I Want You To Draw Me Like One of Your French Girls

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I’ll warn you right now. You’re in for more Titanic.

That's right. We're back to Titanic for subject matter.

And yes, when I say Titanic, I mean the movie, not the actual ship.

Titanic has been in theater for two whole days, and I haven’t had a large enough chunk of time to get myself to the theaters and watch it. It doesn’t help me that the movie is three hours long, and can only be shown so many times a day. In one theater, no less. Come on, I think we could open it up into two theaters. I’m one of those people who needs to sprawl when I watch a movie. Especially for three hours. I’m not going to sit all prim and proper for that long. It’s not because I wouldn’t be engrossed in the movie. It’s because I don’t have prim and proper tendencies.

Sorry, but I was raised as a farm girl. I'm used to wearing jeans, not skirts.

I’m one of those girls who doesn’t sit down and instantly crosse her legs. Nope. I tend to sit like a guy, and it can be pretty hazardous when I wear skirts and dresses. It’s not something I consciously think about. “Okay, so when I sit down, I need to knock my knees together, cross my ankles, and then slowly slide my lower leg up and over my knee. Now, no one can see what’s happening underneath this fabric.”

Puh-leeze. I have bigger fish to catch, and if my skirt is long enough, no one is going to see a thing. If they do, you’re welcome. Consider it your reward for the day if you’re perverted enough to actually be looking when I sit down in the hopes of catching a look at my business. Congratulations even more if I catch you looking because then you’re in for the grand prize of an old-fashioned ass whooping.

Coming right for you if I catch you looking where you're not supposed to.

Pardon my language.

“Our earth is round, and, among other things, that means that you and I can hold completely different points of view and both be right. The difference of our positions will show stars in your window I cannot even imagine.”

Those are the thought-worthy words of June Jordan, a political activist and poet, among all things.

One day, maybe we'll see the same stars. All of us.

So…what does this have to do with Titanic?

I was speaking with a few of my dancer friends after our movement exercises this afternoon, and one of them had already gone and seen Titanic back up on the big screen in all her fine glory. She raved about how good it was, how even though she knew exactly every little thing that was going to happen, it still managed to take her breath away at parts. (I honestly hope this holds true for me when I’m in the viewer’s seat once again.) Besides all that good stuff, there was something else worthy noting about her movie experience, and it all took place before the movie began.

Okay, so we weren't having coffee, we were wearing spandex and in the middle of doing tondue's, but we were talking!

A group of four young adult men came into the movie theater. They were not joined by girls later on. They didn’t sit down by any girls. They didn’t seem to acknowledge any girls, meaning they were not meeting up with friends of any kind.

Did you really think I was going to show Roses' goods? Go see the movie!

This leads me to think several things: 1.) They were coming to sit three hours to watch maybe two minutes of Kate Winslet’s bare breasts onscreen, only to be followed up by lots of people dying (guys seem to dig morbid things like that sometimes), 2.) They know how many girls may turn up to see this particular movie and saw it a prime opportunity to pick up chicks, especially when they’ve cried their eyes out for a good hour, making them vulnerable to any flirting that happens afterwards (and they get to see bare boobs on the big screen), 3.) They actually really enjoy the movie and the fact bare boobs will be on the screen doesn’t hurt matters, 4.) They are secure enough in their manliness to watch a movie deemed as a chick flick and enjoy the crap out of it (If this is the option they fall under, the bare boobs prospect isn’t nearly as high on the scale as the other three options.)

So, in the middle of class, we girls got to talking. What about this movie could appeal to the men? I know more than a dozen girlfriends will drag their boyfriends to see it in theaters. If I was still dating, I’d be dragging my boyfriend to see it with me. But you don’t want to drag them there simply because you’re forcing them there and then they hate their lives for the next three hours, and a few good ones after the movie is over. What about Titanic could appeal to the male sex?

Here’s what we came up with:

– Well, there is the obvious which I have stated several times already: a naked chick on a huge screen. And Kate Winslet is not hard to look at. She’s pretty easy on the eyes. In fact, if I wasn’t a woman, she’d be my English fantasy girl.

She's a babe. A bit of a snob at first, but a babe.

– But more than a naked woman, there’s action. Hello? It’s called the sinking of the ship. There’s water crashing around everywhere, steamer towers are crashing on top of people, there are fist fights, a guy gets locked up below decks when the ship is clearly sinking. Lots of action.

You don't consider this action? What is wrong with you?

– There are fancy cars. Guys love cars. When Leo and Kate made their way below decks and get busy in the backseat of the top of line car (at least back then), you get a pretty good look at the car’s interior. Pssst, it’s a Renault. Not going to lie. It looks real nice.

If they're having sex in a Renault, it must be a very nice car.

– There’s bloodshed. Punches are thrown, blood is spilt. There’s plenty of the red stuff to get your own blood pumping.

This is Mr. Lovejoy. I know, stupid name, but whatever. Not only does he have a gun, but his face gets covered in blood. It's slightly awesome to see karma bite him in the ass.

– There’s a drinking and party scene. Hello? The Irish party in 3rd class. Talk about a rip-roaring good time! People dancing on table tops, beer everywhere including on girls, dancing, a live band…what’s not to love?

Beer induced dancing is always a good time.

– There are acts of self-sacrifice happening all over the place once the iceberg has been hit. Captain Smith staying by the helm of his ship, resulting in his going down with the ship he commanded, now that’s nobility. The band playing until the very end. Rose jumping back onto the ship when she was safe in a lifeboat. Jack taking the kid before the doors burst open on him. Everywhere there stands a hero. Every guy wants to be a hero.

The band played until the very bitter end. That's heroism.

The point I’m wanting to make here is that Titanic is not just a movie for women. Men can attest to many aspects of this movie. It’s more than just a chick flick. If you can look past the surface material of it being simply a doomed love story, you can see the brilliance of its filmmaking. I know it’s difficult when we’re sitting next to you blubbering our eyes out because Jack is telling Rose she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him, but if you can ignore us weeping our eyes out, I promise you’ll enjoy the film as much as we are.

Makes me cry each and every time.

OR you could open yourself up to the experience of the movie and cry with us. Now, that would get a girl’s attention..in both good and bad ways, but how we interpret your crying depends on the girl who sees you crying. You better hope it’s an empathetic one.

I have no shame in crying at the movies. Ever.

But in all seriousness, go see this film. It really is a beautiful piece of work. For lack of a better word, everything about this film is beautiful. The costumes, the set design, the cinematography, the acting, the flow of the piece, the music, the story…all of it is pure beauty.

Just look at this! Isn't it pretty?

Open yourself up to the experience, and you’ll find yourself falling in love with Titanic. And once you’ve been there, you never go back.

So….are you ready to go back to Titanic?

Go back in style. Go back with love. Go back and relive the magic.

One thought on “I Want You To Draw Me Like One of Your French Girls

    Professor Luke said:
    April 7, 2012 at 12:21 am

    Great piece! You and I share similar thoughts on this one. And, speaking for myself, I think you’re theories on why guys see this movie are legit, along with the fact that it’s just a capital-a Awesome movie. My childhood being played out on screen…jocky-male stereotypes be damned!

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