My Own Worst Critic Needs to Stop Talking Already

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Restless. I feel downright restless, and antsy. I’m feeling really, really antsy.

Feeling like I need to head for the horizon

Basically, it all comes down to wanting someone to hire me. Please…anyone? I’m a strong writer and have excellent editing skills. I’m quite a creative thinker! Really, I am. I can show you my online portfolio if you want to see examples of my work from all sorts of areas. Design, writing, video, photography skills…I have them all. So, now, all I need is an interview!

I know some higher power will prevail. They will make the job opportunity come my way when I’m ready for it. But, let’s think about this…when did I suddenly become one to need a plan? I’ve never need a plan before in my life. Never ever ever! So, why am I suddenly caused such anxiety to not have a job lined up after I graduate? Why am I sweating bullet when I see friends post things on Facebook about how they have a new job or have an interview?

If the President is allowed to sweat bullets, so am I.

The answer is simple: I’ve always been one to succeed, and to suddenly not succeed at something, it hurts more than just my head. It hurts everything I’ve stood for in the last 20-some years of my life. Whenever I’ve set out to do something, I’ve made damn sure I’ve succeeded at it. If the first time around I wasn’t on top of my game, I made sure to improve upon it. I’m a very hard worker and my own worst critic. People will tell me I have great work ahead of me, or that I am on the way to something great, but it’s never good enough. I suppose that’s called being a perfectionist, but really, I just want everything I do to be the best.

I'm a novice, but was just told by my prof I have a great eye. Another career path, perhaps?

My photo class this semester was a real testament to that. Every week, I would sit on my hands and hope to the high heavens my photo from the previous week would have been selected by my classmates as the top photo. I was in the top 5 a few times, even #1 another time. But the weeks when my photo just didn’t make the cut…my stomach felt sour. Now, I’m pretty upfront with the fact that I’m a novice when it comes to photography. Hence why I am in a photo class. I’m not the best at it, but I’m getting better, and my progress in the class is a sign to that being true.

You’re also reading the rantings of a girl who spends three days making tiny adjustments to her resume and cover letter before sending it off on the day she told herself she would send it. Or I’m just full of procrastination. Either one, it gets my blood pumping when I know I need to get my butt in gear. Deadlines…I tell ya, they are what really make me produce great work. You don’t have time to think things through entirely. You don’t have time to process if what you’re saying is making sense. You just go. If you’re lucky, you have a  few minutes to look over what you’ve written for total lunacy, but other than that, you’re trusting your fingers and brain connected on a variety of levels.

Deadlines are a drug.

To be sure, they usually do. For me, you have to turn off that little voice in the back of your head saying “Don’t type that” or “That’s a stupid idea.” Just go with the flow.

Repeat more than once.

SEE? I used to believe in that philosophy all the time. College has corrupted me.

“Listen to me. I’m smarter, older. If you live to be a hundred and twenty, you are not going to be as smart as I am in one finger. You may weigh more, but you’re not gonna be smarter.”

Harsh, but truer words have never been spoken by Judge Judith Sheindlin, a seminal force in small claims court.

If you don't love Judge Judy, you're not an American (Kidding!)

How is those people are managing to get interviews and jobs, and I can’t? What trick do they have up their sleeves in the application process that I don’t have? It’ incredibly disheartening, especially when professionals look at my resume and tell me I’ have wonderful experience on my resume. Then, what am I doing wrong? I honestly have no idea. Ugh…so the job hunt continues, and I have only just started. Can I please just not be one of those people who takes a job because they’re desperate and then end up hating their lives 3 months into the gig? First, interview. Then, job acceptance. Then, self-loathing.

The best part of my work day?

Fingers crossed for a job I enjoy!!

Hopefully will say this about my first Big Girl Job.

But, let’s let these worries go at least for the evening. It is, after all, Friday! And what do I love more than making my Friday fabulous? Yes, that’s right! Fabulous Friday is heading your way, and its coming right now. Here are the things that made my week and my Fabulous Friday:

Fabulous Dose of Glitter:

A dash of glitter takes a mini flask to a whole new level.

Fabulous Ladies of Comedy:

Female Fierce at its best: Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, and Tina Fey. Love these Ladies.

Fabulous Print for Spring:

Flowy and floral is quite a feminine combination.

Fabulous Hairstyle for a Breezy Spring Day:

Hold your hair back with a head scarf. It'll still allow your hair to become naturally-wind tousled, but keep you looking fresh and cute with your hair out of your face.

Fabulous 90s Kids Flashback:

Anyone who didn't do or think this with their Crayola markers wasn't a kid of the 90s.

Fabulous Spring Treat: Find the recipe here. (PS – The recipe is in Italian, so you may want to find a great online translator. Try Google!)

Pink Strawberry Crostatine

Fabulous Laugh:

It's a stretch, but its pretty darn convenient.

Fabulous Adoration:

Fabulous Party Decoration:

There will be one of these at my wedding...or my own private Oscars after-party (per my Best Actress win, of course.)

Fabulous Goal for the Summer:

How I function in my room with organization is beyond me.

Fabulous Lessons from “Friends”:

Everything I learned about life, I learned from my "Friends."

Fabulous Old School Knowledge:

Back when etiquette was required at the dinner table.

Fabulous Words to Live By:

It’s been a much better week than most, and with only one full week of classes left, I’m not quite sure I’m going to take it. I do know for one thing I need to become more aggressive in my job search, but maybe I’ll let myself enjoy this 5-year journey coming to a close before I dive headfirst into a adulthood. Although, I already am, in a sort of weird way, with bills and jazz like that.

Go on...test the waters.

Whatever you’re doing this fine evening, don’t let it get too out of control. Be crazy as long as you have a trusted guy or gal watching your back the entire time. Reckless with a square head on your shoulders. That’s what we Jedi like to see and be.

Jedi who go into the fray alone are often called reckless. Anakin made it work for him, and so did Ahsoka.

Happy Weekend!

Take it shaken, not stirred.
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