It’s not breaking up because you haven’t been together for the past 2.5 years, but there are times where it feels like you’re still in some sort of psuedo-relationship. But let’s get brutally real here, honey. It’s time to end it. Stop dragging it out. Cut the cord. Move on. (Do I need to keep going, or do you catch my drift?)
It’s time to dump him for once and for all.
As if you needed more reasons than are already in your arsenal. But just in case, here are 21 signs. Big red flag signs you need to stop hedging and actually break it off with him in every way possible.
1.) You don’t get butterflies when he texts you. In fact, you sort of sigh heavily, roll your eyes and wonder, “What the heck now?” Seriously, you feel nothing. Ice cold. Tired of it all. Nothing.
2.) You spend a lot of time trying to justify to friends (and yourself) why it’s the right decision to “break up” with him. Even though they, and your mind’s voice, are like, “I don’t know why you’re trying to convince me, dude, it sounds like it’s not going anywhere.”
3.) He’s not considerate in life. You make all the plans. You look up the movie times and restaurant reviews. You sit there for 20 minutes by yourself when he’s inevitably late for no good reason. You cringe as he continually insults you and everyone around you because he had a “little too much to drink”. No amount of “sorries” make up for repeated little thoughtless-nuggets like this.
4.) He doesn’t ask you about your family or how your day was. BUT… he does ask you about your job and how much you’re earning these days. Reeeeeal smooth, dude.
5.) He’s too comfortable talking about (regretful) feelings. Having a 7th grade emotional maturity level is typically expected in men. That doesn’t mean you need to hear every five minutes how he regrets losing you or how beautiful you are or how he just want you to be happy with yourself so go out there and find that “right” guy. If he’s really mad/sad/regretful of losing you, there are better and more mature ways of doing this, guaranteed.
6.) He doesn’t make you feel safe. We’re talking physically AND emotionally. If he doesn’t make you feel secure in some way, ain’t nobody got time for that.
7.) He drunk-texts you at 2 a.m. Repeatedly. Those barely comprehensible texts? Preceded by 18 drunken phone calls and 5 drawn-out voice mails. Just stop already.
8.) He randomly asks you about the items decorating your room. You know, that green and pink blanket you had on your bed when you dated 3 years ago? Do you still have it? Even if you do, why does he even care?
9.) His answer to every question you ask him is, “Because I f*cking love you”. Because, really, anything of that nature is going to make any girl with half a brain swoon.
10.) You always approach discussions about the future with caution. Why? Last time you saw him, he proposed to you…and then chucked his iPhone down the sidewalk with such force you were pretty certain it shattered.
11.) He insists on paying for everything. Including the wages for the bartenders currently serving you drinks.
12.) He complains about working long hours, saving up money for a big life-changing move, and then drops $70 on a bar tab on a random Thursday night. Good luck in that newer, bigger city. Seriously.
13.) He doesn’t shower enough. Yuck.
14.) He doesn’t read. Double yuck.
15.) He expects the dynamic where the girl he’s dating is the “buzzkill.” Or, in the words of Miranda Hobbes, “the mean mommy.” Go out with your friends if you want! Ugh, STOP ASKING ME IF I’M MAD, DUDE.
16.) He does the thing where he mentions his friends might want him to go out and hints he might want to go with them, but at no point says “I’d actually rather go out with my friends tonight instead of hanging out with you.” Let’s save the time of numerous arguments down the road: just be upfront about it. For the love of God, please be honest!
17.) He drinks and/or smokes so much that he blacks out and doesn’t remember a thing. Ooooof.
18.) He constantly forgets the gender of your pet. She can HEAR you. Does she LOOK like a male cat to you? Okay, this is not that big of a deal, but still speaks to a lack of attention to your life.
19.) He assumes after all this time a part, you still want to get married and pop out babies. To him, specifically. Why is it always assumed that women are crazy-eyes commitment-obsessed Must-Start-A-Family-Now freaks?
20.) He does not do the small, thoughtful things that someone who really cares and is ready to show that would do. For instance: He can’t hold off on his drinking long enough to have a sober conversation with you right before moving across the country.
21.) You are beautiful. You are smart. You are strong. You are Jedi. He can’t handle that? That’s reason enough to ditch the doe-doe.