, 2009 since it hit the Oscar nomination boards and critics raved about it?
Again, I’m watching this film, wondering where the Brad Pitt in my life is going to enter the picture?
I’ve been a total bum this weekend, and I’m actually pretty okay with it. I felt like total ishy ickniess most of the day yesterday, and managed to clean myself up and out the door to hang out at Oktoberfest with a group of friends. I managed to get about 2 beers down my throat, feeling the old-school buzz of college-dom, and then my stomach started to rebel. I had to call it quits, and the glass mug I was chugging Starfire from? Weighed like 10 pounds.
Even though I didn’t go to the gym, Oktoberfest managed to work it into my schedule anyways.
Felt better for the past 24 hours, except whenever food enters the picture, it tastes great going down, but comes back for revenge about an hour later. So, so so fabulous. Need I go into more detail? Because I can.
But I won’t.
Anyways, I’m getting back into Grey’s Anatomy and think one of those Skinny Cows needs to attempt going into my stomach, so this is where I bid you good-bye. Not before sharing my New Day Sunday for the month of August. Late, but better than never.
Produce: Green beans
Bakery:Crusty Italian Bread
Canned Goods:Black Beans
Breakfast/Cereal:Bacon-flavored ice cream
Frozen Foods:Single-Serve Pea Packets
Toiletries:Tea Tree Facial Mask
Baby:White Baptism Gown
Household:Pier One Fiesta Containers
Pets:Glow-in-the-Dark fish tank gravel
Snacks:Deep-Fried Candy Bar (Milky Way flavored)
Misc: Neutrogena Moisture Shine Lip Soother in Sheen #50
We’re calling it a night on this end, folks.
“I may not be making a living, but I’m making a difference.”
The words of Rachel Hickerson, who works on behalf of women. She’s a Jedi in her own right. We keep pushing, knowing there’s a chance for a better world out there.
Jedi Don’t Quit.
I mean, the work week is THISCLOSE to being over, I put extra effort into my overall look this morning when I crawled out of bed, I let myself splurge on lunch a little bit, I don’t have to work at my part-time “fun job” when I walk out of here in a few hours, and I have a few of my fave movie scores playing in the background all while i work the afternoon away. (Did I mention I spent about an hour on Pinterest, and it was all for work-related purposes?)
Yet, everything seems to point in the direction of “an awful day” when I shake the magical What-Will-My-Day-Be-Like 8-Ball.
“All of humanity is living in a dream world, but suffering real consequences.”
Lauren Hill, a lovely Grammy girl, has hit me on the nose. I’ll admit most days, I live in my own fantasy world. But when the real world hits…watch out.
First things first. I could barely open my eyes this morning. Maybe it was because I spent an hour at the gym waaaay beyond my normal work-out schedule. The gym closed 15 minutes after my departure. Yeah, I was there that late because my schedule ended up needing me to be more flexible than I was almost ready to give. Anyways…
I managed to throw a few pieces of bread into a container along with my jar of Nutella, so I wasn’t starving halfway through the morning. I’ve been experiencing small fits of nausea every morning for the past couple of weeks, and I honestly don’t know why. It’s actually very obnoxious.
Before trudging up the stairs, I decided to put a little more effort into my appearance. Not the usual Friday style of jeans and maroon/gold fitted T-shirt. I put on a polka-dotted, flirty dress and paired it with my fave black boots. You know, putting a little more rock n’ roll into the feminine side of things. It’s like me. I can be a sensitive case of tears one minute, and then totally all about kicking your ass the next,. In other words, don’t cross me. (An old friend of mine once told I’m crazy…he may be right. Or I’m a Cancer…I’ll let you decide.)
Where did things go wrong with my outfit? I noticed too late that if I stand in a well-lit area, you could clearly see right through the skirt of my dress and there was a small possibility the color of my underwear became noticeable to anyone who caught a glance. Throw in a large case of static cling with my skirt, and I’m suddenly wearing very flowy, polka-dotted shorts.
Yeah…wardrobe malfunction in the professional setting. I’m learning my Big Girl Lessons fast.
This is all before I even get to work. Once I’m at my office, I get my computer booted, check my personal and work email (as is my usual routine) and I immediately find three emails showing comments on a work new blog post made the day before. One of them was great feedback. The other two? Not so nice.
The rest of the morning was spent in crisis mode. How do we respond, do we even respond? If we do, what do we say? How do we say that?
Just a mess of stuff.
Chicken strips and onion rings suited me for lunch, and I let myself have an extra dipping cup of mayonnaise. Terrible, I know, but it’s so nummy and after the morning I had, it was deserved. Plus it’s Friday!
Rest of the afternoon went fine, and I actually was told to go home 15 minutes early. I was able to go to the grocery store! I haven’t actually shopped for food in a long, long time. I was able to take my time, go from one end of the store to the other, and back again.
It was halfway through shopping when my stomach suddenly took a lurch. It kept up until I got home, where it seemed to tighten and churn more. Probably against my better judgement, I head to the gym and did a ‘Walk for 5, Run for 10, Walk for 5, Run for 10’ type of routine. I actually felt really good running, but when the cramps set back in, I was toast. I couldn’t do it. I kept telling myself “Jedi Don’t Quit,” and they especially don’t quit because they feel sick. So…I kept pushing.
Bad idea. I got home, and just about died. Stomach cramps, womanly area cramps, showering didn’t make me feel better…nothing felt good. I ate some soup, but my stomach didn’t like it. Little did I know, , my sister ordered a ton of Chinese food and she told me to help myself. Another bad idea: I did. I ate cream cheese wontons, sweet and sour chicken, general tsao chicken, rice…all of it.
I’ll be spending a lot of time in the bathroom in the next 24 hours, that’s for sure.
After I ate, I passed out on the couch. Cold. The only time i do that is when I’m not feeling well. Off to bed I go.
But before I pass out entirely, here are the Fabulous things that made this Friday, and the prior work days, awesomely bearable.
Fabulous Fall Combination:
Fabulous Make-Up Moment:
Fabulous Disney Remix:
Fabulous Autumn Day:
Fabulous Fall Blazer:
Fabulous Fall Salad:
Fabulous Movie Theater:
A best friend is coming into town, and I better not be sick to see and hang out with her manana. I need a few beers, and gal pal time.
Heading to the gym, I have one thing on my mind and one thing only: I’m going to work up a sweat and no one better get in my way.
What did everyone else at the gym decide to do today? Piss me off.
Seeing a line of runners already taking up the first four treadmills, I keep walking to the opposite end of the treadmill line to take one where I can run on my own, or at least give my mind the illusion that I was running on my own. There were at least 3 treadmills between me and the next guy, and in wanders Miss Ditz-A-Fritz. Where does she head? For the treadmill to my left.
Now, this is going to sound neurotic, but if you’re going to be stupid and choose a treadmill by me when I am obviously making a point to not run next to another human being, go on my right side and not my left. My left eye is my dominant eye. I have a better peripheral sight range on my left side, and the stupid little girl takes a spot on the treadmill directly on my left.
Not a big enough bitch to stand there, glare and tell her to move to another machine, I took it in stride. As much as I tried to ignore her, it threw off my entire stride for the next 20 minutes. On top of everything else, it was unusually hot in that workout room and the air was incredibly dry. Within five minutes, I was breathing harder than the day I just took up running again without a glance back over my shoulder.
To my further irritation, Ms. Ditz-A-Fritz only ran for, like, 6 minutes. What the hell is the point of being on a treadmill when you’re barely doing anything? I don’t even think she actually started running.
Finally, she left and I was able to find my stride, but I was still having trouble breathing, so I let myself slow down to a fast walk…and that’s when idiot Number 2 walked in.
I just slowed down to my fast walk when this tall, lanky kid in a fluorescent yellow cut-off gets on the treadmill on my right (at least he figured that much out on his own.) If the shirt color wasn’t annoying enough, but the heavy wave of cologne that overtook me within the first few seconds of his starting to run was enough to knock me off my feet.
As if I wasn’t having enough trouble breathing the way it was, but Mr. Giorgio Armani was about to make me vomit all over both our treadmills.
“No man knows his true character until he had run out of gas, purchased something on the installment plan, and raised an adolescent.”
According to our phrase turner, Marcelene Cox, Mr. Bright Shirt has quote a way to go. If you don’t understand the “3 spritzes is more than enough” cologne rule at your age, how are you going to teach your own teenage son? Answer: You aren’t having offspring pop out of any females lower body parts until you are at least 40 years of age.
To further prove how much of an idiot he was, he only ran for like 5 minutes, much like Ms. Ditz. What was everyone’s deal? Running for 5 minutes is not going to save you from years of heart disease.
Later when I went to work on my arms and abs, there was Mr. Bright Shirt and his just as dull friend. Again, they did maybe two lifts of each weight, then went on each machine for about 2 seconds, and then quite loudly, they start talking about how they should try out the facilities hot tub. To add to their stupidity, they kept glancing over at me as they talked about it.
Smooth, boys. Real smooth. Along with your stench of nasty-ass cologne, any possible sweat you might have produced, and now trying to “convince” me to head to the hot tub, too. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Seriously. Be kidding.
To further add to everything, when I didn’t follow them, they came back to the area I was still working out in. Just back and forth, back and forth. For no reason, as far as I could see, either. Each time they came back, I smelled them before they turned the corner.
Just what I needed to finish out my workout in style.
On top of this wonderful gym experience, it was a rather unpleasant day at work and, in case you’re experiencing the way midweek hump that I am, here are a few words to life your spirits:
– You are needed.
– There’s no better investment than yourself.
– Dream it. Plan it. Live it.
– Today could be your best one yet.
– Beautiful is part of who you are.
– Why make the world wait? You’re ready to shine now!
Gotta love the Fall season in this city.
I may need to buy myself those Golden Apple Orchard votive candles after all.
I’m having another minor surgery in less than 3 hours. More tissue samples need to be taken, and since this is the second time I’m going through this same procedure, they’re going a little deeper than before. To really see what’s going on with my body and the evil little strands that want to tear it apart.
Let’s just say I am not looking forward to my afternoon.
On top of that, I’ve been really flighty-minded, and have totally spaced on every important date I’ve needed to remember for the past couple weeks. So, of course, I forgot to ask for time off when my part-time “fun” job posted this week’s schedule, and I was out-of-town the whole previous weekend, leaving me absolutely no time to find someone to switch shifts with me.
So…I’m getting cut into and then have to stand on my feet for about 4 hours after that. I’m in for such a good sleep tonight. Any type of painkiller I can find, I’m going to be knocking it down the hatch, that’s for dang sure.
“My whole life has been absurd.”
The words of Holocaust survivor and post-minimalist sculptor, Eva Hesse. I’d have to agree with her. My life has been one bump, turn, and 180 flip since the beginning of time, and it’s going to stay that way. I just know it. I like to look at it as a curse and a blessing all wrapped into one big hug from the universe.
But I don’t want to think about the curses, I want to think about the good things. Like how I spent this past weekend cuddling the cutest toddlers anyone could ask for. Or how I was able to spend time with my brother and sisters, my mom and dad, and laugh and giggle like we used to when we all lived under the same roof. How I cried as I told them what might be happening with me, and how they all told me they were behind me no matter what happened.
Just thinking about it right now, I have tears threatening my eyes. I love my family, and God help anyone who tries to hurt them while I’m still living and breathing. A bit dramatic, maybe. But the meaning behind the words still stands the same whether I’m smiling as I say it or not.
A little behind the times (when am I not?) but here are the things that made my past week oh-so-fabulous, and I promise the next few times I come to share with you, you’ll find me in a much happier, more upbeat tone. That…I can promise. I don’t like feeling like a big bunch of yuck the moment I wake up. I just don’t. So…happier times ahead.
Here are my Fabulous Fridays:
Fabulous Fairy Tale Photograph:
Fabulous New Bag:
Fabulous Fall Look:
Fabulous Laugh Take 2:
We’re all busy people.
Yesterday was September 11. A date which will live in infamy for my lifetime.
It’s pretty much the Pearl Harbor of our generation. I know exactly where I was the moment I heard the news. I was in the 8th grade, and I was riding the bus to school. Of all things…I was riding the bus. I heard my favorite DJ announce the news on my fave radio station. At first, I thought he was joking. I’d recently gotten myself into a slightly obsessive military phase. What I mean by that is, anything resembling army gear, I wanted it and I wanted it bad.
This was the time the seed was planted for me to join the army, to be all that I can be. Plus, at that time, it was still slightly unheard of for women to join the army. After watching and falling in love with the movie Black Hawk Down, I moved my gaze to more difficult obstacles for women. I wanted to be an Army Ranger, and if possible, a Delta Ranger. I had the mindset of steel. No one was going to tell me no, especially not a man in army fatigues. I’d outlast them all.
Anyways, along with this new plan (but what sort of plan do you actually follow through on at the age of 14?), I wanted the wardrobe to match the master idea. So, camouflage pants, camouflage T-shirts, black tank tops, heavy-duty army-style boots (tall and short), tan undershirts, dog tags that read ‘Army Brat’….anything military inspired, I either wanted to wear it or own it.
So, it’s September 11, and I’m riding the bus to school wearing my heavy brown army boots, and I hear the DJ make this announcement. My ears didn’t perk up until the third time he said something, and I instantly thought, “Oh no. They’re attacking headquarters. They must be stopped!”
“I have often depended on the blindness of strangers,”
A font of funny lines, Adrienne Gusoff, has hit it on the mark with this one. Let’s just say we all knew I was a drama-filled kid from an early age, but nowadays and starting back when I was a young thing, when I put my mind to something, I went at it with all speed ahead. When I was set on joining the military, I wanted people to know it. Hence, the sudden wardrobe change (however, I drew the line at buzz cuts.)
But, being the juvenile that I was, I hadn’t quite grasped entirely what was going on. Not until I walked into second period English, and the teacher had the TV on, watching the first Tower smoke its way across the sky. That’s when it hit me, what really was going on. We talked about it all during first period Band, and we attempted to play a song, but we all knew our teacher’s mind wasn’t in it. So we talked about it instead.
It was in English when the 2nd Tower fell, and my teacher brushed it off as repeat footage of the first tower falling. But it wasn’t. The 2nd Tower collapsed, and I felt my heart drop as I stared at the TV screen. How could both Towers suddenly be gone? Just like that? Through the haze and the smoke, two very large holes now gaped widely at the world. My next thought? “Who the hell gets the idea to fly two planes into towers filled with people? How is this possible?”
I didn’t personally know anyone in the Towers or anyone on the planes which crashed into the Pentagon or into the field in Pennsylvania. But my heart went out to those who lost their loved ones, or who would be put to the worst test of all time: the unknown. They didn’t know if their family/friends were alive, and they would have to wait.
Waiting is the worst. I think waiting kills more people than actual disasters or diseases.
I visited the Sept. 11 memorial site in the spring of 2007, and I was overcome with so many feelings. I didn’t actually cry, but my gut was twisted in every which way and I couldn’t eat for hours afterwards. The lists of names of those still missing, the notes and mementos left for those still hoping for the biggest of miracles. Someone was playing their violin and the soft notes of “America the Beautiful” made my heart ache. Staring into the pit of the rubble (which was all cleared away by this time, but this giant hole still remained), I couldn’t help but wonder what is was like here…on this infamous day six years ago…to look up and see the towers smoking on the horizon and knowing tomorrow when you woke up, the world would be a different place.
The movie “World Trade Center” always brings me to tears, and maybe for a few not so obvious reasons. I’ve always loved Nicholas Cage, but here was a new take for him. He breaks my heart. Mario Bello and Maggie Gyllenhal do, too. I wasn’t with anyone who waited for word on a loved one down at the tower site, but I feel like I’m right there with them. The anguish that crosses their faces kills me. One question is raised by a police officer in the movie, the one who crawled down into the void to pull Cage and Pena’s characters out of the rubble: “All these people in these towers…Where are they? Where did they go?”
I often ask myself the same question when I think about those still missing.
Along with remembering the tragedy of the day, and sending out love and hugs to those greatly hurt by the hatred and terror of those we don’t entirely understand, we must also thank those who gave their lives or put themselves on the line all in the name of hope, brotherhood, and because it was the right thing to do. It’s amazing how human we all become despite out difference when tragedy strikes as hard and swift as September 11 saw all those years ago. Honestly, it feels like yesterday.
I want to thank them all: Policemen, firemen, first responders, military personnel, the National Guard, doctors, nurses, priests, the families, the spouses, the friends, the common man on the street who decided he’d put his best effort forth, complete strangers who quickly became friends. Everyone…thank you.
On that note, here are a few things to keep your spirits high. Out of darkness, a bright light will shine.
– Every dream-come-true starts with hope.
– You have every reason to feel confident. You’re amazing.
– It’s time to be who you were meant to be: a success story!
– Positive thinking works — and its free.
– You will have more triumphs than troubles.
– One smile can make everything better. Especially your smile.
– No need to try so hard. You’re alreadyterrific!
It’s always darkest right before the dawn. We’re stronger than we were yesterday, and we can only go up from here.
Take it easy, and hug those who you love most.
I literally just typed three different starting sentences to this posting, and deleted them all. Flat out. Finger finds the ‘Delete’ button and holds on for dear life.
It’s Monday. What else do you want from me? Seriously, I cannot tell you how much my fingers do not want to type right now. They’re been typing all day long. Strange to hear me complain about typing when I’m a writer. A self-proclaimed writer, and how else does one write these days for fear of their house burning down and taking everything with it?
However, there’s nothing like opening a brand new notebook and staring that pristine white paper. Lines crisp and blue. So blue you find yourself staring at the veins in your arm and you realize the blue colors match. The veins might be a touch bluer. The lines so close together you wonder how your handwriting could possibly fit between those itty-bitty lines.
Then, you put your pen tip to the page, and you just start writing.
It could be gibberish. It could be brilliance. You just keep writing.You write because you have to. My fingers start to hurt when I haven’t written for a good stretch of time. Seriously. It sounds a bit psychotic, but its true. It’s like a doctor who hasn’t operated in several weeks. They just need that scalpel in their hand and they need to cut, cut, cut.
That could be the Christina Yang coming out in me. My sister exclaimed the other day while sitting at her laptop. Netflix let her know Season 8 of grey’s Anatomy is now available on Netflix. There goes the next so many hours of my evening in the upcoming weeks. I haven’t watched that show in what feels like forever. Yet, I somehow remember what’s going on.
“Beautiful women seldom want to act. They are afraid of emotion and they do not try to extract anything from a character that they are portraying, because in expressing emotion they may encourage crow’s feet and laughing wrinkles. They avoid anything that will disturb their placidity of countenance, for placidity of countenance insures a smooth skin.”
Those are quite the stinging words of Laurette Taylor, tops in early twentieth-century theater. However, I have shed my fair share of tears in the past 24 hours, and it was without fear of how “ugly” I look. Emotion speaks volumes, and it’s a terrifying thing, to feel something beyond our control. I had to ask the question the other day, “Why do we cry when we’re sad?” I dont’ have the slightest clue, but I sometimes wish we expressed sadness in other ways.
It stings, yes, but how very true her words are. I can thin of one solid example of why this is ludicrous, and yet oh so true. Charlize Theron was heavily hailed as a true contender for her portrayal of Aileen Wornos in the film “Monster,” and she later would win at that year’s Oscars int he category of Best Leading Actress. Not only was she hailed as glorious for her acting abilities, but she was also praised for her ability and fearlessness when it came to her appearance. She was able to “ugly up” for her part, and really “lose herself in the role.”
The main thing they did to her, make-up wise? Shaved off her eyebrows. Daring, yes. Daring enough for a seasoned actress and worth all the critical acclaim based on her appearance alone? I don’t think so. Let the work speak. Not the eyebrows. I’m sure there are plenty of teenage girls out there who thought they had an easier solution to taming their eyebrows by using a razor versus a tweezers or wax strip.
Getting rid of your eyebrows is not a new phenomenon. Teenage girls have been doing it since the beginning of time as they try to master the art of Tweezing.
I spent way too much time this past weekend crying my eyes out. I will never understand how certain people don’t blink an eye at the generosity that has been bestowed upon them. They didn’t ask, but kindness was spread to them because it was clear they needed it. It was clear help from outside hands were needed, and so what do people with great, great hearts do? They open their arms, their minds, and more importantly their hearts to you. They give everything you could possibly need because it was written across your forehead: “I need help, but don’t know how to ask for it because I have found myself in a giant hole with not a shovel to dig my way out.”
After all this kindness, what happens? Childish behavior is what happens. “I’m going to act like a 13-year-old girl because I have nothing better to do with myself.” You have no money, so you mooch off the one providing a living for you (and then complain to your family you are being controlled and manipulated…yet you openly refuse to get a job.) You have a child, but refuse to act like a mother. Instead, you push your son off on everyone else you actually does care for him because, well, you know we can’t say no. Because we care about the welfare of that little boy more than you ever will.
Your priorities? Staying out until 5 in the morning after staying out at a bar until 2 am, or you head out to a dance club near a military base where a large handful of men away on leave are not so subtle in what they’re looking for on weekend evening. What the hell is going through your mind? You have a son at home. Don’t you want to be home with him? Apparently not. You’d rather get drunk, and then sleep until noon when your son needs you up to feed and change him. To take care of him.
All things a mother shouldn’t have to think twice about. It’s no longer about you, you, you. You have someone depending on you. Don’t screw it up or you will have this Jedi to deal with.
I have dealt my hand. You hurt that little boy, I will not stand for it. Get your act together. You’re not a teenager anymore. You’re an adult with real adult issues. Stop acting like the world owes you everything when you barely lift a finger to help the world, let alone those who have given you a place to stay, food to eat, and a car to drive.
Yet, you shit all over everyone. If reincarnation is indeed real, I hope you come back as a leech. It’s what you are now, so it really wouldn’t be much of a change for you. Latch on, suck them dry, and move on to the next. Encounter something you don’t like? Bite and bite again. Because hurting someone is always the answer. It definitely makes it easier to forgive you later down the line.
I have no respect for certain people anymore, and I honestly fear for them if we are ever left alone in a room together. When my mouth starts going, and I am fueled by this burning desire to smack you upside the head in the hopes it will straighten things out up in your noggin, I’m not that fun to be around. In fact, I am downright frightening.
Don’t cross me. The more I cry, the harder I hit.
Especially when family is on the line.
I woke up yelling at my alarm clock.
I know some people exaggerate and say they screamed at their alarm clock as they open their eyes in the wee hours of the morning. But I actually did. I screamed at it. Maybe I was in such a deep sleep I didn’t know what I was doing? The alarm sounded, I guess I started screaming…THEN I woke up and realized what was going on.
When I managed to climb up the steps this morning to grab a cup of coffee as I got ready for the day (Two days at the gym, and I am already feeling it in my thighs. Hello, Stairs, who are now my mortal enemy!), my sister had to ask what was happening this morning in my living quarters of the house.
“Oh nothing much. Just woke up screaming at the alarm clock, that’s all.” “That’s all?” “Yeah, nothing to worry about.” “Did you have a nightmare or something?” “Naw. Just woke up screaming.” Then I began the long descent back down the stairs to where my hair dryer and closet of clothes waited for me.
Talk about your rough morning. Eh, it could be worse.
“All I want is to be more famous than anything or anyone.”
The short and sweet answer from Patsy Kensit, the British pop singer.
I’m right there with her. It’s the big conundrum of our race. How will I be remembered? Will I even be remembered after I’m gone? Will it be good enough to only be remembered by family and friends, whose memories of me will eventually be passed down so much, it fades with time until no one knows or remember my name, let alone my face?
It’s best to be immortalized. Enter the fame game. Do something outrageous, become rich, act your ass off, or hit the record number of home runs over and over again. Be remembered as the greatest of the great (Way to go, Michael Phelps. No one is going to forget you anytime soon. Not as long as the Olympics are played!)
Do I want to be remembered? Sure I do. Am I going to stretch myself as far as Achilles as so greatly told through the movie “Troy”? Probably not. I’m not rushing off into battle with my sword blazing, ready to take out an entire city, let alone an entire stretch of people.
My legacy will most likely be along the lines of Rose and Jack from “Titanic”. (Oh yes, another Titanic reference, here we come!) Rose didn’t even have a picture of the guy. He existed, as she said, in her memory.
What more proof did she need? She met the guy, fell in love with him, let him draw her nude, almost died alongside him, and revisited the nude drawing almost 80 years after the fact. (Hell, that portrait is going to be her legacy, and what a great one to leave behind! If I looked like Rose/Kate Winslet sans clothing, I’d be all over the nude drawing thing. In fact, I’m pretty sure I added that to my bucket list: “Be drawn in the nude by my lover just like in Titanic”. I know…I’m a bit obsessive.)
It’s interesting to see how people will be remembered for years to come, thanks for the internet. Nowadays, you can look up anybody you want, even people you have no idea about. It helps when you have special access to things, too, I try not to exploit that power too often. Simply by keeping this blog, people will be able to look back, see what I was doing a year ago from now, and know a bit about me.
The Jedi in me knows more than this physical, technological stuff. My spirit and what really makes me who I am will continue to live on through one thing, and it’s an important thing: the living Force. Everything is bound together, feeding off one another. The balance must stay in place, and when it’s my time to swap sides, and give my balance to the other side of life, so be it. I hope it’s not for quite some times yet, but given recent medical visits and test, things could be looking sketchy again.
I’m choosing to remain positive. It’s the only way to be.
And how better to keep a positive spin on things than by looking around for sources of inspiration, things that make me smile or stir up the resins in my cranium. Late from last week, we’re getting a double dose of Fabulous Fridays. Here’s one today, and the other is coming at you tomorrow. Enjoy (even if only for a few moments):
Fabulous End-Of-Summer Bite:
Fabulous Sandy Pup:
Fabulous Bedroom Accessory:
Fabulous Fall Print:
Now, don’t you feel better? If not, go fill up your coffee mug and stare at the Fabulous Film Men a few minutes longer. They are just so….yummy.
The weekend is almost here, where more adventures await this Jedi.
Until then, here’s a little more Josh Groban to brighten the day 🙂