Who Needs a Man? Not This Jedi

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I sincerely apologize.

From the bottom of my heart

My absence this weekend has not been due to any form of breakdown, sickness, or lack of wanting to write. Believe me, all of those actually could be my excuse after everything that has happened in the past 48 hours. But let’s not get into that.

I had bad internet connections all weekend long. When you are trying to submit an article on deadline, plus do other homework where the assignment is solely online…no internet connection in your own home makes this incredibly difficult.

Awww, how I enjoy being a slave to technology and its obnoxious limitations.

My weekend can be summed up best by the words of Kathy Lette, a writer who has been wed twice in her lifetime.

“If vibrators could light the barbie and kill spiders in the bathtub, would we need men at all?”

Looking and feeling good....single is how we like it

This woman understands everything about what I went through this weekend! Seriously, I was (and maybe still am) ready to chuck men out the window and vow to be single the rest of my life. Notice I did not say celibate the rest of my life…just single. Everyone needs a good one night stand every once in a while if they’re swearing off relationships entirely.

But OH MY GAWD.

Delicious and healthy!

With enough practice, I’m sure I could light a grill on my own. I grew up watching my dad grill our homemade steaks every summer. I’m a fast learner.

And I wouldn’t need a man to kill spiders. I also grew up killing wolf spiders my entire childhood. Let me let you in on a little secret…those things are not tiny. They are downright huge and nasty and white stuff oozes out of their exoskeleton when you smoosh them. Not very pretty.

My issue would be snakes. I can’t handle snakes. Ugh, I shivered just thinking about one slithering across the ground just now.

I may need someone to kill one of those for me.

I'd rather have a spider than a snake near me any day.

Other than that, I’m entirely self-sufficient and don’t need a man to make me who I am. I am totally okay with being by myself.

It's almost time for me to pack my bags,and be on my way!

Besides, I have plans. I’m going places, I hope to move a lot. Being a nomad sort of goes hand in hand with being a Jedi. The best way to write is to go out and experience. I should use that as an excuse for my actions sometime. I did it for my art…I did it so I could write.

Actors use that excuse all the time. Hello? Joaquin Phoenix is a perfect example. What a cracked out weirdo, but not really, because he did it for his art.

Yeah, whatever. You don’t see me stripping because I want to know what its like.

Yet.

He didn't shave or shower for a year! All that for art? I say...nasty.

Besides, if I stay single, I won’t have to feel the things I did when I ran into my ex at a bar the other night. I was out, having a good time with some work chums, and who but struts in, but my ex. Of all the bars in this city,  he had to walk into the one I happen to be drinking at that night.

I stopped whatever conversation I was having, and I just stared.

My one friend knew exactly what was going on the instant she saw him, but right then and there, my party mood was over. We didn’t acknowledge each other at all, even though we made eye contact and we knew the other was there.

SO AWKWARD.

He kept looking back at me, too. I just wanted to grab my coat and leave, but I couldn’t do that either. One, it would have been rude to my friends who I haven’t hung out with in a very long time. Two, I’m not going to be that girl who can’t be in the same room as the guy she used to sleep with, let alone love.

Yeah....I hate that word.Cleaning him out of your life isn't easy, either.

That’s what gets me. He acts like we never said those words to each other. Is that a common scumbag thing guys do, or is it just the jerks who break up with us and break our hearts?

All I know is I felt such rage and jealousy when other girls went up to him, and he flirted with them. Right there. Knowing perfectly well I was in the room.

My heart fell to the floor, and was stopped on by all their high-heeled feet with his shattering the remains when he blew past me out the door without a single word.

This feeling isn't going away anytime soon, is it?

Ouch.

I suppose I deserve it a little bit. I didn’t exactly make an effort to say anything, either. Then again I didn’t break his heart. He broke mine.

Oh, I am still in the angry stage of the break-up.

On top of that, New Guy was MIA this entire weekend. Whatever. I reached the point for the first time since we started dating of not wanting to talk to him. When he did actually have the effort to send a 4 word text, I just tossed my phone across the room. I didn’t care.

As my friend told me on Saturday night, I’m broken. Only the guy who will want me for me and for always will be able to put me back together.

Ryan Gosling, you can enter the room at any time now.

Mr.Perfect

That’s a rough testament of truth when I’m only in my twenties, and have a whole lifetime of dating ahead of me.

Maybe it’s for the best. Too many changes headed my way, and February has been as eventful as January so far. Things are busy, busy, and I’m coming down with such a tired state of mind that I’m amazed I’m up in the morning.

This is one thing I do other than sleeping at night.

Actually, I’m suffering from insomnia and stress. One of the reasons I have precancerous patches living in my cervix. I need the Jedi to teach me how to meditate so I actually learn how to relax.

I don’t know the meaning of the word.

Here's the simple version. It won't even scratch the surface for me.
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One thought on “Who Needs a Man? Not This Jedi

    Dex (@Dex1138) said:
    February 7, 2012 at 7:19 am

    “That’s what gets me. He acts like we never said those words to each other. Is that a common scumbag thing guys do, or is it just the jerks who break up with us and break our hearts?”

    In defense of guys…even if he was an ass to you, if he had feelings for you it’s not easy for him to see you either. It’s just guys handle it differently. They have to project the tough guy attitude and make like it doesn’t bother them. Which usually leads to them going after everything in arm’s reach.

    The basic conncept of meditating is easy. Actually doing it is the difficult part. Find some place where you’re comfortable and just be. If you want music, instrumental is probably best so the words aren’t distracting you. As Qui-Gon said “Feel, don’t think.” It’s easy to say “clear your mind” but it is not something you can just do most of the time. Like anything, practice will help.

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