I’m Going For the Knock-Out

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My Olympic antics are catching up with me.

Just like lack of training caught up with Phelps a few times.

All day long I’ve been stopping midstep due to these unexpected sharp pains in my lower back. It’s always on the left side, and sometimes it’s just a small discomfort. Others? They make me stop and gasp for a breath. They are just sharp and painful. Is this the start of appendicitis? Am I coming down with liver cancer?

Guuuuuys….it really hurts!

Can you tell I’m a bit melodramatic at times?

But, seriously. Whatever is going on in that region of my body, it needs to stop. Today marks the first of three doubles coming up back to back to back. I literally will not have a day off until….my God, I don’t even know when. Sunday? Monday? Two weeks from now when I start my Big Girl Job and have weekends to myself? I may not sleep for weeks.

Did you instill me with such a need to feel like I don’t deserve a free moment to myself ever?!

This is not good.

“From then on, when anything went wrong with the computer, we said it had bugs in it.”

I’ve always wondered where that phrase came from, and now I know, thanks to Grace Hopper. She’s the pioneering programmer who was working on a malfunctioning computer in 1945, and further, removed a moth from it. Interesting how our language develops, isn’t it? ‘It’s got a bug,’ is a pretty common phrase of the American English language. I know I use that phrase quite a bit!

Clever lady. It’s why she joined the Navy.

I wonder if Ryan Lochte uses that phrase. Like, when he has a bad swimming day or just a rough day in the pool in general, does he go to his coach and say,” I’m sorry, man, but I just have a few bugs in me today.”

Just like I’m sure you had a few bugs in that long hair of yours. But that body just don’t quit!

In case you haven’t figured it out, I’m sort of obsessed with Ryan Lochte. It’s never Ryan or simply Lochte. It’s always a two name drop. It’s always Ryan Lochte. Just so you know. I’m a swooning more and more with every article I read about him on Google. See, this si what I do. I discover somebody as cute and giggle-worthy as Ryan Lochte, and I go bananas. It’s pretty equal to that of a school girl crush. I hear his name or I catch a glimpse of his face on my television screen, and my heart does a dozen flippity-flops and my heart rate increases by 13 points. It’s ridiculous, I know.

My heart especially goes pitter-patter when he blows me a kiss.

Maybe my new junkie addiction is merely to Ryan Lochte….Eh, no. I also am in love with the US women’s beach volleyball team. I really hope they get the gold for the third time in a row. How incredibly awesome is it, on top of pursuing the achievement of their third straight gold medal, but they are also two women who are well into their 30s. For those people who are struggling with the “OMG I’m turning 30, the world is over” dilemma, take a look at these two women, and get over it.

I’M not turning 30…not for a little bit yet.

Have you tried running in sand for 3 hours straight? Oh, and it’s not just running. It’s also jumping, hitting, falling, getting right back up, and jumping some more. Ever eat a mouthful of sand? I’m sure they have countless times. Do you hear them complaining? Nope. You find them looking pretty great in their swimsuits as they dive, swing and spike that ball into their opponents.

Go Gold, or Go Home.

Each game of theirs I’ve seen so far, it ends up being tied at 18-18 or 19-19, and then they pull out all the stops. Did I forget to mention that along with going for their third straight gold medal (which means they already have two in their possession), but they’ve also never lost a set while pursuing any of their medals? In case you didn’t hear me the first time…they’ve never lost a game in the Olympics. Not even a preliminary round. These women are freaking insane, and i love everything about it. It just shows they are not letting anything stop them, and that’s the way women should be. Constantly fighting for something no one thinks they are capable of.

KILL IT!

It’s what I take pride in most from my standpoint as a woman. You give me a bar and tell me can’t reach beyond it, I’m going to tell you I’m going not only reach it, but I’m going to fly so far past it, we’ll both forget a bar even existed. My favorite part about impressing or surprising someone? The look on their faces. For an acting exercise in class once, I was asked to stand in for someone else’s personal exercise. I represented the other actor’s wife to whom he is talking to throughout his monologue. To physicalize the text, he had to speak his monologue while trying to keep me pinned to the ground. Keep in mind that this wasn’t a small guy who was meant to keep me on the ground.

But you will not hold me down.

He made it through maybe 3 lines of his monologue before he had to stop talking because I was struggling so much, and was nearly on my feet before he could say another word.

I may look small, but I’m feisty. All those years of living it up on the farm had its pay-off. I know how to work for myself, and sometimes when you’re in the midst of chores, there isn’t someone around to help you when you get into a bind. You have to take care of it yourself, and sometimes that required a bit of elbow grease. I learned to be tough when I needed to be. If you didn’t grow up on a farm, you’ll have no clue what I’m talking about unless you’ve been chasing cows home to discover a large hole in the fence and you need to not only chase the cows back into the fenced in area, but also fix the fence with your bare hands. Oh, and I forgot to mention you’re standing in the middle of a swamp and one of the cows is stuck in the marshiness of the swamp. Not only do you need to run home and get a rope halter to put around her, you need to pull her out. Alone. Think you could handle it?

The fight will be your own. As Optimus Prime would say.

Probably not, but feel free to try to change my mind on that one. Guess I also have a few bugs to work out 😉

In true fashion of thinking on your feet and getting creative, I’m always looking for the next best thing along with the rest of the world. Since I’m heading into the realm of Big Girl World, I’m always looking for new ideas to try out. You know, in the attempt to save me some money since I really will need to budget myself now. I already have these huge thoughts about how to decorate my own place, or the vacations I’m going to take, or the things I’m going to see. But, until I really have tons of cash to throw around, I have a few nifty tricks using a product we all look and use every day, or very close to every day.

My new boudoir, perhaps?

Here are some brilliant ideas for using Club Soda:

1.) Perk up fading plants

If a bottle of your club soda has gone flat, set it out so it reaches room temperature, then use it to water your plants. The beverage contains nourishing minerals which enrich the soil and help the plants flourish!

2.) Get a rusty screw to turn

No need to struggle with a screw that doesn’t want to budge — simply pour club soda on it, let it sit for 5 minutes before twisting again.

3.) Avoid a stuck-on food nightmare

One way to head off a post-dinner scrubbing battle with your pots and pans: While the cookware is still warm, pour in just enough club soda to cover the bottom, then let is sit while you eat.

4.) Whip of fluffier flapjacks

Make a wow-worthy breakfast by substituting club soda for the water or milk in your fave pancake or waffle recipe. The soda’s bubbles will aerate the batter to produce a light, fluffy stack. BONUS! You’ll save 140 calories for every cup of whole milk you cut out.

5.) Polish chrome sans streaks or spots

To get your bathroom sparkling like new, trade your old cleaner for club soda. Simply pour the liquid onto a clean soft cloth and use to wipe down the metal.

6.) Erase stubborn mug stains

A daily tea fix can leave your mug with a hard-to-remove brownish tinge. The save? Fill the cup with club soda and let it sit overnight. Your cup will look like new in the morning!

7.) Turn gelatin into a dazzling dessert

The next time you make this classic treat, jazz it up by swapping club soda for cold water when dissolving the Jell-O powder. It’ll give the salad a little extra kick.

8.) Make old jewelry sparkle like new

Instead of splurging on pricey jewelry cleaners to get your gems gleaming again, place dulled pieces in a cup of club soda. Since the soda will creep into hard to reach cracks and crevices, you won’t even have to scrub with a brush. Simply let your jewelry soak overnight, rinse and gently dry them in the morning.

9.) Effortlessly remove bird droppings

It’s lovely hearing the birds chirp outside your window in the morning. Seeing how much they crapped on your car isn’t quite as nice. The easy fix? Pour club soda into a spray bottle and spritz on the soiled areas. Let it sit for a minute, then wipe away with a paper towel with a single swipe.

10.) Break a pet accident cycle

Even after thoroughly cleaning up your pets’ accident, you can still smell traces of it on the carpet. To get rid of that odor so there won’t be a repeat occurrence, cover the area with club soda and let it sit for 5 minutes before blotting with paper towels. The soda’s minerals will safely deodorize the spot.

Who knew club soda was for more than alcoholic beverages?

The miracle beverage!

Enough of this blabbering. I need to get back to my Olympics and catch up on things I’ve missed since I’ve been at work all day long. If my US women beach volleyball team lost today, I’m going to cry myself to sleep. They are my role models for how to turn 30 with grace. Seriously, check them out. Amazon women is what they are, and we all know Amazonian women ruled the roost and kicked major arse!

Un-defeated. YOU GO GIRLS!

May the odds continue to be ever in your favor!

Oh, Effie…

(How I would LOVE to hear the Queen of England say this before a medal round of some Olympian event, and I know I’m not the only one dying to hear her say these exact words.)

Come on, Queenie! You can say it!
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