Moody From the Food Baby

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Breaking news!!! Breaking news!!! BREAKING NEWS!!!

We have successfully found, chosen, and (at least I have) purchased the bridesmaid dresses for my sister’s wedding. I am beyond stoked for this! Not only is the color she has chosen growing more and more on me every time I look at it, but the number we’ve chosen is one we actually agreed upon. That’s right…both of us really fell in the love with the chosen dress the instant I slipped it on. It’s a one-shoulder, floor-length, sangria colored dress.

This is it...just imagine it in a sangria color. So much prettier!

Not to toot my own horn, but I look very good in it. Along with already looking great in the sample dress, it’s also highlighted the areas of my body that need improvement. The checklist? Tone arms and shoulders, slim down the waist, rid my hips of love handles, and then we’ll think about tinning down the thighs. So, in a nutshell, I need a whole body makeover.

Suck it in...and sweeeeeat!

HA! Who doesn’t?

I also got my hair chopped. A nice upper body massage, someone else washing my hair, and a good all-over trimming and adding in of layers, I am now feeling like a new, confident woman. Knowing how good I look already in that bridesmaid dress has put me in a terrific mood this evening.

I pretty much could have ended it like this. Actually, this is pretty much the way I ended it. Through technology. What a cop out.

I would be in an excellent mood if I knew what was going on with a friend I have recently reconnected with. What shall I call him? We’ll call him Deagrok. It’s for me to understand and for you to go along with it. Deagrok and I dated several years ago, and to put a long story short, it didn’t end so well. I ended it by basically ignoring him after I’d told him I no longer wanted to see him. I was moving to another state over the extent of the summer and didn’t want to deal with a long-term relationship while I was away. Once I broke the news to him, I pretty much cut off all communication. Ignored him as much as possible.

Eventually over the summer, when he would message me on Facebook or send me a text, I started responding back. But over that summer, I realized I didn’t want a relationship when I came back to the Academy. I had to break it to Deagrok again, and the second time was probably harder than the first. On him more than me, and any hope of salvaging the friendship we had was gone.

Fast forward a few years, and we’re talking again. At least we were up until last night. Something I said was taken out of context. Actually, it couldn’t be taken out of context because we were talking via text message. The main reason I hate that form of communication: You can’t read the real intentions of the person “speaking”. I said something with the intent of it being a joke, and Deagrok took it completely the wrong way. I tried explaining it to him, but now it’s gotten to the point where I have shattered his pride. Or something.

He won’t talk back to me. I make him feel like a fool. That’s what he said. His words, not mine.

I’m not sure how I feel about that. No, I do. It makes me feel horrible. I didn’t say anything with the intention of making him feel like an idiot or a fool. I don’t think what we have become over the last couple month’s is a joke. I really don’t know why he feels I think that.

What I do know is that it sucks not talking to him. It sucks thinking he may end the fragile friendship we had rekindled because of a misunderstanding of intention via text message.

Not so idealistic anymore, is it?

Stupid technology.

Aside from possibly losing a friend, it was a bonding day with my sister, which I have greatly missed. Not only did we pick out her lovely bridesmaid dresses, but we also went out to dinner at the Olive Garden. We are both pregnant with food babies. Seriously, our stomachs look like they are carrying a 3-month fetus. (And so there is no misunderstanding, no i am not pregnant.)

You don't want to know how many breadsticks I ate.

“I never meet anyone nowadays who admits to having had a happy childhood. Everyone appears to think happiness betokens a lack of sensitivity.”

So, my sensitivity to this current situation with Deagrok, it’s because I had a happy childhood. Am I understanding this correctly, Jessamyn West, a pen pusher?

Happy childhood or a wreck of a child?

I had an incredibly happy childhood. It was filled with kittens, mud, bike riding, tractor driving, ball catching, four-wheeling, catch playing, and bucking broncos. What can I say? I grew up on  a farm. My childhood was radically different from many, many people’s.

I wouldn’t change it for the biggest sapphire known to mankind.

Been covered in mud...would do it again for free.

This whole thing could be easily resolved if he would simply tell me what is on his mind, and not leave me hanging when I ask him what’s going on with him. Isn’t communication the basis for a solid friendship, let alone a relationship? I know that’s where his mind was going. Give me a couple more months, and I probably would have been fully open to the idea, too. But, now, I have no clue what is going on.

I’ve told him a million times I’m not going to sugar coat things. I may be blunt, but I’m going to tell the truth. He asked me last night if our break-up those several years ago bothered me still. I plainly said no. The break-up happened, and there’s nothing I can do to change that. I’m going to look forward instead of living in the past. I have done things in my past I’m not entirely proud of, but I’m not going to dwell on them. I’m going to move forward. Those things, those things that make me cringe presently from my past? They’ve made me who I am right now, typing to you. I’m not ignoring that bit of life.

But that’s not a reason to hang on to them. Yes, the experiences have changed me. Enough said, move on to the next stupid thing. I wish Deagrok would under stand that when I say it to him.

My legs are starting to itch again. I think my allergies are directly linked to stress.

Tomorrow is a brand new day. All I can hope is that bridges will be burned and rebuilt. Rome wasn’t built-in a day, but it only takes a second to make a choice. Then, you deal with the consequences later.

If the sun comes out tomorrow, I will run barefoot down the beach. I miss beach sand more than I thought I would.

I tend to listen to my gut. It’s gotten me through 20+ years of life this far.

It must be doing something right.

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