Keeping It Natural

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Happy birthday to the best person in the whole wide world: My momma 🙂

I get my love for chocolate from my mom.

We all go through that stage in adolescence where we claim to hate our mothers, and everything about them. As a teenage, life plainly sucks. No one who has lived through it will say otherwise. The good news? You come to realize how stupid you were at 16 and respect the one woman who truly stuck by your side through the anger, the tears, the angry emotional words, the awkwardness, the stand-offish attitudes, the ‘leave-me-alone’ shouts. My mother always made me laugh when I thought it would be impossible to laugh again. My mom became my best friend. I tell her pretty much everything (let’s face it…sometimes there are things a mother doesn’t need to know about her daughter…it would only give her a further need to worry. And I mean this in the nicest manner possible. It’s not like I’m out killing people on a whim.) and whenever I need a piece of advice, guess who always has the right answer 98% of the time?

My favorite on-screen mom? Maria Bello in 'Flicka'. She reminds me of my mom in so many ways.

That’s right. My mother.

So, happy birthday to the best mother a girl could ask for. I’ll be raising a rum and Coke in her honor in less than 3 hours…

Yes, I know these are martini's and I said I'd be having a rum and Coke. I like both!

….if I can make it up the hill to my apartment, that is.

The weather has been absolutely nuts here. I believe it stopped snowing for 30 minutes today. That’s it. Otherwise it has been a constant downpour of white flakes. I’m watching the millions of individual ice crystals fall as we speak. This does not bode well for my drive home. Thankfully, it’s not as late a return to my abode as last night. I should have been home earlier yesterday evening, but who decides to show up 20 minutes late without a decent warning? My replacement. When it’s been snowing outside for the last two hours (and quite heavily) you do not leave your house at the normal time. The courteous thing to do is leave your house earlier in the attempt to be on time.

The nerve. It doesn’t help that this guy has got to be near the age of 70, and he thinks his opinion is the only one. My favorite exchange with him? When he tried telling me the right route for me to go home (as in to my parent’s home). Apparently, the highway I’ve been taking for the last 5 years of my life has been the wrong one. I most certainly do not take that highway home. Really? In that case, I have stumbled upon the most accommodating and loving group of strangers that look identical to my parents. You’re right. How stupid of me to take THAT highway. If I took the highway you “know” I take home, I’d end up in a different state and at least 200 miles away from my real home.

I find this hilarious...just like my conversation with my dear, old coworker.

This is why there is a generational gap of manners between our older folks and us young ones. We don’t respect the elderly because they have a different way of doing things from us young pups. In return, the older generations don’t give us the intellectual time of day because “we don’t know what we’re talking about.” This isn’t true of all people in either generation. But, it’s a chip in the bigger picture of why our two generations war with each other constantly.

The underlying theme is really powerful, if you take the time to listen.

There is a book in the Jedi Apprentice book series that challenges that idea. What happens when generations war with each other so greatly that there is no middle ground? You’re left with two age groups: the elderly and the very young. Why? Because the middle-aged able-bodied ones go off to fight the battles. They end up all dying, and leaving the less able-bodied ones behind to take matters into their own hands. Suddenly, you’re left with two different frames of mind, two different viewpoints, and hardly a chance for negotiation because the mind sets are built with brick by that time.

Oy. Talk about a heavy subject for a Saturday evening.

“Get a clean, natural-line eyebrow by pulling out all your unnatural brows, and penciling in the natural ones.”

This isn’t beauty advice I would heed from Elizabeth Hawes, the feminist fashion designer.

The first Tim Gunn?

Eyebrows should never be monkeyed with. They should be left to take on their natural shape at all costs…unless you have a unibrow. Those are just plain nasty. Get rid of it. The only person who could really pull it off was Frida Kahlo…even then, I got the heeby-jeebies.

Ladies and Gentlemen...This is NOT normal.

I have a confession to make. One of my ex-boyfriends was terrible at keeping his unibrow under control. His appearance wasn’t near the top of his priority list when it came down to it. (How did I end up going into public with him most nights? I’m not too sure myself. Ha!) But one night in particular, it was crazier than usual and I just had it. I was tired of looking at it, let alone the thought of letting myself kiss a face with that hairy worm going across his forehead. Enough is enough. I strode into my bathroom, commanded that he follow me, sat him down on the toilet seat and put my tweezers in hand. Without even asking, I just went to work on it. I shaped up a man’s eyebrows. Didn’t even ask if he wanted a hot compress on his eyebrows in order to open the pores more, so the pain wouldn’t be as significant. Nope. He let that caterpillar get out of control, and I took it into my own hands to fix it.

Now, I don't own precision tweezers, but I'm good at what I do.

Now, here’s the confession: I became addicted to it right then and there. Whenever I saw a stray hair pop up between his now manly defined eyebrows, I skipped to the bathroom for my tweezers and asked to fix the small, itty-bitty problem for him. I started being polite at first, then it quickly became aggressive because the pain got to him more than originally thought.

Best Eyebrows in Hollywood award goes to Keira Knightley

Seriously, guys can be wussies sometimes. Pain is beauty, gents. Pain is beauty.

We don’t shave our legs because it’s fun. It’s a necessity if we want to continue the breeding of our human race.

Joey understands our pain. He's shaved his legs like a great method actor does!

Anyways, you know one of my less darker secrets, and I’m okay with it. You might even be a little grossed out. But think about it…I’m sure you have your little secret that you find bizarre, but mostly completely sane. It might gross us out, too. However, you’re not spilling your guts. I am.

I won’t judge.

A week from this time, I will be Cincinnati. With my best friend. It’s going to be won-der-ful. I need to put together our itinerary, otherwise what will we do while i am there? Let me tell you….adventures of all sorts.

Keep safe out there, my fellow Jedi. The weekend is in full swing!

Get your groove on! Even Jedi are allowed to dance!
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