Day: March 17, 2012
Throw Away the Key
Oops…I did it again.
Indeed, I am quoting Britney Spears in the decade of 2010. Why? Because I did just that. Oops…I did it again.
What happens on prior to Spring Break stays prior to Spring Break. You hear?
He was tall. Dark. Lanky. Handsome. With hands like butter. The best part? It’s not leading anywhere…and I’m okay with that. I’m sure I’ll have to deal with the ramifications of my actions at some point. I needed to blow some steam, he happened to be texting me at the time…the rest, they say, is history.
“I knew I had always been too cute for my own good, too sexy, that I could get what I wanted.”
Are you talking specifically about my life, Margaret Trudeau? Oh, former first lady of Canada? (On a different note, how about that for a title? Of Canada of all places, too!)
My want to grow up, have a big girl job, decorate my own apartment, and have a boy attached to that vision have definitely been clouding my mind lately. So, this interaction between said boy and I happened not all that long ago. In looking back on my life as it stands right now, 23 years in the making, that day has to be in the Top 5 of best days of my life. How life changes from time to time. One minute, I think I’m spending the perfect day with the one I’ll walk down the marital aisle towards…and the next, I’m smiling because it was purely fun and no one can take that away from me. Purely for fun.
If you asked me five years ago where I’d be standing with life experiences, meeting up for an early morning tryst would not be one of them. What the Academy does to a person.
However, I’ll be the first to admit, I have changed so, so much in my years here at the Academy. That’s part of it, isn’t it? Growing, changing, learning, growing some more (hopefully not just from the waistline, either.)
It was like chocolate. Smooth and delicious. I like that word, delicious.
I’ve been reading a lot about how celebrities create their own alter ego’s, so when they have to be on, they tap into this other person they’ve created for themselves, and they’re set to go for the evening. Beyoncé, for one, has her stage presence known as Sasha Fierce. The second she steps on that stage for every concert, it’s not Beyoncé out there…it’s Sasha. And, if you’ve seen any of her videos or her live in concert…she is nothing but Fierce. And yes, I am capitalizing it.
I’m pretty sure I have an alter ego when it comes to most men. Mostly, I’m a huge awkward dork. But every once in a while, I can tap into another side of myself. I can become another woman…one who is smoother and sweeter with her words. Seductive, almost. This alter ego of mine knows how to use her body language in all the right ways. Don’t believe me? I could talk to you about my track record, and then we’ll see what you’re thinking (a lot of not nice names come to mind when I put it that way, but hey. C’est la vie. I can’t change the past nor do I want to. It’s all happened for reasons I may or may not understand.)
I don’t know what judgements people have of me. My best friend put it best while we were drinking and talking one night at her apartment. I told her about a recent experience of mine, and asked her if she was judging me when silence followed my story telling. She said no, she can’t judge me. Why? It’s something she’s never done. How can she judge me on an experience she’s never had? Not even remotely a closely related experience. She wouldnt judge me because she had never been in my shoes.
Can we say Best best friend in the entire world?
That day….that glorious, wonderful, body-shaking day…is one that is making me smile a few weeks later. I don’t care if anything happens with him or not. Certain other people have come back into my life, and if we need to cross this particular bridge, we will when it comes to it. One day, I’ll own up and explain myself. But for now, I’m smiling at the memory. No one can take that day away from me. Who is this Mystery Man, you may be wondering? Well, I’m not saying. It’s almost better if he stays a mystery. If he wants to pursue more with me, he knows where to find me. Until then, I have a blissful day to call to mind whenever I want. Just…a perfect day.
There’s only one other time I’ve openly proclaimed having a Perfect Day. It was with my ex-boyfriend, and it was a key day for me in our relationship. It was the first time I realized I could openly trust him, especially since we would be spending a majority of the next 3 months apart. I put my trust in him that day. That day, walking along the lake, climbing up and over dozens of rocks, following the shoreline until we couldn’t go a step further (not because we didn’t want to, because we really couldn’t keep going. A building was in the way!) Then, we walked back the entire length of lake, found a vendor selling cheese curds (it was the start of summer) and we sat by the lake shore eating them. My shoulders burned in the sunlight, as did his face. When all was said and done, I got in my car and we started our summer a part. Such a simple day…such a wonderful, perfect day.
Everyone has those moment sin their lives they go back to, even if its only to smile for a moment or two. We hold on to those memories forever. Like seeing Star Wars on the big screen for the very first time. Or being picked out of the ground to hang out with the Cantina Band. Those are moments you never forget.
You shouldn’t forget them. They remind you of who you are, and the strides you’ve taken since then.
Missing in Action No More!
Hello again, my fellow Jedi! 
I am back and ready to rock. First, an explanation for why I was totally MIA for no reason whatsoever. I gave you a heads-up about my spring break, gave you updates on that, and then I just vanish. Maybe you don’t even care, but I do. My fingers were just itching to get back on the keyboard and fill you all in on the awesome things I’ve seen, done, said, learned, and experienced. Sort of makes me sound like I had a lesbian encounter a little bit, doesn’t it? (And just do you know…I did not, and it’s not even close to that comparison.)
So…reason for sudden MIA status…after returning from my spring break destination, I took a few days to visit my home. Not my home where I currently live, eat, sleep, and dance around like a fool in my underwear totally aware my roommate (aka my sister) could walk in at any moment. No. Not that home. My home home. The place I grew up for 19 years of my life. Where I learned how to use my imagination to be my best friend, to cook, to clean, to run, to have discipline, to snatch cookies out of the cookie jar when no one was looking, or how to be super fast on the internet when I was only allowed an hour of surfing time, where I learned to groom and sculpt a cows’ hair into showing perfection…where I learned being raised a farm girl is the best damn way to grow up. With that said, its almost a given to tell you that I grew up on a farm. I spent my summers baling hay, milking cows, driving tractor, teaching animals how to walk/stand correctly/move with me like a well-oiled machine, building fences, making field picnics, feeding and helping birth newborn calves, and taking long long walks in the pasture. Yup…my childhood. *Sigh* Pure awesome.
Anyways, this farm I now only occasional visit because I had to grow up and move out onto my own at some point, is located out in the boonies. Our internet connection? Still dial-up. You hear my correctly. My family’s computer still relies on dial-up for internet connection. Really, if you understand the situation from the right point of view, it does make sense for them. My parents are the only ones at home now. We originally got the internet for educational (and usually recreational) purposes. That was back when internet was still a relatively new concept. Nowadays, it’s high-speed and wi-fi, or get the fuck out. My parents did not grow up in the technology age. The fact that they both operate a cell phone with relative ease is a miracle in itself. My mom uses the internet more than anyone now, usually for shopping (she’s an addict…just like me!) My dad? It would amaze me if he knew where the ‘On’ button is. I love my dad with all my heart, but computers and him will never be a match made in heaven. In fact, it’s better if they stay away from each other. He can tell me what to look up…I can do it in less time than it would for him to get the computer up and running.
So, there you have it. I live in the boondocks, the internet sucks, and it’s more fun this way. It keeps you all (including myself!) in suspense.
In the meantime, please enjoy this music video ‘In the Boondocks’ performed by Little Big Town. It sums up my growing up on the farm perfectly.
PS – expect a lot of updates and postings in the next couple of days as I attempt to catch up!
“Today as always [females] make up about one half of humanity. And yet we are told that femininity is in danger. It would appear, then, that every female human being is not necessarily a woman; to be so considered she must share in that mysterious and threatened reality known as femininity.”
Those are the words of Simone de Beauvoir, the author of the book titled Second Sex.
Not going to lie to you….I may not entirely understand her words myself. However, it is fun to think about what is considered femininity in the right terms these days? Does it mean being soft, plump, and nice around the edges? Or can it be interpreted as someone aware of her womanhood and who isn’t afraid to show it off to the world?
Take, for instance, my third day on Spring Break. After an early and lovely walk to a nearby Breugger’s Bagels for breakfast, my friend and I enjoyed our food outdoors in the brilliant sunshine. I sipped my coffee while wearing my knee-length walking capri pants. Because I was wearing capri pants in public, does that mean I’m not feminine? Does it mean I’m embracing my masculinity far more than my femininity because I refuse to cover my entire leg, or even wear a skirt, like proper woman do?
This extends into our afternoon. Because the sunshine was so brilliant, I went ahead and rolled up my T-shirt to show off my abdomen to the sunshine. Rolled up my pant legs to my knees and took off my shoes. At some point in our feminine history, this would have been highly forbidden. Good gracious….Her ankles are showing! Imagine if I had my swim suit on (which I highly contemplated putting on. It was THAT nice out.)
My friend’s fiance came home after a few hours of our lounging in the sunshine, taking it all in. I was still in my rolled-up state of being, and walked into the house to refill my wine glass. FYI…hot sunshine, barely any clothes on, and wine mix nicely for a buzz in the middle of the afternoon. I was on Spring Break, so sue me 🙂
Her fiance was quick to make a comment on my attire. His words came to the effect of “she’s barely clothed and walking around our apartment. She should do something about that.”
I should, huh?
Sorry, but I’m proud of the body bestowed upon me by higher powers, and if I want to work to make improvements on it…I’m going to. I’m also going to let it enjoy the wine that tasted oh-so-delicious that day. I went through half a bottle before noticing how much I actually had. If I haven’t warned you before, I will now. I’m a terrible lightweight. Half a bottle of wine = buzzing. The sunshine didn’t help matters. Alcohol and sunshine dehydrate the skin, making getting drunk that much easier.
Again, I was on Spring Break…sue me.
My state of condition made it all the more bearable when the two of them starting having pre-marital arguments. I just kept humming to myself and walking ahead of them in Hyde Park. I wasn’t a apart of their conversation, even though they were arguing about how much time he was spending with me while I was in town, the bride-to-be’s best friend. Whatever…it could have been very uncomfrotable…but I was buzzing, so clearly the Force had a say in things on that one.
The day finished with our opening and polishing off a bottle of cider, me with the rest of the wine, and watching a few more episodes of Friends (which is even funnier when you’re drinking!) I was amazed how much I could pack away in my belly…we went to a nearby Mexican hot-spot for the area called Habanero and I ate 2 huge tacos. I had a food baby after that. Add the wine and cider to it…it was a fiiiiine evening 🙂
Since my absence, I do realize I skipped out on my Fabulous Friday for the week. Look for an upcoming post! I haven’t forgotten, I swear. SO much more to tell you all.
This is me welcoming myself back. And I couldn’t be happier!
The Modern Jedi 