morning punch

Feeding a Few (Passionate) Fires

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The apple juice isn’t cutting it this morning.

Not the best pick-me-up this morning.

I’m trying just about everything to give me that mid-morning punch in the gut, and I think the only way I’m going to get that is if I insert the coffee IV into he crook of my arm the minute I step out of the shower, and while it’s still attached to my blood flow, also down about 2-3 Rock Star energy drinks. Two words: caffeine overload. I’d be dead within the noon hour. And, why, may I ask, am I craving crunchy sweet somethings already and it’s not even noon?

I’m not pregnant, that’s for sure. But my body is going through some weird changes right now.

What is going on with my body is beyond me. I’ve started taking Vitamin B tablets, but that can’t be working this hard-core already, can it? I read somewhere they jump start your metabolism rates, and this was the main push behind my taking them, especially with a month separating me and my sister’s wedding day. But I can’t imagine that this is what it’s doing to my body already…Can it?

I do not like feeling hungrier than a tiger who has been put on a vegetarian diet for months unwillingly. And yes, that may be a totally lame clique, but you know what? I don’t care! I need some chips or something.

“Men love to watch two women make love. I wonder, does this turn them on, or are they just trying to figure out how to do it right?”

Given my current dating and love life situation here (or lack thereof would probably be more accurate to say), Joy Behar, the talk show talent, really knows how to make me giggle. I’ve always wondered this same thing. What is it that gets men going when two women kiss? It doesn’t even have to be a passionate, sexy kiss. It could be a tiny peck on the lips, and their imaginations know no boundaries. They are running wild, and free, and imagining the next three women they meet int he sack together.

Everyone could use a little more “who cares?” in their lives.

Another reason why women are the superior species.

Although I can’t entirely say we don’t have sex on the brain a lot of the time. We really actually do. As Rachel Berry happened to spurt out in Season 1 of Glee during her one and only Celibacy Club meetings, “Let me tell you something they don’t want you to know. Girls think about and want sex just as much as guys do.” Well said, young Berry, well said.

I actually find her annoying more than half the time. But she hit this one on the head.

It happens when you least expect it. For me the past couple of weeks, I see one little thing happening and I’m suddenly on a one-lane mind track about an article I read in Cosmo last month, or I’m thinking about the time New Guy brushed his hand against mine while standing in his kitchen, cooking up ourselves a little meal, and then…

HA! No this isn’t going to turn into a soft porn paperback you secretly read in the library when you’re bored and trying with all your might to avoid studying. BUT the truth is, we all think about it more than we care to admit. Just last night I had a dream about New Guy’s Best Friend and when I woke up this morning…whoa, was I in a tizzy? I forced myself to think about other things, and to really concentrate on work until my mind no longer fluttered to the has-been’s of Fantasy Land.

Pun totally intended!

Care for me to share it with you? I just think I might (don’t worry…all the fun, nitty-gritty details are reserved for my memory and my memory only!):

“It’s a rainy afternoon, and I’m taking my time walking down the marbled steps of a building that closely resembles the Metropolitan Museum of Arts (it could have been…maybe I’m an art curator or something). Walking along carefully, as the steps are slick with rain and my umbrella is up (and incredibly red! Did I mention it’s an eye sore of a red color?) My mood feels a bit gloomy, as to match the weather, when before me I see a familiar car waiting at the corner. Out steps New Guy’s Best Friends, looking all fine in a clean-cut suit. (What made him look even better? That he didn’t care it was raining and it Calvin Klein was getting a bit damp. I always swoon for a sexy man in a sexy suit.) I stop to take him in, standing there with no umbrella of his own. Damn, he looks so sorry for whatever he did…and I bite my lip as I make my choice. Slowly, I walk up to him, hand him my umbrella, and crawl into back of the car (which I’m pretty sure was a stretch limo.)

I thought New Guy’s Best Friend looked like Josh Dumehal’s twin, and in my dreams, he is. Too damn good-looking for his own good.

Next thing you know, we are snuggled up together on a couch with either his or my family filling the living room space before us. We’re watching a movie, and I know I’m wearing a dull blue pair of sweatpants because New Guy’s Best Friend’s hand keeps brushing along the waistline, and I have to push it away. There are people in the room with us! We can’t just get down and dirty with kids in the room (Do I even know they’re kids? Not really.) But he takes my hand anyways, and we crawl BEHIND the couch and then I let him have his way with me.(Because that would always work in real life!)

So…behind the couch?

Next thing you know, we’re no longer behind the couch, but actually outside on the wet grass (and yes, it is still raining) and we are kissing incredibly passionately, completely oblivious to the fact we’re rolling around on wet, grassy earth. When that’s all said and done with (and I will say THAT memory will be sticking with me for quite some time) we walked back inside and return to the couch we were sitting on previously, but now the movie is over and we’re alone in the room. My hair is soaking wet and my clothes are sticking to me like wet sand on a cold day. Suddenly, the door across the room from us flies open and there stands my scruffy-looking ex of a boyfriend(and it is the real vision of my real-time ex-boyfriend, which really sent my heart into my throat).

Cue staring and dripping wet hair all over the couch where it started it all!

He just stood there, and stared at me as the door swung slowly shut and I know he continued to stare at me and New Guy’s Best Friend, who I now noticed was shirtless (was he the whole time? My god we’re two terrible people, doing it in front of giant bay window for all I know), because the door continued to swing back and forth a few times before stopping. I breathed in deeply once…twice…pushed a piece of wet hair behind my ear…”

…and then I woke up.

Hopefully, that is not the end of dreams like that to come. I’m going to need a few good ones to keep my warm all winter long. Supposedly snow is in the forecast for this weekend already. Brrr! I’m so not ready!

But to keep the good, warm feelings going, here are my weekly Midweek Smiles to keep you feeling good. On the inside, at least 🙂

– Welcome what life brings, and it’ll bring you good things.

Not just a hot girl, but an invite to a Harry Potter party, too. Booya! You hit the jackpot!

– Stress doesn’t have to get the best of you.

Stress? What stress? I’m great at what I do.

– There’s no reason you can’t succeed.

Bring it on, Shelob!

– Let yourself be someone amazing: the real you.

I am hot…and I mean I have a loaded gun in my pocket.

– Grow a brand-new future. Plant a dream.

The buckeye brought good luck all around.

– It’s okay to take care of yourself, too.

That should always include decking yourself out in diamonds.

– Things are going to be better than okay. They’re going to be great!

Enough said.

See? Combine any of those words with that dream, and aren’t you just feeling all smooshy inside? I know I do. It probably helps my case a little bit more that I was the starring role getting all the action in my very own dream…but those are simply details.

Since I’m the leading lady, I’ll be as pretty and stylish as Princess Diana.

Keep up the energy people! The week is halfway over, and there’s still much to be done.


We have a kingdom to win back!