Let There Be Harmony Inside

I haven’t written in a while. I know, I know. Boo-hoo, cry me a river, build me a bridge and get over it, blah blah blah.

Who else would you think of when someone says 'Cry Me a River'?

Who else would you think of when someone says ‘Cry Me a River’?

I hate that I’ve taken so much time away from this, but there were other things to focus my attention on. Plus, I adore my sleep. I do not adore waking up with bear breathe and out-of-this-world bed head. I tend to imagine myself falling asleep the way a model does, cute and all put together, every beauty product well at work on this body. The image remains in the morning, and the instant I look in the mirror, its shattered. Tiny broken pieces everywhere. Watch where you step! (And this is every single day of my life!)

BOOM! Goes the dynamite

BOOM! Goes the dynamite

That sounded very melodramatic, didn’t it?

Doesn’t matter, really. There isn’t a single person I’m waking up every day to try to impress. Except maybe myself. The most important person to impress, after all. I’m taking to heart the #1 lesson of Jedi dedication: There is no chaos, there is harmony.

No more will chaos reign!

No more will chaos reign!

What does this 3rd line of the Jedi Code mean? Personally, it means to stop warring with myself, to stop warring with others. I need to be at peace with myself before I can have true harmony in the world. One major part of my life where there was massive conflict? Looking for my soul mate (or at least a boyfriend for the time being.) After one too many heart breaks and painful metaphorical knife stabbings to the gut, I’m finally yelling it high and mighty:

heavens

ENOUGH!

“No matter how cute and sexy a guy is, there’s always some woman somewhere who is sick of him.”

Carol Henry, a romance writer, probably hasn’t met Ryan Gosling. How could anyone ever get sick of that lovely hunk of man?

Who were you passionate with, lady love?

Who were you passionate with, lady-love?

Not to be entirely tossed out. My eyes are still peeled for that lucky son-of-a-gun who one day I will call mine, and come home to every single night. Until that day, I live my romances through movies and fiction, the stories that keep our hearts full and wishful. I’ll hold on to the romance I know is waiting out there, but until then, my energy and efforts are going to be put towards making me a happy individual, and to helping others.

There is no turning back.

There is no turning back.

So, to quell the romantic beatings of my heart, I want to share the best heart-melting moments of my second all-time favorite romance tale of all: The Notebook.

- “What happens if a car comes?” “We die.”

Car Comes

- “You’re a terrible singer…But I like this song.”

Terrible Singer

- They didn’t agree on much, but in spite of their differences, they had one important thing in common: They were crazy about each other.Important Thing

- “She is out foolin’ around. I didn’t spend seventeen years of my life raising a daughter and giving her EVERYTHING , so she could throw it away on a summer romance.”

summer romance

- “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.”

Bird

- “You look different, too. In a good way.”

Look Different

- “You wrote me?” “Yes! It wasn’t over. It still isn’t over.”

Not oVER

- “You got my letters. Finally. What are you going to do, Al?”

Got the Letters

- “It’s about security. He’s got a lot of money!”

Security

- “They fell in love, didn’t they?” “Yes, they did.”

Fell in Love

Seriously. What’s not to love about that entire story? Not a damn thing. Every time I watch it, I pray to the higher powers watching over this earth, and over me, that I will be blessed with a romance as passionate as Allie and Noah’s. Love isn’t worth having if it isn’t a passionate affair with one another. All my fave love stories have it: Titanic, The Notebook, Pirates of the Caribbean, Star Wars.

See, they had passion? Why can't I have that?

See, they had passion? Why can’t I have that?

The dream I had last night doesn’t help matters any, either.

dreaming

A Royal Baby is On the Way!

Ahhh what the heck am I still doing here? It’s time to hit the gym, and then get home to put an actual pen to paper.

what the heck

Although, truth be told, I did end up talking to a coworker for, like, an hour out of the blue. So out of the blue and so lost track of all time. It was so out of this worked that my boss came looking for me to tell me she was heading to a meeting…and I was still standing there talking. What can I say? My job is to be social….but probably not that kind of social. I really hope this doesn’t come back to bite me in the butt.

Hey, I know you! And you too!

Hey, I know you! And you too!

Tomorrow’s plan? To be chained to my desk. Hopefully, I am not wearing spandex shorts underneath whatever I don as my apparel choices for tomorrow. It is highly uncomfortable…but I probably shouldnt be wearing a dress in the middle of 27 degree weather either. It’s winter, girl. Get home, and put your fuzzy pajama pants on. Lay on the couch with your DVD player and cry your eyes out as the horse drama plays out in front of you (and no, I am not kidding. Watch the movie ‘Flicka’ if you’ve ever had a problem with your father and you will weep like a baby. Or I’m just incredibly emotional ALL THE TIME these days.)

Father and Daughter should always work on the same page....but it's not quite so easy.

Father and Daughter should always work on the same page….but it’s not quite so easy.

Is this what happens when you give a large part of your life to the higher beings? When you fully place your trust in them to take control of any aspect of your life, and let be what will be? Does everyone become an emotional mess when they have no control over certain things? Like my never-ending need to shove chips and chocolate down my gullet? I did have a salad the other day, so I can’t be treating myself THAT horribly.

Ugh, but i do love my ice cream.

Ugh, but I do love my ice cream.

On a happier note…Kate Middleton is expecting! I was so happy to hear the news, I started jumping up and down. My next course of action? To unofficially start planning a baby shower in her honor. How sad am I? But what a great party idea! I’m looking forward to seeing what sort of stylish pregnant mommy looks she’s doing to bring to the front page of every fashion magazine in the world.

So incredibly excited!

So incredibly excited!

One thing is for sure…unless pushing out an 8-pound baby knocks a few screws loose in her noggin’, I don’t think she’ll be posing nude with her pregnant belly like some other notable celebrities. Demi Moore, cough cough. I’m glad women are very proud with their enlarged and pregnant bellies, but keep it covered ladies. I’ll deal with it and see it first hand when I’m carrying a child of my own.

The infamous magazine cover in question.

The infamous magazine cover in question.

Until then, cover up!

“My kids are sane.”

The every-so-lovely Michelle Obama speaks her mind on her finest achievement during her first year of being her ladyship, the First Lady. I hear ya, Ms. Obama, and I’m sure the Duchess of Cambridge will have the same thought running through her mind when her little one is born in a handful of months. The whole world will be watching, all too closely for anyone’s taste. (I sure do hope she has a little girl. A little princess born to the perfect fairytale couple. Oh no, I’m getting weepy again…)

Classy lady in so many ways. She's a new idol of mine.

Classy lady in so many ways. She’s a new idol of mine.

It’s my hope and dream to be what I call a “hot mama” when I rock the baby bump. Fit, stylish, and not the least bit afraid of how I look because giving birth is the miracle of life. It’s a miracle I really look forward to taking part in one day. On a different thought, is this what happens when you give up on your love life, even if temporarily? Do you start daydreaming about babies and pregnant bellies and weeping at the sight of every itty-bitty tiny child you come across? If so, I’m a goner.

They even write books about it! So it's incredibly possible.

They even write books about it! So it’s incredibly possible.

I went to a new brew house’s opening night to, of course, try the beer, and the food, and I ended up sitting at a table next to a very cute little baby boy. Definitely going to be a flirt, that one. He wouldn’t take his eyes off of me! It had nothing to do with the funny faces I was making at him, but still! I didn’t mind. He was adorable, and his smile? Gush-worthy. (Do you hear me talking? It wasn’t even my kid and I can’t shut up about him.)

Could you resist a face like this?

Could you resist a face like this?

What kind of mother will I be? Embarrassing. That;s a no-brainer. I kind of look forward to the day my kids tell me I’m “so embarrassing…like, seriously Mom!” I bet I’ll be holding a lightsaber when they speak these fated words.

Yes, darling, I know. I should stop, but I won't/

Yes, darling, I know. I should stop, but I won’t/

God save the man who provides the second part of the equation to my carrying a child.

Run while you can. I'm warning you.

Run while you can. I’m warning you.

The Start to the Holiday Season with a Red Dawn

Literally cannot concentrate on any one thing for more than 5 seconds right now.

No, I don’t have ADHD. Okay, so I might a little bit, but I’m not on medication or anything so clearly I am not one of these so-called “short attention span” victims. Ugh, my heart is literally racing right now. What’s the deal? And now *just like that* I am sweating profusely. What is up with me right now?

I may be having a caffeine attack…except I had milk for lunch. Hmmm lack of caffeine possibly? I had a smoothie for breakfast, a cereal bar to hold me over until lunch, and then for lunch I had a turkey sandwich…and I haven’t had anything since. A mint. I had a mint. Those are like .00006 % caffeine. So what is going on here?

So THIS is the reason people lose weight…Yeah, I’m not having it.

I realize I should put the forewarning out there again that I will not be writing for a few days. I’ll be heading back home for the quickly approaching holiday of Thanksgiving, and will be out with no laptop around me. Honestly? I’m looking forward to being able to plop down with a book and a handful of magazines, and then maybe get some writing done at the same time. While I miss having a laptop, and hopefully will have a new one soon, I don’t mind the disconnection from the internet 24/7. I like being able to break away, and I fear once I own a laptop again, I won’t be able to break myself away from it long enough to acknowledge that I live in the real world. Isn’t that a scary thought?

Zomg! If only!

These racing emotions might be due to the fact that I have a last-minute date which was prompted from a message of ‘I have to see you before you head out for Thanksgiving.’

Doesn’t this make a thought or two race across your mind? Why ‘must’ he see me? I know we’ve hit off on the last few dates we’ve been on, but I didn’t think it warranted we were on a ‘must’ see each other basis before heading out for the holiday break. Maybe we’re not on the same page? I should bring that up tonight…HA! No I shouldn’t. We’ve been on a handful of dates, and I was honestly settled with the idea of not seeing him until next week sometime…but now this changes things a little bit. Not dramatically, but it changes things.

We’ve had our fair share of dinners. So what now?

Either that, or he’s looking for a way into my pants. Not going to happen, broski. (Yes, I did just use the word broski.)

“In adult life I  discovered that November was, astrologically speaking, the month of sex, death, and regeneration, and that November First was the Day of the Dead. It still wouldn’t have been much good for birthday parties, but it was just fine for poetry, which tends to revolve a good deal around sex and death, with regeneration possible.”

I like the way you think, Margaret Atwood, a Canadian literary sensation. The dream I had last night? Totally falls underneath the columns of Death and Regeneration. Maybe a little sex…eh, not really. There were flames, but not of the heart and loins.

You weren’t a very happy child born in the month of November, were you?

“I’m walking across a prestigious looking college campus (Think Yale or Harvard) and there’s a small group of people following behind me. We’re decked out in black attire, my hair is loose around my face, and there’s something clanking against my leg every time I take a step. I look down and I’m carrying a rather large rifle in my hands (WTF? is my first though immediately. Seriously, what am I doing with a giant rifle in my hands?)We’re not trying to conceal ourselves, we’re not hiding, but we are walking with purpose.

We were decked out like this, except in all black. Fearsome, right?

One of my teammates turns to me, and says, “Oh, hey. I meant to return this to you earlier.” He hands me a silver spoon with a blue handle. (This is the SAME EXACT spoon I’ve been carrying around in my work bag for the past couple weeks because I keep forgetting to return it to the work space kitchen. Weird…) I thank him, when suddenly a siren goes off. Oh my God, it’s happening. The negotiations or whatever didn’t go well, someone shouts behind me, and suddenly we’re running like I’ve never ran before. The rooftop lines erupt with gunfire from people I had not noticed, and my black-clad brethren and I are breaking for a stone wall a couple hundred yards in front of us. Somehow, I know this is the safe zone from what is coming. (How I know what’s coming, I have no freaking clue…My subconsious is really, really smart sometimes.)

He distracted me with a freaking spoon! I wonder what this might mean to Freud.

The ground shakes underneath my feet, and I fall to the ground. Looking over my shoulder, I see a bright whitish-yellow mushroom cloud burst upwards into the dark night sky, and my heart drops as I realize I have not only fallen behind everyone in my team, but I’m not even close to the “safe” wall and if I don’t make a move now, I’m probably going to die. There’s a whitish-yellow wall of hot smoke rushing towards me, and instead of running forward, I turn and run for a cobblestone veranda hut off to my left. Instead of running full-out, my body suddenly feels like frozen rubber and it takes immense effort to put one leg in front of the other at a running pace. (Picture this…If you’ve seen either of the Sherlock Holmes movies starring Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law, it’s like the effect of the fight scenes and when they’re running through the woods amongst machine gun fire. Suuuuuper slow and you can see every single muscle ripple beneath the skin, the air blowing the hair from my face, the fabric of my shirt creasing against my body…all of it in Hi-Def and slow-mo.)

But…I’m noooooot….getting…aaaaaanyhweeeeere!

Every little wiggle…you saw it perfectly.

Somehow, I make inside the hut and leap for my life behind the cobble-stoned wall, and I hit the ground hard. The blast erupts over the top of me as I curl into the fetal position and hug the wall as tightly as my body will allow. It’s hot and I can feel the wind against my ears. It hurts, and all I can think is “I’m dead, I’m dead, I’m dead.” (The whitish-yellow light was really beautiful, if you can throw that thought in there, too.)

Pretty bright lights…of death.

It grows quiet very quickly. Carefully, I stand up. No one shoots at me, no one fires. Or breathes. Or moves. It’s eerily quiet. All I see if blackness and charred stone from the building that barely stands before me. I hadn’t noticed, but chunks of cobblestone lay around me, blackened and broken. No longer the proud maroons and greys it once was a mere few seconds ago. I look behind me and see the “safe” wall still stands, but no one has emerged from behind it yet. (Pulling into he parking lot at work this morning? Same eeriness and it creeped me out!)

What now?

I adjust my hat, look around me again, but still don’t see a living being. I walk the short distance to where I dropped my rifle prior to the blast, pick it up, and cock it once. Somehow, it still works just fine despite sitting in the direct blast path. I take one deep breath, raise the rifle to my shoulder, and walk towards the “safe” wall.”

Time to find out…

I may have watched the Red Dawn trailer starring Chris Hemsworth a little too much last night. Dark, and very, very creepy when I got out of my car and there was NOTHING to be heard around me except for my own breathing. Then, we had an emergency evacuation test run this morning in the office, and that did not help my mindset. Not after a dream like that.

I may or may not have just called him Delicious.

It’s not going to be so dark anymore because Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and I’m going to be with my family. So enjoy the start to the holiday season, and enjoy the crap out of your families. I don’t get to see them hardly enough, and the food! I’m drooling already. Be safe in your travels, and I shall see you around, my fellow Jedi.

Bring it on, stomachache!

Until I return…May the Force be with you!

Ode to my Other Half

Ode to he who will become my future mate, my other half, the Han to my Solo. This is for him (whomever HE may be):

The only pair of coffee mugs I will ever need.

Let’s get something straight right off the bat. I’m not perfect. Neither are you. So now that we have that cleared from the air, you need to understand just how awesome I am and how awesome I’m going to treat you because of who you are.

Who are you, you might ask? You are my other self. You are me possibly in male form. You are what romantics call my soul mate. Was it love at first sight? I surely hope so, but at this point in time, until I have the ring on my finger and I’m telling some handsome devil ‘I do,’ I don’t know who “you” are exactly yet.

One day I will scream this from rooftops.

Still…I know how wonderfully I’m going to treat you.

I’m assuming he’s going to love books as much as I do.

Pizza, beer and football? You got it. The occasional surprise shower buddy? I’m all over it. Letting you have your guys night? Me and my girls have a few place to head ourselves.

Every Sunday will be a feast to behold.

Tell me your favorite meal. I’ll cook it at least once a month, just the way you like it. Every time I go shopping, I always keep a sharp eye for that certain color that brings out the color in your eyes that I love so much, and when I find the perfectly colored shirt, you better know I’m going to bring home to you. I want my honey looking good!

Don’t be surprised if I wear it more often than you do.

As can be expected, if I’m treating you this wonderfully all the time, the favor is expected to be returned.

Breakfast in bed is always a winner.

Another thing to clear from the air? I have high standards. Having high standards can sometimes mean I’m pushy, slightly hysterical, and nit-picky about the tiniest of details. If you don’t notice my hair cut, new dress, or kiss me every once in a while just because, I’m going to notice and probably get a touch upset over it.

I may cry. I might yell. I might swear up and down I’m going to end everything between the moment you step out that door. It’s possible I might call you 95 times in order to  make sure everything is okay between us after a major fight.

We got into a fight, and now…I just don’t know…

However, I will never go to bed angry at you. Even if I am angry at you when I roll over to close my eyes, I’ll still kiss you good night and tell you how much I love you. I’ll still pour you juice in the morning, and pick up a copy of your favorite magazine when I know you have nothing planned for you Sunday afternoon.

“That’s what I love you for: your inability to perceive all my hideous flaws.”

I couldn’t sum it up any better than Audrey Niffenegger, novelist, in The Time Traveler’s Wife, already has.

Have you read The Time Traveler’s Wife? Stop reading this and go to Barnes and Noble right now!

The point is, I will love you through everything. I can only hope and pray that you’ll love me through it all too; the serious and the silly. The Star Wars marathons, the endless nights where I struggle to figure out the next plot point my one of my many novel plots, the menstrual cycle induced ice cream binges. Real down and dirty fights, the ups and downs of trying to get pregnant, temptation from others (let’s face it, we’re both going to be amazingly good-looking), losing the baby weight, keeping our love life spicy, and  growing old together without breaking a hip.

Through it all, baby.

I want it all.  As Noah said in The Notebook, “Well that’s what we do, we fight… You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you’re back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.

Cuz there will be plenty of moments like this, too.

I imagine that’s exactly how we’ll be, and I don’t want it any other way.

And ones like this… ;)

Ode to my future mate, my husband, my lover, my best friend: I will love you to the ends of the earth and back.

— Fin—

Cuz It’s Election Night!

Greetings everyone!

Hello, hello, everyone!

I am back in action, and what a night to find myself seated on my couch, live Tweeting every single thing the news tells me and each individual thought running through my head as this election unfolds. That’s right! It’s Election Day here in this good American country, and what an election it is turning out to be. Right from the start, I knew it was going to be close. It’s not helping that Florida is completely 50/50 right now.

Come on, Florida…Do the right thing!

Florida is a key state.

For the sake of my role as Jedi, I am not going to state who I am rooting for in this presidential election. I’ve cast my vote, I’ve dealt my hand in this democratic action, and now it’s all that I can do. Oh, I’ll be screaming at my television and laughing manically when things turn out the way I want them to, and I’ll cringe every time my stomach drops when my candidate loses another state.

How can you sit there so calmly? I’m screaming at the TV every 8 seconds.

All I can hope is that each and every American decided to pull themselves away from their desk or up off their couch for 10 minutes, make their way to their polling place, and exercising their right to vote for who will lead this country. I don’t care who you vote for, and I don’t care your reasonings. Just get out and vote!

Literally takes 10 minutes.

I seriously cannot take this right now. Where the hell did the night go? I’ve been sucked into this crap all night long. I have never live Tweeted anything as hard-core as I have this election. #Election2012. This is insane, and unreal.

#Election2012

Although I do have to say, I don’t think this electoral vote system really works. I mean, look back at the election year of Bush vs Gore. A majority of the country was red in favor of Al Gore…but yet Bush was able to win key states with the highest numbers of electoral votes. Very few states were blue that year, but Bush still walked away POTUS. While I may not have liked Al Gore…if a majority of the country voted for him, technically he should have won the election.

I honestly think this portion of election night should be tossed out or at least seriously rethought.

Just thinking about it makes my head hurt. I should just down another glass of wine, set my phone alarm, and pass out on the couch if I so feel the need. I’m not turning this TV off any time soon.

I tried distracting myself by watching No Stings Attached, but I made it through all the sexy bits before it turns all lovey-dovey and I could not watch the election reports anymore. Man, I should work in politics. This really is getting my blood boiling. I couldn’t imagine being a member of the Obama or Romney parties right now, simply sitting in their hotel rooms “calmly” watching the results roll in.

About as calm as two half-naked, horny, good-looking people.

I’d be pulling my hair out and pacing in a room where cameras wouldn’t be allowed to access. I also tend to freak out about these types of things at the very last-minute.

“The funny thing about being a porn star is that everyone automatically assumes that they can sleep with you.”

Jenna Jameson, an adult entertainer, touches on an interesting subject on this Election Night. I’m going to go ahead and throw it out there, controversy be damned. Bill Clinton was a terrific president. When you take away the sex scandal and every other stupid male thing he did, and you look solely at how he operated as POTUS, he was by far one of the best this country has had.

Also, to change public opinion of you despite your occupation…maybe cover the girls up a touch or two more?

While he should not have lied while under oath, or been so blatant about his sexual actions, but if my neighbor was caught doing the same things that Clinton was, no one would give two glances back at him. Granted, he isn’t POTUS, but still. He is a man who would have committed adultery. I’m sure it didn’t affect his work life.

I bet parts of it are rather amusing now…about 10 years later.

Just an example, people. I’m going to stop before I dig myself a bigger hole.

I think our country just re-elected our President, and its moments like this I am proud to be an American. Democracy can work, but the pieces have to work together in harmony.

Four more years, indeed!

Time to celebrate, and then hit the sheets.

Only women in the 40s looked this cute when they tucked themselves into bed.

It’s a new day tomorrow with a brighter future. At least Big Bird and his pals on Sesame Street can rest easy tonight :)

Mrs. Fix-It

You know that feeling of watching a movie you were once so obsessed with that you were watching it every night of your life because it was SUCH as good movie, and then you don’t watch it for months because you’ve worn yourself out with it, but then watch it again after all that time…and you remember how freaking great a movie it is?

I get chills just thinking about it.

Three words: Black Hawk Down.

That is one movie that continues to blow me away every single time I watch it. There’s so much I love about that movie…the actors, the story, the themes of brotherhood and leaving no man behind, the real-life heroism displayed, the historical content, the artistic direction, the fast-paced action, the display of what it means to be Delta Force. I could go on and on about this movie, but it’s surely one of my all-time Top 5 movies.

All around a great film for many, many reasons.

I’ve only had this reaction to one other movie, and that was The Mask of Zorro. Such a fun, fast-paced movie with its moments of serious talk and chuckle worthy cockiness. I certainly can’t leave out the swoon-worthy appeal of Antonio Banderas wearing the black mask of a bandit, or the way he handles his swordplay. The action towards the climax of the film always gets my blood racing. It was this film that pushed me towards my first gender-bending role of my childhood. It was on Halloween and I dressed the part of Zorro. Black boots, sword on my hip, and my mom painted black grease make-up on my chin and upper lip to complete the look. I had longer curlier hair, so once I had the mustache on my face, I could pass for a very young little Banderas wannabe.

Who is the man behind the mask?

Trust me, I was a cutie. Although when I smiled really big, it threw the whole look off. Zorro is a stern guy…no smiling allowed (unless it’s a sexy smirk.)

You know the one I’m talking about…

Anyways, my slight military obsession was reignited after my viewing of Black Hawk Down. There are certain moments in that movie that will always, always, always bring tears to my eyes and make me hold my breath, and I’m pretty sure I’ve watched the film like 88 times. Maybe even 188. There was a Christmas (and yes, this is going to sound slightly depressing) where I watched that movie twice a day. Around Christmas time! I fell in love with the movie, and I never turned my back on it.

Leave no man behind.

Watching this movie only spawned a million and one thoughts to go off in my brain. It conjured up memories of a novel I wrote while I was in high school. The more I thought about it, the more and more I fell back in love with the initial idea I had while writing it. If I went back and reread the words I penned more than 5 years ago, I probably would cringe. I used to be a very romanticized writer, and sometimes I catch myself slipping back in the vagueness of it. I like detail, being real with the descriptions. Those end up being the fun ones!

“Women have been taught that, for us, the earth is flat, and if we venture out, we will fall off the edge.”

Oh, not with the way my mind works. Those sorts of words, Andrea Dworkin, a women’s studies staple, are what drive my main female characters. My female protagonists are fighters, and they are tough. They are me amplified by 20, and put into situations I could only dream of experiencing.

Heed her warning, and forge ahead, sister!

Anyways, the basic idea is this: The first women has passed all rigorous and most difficult physical, mental and strategic tests the military can throw at her. She has surpassed everything the fatigues can throw at her, and she always comes out on top of any male competitor. She takes no bullshit, tells you like it is, is fearless, tough, and wants nothing more than to fight for the good of the world and for her country. We’re not necessarily talking America here. This is where I get vague. It could be sometime in the future, it could be in the past…hell, we could be on a different planet for all I know.

For all you know, this is what I’m thinking about.

And the whole Ranger/Delta thing? Simply inspiration for the level of military involvement this force operates.

So, this woman gets to the hot zone and the story becomes about how she survives it. The conflict comes into play when the enemy they are fighting strongly believes a woman warrior is committing a crime against God himself. It’s against everything they believe in, and any country/planet that allows her to fight in their name, is damned to death. They become quite the enemy, let me tell you.

They shall see us fall. But we won’t let that happen, will we?

There’s action, there’s hot sexual tension (come on, these boys haven’t been around a female in ages! It’s bound to happen), there’s battle of the wits and of morals, there’s a small love story (but not what you’re thinking!), but most of all, it comes down to camaraderie.

When I wrote the initial start to this idea back in the good ol’ high school days, it was a great idea and there’s a few parts that only need a bit more fleshing out and it’s solid. The rest of it? Sadly, it needs to be entirely reworked. That’s the way it goes when you’re a writer. 80% of the first try is tossed out completely.

Typically found in the corner of my room.

Why am I hanging on to an idea that I put to paper half a decade ago? Women are still fighting for equality in every respect of the word in this day and age, and that is a theme I will always gravitate to. It’s who I am. You can’t change what gets your mind buzzing anymore than a hummingbird can stop flapping its wings.

I’ve been reading into home improvement projects, digging around for crafty home-maker to-dos, and sifting through cookbooks for recipes that make my mouth water just reading them. With the Black Hawk Down mindset still alive and well in my brain, it makes me wonder why a single woman should dream of living in her own apartment, and that’s where the dream ends. Why can’t a single woman own her own home (and let’s pretend money isn’t a problem here for anyone. Couples, rich folks, home inheriters…you get the idea)?

I bestow upon you…a home.

If I am not married or going steady with a significant other at a certain point in my life, I’m not going to want to live in a small, crummy apartment for the rest of my life. It’s the American dream, isn’t it? To be a home owner, and I plan to be one in my future years ahead of me.

So..when that day comes, I’m going to be quite the home improvement maniac, and here are the seven reasons I (and any other woman who can’t put down her wrench) deserve to win the HGTV Dream Home:

1.) Your friends affectionately refer to you as “the duct tape queen.”

2.) The only thing your garage-door opener works on: the TV.

Something isn’t quite working here…

3.) You have two sets of pots: one for cooking, the other for catching drips on a rainy day.

Oh good…another storm…

4.) To prevent blowing a fuse, you have to turn off all the lights before you blow-dry your hair.

It’s not easy being a woman with style.

5.) Your stairs creak even when nobody is walking on them.

Or is someone there after all? ooooooh!

6.) You try to pass off the water stains on the ceiling as “modern art.”

Ah yes, much like the brown spots all over my ceiling.

7.) Your plumber has his own key.

Great…this home again…

Now, darlings, this isn’t to say we’re going to be bad at our own home repairs when we’re living in OUR house. It just never hurts to have a back-up plan…or five.

Always be prepared. Not only the motto of the Boy Scouts, but the Jedi Order, too.

And like the Jedi Order, know that no matter what barrier is put before you, nothing is impossible. Things only become impossible when we deem them to be so. Solution? Don’t think it’s impossible. Because it’s not.

Yoda lifted the X-wing out of the swamp because he believed, and knew, he could.

There’s an answer to everything, and the Force will guide you to it.

You are never truly alone.

Warning: Political Topics Ahead

We are on the brink of October, and I couldn’t be  more excited.

So many memories in this month…

October is possibly my favorite month out of the entire year (although June is a close second to that…I really love the month of June, and no, it’s not just because it’s my birthday month.) The leaves are turning all sorts of reds, oranges, and yellows…Full Fall Mode and I love it! The weather is cooler in the morning and night, but in the afternoon, it is still absolutely gorgeous out. All I need is a heavier leather jacket or a warm hoodie to make it through the cooler temps.

Two words: Bad Ass.

I’m more grateful for the time I get to spend outdoors, which questions my motives for sitting right now and writing this blog post. It’s supposed to be 70-something degrees out right now, and I’m here, in a computer lab, killing precious sunlit hours. What’s wrong with me?

I have a keen desire to write since I haven’t done it in the past 3 days, that’s what’s wrong with me.

“The world language is English as spoken by foreigners.”

Does anyone ever really understand another these days? My answer is a full, loudly spoken “no.” So, Kristen Nygaard, a programming language pioneer, I think I have to agree with you. This could bring up a whole whopping list of topics, all concerning the upcoming presidential election, but I’m going to choose to refrain from these topics.

Girls can be language nerds, too!

It is not a Jedi’s place to try to impress another’s ideas onto someone else. We express our opinion, and then fight for peace and justice. Not always with our lightsabers, but when the negotiations call for aggressive moves, more often than not, the blazing swords come out.

We decided to go with aggressive negotiations.

I met up with a gentlemen for drinks last night. Quite cute, funny, and easy to talk to…but he asked what my stance on a lot of things are, and I told him it’s my place in the universe to stand up for peace and justice. Then he threw me a curveball…what if I had to choose one or the other: peace OR justice? I thought about it a second, and then answered, justice.

Vote Luke Skywalker 2012!

Honestly? This world is never going to know long-lasting peace. History, when tallied up, has seen maybe 200 years of peace in the thousands of years human civilization  has roamed the earth. I mean, the animal world is constantly at war with each other and we supposedly evolved from theses creatures (don’t even get my started on the theory of evolution!) There are too many people out there who have been told from the moment they are born “s0-and-so is your enemy.” While I think everyone can learn to be friends, I can’t speak on the behalf of 6 billion people.

If a fox and a hound can be friends, so can two different religions.

Even the Transformers could only help us fight an impending alien force who wanted nothing more than to cause chaos and enslavement on our planet (and if the Transformers can’t uphold peace on their planet, we’re all doomed.)

Is there a sexier robot than Optimus Prime?

I recently watched the movie “Babel” and the entire theme of communication barriers was quite interesting to me. A large area of my work is centered on communication and what gets people ticking. A lack of communication, or a lack of understanding of one’s language, is a huge issue. I find it interesting that here in America, you can find the building instructions to anything written in multiple languages, from English to Spanish to Korean to Farsi. You’re telling me if I moved to Saudi Arabia, and I needed to go out and buy a piece of furniture, I would find instructions on how to build a couch written in English for me? I highly doubt it.

Not in English? Don’t worry…every other language in the world is included.

I know America is highlighted as the land of eternal opportunity…Come here and all of your dreams will come true. A hundred years later, and our country is still deemed as the land of opportunity. Where a small town girl can win American Idol, and become a famous singer overnight. Where someone can start a computer business in his garage and become the CEO of the most successful company in the entire world (here’s looking at you, Apple.) However, just because we are the land of unending opportunities doesn’t mean we should have to cater to each and every individual that comes to live here.

A true American story, indeed.

Our native language is English. Learn it already. If I moved to China, I would be expected to have an understanding and capability to speak the language.

I really don’t want to get into a political posting here, but I’ve probably already said too much. Just be warned, there will probably be more as the election draws closer. I try to avoid these things, but man, I get so swept up in the excitement. It’s the romantic in me. If I’m not tearing my own heart out about something on a daily basis, I just feel lost.

Seriously gorgeous.

Let’s flip gears here, shall we? The weekend is almost over (le sigh), but there were things I found which  made my entire week oh-so-wonderful. Here are my Fabulous Fridays:

Fabulous New Sunglasses:

Ever since I discovered Top Gun, I’ve been in love with aviators.

Fabulous Evening:

Country style. Just add a cozy blanket, a hot cup of hot chocolate, and Lord of the Rings or Star Wars marathon. Perfect evening.

Fabulous Idea:

Put your favorite quote on the light switch, and you’ll feel inspired every single day.

Fabulous Bowling Shoes:

I’d wear them as regular, every day shoes.

Fabulous Farm Girl Truth:

Fabulous Challenge to Society:

My heart has fallen out of my chest, and on to the floor. Too much to handle…

Fabulous Decor:

Don’t bother with a headboard. Use curtains and drape them into the shape of your desired headboard.

Fabulous Train Ride:

Officially on my Bucket List.

Fabulous Treat:

S’more cones. In the fall season, need I say more?

Fabulous Bit of Body Art:

Declare your inner, zodiac self. Myself, I am a Cancer and fully proud of it!

Fabulous Thought Worth Sharing:

Fabulous Thankfulness:

So simple…and all in front of our faces.

Fabulous Future Wedding:

Wearing Daddy’s heart on your sleeve…sort of :)

Fabulous Quote:

Fabulous Closet Space:

Glorious, glorious space!

It’s time to get out of here to enjoy the fall sunshine, and maybe take a stroll along the lake. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

It just makes me feel all fuzzy inside!

Too soon we’ll be getting down to business once again.

You tell’em, Captain Shang.

Come Hither, Focus!

It’s just going to be one of those work days.

Punch me in the face and don’t ask any questions.

I have a list packed full of exciting and interesting projects for myself to work on, the air holds a certain buzz to it, I have the office completely to myself so no impending click-clacking of heels interrupting my thoughts every other minute, and I have a cup of Starbucks coffee steaming next to me. (I tend to be a Caribou girl, but it’s good to shake things up a little bit every now and then.)

So beautiful on a lousy day

So what’s my problem? Why can’t I focus on a single thing, other than that the ‘How to Train Your Dragon’ score is absolutely amazing?

Do I seriously hate my life this much already? Naw, that can’t be it. I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday, had a great hour of browsing and dreaming and thinking and planning, flirted with the cashier (who my sister insisted I go back and get his number, but I just wasn’t feeling it while still wearing my gym running pants…although my hair looked absolutely beachy-keen), bought my new Book of the Month (have I told you about that?), tried out Noodles and Company for the first time and LOVED it, and then I went home and got myself sorted out in my room to the point where I sat on my bed staring at the movie I was playing, asking myself, “Now what?”

“Perks of Being a Wallflower” is my October choice for Book of the Month.

So many things to do, and I can never nail down an order in which to get them done. When I reach that calm of crossing a dozen things off my list, then I just feel lost. May the heavens above help me whenever I decide to have kids….I’ll be in an absolutely chaotic heaven.

I just need to face it. It’s not going to be a very productive work day. I’ve been here for maybe 4 hours already, and my eyes are glazing over as I stare at this screen. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the work I’m doing, or the things I have staring me down from the yellow memo pad off to my left-hand side. I just don’t feel the burning motivation. Add on top of that the burning, disgusting thought of getting back on that treadmill for another 30 minutes at the end of the day, and I’m ready to crawl under my desk and call out I have the swine flu so everyone should just STAY AWAY.

It’s as if I am Michael Scott and my work is Toby Flinderson.

Happy Thursday, all :)

“I’m lazy. At work my favorite part of the day is being on hold.”

You have summed up my feelings entirely, Janet Rosen, who is quite the jokesmith. I just want to stare at my computer screen and see if I can cause it to explode instantaneously. Maybe I’m not happy with my job? But how can I say that when I’ve only been working at it for little over a month now. Most say you need to give it a year before you find a foothold in a new place of employment.

And a book agent on top of everything else. Nicely done.

Like yesterday? Totally rocked the office. I wore a great outfit (scoff all you want, but it really does help your mindset for the entire day if you take time to pick out your clothes and then acknowledge how good you look in it.) What’s this outfit I’m raving about? I actually took advice from Cosmo, and kept things simple. I paired a plain, V-neck black T-shirt with a black pencil skirt (you have to be careful with blacks to make sure they match, and in this case, they blended together perfectly.) Over the shirt, I pulled on an olive-green jacket that carried a semi-business vibe to it. Very much an Take-Me-Seriously-But-Also-Sit-Down-And-Talk-With-Me look to it. Put on my fave pair of black pumps with a silver buckle on the front, slip a black and white patterned belt around my waist to highlight my little middle, and a eye-catching pair of dangling earrings, and I was set to go.

So many great ways to make a black shift-ish outfit look amazing!

I know my workouts are working, too, because I caught a side view of myself and my butt is looking a touch perkier than a week ago…Heck yes to progress!

Anyways, the thing is, I came into work primed and ready to see what the heck was up, and within the first two hours of stepping foot into the office, I fired off two really great ideas for our office, my boss loved them both, and before you know it, plans are being set to put them both into motion. I mean, how great does that make me feel? Makes me feel like I’m doing my job above and beyond, that’s for sure. Granted, my morning was then shot to hell when the project I worked on all morning got tossed by 2:00 in the afternoon, and I was told to start over with a new idea. But, eh, what can you do?

Le Sigh…

Shit happens.

As Forrest Gump said.

It’s going to take more than coffee and chocolate to pick me up this afternoon, so maybe a few words of encouragement will help. Here are a few pick-me-ups for us to share:

- You make life better just by being you.

Which is why I will be wearing this costume come Halloween.

- Disappointments pass. Successes last.

Gondor will forever remember this moment.

- Encourage yourself, too.

You are not going to freak out on this date. You’re going to be charming, delightful, and an absolute darling. With a hint of sass, too. That’s not too much to ask, is it?

- Counting blessings makes them multiply.

The Rohirrim came back, even after they were banished. Count your blessings, indeed, Middle Earth.

- All the good things in life are waiting to be claimed by you.

You are worth it. Oh, so worth it.

- Your efforts will pay off.

They were rewarded well. With salted pork, of course.

- Choose happiness!

Dmitiri could have run, but he ran back towards the one he loves and ended up saving her life.

As a famous Jack Dawson once said in a little known film called “Titanic” once said, “Life is a gift and I don’t intend on wasting it.” I’m leaning in your direction, Jack, and trying to be optimistic about everything and making every moment count. Working out? I’m not going to stop…I’m going to push and run those extra 5 minutes. Writing? Stop fighting it and jot everything down a little bit a day, and things will work out on paper. Love? Keep the doors open, and be open to possibilities.

However, as a Jedi, duty always comes first, and that may be why I’m putting love on the back burner for the time being. I’m focusing on me, and what I need to do in order to choose happiness and live to smile after the choice has been made.

He made his choice, and dealt with the emotional repercussions for years to come.

So far so good.

That also doesn’t mean I can’t have my fun along the way, too ;)

Come a little closer, and see what you get.

A Weekend to Lie Low

Can everyone I’ve ever known stop getting engaged for, like, one minute?

Every time I turn around, there’s a new announcement declaring the nuptials of the new happy couple. And what am I thinking the instant after seeing said declaration? “What the hell is my problem?”The date on which my last very serious relationship ended is nearing. How sappy can I get? I’m already mourning the date of which my last serious relationship called it quits. Gaaaaah….

Grrrrrrr to the day I am dreading!

Anyways, yet another one of my friends have become engaged, and here I am, sitting on my couch, blaringly aware of the fact I am single and no way in heaven close to entering a relationship with any guy in or outside my life, and all I can think about are the cramps returning to my abdomen and the Skinny Cow caramel truffle cars stashed in our freezer. Oh, and how I meant to clean and straighten my level of the house sometime today. You know, make it more livable, and  instead, I watched the entirety of the film ‘Babel’ for the first time since, what, 2009 since it hit the Oscar nomination boards and critics raved about it?

Wasn’t expecting a few things, but it kept me interested.

Again, I’m watching this film, wondering where the Brad Pitt in my life is going to enter the picture?

Just yummy…

I’ve been a total bum this weekend, and I’m actually pretty okay with it. I felt like total ishy ickniess most of the day yesterday, and managed to clean myself up and out the door to hang out at Oktoberfest with a group of friends. I managed to get about 2 beers down my throat, feeling the old-school buzz of college-dom, and then my stomach started to rebel. I had to call it quits, and the glass mug I was chugging Starfire from? Weighed like 10 pounds.

Even though I didn’t go to the gym, Oktoberfest managed to work it into my schedule anyways.

It seriously weighs like 15 pounds when its full to the brim.

Felt better for the past 24 hours, except whenever food enters the picture, it tastes great going down, but comes back for revenge about an hour later. So, so so fabulous. Need I go into more detail? Because I can.

But I won’t.

They’re singing a trio of loveliness.

Anyways, I’m getting back into Grey’s Anatomy and think one of those Skinny Cows needs to attempt going into my stomach, so this is where I bid you good-bye. Not before sharing my New Day Sunday for the month of August. Late, but better than never.

Produce: Green beans

Fresh from the garden, of course.

Bakery:Crusty Italian Bread

Top off slices with garlic butter, and voila! Perfection.

Canned Goods:Black Beans

Always excellent for topping off a taco.

Breakfast/Cereal:Bacon-flavored ice cream

Honestly, something I wouldn’t eat on a regular basis. But it was worth a try.

Meats:Alaskan Salmon

I have become a master at making salmon, and its great protein.

Dairy:Maltball Milkshake

Perfect level of chocolate-ness

Frozen Foods:Single-Serve Pea Packets

A perfect mid-afternoon snack

Beverages:Arnie Palmer

Great afternoon pick-me-up

Toiletries:Tea Tree Facial Mask

This stuff has an immediate cooling effect on the skin, and leaves you feelings really refreshed.

Baby:White Baptism Gown

My nephew was just baptized, and I am his proud godmother :)

Household:Pier One Fiesta Containers

The cutest thing every kitchen needs.

Pets:Glow-in-the-Dark fish tank gravel

So your fish doesn’t get bored at night!

Snacks:Deep-Fried Candy Bar (Milky Way flavored)

A State Fair must.

Misc: Neutrogena Moisture Shine Lip Soother in Sheen #50

Adds a nice shine to your lips no matter what style you’re going for, ladies.

We’re calling it a night on this end, folks.

“I may not be making a living, but I’m making a difference.”

The words of Rachel Hickerson, who works on behalf of women. She’s a Jedi in her own right. We keep pushing, knowing there’s a chance for a better world out there.

Womanly organs are a necessary and crucial part of being a woman, and someone needs to know every detail about them.

Jedi Don’t Quit.

My body goal? I think so.

Tomorrow is Monday, and let the Force be with us!

Remember That One Time?

I woke up yelling at my alarm clock.

My usual morning attitude. Don’t cross me when I’m still waking up. Just don’t.

I know some people exaggerate and say they screamed at their alarm clock as they open their eyes in the wee hours of the morning. But I actually did. I screamed at it. Maybe I was in such a deep sleep I didn’t know what I was doing? The alarm sounded, I guess I started screaming…THEN I woke up and realized what was going on.

Weird, right?

When I managed to climb up the steps this morning to grab a cup of coffee as I got ready for the day (Two days at the gym, and I am already feeling it in my thighs. Hello, Stairs, who are now my mortal enemy!), my sister had to ask what was happening this morning in my living quarters of the house.

Yes, I’m glaring at you…I’m staring down every single flight of stairs…

“Oh nothing much. Just woke up screaming at the alarm clock, that’s all.” “That’s all?” “Yeah, nothing to worry about.” “Did you have a nightmare or something?” “Naw. Just woke up screaming.” Then I began the long descent back down the stairs to where my hair dryer and closet of clothes waited for me.

The pretty never rest. They aren’t allowed to.

Talk about your rough morning. Eh, it could be worse.

“All I want is to be more famous than anything or anyone.”

The short and sweet answer from Patsy Kensit, the British pop singer.

She almost reminds me more of a wannabe porn star, if you want my opinion (and guess what, you’re getting it regardless.)

I’m right there with her. It’s the big conundrum of our race. How will I be remembered? Will I even be remembered after I’m gone? Will it be good enough to only be remembered by family and friends, whose memories of me will eventually be passed down so much, it fades with time until no one knows or remember my name, let alone my face?

Does the written word still hold the same value it once did?

It’s best to be immortalized. Enter the fame game. Do something outrageous, become rich, act your ass off, or hit the record number of home runs over and over again. Be remembered as the greatest of the great (Way to go, Michael Phelps. No one is going to forget you anytime soon. Not as long as the Olympics are played!)

Ultimate triumph!

Do I want to be remembered? Sure I do. Am I going to stretch myself as far as Achilles as so greatly told through the movie “Troy”? Probably not. I’m not rushing off into battle with my sword blazing, ready to take out an entire city, let alone an entire stretch of people.

To be remembered as a great warrior to be remembered as a father of many children and a great lover? It’s an interesting thought.

My legacy will most likely be along the lines of Rose and Jack from “Titanic”. (Oh yes, another Titanic reference, here we come!) Rose didn’t even have a picture of the guy. He existed, as she said, in her memory.

Short time together, but look at the passion they had for one another.

What more proof did she need? She met the guy, fell in love with him, let him draw her nude, almost died alongside him, and revisited the nude drawing almost 80 years after the fact. (Hell, that portrait is going to be her legacy, and what a great one to leave behind! If I looked like Rose/Kate Winslet sans clothing, I’d be all over the nude drawing thing. In fact, I’m pretty sure I added that to my bucket list: “Be drawn in the nude by my lover just like in Titanic”. I know…I’m a bit obsessive.)

The infamous drawing that started it all.

It’s interesting to see how people will be remembered for years to come, thanks for the internet. Nowadays, you can look up anybody you want, even people you have no idea about. It helps when you have special access to things, too, I try not to exploit that power too often. Simply by keeping this blog, people will be able to look back, see what I was doing a year ago from now, and know a bit about me.

The Jedi in me knows more than this physical, technological stuff. My spirit and what really makes me who I am will continue to live on through one thing, and it’s an important thing: the living Force. Everything is bound together, feeding off one another. The balance must stay in place, and when it’s my time to swap sides, and give my balance to the other side of life, so be it. I hope it’s not for quite some times yet, but given recent medical visits and test, things could be looking sketchy again.

Keep the balance. Save the Force.

I’m choosing to remain positive. It’s the only way to be.

And how better to keep a positive spin on things than by looking around for sources of inspiration, things that make me smile or stir up the resins in my cranium. Late from last week, we’re getting a double dose of Fabulous Fridays. Here’s one today, and the other is coming at you tomorrow. Enjoy (even if only for a few moments):

Fabulous End-Of-Summer Bite:

Baked Potato Soup! Put those veggies from the garden to good use…and put them in your tummy.

Fabulous Sandy Pup:

Seriously, the cutest little boy and he’s with the cutest dad. I love them both. Plus, check out Orly’s pants. Just adorable.

Fabulous Smile:

Fabulous Play on a Name:

Fabulous Bedroom Accessory:

I think it would be very calming…or I’d wake up yelling at a gold-fish instead of my alarm clock.

Fabulous Truth:

Fabulous Make-Up:

Halloween anyone?

Fabulous Brothers:

Thor AND Captain America? Uh…..Hi. I don’t think we’ve met.

Fabulous Fall Print:

Find a pretty frame, and print the sayings out on nice paper. BAM! You’ve got a fall print that will make you smile as your recall those memories you cherish.

Fabulous Photo:

Who doesn’t like a pretty girl who gets a little silly?

Fabulous Laugh:

Because one wasn’t enough!

Fabulous Barbie:

RDJ at his best…Adding to my collection now…

Fabulous Way Around Technology:

Fabulous Discovery:

Spielberg and Lucas…you wily foxes.

Fabulous Film Men:

Now, don’t you feel better? If not, go fill up your coffee mug and stare at the Fabulous Film Men a few minutes longer. They are just so….yummy.

The weekend is almost here, where more adventures await this Jedi.

Until then, here’s a little more Josh Groban to brighten the day :)