Today, more than any other day, I feel like a dog.
If I find one more hair falling out of my head and stuck to my shirt/hoodie/arms/ANYWHERE, I’m going to shave my head. Completely. I’ll pull a Natalie Portman via V for Vendetta. Yeah, you heard me.
Either that, or my Monday is nowhere near finished, and I’m just plain cranky.
Good news on the health front. I ate solid food, and it’s staying in my stomach. No need for bathroom dashes so far today. I give that a hearty thumbs up.
Only one more class to go, but I may nod off before then. Why do I do this to myself? Not only am I super tired, but I’m still getting over this cold. You’d think I’d welcome rest, no problem. I would, but the reality is that I can’t sit still. Too much to do, and every time I scratch something off my to-do list, three more things add themselves to the bottom.
Motivation…if you came in a liquid form and I could drink you, I’d be your #1 customer. Seriously…senior year is sinking in, and so is the senior slump. I did not work this hard for 4 years to throw it away in the last half of my extra year. No, sir. I refuse to let that happen.
Love life update: New Guy and I may be back on. Potentially. We ran into each other in my neck of the woods this weekend (he was up to hang with his guy friends after the hockey game let out) and his group of friends had invited me out to join them, too. Little did we know we would be in each other’s company.
Coincidence? Maybe. Fate? I’ll leave that one unanswered.
After a few drinks, barriers were let down and we were talking ike nothing even happened. It probably added fuel to the fire that New Guy’s Best Friend was aware that we were no longer an item, and he made she to work his moves on me as if New Guy wasn’t even there.
I won’t lie. It was fun having two guys vie for my attention within the confines of my favorite bar. The thrill of the chase. A couple of rounds of drinks later, New Guy brings up the fact that he may have made a mistake, and that he really wants to spend more time with me.
I believe alcohol, while being able to cause any respectable man to turn into a pile of moronic stupidity, also lets down a barrier of deception. It allows honest thoughts to be filtered out of the mind more easily.
With that in mind, I believed it when he said the things he did to me.
Or, it also could have been the fact that New Guy’s Best Friend and I stood up by the bar for a good 20 minutes while he ordered drinks and I closed out my tab. Once those tasks were done, what were we to do, but stand there, drink and talk?
New Guy’s Best Friend is exactly my type of guy, too. Tall, dark, lanky, smart dresser, soft hands, not afraid to take the lead…do you see where the problem is? I see him, and my mind sends dozens of warning bells off. But, damn, when he winks at me…fires are lit. The sexual tension is so thick, you could cut it with a spoon.
Yes, a spoon!
And, yet, here we are…New Guy and I. Not sure if it was a drunken conversation that took place because of our present company or if it was an actual decision that we reached. I brought it up to him, and he just as much onboard as I was about trying another hand at us being together. But at the same time, he brought up the fact that he wants to see other people while we give it another go. This didn’t seem to make sense to me in the slightest bit, and there we were again, trying to figure out where “we” stand when “we” are together.
“In the early years, you fight because you don’t understand each other. In the later years, you fight because you do.”
The words of the award-winning author Joan Didion.
Who said authors can’t be brilliant? It’s why I write. To say what I need to in the written word versus the verbal. Sometimes, my mouth and brain don’t line up correctly. My fingers and pen tip always do.
All I can say is, I’m willing to try with New Guy. Whatever I need to do, I’ll do it. He is the one who needs to figure his thinking out. I’m done trying to figure out the male brain. The male brain doesn’t even know what it’s doing half the time. In fact, I almost prefer it when any of them are drunk. There though process can be narrowed down to three things when in that state of mind: More drinking, stupid antics, and sex.
Yup…that sounds about right.
I don’t want to fight with him anymore. I don’t want to fight with anyone anymore. Actually, I’ll fight with a tennis ball, and I’ll play tug-o-war with my dog. Man, I haven’t seen my dog in forever…but I’ll get to see her next weekend!
An episode of Grey’s Anatomy almost made me cry tonight. Right before she died, a female patient told McDreamy to tell her sweetheart that “if love was enough, she’d still be here with him.” Instant. Tears.
We all know what tomorrow is. I’m not looking forward to waking up in the morning. The faux anniversary of a past relationship. Le sigh.
“Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time.”
“You make me want to be a better man.”
“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”
“You are what I never knew I always wanted.”
“A heart can be broken; but it keeps beating just the same.”
I’m going to leave you with those 5 great love quotes. Sweet dreams!