waves crash
The Missing Half
Who knew shopping could make me feel good about my day?
Oh my gawd…I’m turning into one of those people. Those people who hide behind their problems by spending their money on other things, filler things, things that make them feel better in the moment but really only makes them confident for about 3 minutes.
I’m not saying I have problems. Oh, I do, but nothing to be overly worried about at the moment. I was given a blessing in disguise by not having to be at work or the Academy yesterday. The Force knew I was near a mental collapse. So, it granted me a brief reprieve, and I am thankful for it.
My stomach is incredibly mad at me right now. I devoured a delicious dinner (courtesy of both mine and my sister’s efforts) of breaded chicken, Caesar salad, and raw fried potatoes. I didn’t just eat two helpings…I ate three. THREE! No wonder my stomach feels like its going to burst. How my waist measurements keep shrinking, I’m not sure. Maybe I have a tape worm. But seriously, I ate so much. What a glutton, and its the season of Lent above all things.
Once I got done with classes at the Academy, I took the afternoon to go for a walk. It’s a strange sensation to go walking by a lake right after a massive blizzard and hear the waves crash against the rocks and shoreline. Not a patch of ice anywhere to be seen. On the sidewalk, maybe, but not on the water. I would have enjoyed more time at the lake, but there were two men following me indirectly, and they looked rather shady. Shady in the sense of they were either going to team up and kidnap me, or try to sell me drugs. Something like that.
Sorry. It’s not my thing. Drugs, I mean.
Anyways, I know shopping is not the answer to anything. It’s an addiction shopping. What I want to know is how did I become such a clothes whore? I was a total tomboy growing up. Always running in the mud, wading into the creeks behind our house, camping out in the cow pasture, driving the tractor right alongside my dad and brother, leading a 2,000 pound steers around on a small, thin rope halter *for fun*.
Did you hear that? FOR FUN.
Clothes may not fit after a while. That’s why you don’t splurge on clothes unless you’ve dropped 50 pounds unexpectedly. I dropped 30 in a year without trying. Seriously, I think I have a tape worm.
This is why I splurge on books and jewelry. I have a weakness for earrings. The only criteria I have when it comes down to it…it must be dangly, it must be unique, it must be funky or classy. It could be both. I wouldn’t be opposed, but really, nothing beats a pair of diamond earrings…or pearls. It’s either my personal style, or I’m honing my inner Audrey Hepburn.
This is probably one of my main issues to work on while pursuing the Jedi Code. To want is not needed. I should never ‘want’ anything. I should need the things in which to survive. Yes, that includes clothing, but not the packed closest I wake up to every morning. No girl needs to own 12 pairs of jeans, and really, only wear 3 of them. I have two mini suitcases filled with earrings. I have three stacks of fitted t-shirts. I have a stack of dress pants. I have a clothing rod stocked from end to end with hanging clothes. It’s insane.
I may be a cliché woman after all.
I don’t apologize for it. I pride myself in looking good. I once read a quote that said a girl should never wear sweats outside her house because she never knows when she could run into the love of her life or the potential employer who can change her career. I’ve held that piece of advice close to my chest since the moment I read it.
It’s true. Do I want my futures husband to see me dressed as a slob? Even if my hair is done and sunglasses perched on my nose? (The only acceptable way to wear sweats in public, mind you.) Then again, if he is meant to be the love of my life, he won’t mind the booty hugging black sweatpants I’m wearing, probably with the word ‘Pink’ printed across my backside.
“I’m not looking for much [in a guy], I just want a really nice guy who had, you know, a job…and the missing half of this golden amulet.”
I, too, have half a golden amulet, Maria Bamford, the great comedic talent.
That’s every girls fantasy, isn’t it? Her prince in shining armor will come in, and unite his heart with her’s. Of course, after fighting off an entire advancing army single-handedly or slaying a gigantic dragon.
Or, he will possess the key to unlock the belt to my metal chastity belt.
Men are a mysterious beast to me. I don’t think I will ever fully understand them, but the same could be said about me. No one is going to ever fully understand me, let alone females for that matter. I’m okay on my own for now. It’s interesting, really. New Guy actually talked to me at length today, through text messages and IM’ing, and even though we both came to the conclusion that we are, indeed, giving our relationship another go. Given how much we actually talk to each other, though? I don’t believe it. I don’t consider us in a relationship. Even saying it, I’m okay with the answer.
Did more wedding planning and suggesting with my sister this evening. It’s amazing how much of her style I actually do recognize. I need to stop doubting myself. I know more than I let myself believe I do.
This may have been another rambling text, but yet again, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit with my current writing project…a screenplay several weeks in the works. So, here’s to clearing my head and a warning to myself “in writing” to watch my shopping habits. Especially with The Hunger Games so close to being in theaters….lots of fan items to be owned there, including jewelry 🙂
Welcome to March, everyone!
The Modern Jedi 