Laws of Attraction No Longer Hold

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The ultimate crime has been committed. Today, I was told I looked like a Star Trek cadet.

Excuse me?

If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

Not only am I taken aback, but now I am just plain insulted. Granted, the guy who told me this doesn’t say the most intelligent things on this side of the street. I’m sure he meant it as a compliment…or tried to get my blood boiling. This is the same guy who told me Obi-Wan Kenobi’s death in A New Hope wasn’t epic enough.

Does he not know anything?

Giving up oneself, not only to save Luke, Leia, Han, Chewie and the droids, but also to defeat Vader in a whole new way? What about that whole situation is not epic?

There’s my Star Wars rant for the day. Some people. They just don’t get it half the time.

“I think it’s interesting that when you play a lesbian, people ask you if you’re a lesbian, but if you play a serial killer, nobody asks if you’re a serial killer.”

The words of Nora Dunn, a Saturday Night live alum, hit me right in the core.

Funny how comedy often speaks the truth no one else wants to say out loud.

By no means am I a lesbian. I would have a lot of explaining to do not only to my family, but to myself and to my list of ex-boyfriends/hook-ups.I would have a lot of explaining to myself. It’s simple. I like men. I like men a lot. Probably too much. Although not enough to be called boy crazy. I should correct that statement. I like MEN. No boys for this girl, only men.

Now, let’s get this straight immediately. I have nothing against lesbians. Love who you want to love. Say it when you can. As the Rascal Flatts put it: Love who you love with all that you have.

Dunn’s words ring true in my ears for one reason, and one reason only. I played a lesbian in my theatrical debut on the college scene. The show was Stop Kiss by Diana Son. I played one of the lead female roles named Callie Pax.

Callie falls for Sarah. The rest is history.

It’s a really, really beautiful story. It’s written in a way where the time of the setting is constantly changing. First, you’re in the present. Then you flashback to the past. The farther you proceed into the future, the farther back you go to see how these two met and how their relationship got them to the awful hate crime that forces Callie to evaluate what she really wants in life.

Everything about that show was beautiful. I would do it again in a heart beat.

One of my favorite shows of all time.

It’s actually a play I would love to turn into a movie. I see the scenes play out in my head all the time. The sad reality is, are movie goers read for it? Actually, it’s not something that’s untouchable. A movie called Brokeback Mountain happened, and won accolades from many. Heath Ledger was nominated for Best Actor, the movie itself was nominated for Best Picture. I’m pretty sure Best Director was in there, too. Just lots and lots of nominations and wins.

Love who you love.

The reason I’m making a huge deal about this? Once the show opened, had a terrific run, and made its closing, everyone thought me and the girl who played Sarah were actually a couple.

We did a bit of an experiment during the rehearsal process. We went out to the Academy coffee shop and up to the food court, and acted like we were a couple. Acting affectionate and holding hands. We did it to see how people around us in public, and it was a really good character study.

Small signs of affection go miles

The main thing? We actually weren’t  together. It was amazing to hear how many people told us we made a really cute couple. It caught me off guard. I never knew how to react to that when people told me that with my boyfriends. Thank you, I guess.

Actually, I really didn’t like her. I really tried. Believe me, I did try, but something about her always rubbed me the wrong way. Probably why our ending moment was such a hot one. Hot isn’t really the word to describe it. Satisfying? Simply sweet? Something along those lines.

You're seeing it. Yup...I kissed a girl. Like in the song.

My trend of being a lesbian continued with each year at the Academy that I had an acting class. It seems to be my type.

Not that I’m complaining. Ellen DeGeneres has a career I’d give my left arm for. She has a TV show that is completely my style of show.

On what other show would this be acceptable? I heart Ellen.

I do have to say though, I hated it when it became a trend to have a gay best friend.  Yes, Damien from Mean Girls was a fantastic addition to Janice, but they shouldn’t be made into an accessory. Literally, every show on TV started showing them that way.

We live in a screwed up world.

He'd have my back. I'm sure of it.

They say you’ll experiment in college. New Guy doesn’t even believe me when I tell him I never tried things out with other girls. I never had the urge to. Other than being in Stop Kiss, the only woman I’ve ever kissed is my mother, and that is on the cheek when I say good-bye. I’ve kissed my sisters on the cheeks, too. But that’s family. Whatever.

New Guy asked me. Why is two girls hooking up every typical dudes fantasy? I don’t get it. Two guys hooking up is not every girl’s fantasy. Maybe it is for some…I don’t know. I can’t speak for everyone on the planet. If I could, I’d be a dictator. I don’t want to be considered a Palpatine of my day.

The modern-day dictator...we don't need him around anymore.

I can barely handle dating New Guy. I don’t think I could handle dating New Girl, if she existed. I’m all for equal rights. Like I’ve already said, love who you love.

The heart wants what it wants. Things hit you when you least expect it. When I was doing Stop Kiss, I met the guy I would end up dating for 18 months of my life. After those 18 months, it would end my first (and longest) serious relationship. It leaves a person messed up when something like that abruptly ends.

Now, I over analyze everything New Guy says and does. I have created my own personal hell while living here on earth. Why do you think I have insomnia these days? I don’t allow my mind to sit still for more than 5 seconds. Even when New Guy is lying next to me, his arm wrapped around me, I’m still laying here, mind whirling, wondering what’ll happen when he wakes up.

Doesn't get much better than having an arm around to remind you you're safe for one more night.

Maybe I should date girls.

Uh, but girls play mind games, too.

The Jedi have it right. Relationships are just off-limits. You get too involved. See? I’m too mentally involved, and its causing me unrest. No girl should have to question if a guy likes her. If he likes her, he likes her.

You only have to glance at them to know they are totally, utterly, deeply in love.

I think myself to be a catch.

I don’t expect you to agree with me.

You know that moment when you have written a response to someone on IM, and wait patiently for a reply, but it never comes? Yeah…those are the worst. Especially when its the first time you’ve communicated all day.

The Jedi have it right. Form deep friendships. Not romantic relationships.

That’s a hard thing for a romantic to swallow.

I should be the leading lady in my own life, for goodness sake.
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