These fits of frustration and anger towards no one in particular need to end, and they need to end now.
They come completely out of nowhere, too. Well, that’s not entirely true. Lately, I’m set off my the littlest sign of affection between two people clearly in love with each other or clearly enjoying the genuine flirtation of another human being towards them. The worst? When I’m in a room and my sister decides to start macking on her husband. Yes, I realize they are newlyweds and this is totally acceptable behavior. When my lucky day comes when I get to walk through my front door and come home to a delicious hunk of men, I hope I do the same thing.
But right now? Not only does it make me want to chuck a teacup at the back of their heads, but I also want to vomit. After the wave of nausea passes, I then proceed to sulk out of the room. I could exit with my own theme music blaring through the room, and I bet you they wouldn’t even notice. So now what have I started to do? Whenever they happen to enter the room I’m inhabiting, I just slip out. Unless I’m cooking. I can’t exactly leave the stove on with a pot of soup about to boil over.
I knew this was going to happen. It was bound to. It’s not like I didn’t have enough forewarning. But lately, I just can’t handle. Why? Oh, I don’t know…Maybe because another member of the male race reared his ugly head and proved just how downright awful men can be. Now, let me stop you. I’m not saying all men are scum. Not true. Each of my sisters has found a gem, and they better hold on to them with all their might.
Me? I’m keeping the scum occupied so every other woman on this planet can find their true, genuine soul mate while I’m left in the dust wondering what the hell just happened.
“Good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgement.”
Rita Mae Brown, a high-profile book writer, where were you when I started to get all interested in this dating business? Where were you to shake my shoulders like the demon devil himself was festering inside of me? To be fair, I can’t really say no said ‘I warned you.’ There were plenty of warnings. I simply made the decision to “have fun” and see where the wind would take me, but even “having fun” starts to wear on a person’s soul pretty heavily.
Is this going to be the never-ending story to my love life? I really hope not.
The fact is, I let myself be happy for a few minutes. I was aware I was letting my guard down, and as I walked to my car one night, I felt it all trickle in. I felt the ooey-gooiness take over, and I reminded myself not to feel like that. Something was bound to happen (the wise and powerful Force speaks loudest when we need to really hear something). So I made a choice. I allowed myself the drive home to smile like an idiot, to sing wildly to the songs on the radio, and fall onto my couch with an equally ooey-gooey romantic comedy to settle down for the night.
Not even ten minutes after I hit play, I read a text message that I had forewarned myself against. Good thing I was prepared, and my defenses weren’t far behind. What I couldn’t prepare for? Two days later, it was like walking through a door someone booby-trapped with a bucket of water. Drenched and unsuspecting, I sat staring at the text messages on my phone, and vowed right then and cut off all ties.
God and I had a very serious talk that night. I told him I was done with duds. I was done with being run over and taken and being thought of as a piece of pie. I am done with putting in too much with no hope of getting anything back in return. I told him a few choice words, too.
The best part? Once I was done, I didn’t feel frantic, scared, or worried I would never find my match. Instead, I felt incredibly calm, like God was patting me on the back, saying “No worries, girl. I got your back. Until then, you’re going to be okay. Promise.”
I sure hope you’re right, G-man.