Farm Style

Out of the Blue

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Have you randomly called your mom or dad in the middle of the day just to say, “Hey, what’s going on?”

The Rascal Flatts have a beautiful song about this very topic.

I did that this afternoon while I was eating my lunch, and I thought my mom was having a mini heart attack. I don’t normally call in the middle of the day, I know that. But sometimes you just want to call and talk to your mom. I’ve been feeling rather blue lately, and for a variety of reasons, but still. I just wanted to talk to my mother. Is that such a crime? I don’t think it is, but still, I could tell she was worried when she picked up the phone.

Or I could take a page out of Johnny Depp’s book and just be okay with how things are, especially when I’m not feeling “normal”.

How do I know this? Other than the higher than normal pitch to her voice? The first question out of her mouth when she confirmed was wasn’t at work answering her phone against the rules (come on, we all do it!), “Is everything okay with you?”

I’m not okay right now, but this is sort of hilarious.

Other than feeling  a tad bit depressed about a lot of things, yes, I am doing pretty okay. Just lots to do and not enough time to do it. We’ve scheduled time to talk tonight, so hopefully I won’t end up being a big ball of tears tonight when we catch up and talk. I literally told her I’m done being a terrible daughter, and she sort of laughed, but I think I have hurt her feelings by not calling on a more regular basis. Especially when I went through another “Do I have cancer, or do I not have cancer” scare. For a stretch of time, other than when I was looking for a job and finally landed one, I know she was worried I’d call her in the middle of the day and tell her the worst news a parent, or anyone for that matter, ever wants to hear.

Every time the phone rings…

Bright side! I’m okay, so I’m going to stop being depressed now.

“Having breast cancer is massive amounts of no fun. First they mutilate you; then they poison you; then they burn you. I have been on blind dates better than that.”

The insight from our first lady of liberal journalism, Molly Ivins. I know I say I hate my love life and how its playing out right now, but I would never want to sit in on a blind date, or any date, like that. Nor would I ever wish cancer upon someone. It’s just yucky business, and it’s very sad how many people are affected by it, either directly or indirectly.

As a fellow journalist, I thank your.

My ex-boyfriend texted me  out of the blue the other day. Purely for no reason. The main question on his mind: Is this still your number. I didn’t respond right away, and I’m not sure if that freaked him out or only made him bolder, but I was out of the room where my phone was skittering across the table. I picked it up and found literally 15 text messages from him. It was a bunch of nonsense, but it was him being him. Not saying he’s full of nonsense, but it’s his sense of humor and when he feels awkward, he uses humor to try to lighten the situation. Through text messaging is no exception.

Two wishes would come true if this were a text messaging case of my own doing. 1.) James Franco and I would have dated, and 2.) We did so much more than kiss. Oh and 3.) I would have his cell phone number. Day-um!

Indeed, I still do have the same number and he got a yes to that question. Only after another 20-some text message (Again talking about nothing) did he finally ask me how I was doing. Responses became very short and to the point from that point on.

Why do I bring this up? Other than asking how he was doing and what he was up to (after not talking for probably 6 months, and not having the nerve to tell me he moved away), I really wanted to let him have it. I wanted to tell him about my recent health issues, and how he needed to take it into consideration. But I decided against it. Let what happened between us be. Let it lie and try not to stir up the muck as much as possible.

There are far fouler things than orcs found in the deep.

It was really hard, though.

I should let the past be what it is, remember the good times, and move on to my future, but when someone hurts me really badly, I have the nudging to hurt them back just as much. It’s a bad, bad trait, and thankfully I’m able to recognize me motives are ill-placed.

Refuse the dark side.

Must be all that Jedi training.

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I’m Going For the Knock-Out

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My Olympic antics are catching up with me.

Just like lack of training caught up with Phelps a few times.

All day long I’ve been stopping midstep due to these unexpected sharp pains in my lower back. It’s always on the left side, and sometimes it’s just a small discomfort. Others? They make me stop and gasp for a breath. They are just sharp and painful. Is this the start of appendicitis? Am I coming down with liver cancer?

Guuuuuys….it really hurts!

Can you tell I’m a bit melodramatic at times?

But, seriously. Whatever is going on in that region of my body, it needs to stop. Today marks the first of three doubles coming up back to back to back. I literally will not have a day off until….my God, I don’t even know when. Sunday? Monday? Two weeks from now when I start my Big Girl Job and have weekends to myself? I may not sleep for weeks.

Did you instill me with such a need to feel like I don’t deserve a free moment to myself ever?!

This is not good.

“From then on, when anything went wrong with the computer, we said it had bugs in it.”

I’ve always wondered where that phrase came from, and now I know, thanks to Grace Hopper. She’s the pioneering programmer who was working on a malfunctioning computer in 1945, and further, removed a moth from it. Interesting how our language develops, isn’t it? ‘It’s got a bug,’ is a pretty common phrase of the American English language. I know I use that phrase quite a bit!

Clever lady. It’s why she joined the Navy.

I wonder if Ryan Lochte uses that phrase. Like, when he has a bad swimming day or just a rough day in the pool in general, does he go to his coach and say,” I’m sorry, man, but I just have a few bugs in me today.”

Just like I’m sure you had a few bugs in that long hair of yours. But that body just don’t quit!

In case you haven’t figured it out, I’m sort of obsessed with Ryan Lochte. It’s never Ryan or simply Lochte. It’s always a two name drop. It’s always Ryan Lochte. Just so you know. I’m a swooning more and more with every article I read about him on Google. See, this si what I do. I discover somebody as cute and giggle-worthy as Ryan Lochte, and I go bananas. It’s pretty equal to that of a school girl crush. I hear his name or I catch a glimpse of his face on my television screen, and my heart does a dozen flippity-flops and my heart rate increases by 13 points. It’s ridiculous, I know.

My heart especially goes pitter-patter when he blows me a kiss.

Maybe my new junkie addiction is merely to Ryan Lochte….Eh, no. I also am in love with the US women’s beach volleyball team. I really hope they get the gold for the third time in a row. How incredibly awesome is it, on top of pursuing the achievement of their third straight gold medal, but they are also two women who are well into their 30s. For those people who are struggling with the “OMG I’m turning 30, the world is over” dilemma, take a look at these two women, and get over it.

I’M not turning 30…not for a little bit yet.

Have you tried running in sand for 3 hours straight? Oh, and it’s not just running. It’s also jumping, hitting, falling, getting right back up, and jumping some more. Ever eat a mouthful of sand? I’m sure they have countless times. Do you hear them complaining? Nope. You find them looking pretty great in their swimsuits as they dive, swing and spike that ball into their opponents.

Go Gold, or Go Home.

Each game of theirs I’ve seen so far, it ends up being tied at 18-18 or 19-19, and then they pull out all the stops. Did I forget to mention that along with going for their third straight gold medal (which means they already have two in their possession), but they’ve also never lost a set while pursuing any of their medals? In case you didn’t hear me the first time…they’ve never lost a game in the Olympics. Not even a preliminary round. These women are freaking insane, and i love everything about it. It just shows they are not letting anything stop them, and that’s the way women should be. Constantly fighting for something no one thinks they are capable of.

KILL IT!

It’s what I take pride in most from my standpoint as a woman. You give me a bar and tell me can’t reach beyond it, I’m going to tell you I’m going not only reach it, but I’m going to fly so far past it, we’ll both forget a bar even existed. My favorite part about impressing or surprising someone? The look on their faces. For an acting exercise in class once, I was asked to stand in for someone else’s personal exercise. I represented the other actor’s wife to whom he is talking to throughout his monologue. To physicalize the text, he had to speak his monologue while trying to keep me pinned to the ground. Keep in mind that this wasn’t a small guy who was meant to keep me on the ground.

But you will not hold me down.

He made it through maybe 3 lines of his monologue before he had to stop talking because I was struggling so much, and was nearly on my feet before he could say another word.

I may look small, but I’m feisty. All those years of living it up on the farm had its pay-off. I know how to work for myself, and sometimes when you’re in the midst of chores, there isn’t someone around to help you when you get into a bind. You have to take care of it yourself, and sometimes that required a bit of elbow grease. I learned to be tough when I needed to be. If you didn’t grow up on a farm, you’ll have no clue what I’m talking about unless you’ve been chasing cows home to discover a large hole in the fence and you need to not only chase the cows back into the fenced in area, but also fix the fence with your bare hands. Oh, and I forgot to mention you’re standing in the middle of a swamp and one of the cows is stuck in the marshiness of the swamp. Not only do you need to run home and get a rope halter to put around her, you need to pull her out. Alone. Think you could handle it?

The fight will be your own. As Optimus Prime would say.

Probably not, but feel free to try to change my mind on that one. Guess I also have a few bugs to work out 😉

In true fashion of thinking on your feet and getting creative, I’m always looking for the next best thing along with the rest of the world. Since I’m heading into the realm of Big Girl World, I’m always looking for new ideas to try out. You know, in the attempt to save me some money since I really will need to budget myself now. I already have these huge thoughts about how to decorate my own place, or the vacations I’m going to take, or the things I’m going to see. But, until I really have tons of cash to throw around, I have a few nifty tricks using a product we all look and use every day, or very close to every day.

My new boudoir, perhaps?

Here are some brilliant ideas for using Club Soda:

1.) Perk up fading plants

If a bottle of your club soda has gone flat, set it out so it reaches room temperature, then use it to water your plants. The beverage contains nourishing minerals which enrich the soil and help the plants flourish!

2.) Get a rusty screw to turn

No need to struggle with a screw that doesn’t want to budge — simply pour club soda on it, let it sit for 5 minutes before twisting again.

3.) Avoid a stuck-on food nightmare

One way to head off a post-dinner scrubbing battle with your pots and pans: While the cookware is still warm, pour in just enough club soda to cover the bottom, then let is sit while you eat.

4.) Whip of fluffier flapjacks

Make a wow-worthy breakfast by substituting club soda for the water or milk in your fave pancake or waffle recipe. The soda’s bubbles will aerate the batter to produce a light, fluffy stack. BONUS! You’ll save 140 calories for every cup of whole milk you cut out.

5.) Polish chrome sans streaks or spots

To get your bathroom sparkling like new, trade your old cleaner for club soda. Simply pour the liquid onto a clean soft cloth and use to wipe down the metal.

6.) Erase stubborn mug stains

A daily tea fix can leave your mug with a hard-to-remove brownish tinge. The save? Fill the cup with club soda and let it sit overnight. Your cup will look like new in the morning!

7.) Turn gelatin into a dazzling dessert

The next time you make this classic treat, jazz it up by swapping club soda for cold water when dissolving the Jell-O powder. It’ll give the salad a little extra kick.

8.) Make old jewelry sparkle like new

Instead of splurging on pricey jewelry cleaners to get your gems gleaming again, place dulled pieces in a cup of club soda. Since the soda will creep into hard to reach cracks and crevices, you won’t even have to scrub with a brush. Simply let your jewelry soak overnight, rinse and gently dry them in the morning.

9.) Effortlessly remove bird droppings

It’s lovely hearing the birds chirp outside your window in the morning. Seeing how much they crapped on your car isn’t quite as nice. The easy fix? Pour club soda into a spray bottle and spritz on the soiled areas. Let it sit for a minute, then wipe away with a paper towel with a single swipe.

10.) Break a pet accident cycle

Even after thoroughly cleaning up your pets’ accident, you can still smell traces of it on the carpet. To get rid of that odor so there won’t be a repeat occurrence, cover the area with club soda and let it sit for 5 minutes before blotting with paper towels. The soda’s minerals will safely deodorize the spot.

Who knew club soda was for more than alcoholic beverages?

The miracle beverage!

Enough of this blabbering. I need to get back to my Olympics and catch up on things I’ve missed since I’ve been at work all day long. If my US women beach volleyball team lost today, I’m going to cry myself to sleep. They are my role models for how to turn 30 with grace. Seriously, check them out. Amazon women is what they are, and we all know Amazonian women ruled the roost and kicked major arse!

Un-defeated. YOU GO GIRLS!

May the odds continue to be ever in your favor!

Oh, Effie…

(How I would LOVE to hear the Queen of England say this before a medal round of some Olympian event, and I know I’m not the only one dying to hear her say these exact words.)

Come on, Queenie! You can say it!

Warrior Women Can Have Off Days, Right?

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A giant, sweaty blob. That is what I feel like, and yet, for some reason, every single person in this place continues to tell me that I look very nice.

Not that I don’t appreciate the compliments. I really do. I probably appreciate them more in this state of being than when I actually put a lot of physical effort into my appearance before going anywhere. When you put more than an hour into your appearance, you better dang well get a compliment or two, otherwise what in the hell were you doing with your time?

Bella, you could stand in front of a mirror for life and there wouldn’t be any compliments for you from me any time soon.

Here’s how this afternoon went: I get out of the shower, blow dry my hair, straighten it…the usual routine when I’m going about a normal working day. I had the vision of what I wanted to wear to work all figured out in my noggin. I would wear my gray pencil skirt with my emerald-green satin top (the one with the black polka-dots and the black sash right under the bust), and my trusty black pumps. I slide on the skirt and everything is looking good. It’s when I slide on the top I start to feel less than stellar.

The ever looming dilemna…What do I wear when I feel like a gross blob?

For one, my boobs must have grown 10x since the last time I wore this particular top. The black sash which is supposed to go underneath my bustline? It didn’t go under my bustline. It went right across the middle of my chest, cutting my twins in half. If you’ve ever seen this done to your set of twins, you know how highly unattractive a look it is. So, the logical thing? I pull the top down, hoping to adjust it to its proper place. It wouldn’t budge. So, I reached inside the V-neck of this shirt and adjust myself with my hands, thinking maybe this would do the trick.

It’s hard being a woman with two forward facing twins resting on your chest all the time.

Boy, did it ever. I suddenly had cleavage like never before. Sooooo not appropriate for the place I needed to be at in less than 20 minutes.

What’s a girl to do other than to rip off the green shirt with the black polka-dots and tear through her closest for the next best option for her attire? I put on my favorite gray short-sleeved suit coat…it made me look wide through the middle. I put on my favorite purple multi-tiered layered camisole with my black sweater shrug…it made my look pregnant. Tried to put together a simple all-black outfit…except all of them required to wear heels and with a wedding happening at my workplace, I wasn’t about to run a wedding marathon in the high heels I would have to wear with these particular ensembles.

Problem with wearing heels while working a wedding? You’re not sitting at a desk like this most of the time.

Finally I reached the point where I had to put on some clothes or be really late for work. So, I grabbed the first two things I saw that matched each other, slid on my flats, and dashed out the door.

Rewind a little bit here, too. Before the whole “what do I wear?” debacle, I was complaining to my roommate how I have boring hair. Boring in the sense that I always wear it the same way. It’s either half-up with bobby pins to get my bangs out of my face, all the way up into a ponytail to get the hair off my neck, or it’s down in a simple straight ‘do. It’s so boring!, I explained. I need to learn how to put my hair up in fun ways.

I’m sure Madame Gaga would have a few tips for me.

Like, some girls can do a successful messy bun.

A messy bun PLUS a headband…yeah, I can’t do either.

I can’t do that.

Some know how to braid the front parts of their hair in fun ways, and loop them around to their ponytail/bun up do.

Granted, I’m not as beautiful as Rachel McAdams…but the hair is really cute!

 

I can’t do that.

Others know how to roll the ends of their hair up and around so they have this rolled/coiled look going on. Very classy looking, in my opinion.

Take away the bang schwoop and its so pretty!

I can’t do that.

So, as I stared at my lifeless hair after straightening it for the one millionth time in my life, I knew I wanted it off my neck. It was a warm day, and I was already sweating just thinking about the prep work I’d be doing once I arrived at work. My solution? The half-updo it was. My roommate saw me, and remarked, “We decided on boring again today, huh?”

With my hair!

Apparently, I’m a sweaty AND boring blob of a person. It doesn’t help that a giant M&M cookie is staring me in the face right now.

“One seeks new friends only when too well-known by old ones.”

In this instance, when contemplating the words of Madame de Puisieux, the French epigrammist, I know I need to find new friend with not just good hair. They need to have GREAT hair, and I need to find out their tricks of the trade.

I’m sure she had lots of friends with great hair.

Let’s be real here. It’s not just with their hair….it’s with their overall look. How they put simple, yet elegant outfits together in the blink of an eye and simply by pulling things from their closest. How they step out of the shower, let their hair do whatever the hell it wants, run a squirt of some magical hair gel through the palms of their hands and over their scalp, and voila! Magnificent hair!

So touchably soft…all the time.

I want to have hair like that!

I used to think my hair was capable of doing two things, and these things dictated the way I would do it. 1.) I would get in the way of my vision and could be detrimental to whatever I happened to be doing at that moment. If I’m returning a fast spin serve on the tennis courts, or sketching a nearby tree, or people watching at the park, or attempting to read a sign while driving down the highway so I don’t get lost in the middle of a giant freaking city. I could be in the middle of a massive lightsaber fight, but wouldn’t you know it? My hair gets in my face, I can’t respond to a move, and I’m suddenly without an arm for the rest of my life.

I can’t believe I’m admitting this, but Qui-Gon Jinn was a massive inspiration for wanting to get the hair out of my face.

All because of my stupid head of hair.

Mostly because of my athletic tendencies, I always wore my hair up and out of my face. Plus, it’s really easy to do your hair fresh out of the shower. Especially when its a 100+ degree day in the summer time. Have you ever milked cows in a sweltering barn with your hair falling in tumbles down your back and shoulders? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Girls do NOT look this perfect while milking. I promise you.

The second thing my hair is capable of doing? Seduction. If done and played with correctly, a woman’s hair can be the gateway to a man’s bare instincts and animatistic tendencies. You can drive a man wild just by the way you do your hair, or simply by sweeping your hair off your neck, revealing the vulnerable and lovely nape of the neck. Flirting with one’s hair….it’s still a technique I’m working on. I don’t think you can hate your hair 350 days out of the year and have this technique mastered.

I’ll take flirting tips from Kristen Wiig any day and at any time.

On top of everything else today, I tied 60-some blue satin bows on the back of chairs needed for this wedding’s ceremony, and people only sat in them for 30 minutes. Once the ceremony was over, the chairs with my decadent bows were abandoned.

Over 60 of these were tied by my hands in 35 minutes time.

Ah, the fruits of ones labors.

I hope your weekends are going just as awesome as mine. Minus the feeling like a blob part.

I hope you feel this good about yourself you are literally jumping out of your own skin because you just can’t handle this good feeling!

I don’t wish that upon anyone.

Instead, wish for everyone to have a puppy.

I’m Pretty Sure My Mom was Taught by Master Yoda

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Two days after the festivities have ended, I am still exhausted with my body still trying to recover. Probably doesn’t help that my eating habits have been incredible erratic all weekend long, and in the hopes of recovering from said weekend, I ate too few of meals with too much time in between OR I snacked way too much on chocolate gold coins, Texas caviar, blanco cheese dip and leftover Subway sandwiches to make much of a difference.

When, like, 20 of these are just sitting in your fridge, how can you possibly say no?

That’s the way of life after a wild weekend like I’ve just had, right?

In case you were wondering, the Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party rocked out the weekend hours without a hitch. My stomach hurt so much the next morning from laughing. Just…so much fun. My sisters, our cousins and the friends along for the ride sure know how to have a good night. It wasn’t a wild night where things happening in Vegas stay in Vegas, but it was a blast nonetheless. If I could relive the weekend in its entirety, I so totally would. To say I like being in charge of events like this is an understatement.

See this clipboard? It’s my clipboard. Which means I’m in charge.

I adore it.

Seeing as how my brain is a bit fuzzy from everything still, I’m not going to give too many details on the happenings of the weekend just yet. I will later on…hopefully after a full night’s rest here. What am I saying…I’m too wicked to rest.

Must. Keep. Pounding. My. Head. Against. This. Wall.

I was able to schedule an extra day off where I could stay home with my folks on the farm and just relax for a solid 24 hours. It wasn’t easy telling myself to chill out, especially when my other siblings are in the midst of packing up their bags and gear to start their treks home, back to their own separate lives. It may not have shown on the outside, but every time a backpack or a duffel bag was thrown into the trunk of a vehicle, my stomach lurched. My brain would scream, “Get going! You’re burning daylight! You should be working on SOMETHING!”

Come on…come on! Just shut! It’s not that much stuff!

I may have a few screws loose.

Not as soon as I would like, but my nerves and anxiety eventually drifted away and I was able to grab a book from my overnight bag, sit on our back porch with a cup of coffee, and read to my heart’s content. I forgot how nice it is to lose yourself completely in a fictional story.

This is how I spent most of my Monday.

My latest read of choice? Songs of the Humpback Whales by Jodi Picoult. I absolutely love everything about her writing and her stories. I own half of her entire collection already, and will soon be owning the rest. An entire section of my Books Only bookshelf will be dedicated to her (when I have the space to have a Books Only bookshelf anyways.) I highly recommend her novels. Pure wonderfulness, and her most known novel My Sister’s Keeper is the only book to date that made my shed actual tears while I was reading.

I don’t cry when I read. I just don’t, but that book opened wells of tears for an entire night to the point where I had to put the book down to gather myself before moving on.

Not only did I finish this book of Picoult’s, but I read two other Star Wars books in their entirety as well. I suppose after a chaotic weekend like that, one can easily lose themselves in the worlds and problems of another person or in another Universe before focusing on the post-party organizing and cleaning.

Sure, it all looked good before the party started…now? Not so much.

But that extra day not only allowed me time get myself put back together along with a congratulatory pat on the back for throwing not one, but two, great parties in 36 hours, it also gave me time to catch up with my bestest of best friends: my mom.

I don’t understand it when people say they dislike their parents. Sure, when I was 13 years old and coming into my own (with thousands of swirling hormones screwing up everything), I disliked my parents. We argued and fought because I couldn’t wear the things I wanted or go out past 10:00 pm on a school night. They wouldn’t let me date nor could I be on the computer for more than 2 hours at a time (even for school work). I had chores to do and it didn’t matter if I didn’t get home until 10:30 pm due to a basketball game. I still had to go out and do them, then come in, clean up, and start doing my homework for the night. I didn’t talk to her about boys. Heck, I don’t even think she knows my very first kiss happened when I was 15 years old! We simply didn’t talk about boys…it was, as they say, too embarrassing.

I wasn’t the best of listeners.

Yet, I could talk to her about the biology of my body and my period without a problem. Go figure.

“My bottom is my delinquent daughter. I lavish praise upon her cheeks when she’s well-behaved and when she gets out of control, I pretend she isn’t mine.”

Now, I am perfectly aware that Anna Johnson, author of The Yummy Mummy Manifesto, is speaking of her ass-sets, I’m sure, but I also couldn’t help but think about how I’m sure my mother regarded me at times. I’m sure my mother preferred to worry about her back-end than what trouble I was getting myself into at times. I’m all 99% sure she wished her back-end was the worst of her problems when I was just coming into my teen years.

Quite the savvy lady.

I was a handful. I’m not going to deny that one bit.

I’m so happy my mom and I can sit around our fire pit, drinking margaritas, and talk about everything going on in our lives. I even gave her the entire lowdown on what’s been happening in my dating life for the past couple of months. (Okay…so maybe I didn’t tell her every single nitty-gritty detail. I don’t want my mother having heart palpitations for a week straight.) But she is, and always will be, my bestest best friend. She knows me better than anyone ever will, and that’s saying something.

The bestest and cutest parents you ever did see. Trust me…their story is straight out of the books.

I told her straight to her face that she could never, ever leave me. I wouldn’t accept it. This was also after I tried with all my might to save a batch of cookie dough, but just wasn’t doing something right. I was throwing handfuls of flour onto the clump, I was barely touching it with the rolling pin or handling it with my bare hands. Somehow, I just couldn’t get it to stop sticking to my rolling pin to save my life. What happens? My mom comes over, adds one more handful of flour, kneads it like a ball of bread dough, and it rolls perfectly. How am I supposed to be a successful adult when I can’t even make a simple thing like sugar cookie dough?

Why won’t you work, damn it!?!

My mother is a Jedi Master, I’m sure of it.

My mother is the modern-day Shaak-Ti in strength, beauty and, most of all, wisdom.

Um, Hello…? Where Did June Go?

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If we were sitting in a visual setting right now, you’d see me sitting in the back of the room, head in my hands and shaking a furrowed brow at the table top. Not in disgust. In utter amazement at myself.

Okay, maybe a little disgust at my mental capacity to blank out of reality on a regular basis.

A small confession to make: I’m a little behind the times, and completely lost track of what day of the week it actually is. If you lived the schedule I have, you’d get your days messed up and confused just as easily.

So, my confession is quite simply this: I didn’t acknowledge that it was July until my supervisor walked by me at work this morning, chitchatting with me as she beelined for the bookcase behind me, and I slaved over my current project of the hour. She asked how my summer was going, and I replied with an enthusiastic, “It’s going great! So much is happening, and I’m loving the weather.”

Her reply to my statement: “I totally agree, although I feel like I slept through all of June. Where has the summer gone? It’s the 4th of July tomorrow already!”

Who’s ready for a burger?

She proceeds to walk away, and I stare at the bookcase she had been perusing mere seconds before. It’s July…July 4th in less than 24 hours…and I’m only realizing this now?

WTF?! What have I been doing for the last month of my life? I totally acknowledge that my birthday happened about a week ago, and I had been looking forward to that for some time, but what about the time that seems to have eclipsed since then? Apparently my brain decided time was going to stand still on the day immediately following my birthday.

It’s 5 o’clock somewhere!

If only I was so lucky.

So, summer is just about half over. If anything is going to throw a wrench in my day, that’s going to be it. This realization that summer is fully upon us, and what have I done with myself? It wouldn’t be fair to say I haven’t done anything. Not true. I have done a small amount of exciting adventures. Some I’ve told you about. Others are meant for only me to know until my dying day. What are they?, you ask.

Indiana Jones needs to stop thinking with his whip, and actually look behind him.

I’m not about to tell you any time soon, so just stop asking already!

I do have to say I haven’t gotten out to the beach nearly enough this summer. I broke out of the gates right away when we had those ungodly nice days in May when I was fresh out of school, but I haven’t really been back since. A day here and there, but nothing substantial, and my skin color is starting to be the same shade as everyone else. Bronze, bronze and more bronze.

The only envy I have about Jessica Alba…her bronze skin.

I need to be a part of the More Bronze category. Anybody else hear my competitive side kicking in, or am I the only one? I am who I am. What else can I say?

“The feminists took me as a role model, as a mother. It bothers me. I am not interested in being a mother. I am still a girl trying to understand myself.”

Isn’t that the understatement of the century? I barely understand myself. Hell, I have barely scratched the surface of who I am or who I’m going to be. You hear that, Louise Bourgeois, the lady credited with founding confessional art.

Care to discuss the piece she’s standing next to?

While July fills me with melancholy, nostalgia and grief that summer’s end is on the distant horizon, it’s also a great reminder that summer is here and it’s here to stay. Because I barely know myself, there are a few things yet to look forward to that I haven’t accomplished for this season of sunshine:

– Bonfire and Beer on the beach

Perfection. Pure perfection.

– the State Fair! (I know, I know…not until August, the true ending of summer)

As long as the food is on a stick, I don’t care.

– Playing Frisbee on the beach

I’ve got moves like Jagger when it comes to Frisbee.

– Finding the perfect summer alcoholic beach beverage (and an inconspicuous container in which to carry it in)

Isn’t it just the classiest thing you’ve ever seen?

– Adding a few more sundresses a la Kate Middleton to my wardrobe

This girl knows what I like!

– Cleaning out my closest to make room for said sundresses (saving that one for a rainy day)

This is what I should be doing every other day. I have so much crap!

– Four-wheeler ride through the hay fields back on the farm

Can’t wait to take my niece and nephews for a ride.

– Watching ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ on the big screen on opening night (OMG!)

I’m having convulsions just thinking about it.

– Attend a summer street festival of sorts

People everywhere, food smells swirling together, awesome finds for a decent price…LOVE IT!

– Go Camping!! (I have a new obsession I think.)

Seriously, I only live an hour from a major park. Why shouldn’t I?

– Wake up earlier than the sun to watch it rise over the lake (coffee is definitely expected to attend)

Nothing better than coffee at sunrise. Nothing.

– Find a new favorite walking path (preferably on the beach)

I’ve stumbled upon a path or two that I’m not about to forget.

– Road trip down to the cities to reconnect with college friends and drink ourselves silly (aka SHENANIGANS!!)

Trust me, it’s only my first one. Isn’t it beautiful?

– Jump into a pool with all my clothes on

I’m freeeeeeee!

– The One-Man Star Wars Show (still need to get my hands on tickets…and soon!)

I’m a few blocks away from where they’re selling the tickets…I could go get them right now if I really wanted to.

And I’m sure there are a million other things I want to do, but this list could go on for a while, so I’ll just stop now.

My main mission tonight? Getting everything assembled for the pending Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party taking place this weekend. YES! The time has finally arrived, and I’m very calm headed about everything right now. I have quite a few phone calls to make, and I’m procrastinating on them for what reason, I’m not too sure. Because I hate talking on the phone? My vote is yes on that one.

I’m attempting to make these…Yes, indeed, I’m getting crafty!

It’s all going to go swimmingly, and I just cannot wait. It’s going to be a night they are going to remember, that’s for sure. I only hope they remember this is for my sister, and it’s her night. Everything I planned is because I knew she’d enjoy it, and if they stop being prudes for more than three seconds, I know they’ll have fun with it, too.

Everyone is allowed a night where they can be a little naughty for once in their life.

It’s an ad for a beverage….and I’m loving it!

What are a few things you have planned yet for your summer?

In case the temperatures are getting too sweltering for you, make sure to grab an ice-cold beer or two. Lots of water will help, as will your own personal fan. It’s scorching temps here, so wherever you are, remember to keep hydrated if you’re working extensively outdoors (and no,  I do not mean have another margarita while lounging by the pool.)

H20, people, H20!

It’s the real Aqua de Vida.

Captain Jack was on to something, wasn’t he?

This is One Girl Who Loves Her Food…Maybe Too Much

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Officially a year older, officially closer to a landmark ago, and officially closer to this thing everyone keeps insinuating is going to happen all because I’m getting older. Apparently, I have to start acting my age?

If I wear a tie, I’m obviously an adult.

What a total life. I know 40-year-olds who act less like an adult than I do. So I’m not too worried about anything pressing charges against me for occasionally acting like a 13-year-old still. In the last couple weeks alone, I can tick a few instances off my fingers of when I needed a slap across the face with a warning of “Act your age.”

Well…you live, you learn. It’s the only way to figure it all out.

I really need to stop getting up in the morning without the intention of having some sort of solid breakfast. The past week has seen me getting up, heading into the shower, getting my hair done, brewing a pot of coffee, put on my clothes for the day (or plan the clothes I need to wear later on in the day), pour freshly brewed coffee into my travel mug, and walk out the door to head off to whatever job I’m working that day. Insane me is still working 3 different jobs. Thank goodness one of them is based on the hours I’m available to work, or I might drive myself insane.

But changes might be on the horizon. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I should know within the next couple of days if certain changes are to be made to me current living style.

Is my waistline shrinking from all this coffee drinking yet?

Since it was my birthday this past weekend, I’ve been a little behind the times. Escaping to a beautiful lake almost in the middle of nowhere has that effect on a person. Leaving you reeling and wondering what has happened in the real world since you left it. Granted, I was only away for 24 hours, but still. I hate coming back to reality sometimes. Reality tends to bite worse than most things, which I discovered not so shortly after my birthday has dropped its curtains.

While out at this lake, my parents were able to join me as well as a few other members of my family who I haven’t seen in ages. If there is one thing my family knows how to do, its prepare a feast not only for the eyes, but also for the stomach. What a perfect way to kick-off the official season of summer (In case you didn’t know, summer doesn’t actually start until June 22, so I’m legitimately a summer baby!)

Smell’em sizzle!

Perfect day by the lake with a grill, that’s what my birthday was. Don’t forget the pontoon. Oh man, we grilled fresh hamburger on the grill with just the right seasoning. We had fresh corn on the cob, potato salad made by someone who knows how to make potato salad (it’s a family secret I have yet to be let in on), baked beans, a strawberry vinaigrette salad, my favorite Italian noodle salad, pickles from the garden, and of course, a chocolate cake with fluffy white frosting to spare.

I ate so much. I’m still feeling it three days later. If there is one thing I can’t resist when it comes to grilling like this, it’s corn on the cob. I could eat the stuff without taking a breath without a care in the world as to what it will do to my digestive system in the following days. Slather on some butter, a touch of pepper, and OMG.

Nothing tastes sweeter than the melted butter on the sweetest of sweet corn.

It’s heaven on a stick. There’s an idea for the State Fair, isn’t it?

“Being in love with yourself means never having to say you’ve got a headache.”

After the spread I inhaled that evening by the lake, Ellie Laine who is quite the crowd pleaser, I should have been ready to belly flop on the dock and not move for the next 8 years. However, I know what she is referring to. The last thing that should have been on my mind that day was going back home to find me a man to spend the night with. In reality, I didn’t have to search. I had plans with one on account of my birthday.

She sure looks like a pleaser, if you know what I mean. HA! Don’t listen to me.

Other than shacking up with a guy, the thing farthest from my mind should have been more food. But, coming from the family I do, if there is one thing we’re always ready to do, it’s eat. Bottomless pit is exactly what we are. I get it from my Dad’s side of the family.

Needless to say, I didn’t have a headache, but I did have a very full tummy when the evening started to draw to a close. For my birthday, my guy friend announced he was cooking me dinner. Not just any dinner, but a chicken stir fry dinner. Have I ever told you stir fry is one of my absolute favorite meals of all time?

So easy to make, too. Absolutely delicious.

Stir fry is one of my absolute favorite meals of all time.

Grabbed a beer, sat down with my plate of stir fry, and went at it again. It was so delicious. He knows what he’s doing with that dish, that’s for sure. He even went so far as to pick out my favorite flavor of ice cream to compliment the meal (and knowing how much I love the stuff), but I was so stuffed, I couldn’t even think about ice cream at a moment like that.

Coming from the bottomless pit, that’s saying something.

So, instead, we put in a movie that saw us both sink into a food come shortly after.

Falling into a food coma with someone is much more comfortable than falling into a food coma alone.

A pleasant end to the evening if I do say so myself.

However, one thing is left to do for my birthday. I haven’t taken myself on a mini shopping spree yet as a personal birthday present to myself. I know exactly what I’m going for, but there are a few other things to keep an eye out for, and I’m going to share them with you now.

– Cookware

Isn’t it such a pretty blue color?

– Mattresses

The comfiest mattress in the whole universe.

– Gift for Dad

The cutest book about a father and son if I ever did see one. For the Star Wars girls out there, just pretend Luke is a girl. Admit it, it’s easy to do sometimes.

– Fishing and Camping Gear

And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!

– Men’s Cologne

Pair her scent of Princes Leia with his of Lando Calrissian, and you have a match made in heaven.

– Summer Items

Cheap and easy! Take a foam noodle and wrap an end with duct tape to create none other than a lightsaber!

– Storm Windows

Just in case you live on Kamino or in a flood zone (which apparently I do). Add a Boba Fett sticker in the corner of any window to be extra intimidating.

– Summer Clothing

Swimming attire a la R2-D2 or C-3PO? Oh, baby!

– Televisions

Complete with lightsaber remote controls!

– Building Materials

Legos aren’t just for kids anymore.

A few things here are a bit extravagant, but you never know when it’ll come in handy. A few others, I’ll look for them, find the perfect item, and remind myself, “In the future when you have a place all your own,” or, “In your wildest dreams, honey!”

Channel your inner Angelina Jolie.

A girl can never stop dreaming, or she’ll lose her mind.

Continue to have a fabulous day…

Talk Like a Dude for Maximum Results

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Here’s a premise for a new movie. It’s not an entirely original idea, but it sure would give those directors who love visual effects and explosions a task they could really sink their fingers into.( …Cough, cough, Michael Bay, cough, cough….)

Nine times out of ten, if you see an explosion, it’s because Michael Bay is around.

Ready for this?

I saw The Avengers for the second time last night with a very good friend of mine who hadn’t seen it yet. He had an amazing deal on movie tickets, and he wanted someone who enjoys movies more than a normal human being to go with him, so naturally I’m a perfect choice.

Get ready to rumble.

Going to the movies is as close as I can get to a religious experience without being in a church or place of holy admiration. Especially if I’m seeing  said film for the first time. If it’s a repeat viewing, I’m a little less strict, but you get the picture. I’m going to laugh and cry on a whim because of an emotional connection to what’s happening on the screen. I may gasp, cringe, and even scoff at what’s being said. Much like hearing a bad homily during a church service, and yes, I’ve heard a few doozies in my day. On the flip side, I’ve also heard words spoken that have shaken me to the core.

Be a great speaker….it’s better than being the strongest warrior. How’s that for some Friday Jedi wisdom?

A little off track, but here we go. Back on to my great movie idea. Why not find a way to dissolve this whole Marvel and DC comic book character madness, and bring our favorite super heroes all together? Going along that same train of thought, why not expand the super hero universe to include others not bound to the pages of comic books? Bring in Superman, Spiderman, Iron Man, the Hulk, Tomb Raider (she’s a debatable super hero…but she is pretty kick ass) and other popular names to the super human strength.We could add in the Fantastic Four and X-Men’s Wolverine.

Would you want to mess with those metal claws? I surely wouldn’t.

To get the male-female dynamic evened out, we’ll throw Electra and Wonder Woman into the mix. Black Widow can stick around, but let’s get a decent Cat Woman finally, along with She-Ra and Super Girl.

This time, we’ll give her a real struggle.

How about someone a little more human, such as the man behind the black mask, Zorro?

The masked bandit who stole my childhood heart.

While we’re at it, let’s add to the mix a certain Force sensitive figure, such as a Jedi. They have powers unlike a normal human. Why shouldn’t they be thrown into the mix? They’d be a powerful ally.

Either way, it’ll be a tough fight.

Or, for the sake of plot, also a very dangerous enemy.

Regardless, throw all these bad boys and girls into the mix because the worst tragedy of all mankind is about to descend upon earth. Most likely another alien invasion of a living society we had no idea about (yet again), but they must team up together in order to save Earth. What could make it interesting is that not only are they warring with this invading force, but also against each other. Jedi versus Dark Jedi. Superman versus Super Girl. The Fantastic Four suddenly split teams. Iron Man versus Lara Croft.

The billionaire philanthropist…

OR

….tha lady raider.

I’m just spitting out ideas here, but think about all the explosions and fight scenes that would need to happen to make this script become a visual spectacle? If you’re reading this Michael Bay, you need to acknowledge it was spoken here first, and I get full credit for the idea and must be brought into the movie-making process from Step 1. Do you hear me?!

I’ll be awaiting a call from his agent any moment now.

This brings me to another thought I had last night. I’m a special type of girl, and I’ve known this for quite some time. I nerd out about things people don’t suspect. Star Wars being the main area of interest there. I can talk about Star Wars for hours and never be bored. I could have the same conversation day after day, and not be any less bored with the topic. In fact, I’d probably have researched the thing discussed so when we started talking again, I would have new things to say the sixth time around.

I can get behind superhero movies, I like playing in the mud and getting dirty, and I’m not afraid to do something considered ‘a man’s thing’. I’m a pretty big tom boy, and can give any guy out there a good run for their money in most areas.

Many find these aspects about myself attractive. On the same thought, I’m also discovering it can be a huge turn off. Why, I ask? I honestly have no clue. Men say they want women to be nothing other than themselves. So, then why, when I am being myself, do you find me “intimidating”, “rash”, and possible “a touch crazy”?

Beats me.

“Who were the judges and critics? I would like to ask them, ‘What exactly is it that you personally find not sexy about me? Is it my figure? Is it my brain that bothers you?'”

I often have to ask myself and lately a few blithering idiots the same thing, Sarah Jessica Parker, the Sex and the City actress named Unsexiest Woman Alive by Maximmagazine.

Guys were pretty harsh towards Ms. Parker. They compared her to that of a neighing horse.

Could it be the fact I don’t put up with a guy’s bullshit, much like a guy does with his buddies? If you lie about something, I’m going to call you out on it. I’ve seen my guy friends do this to each other. Why should I be any different? Because I have boobs? Not the greatest of reasons why I shouldn’t call you out on your crap when I’ve caught you red-handed. Actually, if I was a guy and I caught you lying red-handed to my face, I’d probably just punch you square in the face, and be over everything in the following 15 seconds.

These boys yelled and punched the each other over being in love with the same girl. Guess what? They’re still friends.

I may have my answer as to what separates the boys from the men right there.

Despite the rant, I have found a few good men out there, and one such good man will have the pleasure of being in my company this evening once I’m free from the shackles of work. I’m not letting this bog me down, however, because it is a beautiful, sunshine-filled Friday! Here are a few Fabulous things making my Friday absolutely wonderful:

Fabulous Cover:

One of my favorite movie posters of all time. It’s just ridiculous, but so amazingly awesome.

Fabulous Thoughts on Any Relationship:

Fabulous Sweet Breakfast:

Crepes, bananas and Nutella. Yummy yum yum.

Fabulous Spread:

OMG…sushi is simply delicious.

Fabulous Detail:

I may be a tom boy, but lace always brings out a little bit of sexy and naughty in everyone.

Fabulous Reminder:

Get it straight, and no one gets hurt.

Fabulous Movie-Watching Nerd Move:

Fabulous Furry Friend:

How do you not want to cuddle this little guy?

Fabulous Farm Memory:

There is nothing more rewarding than waking up before the sun has risen to take care of your animals, be it horse or cow.

Fabulous Dessert:

Fabulous Future Destination:

Manarola, Cinque Terre, Italy

Fabulous View From an Office:

I probably wouldn’t get any work done. Honestly.

Fabulous Parenting:

Fabulous Dress Move:

You’ve never known the true joy of a dress until you’ve taken a nice little spin with it.

Fabulous 90s Kid Flashback:

Fabulous Song I’m Currently in Love With:

I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a fantastic weekend in more ways than one. It’s my birthday on Sunday, and how I love birthdays (especially my own!) Keeping my hopes up for beautiful weather, too. After the flooding and rain, all I want is warm rays on my back. Skin cancer threats be damned. I love my sunshine, and as all the celebrities are saying these days: YOLO.

Until I get that dreadful phone call, right?

Bad thoughts aside, I hope you head into your weekend with lots of happiness and smiles. The weekend is upon us!

My birthday is a mere 48 hours away!

Embrace it.

Did You Miss Me?

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Did you think you lost me?

Giving me the energy and yet killing me at the same time. It’s an ugly cycle.

Truth be told, you are about to if this night doesn’t hurry up and get on with itself. I have been up since 5 a.m. this morning, and still have 2.5 hours to fo in earning myself a paycheck this evening. My mind is about ready to burst and ooze out my ears. Everything just throbs. It could be the result of downing 2 Rockstars in order to make it through this hellish day…plus the coffee I downed as well. I really haven’t eaten real food either….I’m probably the cause of my own pain. It’s usually the case.

But I’m drinking some water!

All I want to do is curl up into a ball on my bed and just sleep this all away. I know that’s all I need: Sleep. That word alone is making me drool.

Doesn’t this just look nice?

Think about it. Comfortably wrapped up in my fleece blankets (and yes, one of them is a Star Wars blanket), my head laying on the softest pillows known to mankind, a slight breeze wafting in from the freshly mown patch of grass right outside my window, and my body pillow snuggled up against my back just right as if Josh Groban himself were sleeping right next to me? Okay, that might be pushing it too far, but it’s a nice allusion to fall asleep to at night. If I even have time to comprehend any thought before passing the heck out.

All in all, it’s been a long day.

But the pleasantness of my weekend makes it all worth it, and the thought that I can sleep in to my heart’s content before I need to hit the road again tomorrow  is beyond enough of a reward for my hectic lifestyle for these past 24 hours.

My weekend was quite heavenly. After sucking it up and allowing one of my jobs to make amends in regards to its shady motives over the past week, I ended up working on an afternoon I had intended to spend with my niece whom I haven’t seen in over 3 months. Damn the need to earn money and pay the bills. I wanted to see my niece, but I had to settle for pictures taken the day before instead. She’s getting so big, I just can’t stand it. Apparently she’s talking now? I won’t stand for that either. She needs to stay a tiny little peanut who simply laughs at everything I do (since I’m not her mother, I’m shooting for the title of Zaniest Auntie.)

The main intention for my last-minute trip home? Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party planning time! With the assistance of my momma, of course. She’s been through this enough times to know what needs to happen and when. Not that I didn’t have a few ideas of my own, but a little extra help never hurts.

My sister has no idea whats coming…

It’s amazing how many thought i had swirling around in my head. I didn’t know I had so many ideas towards each party until I started putting them all down on paper…I want to coordinate events for a living! This past day was so much fun! Coming up with games, planning the details, PICKING A THEME! I loved it all, and I’m so excited to go out and start making things to the shower. Okay, I’m in love with the idea of shopping too, but still! I get to be in the one in charge, and if I have learned anything in my job hunting it’s that I’m drawn to jobs that put me in charge. I like being the one people come to. I love reigning around in chaos. I have a calm head when things go to hell…it’s a good trait for a leader to have. Hence, the ambition to be the best of the best and lead them, too.

You can find that on my resume.

The cool thing, though, is that I have everything set. The location, the hotel, where we want to eat, the after-dinner entertainment…it’s all set in stone and I have the reservations made. It’s actually happening! Now, I can only keep my fingers crossed that everyone will have a good time and just forget about the fact we’re talking about sex, personal pleasure, and making your man feel just as good as you (and perhaps getting him to pleasure you more than he intends to!)

Go away stupid pounds!!!

This wedding is starting to really become real. It sounds stupid, I know, but it’s all coming together. I have to get the invitations out this week still, but my sister is registering for gifts, I have my bridesmaids gown (I cannot gain an ounce anywhere! Not my hips, not my waist, and certainly not my boobs or I’ll be popping out all over the place), and now the Bridal Shower/Bachelorette Party is all set to launch. Now the day just needs to arrive.

“Skimp on your wedding dress. Why spend a lot of money on something you’re only going to wear five or six times?”

Haha, your words tickle me rosy pink, Charisse Savarin. Indeed, you are a real rib tickler.

Funny lady, you are.

Along with this happiness of planning a wedding and the accompanying parties, it only reminds me more and more that I am still single and makes me highly aware with each passing day that I am the sole member of my family without a mate. I’m always going to be flying solo at family events now. People are going to start talking. I’m one of four kids left on my dad’s side of the family to be married. The one girl cousin I could bond with over our singledom is now taken. She’s found her next boyfriend, and people are saying he’s The One. I haven’t met him, but that’s what people are saying. (I wonder if she’ll end up reading this…if you do, don’t freak out. You’re not the one single at the family gatherings anymore.)

However, I’m not going to let this get to me. Not tonight anyways. Tonight, I need sleep and I don’t care if it’s the real Josh Groban or not. He’ll be in my dreams, anyways.

Why, hello cutie!

In case you’re stuck in a rut like I am, here are a few things to brighten your mood along with a reminder that the weekend is almost here!

– Wonderful. That’s what you are.

D’aaahhh!

– Let the future shape your life, not the past.

Ever seen this movie? If not, you should. It’s a heartwarmer.

– It’s okay to say no sometimes.

Say no…Come on, say it with me! NOOOOOO!

– Give yourself a compliment. It’s long overdue!

Go ahead…Kiss that beautiful reflection of yours!

– You matter.

“You matter to me.”

– Happy can happen anytime.

Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader…I can be in the worst mood ever, and they just make me pee myself I’m laughing so hard.

– Believe. It works!

Eowyn believed in her power as a woman…and it helped save an entire Kingdom.

As lousy as my brain feels right now, I have a few things left to do and they involve the bridal shower coming up in a matter of a few weeks.

Bonne nuit, mes amis! May the Force be ever in your favor!

Always and forever the fight.

Trying to Keep my Feet on the Ground

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Is today Monday? Thursday? Saturday? I honestly can’t tell anymore.

My days are so screwed up, and it’s making me have to think twice as hard about what is going on with my day and what I have going on. Sometimes, my planner hasn’t been updated, and it’s really hard to base everything off my memory. At times.

It’s just a whole nest of craziness!

But I must also inform you that I won’t be writing to you for the next couple of days. I will be hitting the road because I’ve finally found a gap of time where I can get myself home. I’m not talking my current apartment. I’m talking the good ol’ farm where I spent 20 years of my life. I can’t be more excited!

I always imagine myself jumping into to hyperspace when its night-time driving.

Sadly, I’ll only be there for about 36 hours, and my time is pretty booked already and I haven’t even sat down in my car yet. Lots of planning for the bridal and bachelorette party, and I need to coordinate a few things with my madre and sisters. While I’m home, I also want to see my best girl, Cupid, and see that’s she’s doing alright. I’ve been told we have a slew of new kittens, and I love nothing more than baby kittens. More than likely, my brother will bring my godson over and I’ll get to see him for a few hours. Hopefully we’ll get to sit out by our fire pit in the backyard and have a few brats with a margarita or two. Play with my dog. Take a walk through my pasture.

How can you not love this face?

Try not to get eaten by wolves. Apparently there’s been an influx of them around the farm. I’ve already had a run-in with a black bear. I don’t need one with a Timberwolf now, do I?

This entry is going to be relatively short as well, but I do have my Fabulous Friday still waiting for you, and I’m about to share them with you in a few minutes. I wanted to give you a cue in as to my whereabouts over the next couple of days. I’ll be out-of-town, and usually when I go home-home, I don’t let myself go on the internet unless I absolutely have to. I don’t own one of those smart phone thingies, so I can’t find get the internet on my phone.

No Smartphone Zone

I know. I live quite an old-school life, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I liked growing up and living on a farm. I wish everyone had the same experience. They’d appreciate so much more about life. Personal opinion, but at least you’d learn the value of a hard day’s work.

“We should pass a new law.Nobody can get famous by just by sleeping with a celebrity and getting naked in a magazine. You can still be in Playboy, you just have to do something worthwhile beforehand. ‘I’ve developed a vaccine, and I’d like to show you my breasts.’ Go ahead, you’ve earned it.”

I like the way you think, Elayne Boosler, a women’s comedy pioneer.

It’s amazing that people still believe beauty and comedic chops don’t go together.

I may end up famous, I may not. But there is one thing I don’t want people saying about me, and that it involves my work ethic. I don’t want them shaking their head at me, and saying they can’t take me seriously because I’m afraid to break a nail. So not true. My so-called manager tried making an excuse for me as to why I couldn’t help with moving dozens of chairs.

His reason? I’m wearing high heels.

Excuse me? I served an eight-course meal to a crowd of 16 wearing a skirt and high heels. I moved just as fast as everybody else in their black tennis shoes, including himself. So, I can’t move a chair because I’m wearing another pair of high heels. Are you freaking kidding me?

Anything you do, I can do better.I just need to gear up first.

My new life philosophy is quickly turning into, “Everything you can do, I do so much better wearing high heels.”

Sure, my feet may ache by the end of the night, but I know I look killer and I did everything with my own flair. I wish I could say the same about everybody else there.

Relaxing with a book after my feet served me well all day long.

Without further adieu, here are my (slightly belated) Fabulous Friday inspirations!

Fabulous Tote:

Fabulous Summer Polish:

It’s called Camera…cuz I’m always ready for my close-up.

Fabulous Juicer Recipe: Find a few good ones here!

Trying to be healthier here.

Fabulous Creativity:

Fabulous Dance Moves:

Fabulous Thoughts:

Fabulous Closing Statement:

Fabulous Friday Treat:

Nothing better than a Cosmo in the afternoon.

Fabulous Flair:

Who doesn’t love funky earrings, and now I own these!

Fabulous Smile:

Fabulous Needs:

Fabulous Rant:

Every time I want to scream, this is who I channel.

Fabulous Love Movie:

Just look at this poster. Doesn’t it look irresistible?

Continue to have a grand weekend, and I’ll be sure to fill you in on my mini road trip when I return to my keyboard.

Until then, keep smiling!

Karma’s Got Her Eye On You…

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Like Nike says, Just Do It.

Our parents will tell us all the same thing: You can be anything you want to be, as long as you put your full body and mind to that task.

I want this to go on record. There is actually something you cannot be, because if you are not born with the skill, you will never have it. It’s not something that can be learned. You are born with the instinct and develop this sensibility from there. What is this great magical thing that can’t be learned? Two words: Work Ethic.

It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Work ethic…like, put your nose to the grindstone and get the job done. Pretty easy, right?

Really, you should say 100% all the time, but allowances can be made on a week to week basis.

Unfortunately, some people were not born with the blessed trait.

Honestly, not all that fun. It’s rather dull, really.

I know for a fact I grew up with a pretty great work ethic. That’s what happens when you’re raised on a dairy farm from the age of -2. Seriously, in order to get everything done, everybody has to pitch in, and if no one does their part, I will have a very angry father to deal with later on. If I don’t do my share of the work, I’ll be grounded, not allowed to go out to a friend’s bonfire on Friday night, or I’ll be sentenced to drive tractor for picking rock the entire weekend. It may not sound awful, but you’ll feel differently when you’ve been sitting behind the same tractors’ steering wheel for 8 straight hours in 30 degree weather barely plodding along at 5 miles per hour. You will want to be anywhere, absolutely anywhere, but where you are in that moment. (It doesn’t help that at this point in your life, you hate the taste of coffee, which is the only hot beverage in the thermos your mom sent along with you…you know, to keep you and your dad warm. Good intentions…but not entirely thought through.)

Eventually, as I grew up, I began to enjoy the work I was doing. I began to realize there were people out there who couldn’t do the physical actions I was performing (yes, this is an “Ah-ha!” moment for me in my lifetime). Shoveling feed, carrying full-to-the-brim 5 gallon pails of heavy and wet feed, bending constantly to put the milkers on the cows, tossing hay bales around like they’re nothing…it takes more muscle than you think.

And if you think that’s nothing, I invite you to work for a week at my parent’s farm…we’ll see how you’re feeling after 24 hours of good, hard honest labor.

I know what it means to work, and I can do it all. Even while wearing a dress.

Anyways, the point I’m trying to make here is that this work ethic transferred over into other areas of my life. It wasn’t just a tactic I used to avoid getting in trouble and to be able to keep my plans on the weekends with my friends.

A few line my walls. I’m pretty proud of them.

It crossed over into my athletics. I always won the hardest worker awards. Most Hustle, Best Defensive Player, Most Improved Player, All Conference, Hardest Server, Best Attack at the Net…I’m pretty sure I won every award at least once, and I’m not saying this to brag. I’m saying this because I earned each and every one of those awards. I worked my tail off, especially when it came to tennis. Not so much with basketball, but there are so many political reasons behind that reason, I don’t want to get into it unless we’re bashing politicians.

In the end, I never thought I was good enough. I would stay and work on my serve even after practice was long over. I needed to develop a weapon against opponents I knew I would face who had tricks of their own. While I could rally with them and wait for them to screw up, I also knew I needed a quick advantage. Usually, that meant the serve needed to be good. I couldn’t master the spin just right, so I had one thing left in my arsenal and it was pure strength. The harder I could make my serve and the better I could place it, the better advantage I would have. It paid off.

The big picture here? This work ethic of mine crossed over into all areas of my life. Athletics, my studies (I was number one in my class, earned a ton of scholarships, Dean’s List 10/10 semesters, and a pretty great GPA…yeah, it definitely crossed over into my studies. Trust me, I’m no über genius…I had to work for those grades), my theatrical endeavors (No is never an option), making friends, my summer activities of training 1500 pound dairy steers to act like my puppet, and even more so lately, my love life.

So…as you can probably imagine, since this is something I’ve always been dedicated to, this work ethic I’ve spent my entire life developing (because I was born with it, remember), it annoys me to no end when other people have absolutely no work ethic whatsoever.

I’m talking Zero – Zilch – Nada.

How annoying is that when you have to pick up their slack because they are so damn lazy to do it themselves!!! It makes me want to spit like a camel in the middle of a dry desert.

“People often say to me ‘You don’t know what a wife and mother feels.’ ‘No,’ I say, ‘I don’t and I’m very glad I don’t.’ I am sick with indignation at what wives and mothers will do of the most egregious selfishness. And people call it all maternal or conjugal affection, and think it pretty to say so.”

Harsh words following so close to Mother’s Day from Florence Nightingale, who isn’t exactly the nicest nurse in the ward.

Did she have children of her own?

These women who are mothers and wives who do the most egregious selfishness act? They are the ones who bare the children with absolutely zero work ethic. I full-heartedly plan to not be one of those mothers. My kids will know how to work and earn what they work for. No easy riding for them, especially if I end up a multi-billionaire like I plan.

It’s balls to the wall, boys! Give it everything you’ve got or don’t even try.

But enough about those kids. Let’s think about a few others things bound to put a smile on your face. Here are your Midweek Smiles, ladies and gentlemen:

– Give success a chance!

Transformation from A to B: Totally doable and look at the wonderful results!

– One person can make a difference. You do, every day.

One little Hobbit changed the face of Middle Earth. You could, too.

– Smile. It’s free!

The best are when the smiles are unexpected and caught off guard.

– You are loving and lovable.

Who didn’t melt all over their movie theater seat when he flashed that charming Jack Dawson grin of his?

– Look forward more than you look back.

Captain Jack always looked forward to the next adventure. Shouldn’t we?

– You make so much time for others. Spend some on you.

Go ahead. Take a nap on the beach.

– Expect good things. They’re on their way.

It’s scary now, Andy, but college is really pretty great.

Keep working hard out there with whatever you’ve taken on, my fellow Jedi. Those who work hard will be rewarded in the end. Those who sluff off have what’s  coming to them in due time.

Karma is a mean mother. She knows how to make her children work. She must be the evil sister to the Force. Most of the time, you want her on your side, but every now and then, she slaps you a good one (usually you’re expecting it, but it always catches me off guard when it happens.)

I’m sure they discuss our lives and fortunes daily. Be wary of what you say and think…

Try to keep both the Force and Karma on your side. Powerful allies, they are.

Yoda, always the wisest of the wise. Take heed when he speaks.