My absence this weekend has not been due to any form of breakdown, sickness, or lack of wanting to write. Believe me, all of those actually could be my excuse after everything that has happened in the past 48 hours. But let’s not get into that.
I had bad internet connections all weekend long. When you are trying to submit an article on deadline, plus do other homework where the assignment is solely online…no internet connection in your own home makes this incredibly difficult.
Awww, how I enjoy being a slave to technology and its obnoxious limitations.
My weekend can be summed up best by the words of Kathy Lette, a writer who has been wed twice in her lifetime.
“If vibrators could light the barbie and kill spiders in the bathtub, would we need men at all?”
This woman understands everything about what I went through this weekend! Seriously, I was (and maybe still am) ready to chuck men out the window and vow to be single the rest of my life. Notice I did not say celibate the rest of my life…just single. Everyone needs a good one night stand every once in a while if they’re swearing off relationships entirely.
But OH MY GAWD.
With enough practice, I’m sure I could light a grill on my own. I grew up watching my dad grill our homemade steaks every summer. I’m a fast learner.
And I wouldn’t need a man to kill spiders. I also grew up killing wolf spiders my entire childhood. Let me let you in on a little secret…those things are not tiny. They are downright huge and nasty and white stuff oozes out of their exoskeleton when you smoosh them. Not very pretty.
My issue would be snakes. I can’t handle snakes. Ugh, I shivered just thinking about one slithering across the ground just now.
I may need someone to kill one of those for me.
Other than that, I’m entirely self-sufficient and don’t need a man to make me who I am. I am totally okay with being by myself.
Besides, I have plans. I’m going places, I hope to move a lot. Being a nomad sort of goes hand in hand with being a Jedi. The best way to write is to go out and experience. I should use that as an excuse for my actions sometime. I did it for my art…I did it so I could write.
Actors use that excuse all the time. Hello? Joaquin Phoenix is a perfect example. What a cracked out weirdo, but not really, because he did it for his art.
Yeah, whatever. You don’t see me stripping because I want to know what its like.
Besides, if I stay single, I won’t have to feel the things I did when I ran into my ex at a bar the other night. I was out, having a good time with some work chums, and who but struts in, but my ex. Of all the bars in this city, he had to walk into the one I happen to be drinking at that night.
I stopped whatever conversation I was having, and I just stared.
My one friend knew exactly what was going on the instant she saw him, but right then and there, my party mood was over. We didn’t acknowledge each other at all, even though we made eye contact and we knew the other was there.
He kept looking back at me, too. I just wanted to grab my coat and leave, but I couldn’t do that either. One, it would have been rude to my friends who I haven’t hung out with in a very long time. Two, I’m not going to be that girl who can’t be in the same room as the guy she used to sleep with, let alone love.
That’s what gets me. He acts like we never said those words to each other. Is that a common scumbag thing guys do, or is it just the jerks who break up with us and break our hearts?
All I know is I felt such rage and jealousy when other girls went up to him, and he flirted with them. Right there. Knowing perfectly well I was in the room.
My heart fell to the floor, and was stopped on by all their high-heeled feet with his shattering the remains when he blew past me out the door without a single word.
I suppose I deserve it a little bit. I didn’t exactly make an effort to say anything, either. Then again I didn’t break his heart. He broke mine.
Oh, I am still in the angry stage of the break-up.
On top of that, New Guy was MIA this entire weekend. Whatever. I reached the point for the first time since we started dating of not wanting to talk to him. When he did actually have the effort to send a 4 word text, I just tossed my phone across the room. I didn’t care.
As my friend told me on Saturday night, I’m broken. Only the guy who will want me for me and for always will be able to put me back together.
Ryan Gosling, you can enter the room at any time now.
That’s a rough testament of truth when I’m only in my twenties, and have a whole lifetime of dating ahead of me.
Maybe it’s for the best. Too many changes headed my way, and February has been as eventful as January so far. Things are busy, busy, and I’m coming down with such a tired state of mind that I’m amazed I’m up in the morning.
Actually, I’m suffering from insomnia and stress. One of the reasons I have precancerous patches living in my cervix. I need the Jedi to teach me how to meditate so I actually learn how to relax.