Disaster Is My Middle Name

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“I am a femme fatale, my dear.”

Who knew politics could get so sexy?

These are the words of the French first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy.

Honey, your words have never been truer for someone who holds a political office. Granted, she’s French. Maybe politics are less convoluted there compared to those of the United States or the Galactic Republic.

According to the dictionary, a femme fatale is defined as “an attractive and seductive woman, esp. one who will ultimately bring disaster to a man who becomes involved with her.”

The French make everything look good.

Perhaps this is why every relationship I’ve ever tried as caught fire and died. I am the cause of my own pain.

It’s been stated several times already by yours truly. The Jedi Path does not condone romantic relationships. In actuality, it does not allow one to become attached to anyone or anything. Materialism is not encouraged, but something a Jedi will struggle with and come to understand is not needed in life. Relationships are highly frowned upon because they encourage attachment. Attachment to another human being causes the mind to be divided from the task at hand. A Jedi cannot be a peacekeeper is his/her attention is always somewhere else.

Our official role in life. For all living beings.

I think that’s my problem.

Take what’s happening between New Guy and me. We’ve gone on more than two dates, and we’ve planned a couple more out (not a whole lot of detail…but rough sketches!) so, really, things are going pretty well for us. I find him oh-so-attractive. I know he’s into me. We chat on a daily basis, and we genuinely make each other laugh. The sex isn’t half bad either (what am I kidding? It’s GREAT…but I don’t want to jinx myself here .)

It’s all working out pretty well…and yet, I feel like we need to move forward. I feel like I need to be something more to him RIGHT NOW then let things play out.

Repeat it after me. One more time.

I caught myself in a fit a few days ago because he didn’t text me back as quickly as I wanted him to. That was the moment. That was the moment I told myself I had to let go, or I would lose him no matter what.

It might be in the cards for us to be together for awhile. Maybe we’re meant to peeter out and lose steam somewhere along the way.

Let it be the will of Force.

Right there is the reason I should have the words Femme Fatale tattooed across my backside. The moment my clothes come off with any guy…it seems to be the end of not only us, but him as well.

Not like, he goes uber crazy and loses his shit, ending up in a psych ward or anything. BUT…he does lose the part of himself that I found appealing and attractive because he is suddenly a huge asshole. Probably for a multitude of reasons…but whatever.

She's knows exactly what she's doing.

A woman does not know the  own strength of her beauty until she has someone worshiping her very feet.  It’s not always someone she wants giving her this sort of undivided attention…and it’s then that we women turn to Femme Fatales.

That’s when I turned into a Femme Fatale. I wasn’t using whatever natural charm I had to whoo these poor guys. I didn’t want them falling in love with me, and I say that in the nicest, most genuine way possible.

A coworker of mine told me the other day I always find myself in these awkward love triangles because I crave the attention. HA! I started to laugh, but then I realized…he’s right. Ever since I’ve acknowledged men like me, I haven’t stopped drinking from its fountain (stop thinking dirty! I know some of you are!)

Don’t tell him I actually agreed with 47% of his statement.

They want each other, but that's not the name of the game.

A terrible, terrible habit I catch myself falling into. I may have been born a Femme Fatale. The truth is…I dated a guy for 3-4 months, I really can’t remember. I was leaving the state for the summer and didnt want to be tied down to anyone. I broke the news to him, and his heart must have shattered right there on the spot. He constantly called, texted, wanted to meet up and talk things through…but no.

I wanted to hit the road...and I did. I left him in the dust.

He wasted his time, honestly.

I was ready to move on to bigger and better things. Believe me when I said I did, too.

I think about him every once in awhile. We actually did meet up for coffee a few months ago. I don’t think he wanted me to see it, but I did. He still has a soft spot for me. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me smile a little bit.

This reason alone is why I must take a closer look at the Jedi Path. It’s not something I’m proud of, to know multiple men are interested in me and give them both an apple to bite into, so I won’t loose their attention. It’s pathetic, really.

Just leave me alone! Get the hint!

A Jedi has to do what a Jedi has to do. Currently, with New Guy, his best friend keeps texting me. Wants to hang out, wants updates on my and New Guy’s latest date,  inquires about what I like to do in bed…it’s to the point of being ridiculous.

So…I’ve started ignoring him. Telling him its none of his business. Not saying a damn word to let him think I’m even remotely interested in him.

It’s a step down the Jedi Path. The right path.

Once I have my  lightsaber, though, I don’t know how they’ll resist. Especially when I break away from the traditional Jedi garments. Sorry, but a Jedi’s got  to do what a Jedi’s got to do.

Not your traditional Jedi garb.

Guess you can’t change a Femme Fatale after all.

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