Star Wars
Can We Be Grown-Ups Now?
Men are jerks.
Quick clarification: Not all men are jerks. A handful of the ones I work with sure set the bar at a new level. I’m not saying all the men I work with act in a chauvinistic, pig-like manner. That description doesn’t even cover half the crap that they pull.
The real sickening part? They think its funny, and they get away with it. When I call them out on their crap, I’m given a rather bold title. I’m pretty sure you can figure out what it is. It starts with a capital B and ends in -itch. They don’t call me this special name to my face, but I know they utter it to each other behind my back.
All because I refuse to put up their crap.
Let’s whisper about her. Not too loud so everyone can hear, but just enough so she hears and knows we’re talking about her. And while we’re whispering about her, make sure we’re making fun of her for something, like how she wants a Star Wars tattoo or how she’s clearly not intelligent enough to understand the edits made on a menu.
My favorite? When one of them constantly makes his statements sexual. Now, there’s an art to his tactics. He doesn’t come right out and say something nasty to you. But he’ll make a comment about how he likes my skirt, and maybe it should be a bit shorter. Here’s the kicker…he then gives you the smolder with his eyes, and his gives his most charming smile.
It might melt your heart the first couple of times you see it, but get to know him. He’s not worth it.
I especially like it when he openly gives you the up-down with his eyes, then gives you a look that says “oh yeah, I like what I see. You and me? In bed now.”
HA!
Although, at least when I get reaction out of him concerning my appearance, I know its him reacting genuinely. He may be driven by his testosterone-heavy body parts, but at least he’s honest.
Best part of the whole deal? At least one of them is going to read this very post. I’m sure I’ll receive a text, tweet, or hear another round of whispering because of it.
I don’t care, boys. You’re high school level antics annoy me more than anything else.
By the way, it’s slightly disgusting to know that when a girl applies here for a job, you check her out on Facebook and base whether you’d hire her or not based solely on her looks. Maybe that’s what you did when I applied to our place of work, but seriously?
How shallow can you be?
“You have my approval.” *PFT* Good heavens….
Yeah, I’m aware that things could be said about me concerning both of you. To that, I simply shrug my shoulders. Whatever. It’s all in the past, and I have moved on. If you haven’t, you probably should.
There’s a lot more I could say here, but I’m going to hold my tongue. God only knows the type of things you’ll pull at work to get back at me. This is the thing, we need to be able to at least be civil to each other at work. I might not be able to stand either of you being next to me, but I’m going to respect you…until you start acting like a dumb shit.
If anything else, I should thank you. I thank you for reinforcing my decision to be on my own for a while because I know there are way more scum bags out there than gentlemen. If I happen to catch one of their eyes, I’ll let him sweep me off my feet.
Until that happens, men should probably keep a distance.
“Oh, Christ. I couldn’t care less. I can’t say I’m overwhelmed with surprise. I’m eighty-eight years old and they can’t give the Nobel to someone’s who’s dead, so I think they were probably thinking they’d probably better give it to me now before I’ve popped off.”
Those are the words of Doris Lessing, who is the oldest writer to receive literature’s top prize. You know, the one called the Nobel.
I’ve taken on a new endeavor. A screenplay, and I’ve made huge progress on it. Add that on top of the novel I started back in my first year at the Academy. I’m determined to finish is before I walk across that graduation stage.
There’s just too much happening in my life artistically! It’s very exciting, and daunting at the same time, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Other than dealing with the boys when I got to work, my day has been sort of rough. The nastiest sore throat you could think of has taken over my healthy one. Talking hurts. Swallowing food or drink is near impossible. A coughing fit takes over my body every ten minutes or so. I keep drinking hot tea, but even that hasn’t offered much relief.
My dance showcases this week….why must this happen now.Why must this always happen?! It never fails. Some higher power insists on testing my dedication in performing the week of.If I’m not throwing up, losing weight, or beyond exhaustion…it’s a sore throat.
At least I’m only dancing, and not speaking through this performance.
This throat is killing me. Maybe I just need a shot of vodka to quiet it down for the night. If I can’t sleep tonight, I will cry and I already cried myself to sleep once this week. Really, I should never have to do that, but it happens.
How I’m still going today is a mystery. With my throat feeling like it’s on fire non-stop, and nearly passing out from dizziness in both tennis and dance class this afternoon, how am I still here at work, all cheery and laughing and able to hate on most of my male coworkers?
I was up and at the Academy by 7:00 am for a dance rehearsal.Yup…a dance rehearsal. Quite the superstar choreographer, if I do say so myself. For their dedication to the early hours, I rewarded my dancers with a smorgasbord of breakfast foods to get them going for the day.
Needless to say, I had to deal with a few surly attitudes, and with my throat acting up already at that point, I may have been the choreographer from hell this morning.
Eh. It’s a title I can live with.
I’m not too sure how I’m still going. The Force offers strength when you least expect it.
Or it’s because I’m a student of the Academy, and am used to never having a full night’s sleep.
Sleeping like a baby tonight, I will be.
Although, I do feel like a writer, sitting here with ambient noise in the background, a steaming cup of Earl Grey tea next to my laptop, and words just flowing out of my fingertips.
Stay healthy out there, my fellow Jedi. It’s a strange weather world out there, fooling us into thinking its warmer than it actually is. I’m falling for spring, and about to be dumped by snow fall.
May the Force be with you.
Freeze Out February
It’s official. I hate February.
I hate everything about it. The red and pink colors, the idea that everything has to be love themed, the weather is cold, the winter blues are hitting, and oh yeah. One more small thing…it’s the only month that makes you highly aware of your relationship status. Mine was teetering there for a while. Was I officially taken or was I still in the sort-of-friends zone?
Well, I got my answer last night.
Single. Single. And, in case the first couple times it wasn’t quite clear… single.
Have I mentioned that the dreaded V-day would have been my 2-year anniversary with my exboyfriend, too?
Add on top of the relationship woes, I go under the knife in just over a week.
Happy oh-so-happy Valentine’s Day to me, myself, and I.
I’m pitying myself. I’m feeling sorry for myself. I’m letting myself think the terrible, horrible, I’m-never-going-to-find-someone thoughts. The chance is there, though. What if I don’t ever find someone? What if I’m meant to be that single woman who never quite got it right with relationships? It makes it really hard to be the awesome Maid of Honor when I can’t stand the thought of eternal love.
“Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes one feel as you might when a drowning man holds onto you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.”
Wise words of Anais Nin, a navel-gazer.
The panic hit last night. Without a warning, I laid in bed, looking at the glow-in-the-dark stars decorating my ceiling, and the tears just came. What am I doing wrong? These things always start out great, and then something snaps in the matter of days. Suddenly, things must come to an end. Something is off, we’re in two different places in our lives, or “I need some time to figure me out. I’m not okay with myself.”
If I ever date someone again, and then use that excuse as the reason for why the relationship much come to an end, I’m seriously giving up guys entirely. Fix yourself before giving someone the impression you want to be more to them than just a friend. Guys don’t enjoy being lead on, and neither do girls.
Treat others as you want to be treated. It’s the Golden Rule, people!
Mostly, I’m just upset. Why must these things pop up out of the blue? Why must they all happen over the phone? I’m beginning to hate my cell phone as much as I’m disliking men.
The reason New Guy and I needed to end things, according to him? “Valentine’s Day is coming up, and you should make it a special occasion with that person you’re dating. I’ve never had a valentine when the day has come around, and I’m not okay with where I am right now. We should probably not date anymore.”
That’s the basic gist of it, anyway.
Yeah, I know rejection is a part of dating. Another reason to hate dating, and now another reason to hate Valentine’s Day. A potentially great relationship was cut short because the holiday loomed too near.
UGH.
All of this, I’m sure, means I simply haven’t found “the one” for me just yet. He’s still strutting around out there, waiting to run into me. I might not meet him until I’m 45. Should I join a dating site to see what potential material there is for me out there? Clearly, this city is just not having it with my love life.
See? See this rambling? It’s anxiety. Love does nothing to us but make us crazy. How my parents have survived it for 38 years is beyond me. But they’re also the reason I don’t give up hope on finding that someone. They are so incredibly in love…still! after 38 years…and it makes me happy inside to see that. Too many couples end in divorce, and it’s uplifting to know there are actual couples out there who do, indeed, love the other through the good times and bad.
I could be biased since they are my parents.
Hollywood movies don’t help matters, either. Right now, my current Valentine’s Day plans consist of getting nasty, fattening food and ice cream, popping Sabrina into the DVD player, and sobbing my eyes out over my godforsaken misery. I’ll ignore the roses that are guaranteed to be sitting on our kitchen table, a gift from my sister’s fiancée to her. I’ll smile and nod as she tells me about her romantic evening, and secretly be telling my heart to stop sinking into my stomach. As I shove chocolates into my pathetic mouth, I’ll be reliving a year ago, when I actually had a Valentine….before he ripped my heart out and stomped all over it.
See what I mean? Valentine’s Day is not healthy. It drives single women crazy. If they are anything like me, and trying to move on from any sort of relationship, it only gets worse from here on out. Even sadder? All my awesome girlfriends either have boyfriends of their own, and will be swept off their feet, or they don’t live anywhere near me.
So much misery…
Put in simple terms, I’m in a funk. I’m moping. When I’ll get out of it, I don’t really know. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: Maybe it’s best to be on my own right now. Too many changes are headed my way within the next four months. Probably best to not have someone elses feelings to take into consideration if, say, I want to move to Florida for a year.
Anakin and Padme attempted a loving, intimate relationship, and the anxiety of losing Padme drove Anakin not only insane, but to the Dark Side. We know what happens the instant he turns to the Dark Side. The Jedi are almost completely wiped out, the galaxy is thrown into a dictatorship, and everyone hates George Lucas. I don’t hate him, but I’m singled out for that very reason half the time. Anyways…
It’s not going to be an easy couple of months. I tend to fall victim to winter depression this time of the year, and this so-called spring we’re getting right now will only help matters momentarily. I’m certain a blast of hellfire snow is headed our way at some point, and all this glorious weather keeping my mood afloat will disappear into a snow bank. I’m in for a bumpy ride over the next stretch of time.
On a completely different note, go see Man on a Ledge. I was almost hyperventilating by the time I got to the center of the movie. I don’t care what the critics say, I thought it was a pretty dang good movie. I cheered at parts, I gasped at parts, and towards the end I had a very big “Oh my…WHAT?” moment. It doesn’t hurt that Sam Worthington is plain gorgeous to look at, even with his slightly mess mop of a hair-do in this movie. I found him very likeable in Avatar, and I continue to find him likeable. Don’t you dare judge me, I’m moping.
Things will get better, things will look up. I have to keep telling myself this, or I will fall into a heap on the floor. I need to find my inner strength again. I used it always have it at my fingertips, but now? It’s fleeting. A touch here at the club, a touch there at the coffee shop. I’m better off alone, anyways.
Everyone keeps telling me I’m too much to handle.
Mark of a Jedi
Happy 1st of February everyone! We are officially in the 2nd month of this year.
Let me tell you, if the last month was any indication of what I can look forward to this year, I’m going to never sleep. My nerves will constantly be on edge. My emotions will always be on a roller coaster…no happy medium. It’ll be up and down all the time. One event after the other. Non-stop and lots of surprises along the way, good and bad.
At least I can say my life won’t be boring in 2012!
I do have lots of things to look forward to this coming year…in the 10 months that remain. A wedding, the birth of my newest godson/god-daughter, planning a bridal shower, my dance performance, graduating from the Academy, hopefully finding a real world job with relative ease, standing at the head of the church as the Maid of Honor, exploring the realms of what appears to be a promising relationship (but at the same time, I’m already have bubbles of doubt in my stomach. Ugh, never fails, does it?). My golden birthday!
Yes, indeed, there are lots to look forward to.
“My God, I’m outliving my henna!”
Aw, thank you, Lucille Ball of Lucy fame. She said this in her 80s.
Sometimes, I look back on the weeks of things that have happened, and I feel aged. I’m still in my twenties myself. But, there are experiences I’ve had in the last couple months that has aged me. In a sense, anyways. The whole deal with what does my white blood cell count mean? Does it mean cancer…does it not? Is it a blip? Minus the time I had to take a pregnancy test at the doctor in order to proceed with the steps they needed to take with me, that week of not knowing what was up with my body was just as bad, if not worse, than waiting those 10 minutes to hear that my preggers test came back negative. I was 99% sure it would turn up nothing, but when you’ve actually taken it, and start to think over the happenings of last month…things get hazy and the heart starts pumping.
Oh, if only the participating other halves knew what was going on. I know that makes me sound like a total floozy, like I’ve slept with dozens of men, but it’s just not so. We all have our lovers….real, and imaginary. I’m hoping Hugh Jackman appears in my dreams tonight. I’ll simply ravish him over and over again.
It’s amazing the things you find out at work. Just….amazing. Found out many of us are being bad-mouthed. I’m not okay with it, but I won’t say more on the matter.
Also found out I was lied to by a certain individual. I’m not going to mention any names or even hint at a nickname. I’m going to use the pronoun ‘he’ because it seems to be the fallback pronoun whenever someone speaks about an individual they do/may not know the actual gender of. So, it’s my fallback. ‘He’ know who ‘he’ is, and I’m sure there are a handful of things ‘he’ knows ‘he’ has lied about. It’s on ‘him’ now.
I really should be climbing under my bed sheets right now. I have a very long day tomorrow, and if I wake up feeling the way I did this morning, it’s going to be a very rough day. My first rehearsal for the Star Wars revival, meeting with the lacrosse team, going out on a mini photo shoot, a quiz in a class, and another class on top of that…when am I going to have time to eat?
I think that’s what ages me the most. When I don’t eat or consume coffee at a regular pace. I must be doing something correct, however. My fingernails are growing at a constantly annoying rate, and I’m noticing I’m chewing on them more and more. That was a habit I had to break when I was seven years old. I am not going to resort to it again! So help me the Force.
On a side note, I’m very excited about a package I received in the mail today. I am now the proud owner of the Star Wars mad libs from all six films. Maybe I’ll have to do one on here, so you can fully appreciate its awesomeness. It’s laced with it own snatches of Jedi wisdom throughout, I’m sure 🙂
Speaking of henna, I’ve always wanted to get a tattoo. Go figure…when I finally allow myself to sit down in the tattoo artists’ chair, I’m going to get a tattoo of the Jedi symbol, also a sign for the Rebellion. It wouldn’t be anywhere visible, unless you coach me out of my clothes and are able to look at me and appreciate me in my nakedness. Only a handful of people have had that pleasure. To them, I say you’re welcome.
Everyone always asks if the Jedi symbol is something I want to see on my person 40 years from now. Forty years from now is a very long time…but I know m answer is going to be yes. Once that sucker is punched into my skin, it’s never coming off. And when you believe in something as great as the Force, and have thought about a permanent marking on your own skin…it’s definetly something I want to see on my person every day. It would be a reminder that the Dark Side is out there, and I’m on the side that’s good.
Every Jedi has their marking.
The fight would never leave my blood. A lot of other reasons, too, but you’ll think I’m crazier than you already do with this ancient religion nonsense 😉
A remarkably warm day and evening. I wore a dress to work with no leggings of any sort. I went bare-legged, and it’s freaking February. What the heck is happening to our climate? There should be 10 feet of snow, along with being temperatures under zero degrees. That’s in Farenheit, folks.
Anyways, this Jedi needs to rest up. There are lots of things to do in the next 24 hours, and I’m afraid I can’t be asleep through them.
A rested Jedi is a worthy ally.
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The Modern Jedi 